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WEBVTT 1 00:00:34.249 --> 00:00:36.752 ♪ Can't you see it's all over ♪ 2 00:00:36.793 --> 00:00:39.505 ♪ For you and me, girl ♪ 3 00:00:41.507 --> 00:00:47.513 ♪ There's a time for love and a time for letting me be, baby 4 00:00:50.517 --> 00:00:54.646 ♪ Jane, you're playing a game called ♪ 5 00:00:54.688 --> 00:00:58.776 ♪ How hard you get by its real name ♪ 6 00:00:58.776 --> 00:01:04.532 ♪ Making believe that you just don't feel the same ♪ 7 00:01:04.574 --> 00:01:07.661 ♪ Ah, Jane ♪ 8 00:01:44.575 --> 00:01:46.577 Guys, we gotta get outta here. 9 00:02:16.860 --> 00:02:18.862 You guys aren't supposed to be out of your bunks. 10 00:02:19.363 --> 00:02:20.864 You're in trouble. 11 00:02:26.496 --> 00:02:29.999 Wake up! 12 00:02:30.125 --> 00:02:32.627 ♪ Standing in the rain with his head hung low ♪ 13 00:02:32.669 --> 00:02:35.130 ♪ Couldn't get a ticket it was a sold-out show ♪ 14 00:02:35.130 --> 00:02:38.884 ♪ Heard the roar of the crowd he could picture the scene ♪ 15 00:02:39.385 --> 00:02:42.889 ♪ Put his head to the wall and like a distant scream ♪ - I'm up! 16 00:02:42.930 --> 00:02:45.266 ♪ He heard one guitar ♪ 17 00:02:45.767 --> 00:02:47.267 ♪ It just blew him away ♪ 18 00:02:50.771 --> 00:02:52.773 You guys! 19 00:02:55.276 --> 00:02:56.778 Let's go, girls! You look hot. 20 00:02:57.278 --> 00:03:01.283 The bunk 5 boys are gonna freak out when they see you at kick ball. Let's go. 21 00:03:15.924 --> 00:03:17.425 Ow! 22 00:03:29.438 --> 00:03:31.941 All right, let's go. 23 00:03:45.581 --> 00:03:47.833 Good morning, everybody. 24 00:03:47.875 --> 00:03:50.044 Well, it's the last day of camp... 25 00:03:50.086 --> 00:03:53.089 and it will be sad to shut down WCFW for the summer. 26 00:03:53.590 --> 00:03:56.593 But not to worry, because those of you in the Bethesda/Chevy Chase area... 27 00:03:57.094 --> 00:04:01.599 Can hear me all winter long on Jewish Day School Radio 89.9 F.M... 28 00:04:02.099 --> 00:04:03.601 "The Fox." 29 00:04:04.101 --> 00:04:06.562 For those select few of you who went all summer, 30 00:04:06.604 --> 00:04:09.607 all eight weeks without finding that special someone, 31 00:04:09.649 --> 00:04:12.569 today is your day, 'cause you don't wanna go back home... 32 00:04:12.611 --> 00:04:16.113 and lie to your friends about a summer romance that didn't even happen. 33 00:04:16.614 --> 00:04:18.574 And you don't want to be the one person... 34 00:04:18.616 --> 00:04:22.620 who doesn't have anyone to kiss tonight after the talent show. 35 00:04:22.871 --> 00:04:26.375 So, seize the day, Camp Firewood, because it's your last. 36 00:05:05.668 --> 00:05:08.170 Coop, do you like watching me and Andy make out? 37 00:05:10.172 --> 00:05:12.633 No. What a weird thing to say. 38 00:05:12.675 --> 00:05:16.179 - You look so sexy in this sweatshirt. - Uh-huh. 39 00:05:16.221 --> 00:05:18.139 - Your ass is so hot. - Stop it! 40 00:05:18.181 --> 00:05:20.434 - Do you want to be my boyfriend? - No. 41 00:05:20.934 --> 00:05:23.937 I get it. It's very funny. Stop. 42 00:05:26.941 --> 00:05:29.944 Oh, Coop, you know I'm just kidding. 43 00:05:29.986 --> 00:05:32.947 I know, and it's very, very funny. 44 00:05:32.989 --> 00:05:35.909 Okay. I'm sorry. 45 00:05:35.951 --> 00:05:39.413 - Want me to make it up to you? - No, you've done enough already. 46 00:05:39.454 --> 00:05:43.708 - I'm gonna find you a woman today. - Honestly, don't worry about it. 47 00:05:43.750 --> 00:05:47.921 No. And I'm not gonna rest until my mission is accomplished, okay? 48 00:05:47.963 --> 00:05:53.594 Okay. then I'll cancel that order of onions and Limburger cheese I made for lunch today. 49 00:05:53.636 --> 00:05:57.348 - Ha-ha. - Yeah. 50 00:05:57.348 --> 00:06:02.103 - I want you inside me. - What? 51 00:06:02.479 --> 00:06:04.731 Hey, what's up? I was just... 52 00:06:04.856 --> 00:06:06.358 from before. 53 00:06:10.988 --> 00:06:14.951 Coop, were you just talking to Katie? What was that? 54 00:06:14.992 --> 00:06:19.497 That was, bar none, the longest conversation I've had with her in six years of camp. 55 00:06:19.539 --> 00:06:22.500 Does she want to fuck me? Is that what she was asking you about? 56 00:06:22.542 --> 00:06:24.961 Because, tell her that I will. In fact... 57 00:06:25.003 --> 00:06:27.464 no, don't tell her that I will. Tell her that I might. 58 00:06:27.506 --> 00:06:30.009 Victor, I hate to break it to you, but your name didn't even come up. 59 00:06:30.050 --> 00:06:31.969 She definitely wants to fuck me. 60 00:06:32.011 --> 00:06:35.014 Why else would she be talking to you? 61 00:06:35.515 --> 00:06:37.517 - No offense. - None taken. 62 00:06:40.145 --> 00:06:42.147 Hello. Hi. 63 00:06:42.647 --> 00:06:44.733 - Uh, hi. - Hi. I'm Beth. 64 00:06:44.775 --> 00:06:46.777 Nice to meet you. I'm Henry. 65 00:06:47.152 --> 00:06:49.655 I've been seeing you around, so I thought I'd take a chance... 66 00:06:50.156 --> 00:06:52.283 and introduce myself. 67 00:07:01.168 --> 00:07:03.170 - Thank you. - So... 68 00:07:05.047 --> 00:07:07.550 So, you work at the camp? 69 00:07:07.675 --> 00:07:09.677 - I'm the camp director. How about yourself? - Me? 70 00:07:10.178 --> 00:07:12.888 - I don't work over there. - No, I know. 71 00:07:12.930 --> 00:07:15.557 I'm the director. I would know... 72 00:07:15.683 --> 00:07:18.185 - if you were... - Right. You would know that. 73 00:07:20.563 --> 00:07:23.566 I teach astrophysics over at the college in the school year. 74 00:07:24.067 --> 00:07:26.069 And I came here this summer just to, you know, 75 00:07:26.569 --> 00:07:28.071 relax and reflect. 76 00:07:28.572 --> 00:07:31.325 Wow! You're a professor. What do you teach? 77 00:07:31.825 --> 00:07:33.827 Well, like I said before, astrophysics. 78 00:07:34.328 --> 00:07:39.333 I study space, stars, comets and that kind of thing. 79 00:07:39.375 --> 00:07:42.170 "Space... the final frontier." 80 00:07:42.212 --> 00:07:44.965 Right. Thanks for everything. 81 00:07:45.215 --> 00:07:48.218 Hey! You know what? It would be a great idea... 82 00:07:48.218 --> 00:07:53.098 if you came by the camp and taught the campers about space. 83 00:07:53.140 --> 00:07:55.977 - No, I couldn't... - They'd love it. 84 00:07:56.477 --> 00:07:57.979 No, I couldn't possibly. 85 00:07:58.479 --> 00:08:00.982 - It would be just... - I said no! 86 00:08:01.107 --> 00:08:03.109 Sorry. that was... 87 00:08:17.625 --> 00:08:20.587 Oh, Coop. Look at Abby. 88 00:08:20.629 --> 00:08:22.631 Oh, she wants to fuck me. So help me God. 89 00:08:22.672 --> 00:08:25.092 She wants to fuck me. 90 00:08:25.133 --> 00:08:27.136 And this time, Victor, I'm sure it's true. 91 00:08:27.636 --> 00:08:32.141 I have to admit. Abby Bernstein is one of the only berry bushes... 92 00:08:32.183 --> 00:08:34.602 that I have yet to pollinate, if you get my meaning. 93 00:08:34.644 --> 00:08:37.647 You mean, she's the only girl at camp you haven't done it with yet? 94 00:08:37.689 --> 00:08:39.607 That's exactly what I mean. 95 00:08:39.648 --> 00:08:42.151 Hey, Gene. Any mashed potatoes? 96 00:08:46.656 --> 00:08:49.159 Gary! Bring out the taters! 97 00:08:51.161 --> 00:08:53.121 Here they are. Hey, Gary. 98 00:08:53.163 --> 00:08:55.666 - Hey, dude, what's up? - Hey, guys. 99 00:08:55.707 --> 00:08:58.627 What'd you say, shithead? 100 00:08:58.669 --> 00:09:02.131 I said, "hey, guys." What's your glitz, Gene? 101 00:09:02.173 --> 00:09:05.677 Listen to me, you fucked-up little cigarette-smoking piece of shit. 102 00:09:05.718 --> 00:09:08.179 I was in the Vietnam war. 103 00:09:08.680 --> 00:09:10.640 - I know. - Oh, yeah. 104 00:09:10.682 --> 00:09:14.687 The 'Nam. 105 00:09:14.812 --> 00:09:16.814 Excuse me, ladies. You may remember me... 106 00:09:17.314 --> 00:09:21.319 as the guy who came to dinner a few weeks ago with underwear on my head. 107 00:09:21.444 --> 00:09:23.404 My name is Keith Stack. 108 00:09:23.446 --> 00:09:27.451 From Millburn, New Jersey. State bird: The Mosquito. 109 00:09:27.576 --> 00:09:30.579 And as you may have heard, I am recently... 110 00:09:30.621 --> 00:09:34.083 a crowned class-b Dungeon Master. 111 00:09:34.083 --> 00:09:36.585 So if any of you would like to play "D & D" today, 112 00:09:36.627 --> 00:09:40.590 please speak now or forever hold your peace. 113 00:09:40.840 --> 00:09:44.344 Anyone? 114 00:09:44.344 --> 00:09:48.181 Alexa, maybe you'd like to join in? 115 00:09:48.223 --> 00:09:51.226 We do need a druid, and you have definitely cast... 116 00:09:51.268 --> 00:09:53.771 a level-five charm spell on me. 117 00:09:53.771 --> 00:09:56.232 In your dreams, douche bag. 118 00:09:56.732 --> 00:09:59.736 Douche bags are hygienic products. I take that as a compliment. 119 00:10:00.236 --> 00:10:02.989 - Thank you. - Ewww! Ewww! 120 00:10:14.000 --> 00:10:16.503 Well, we made it to the end of the summer in one piece, 121 00:10:17.004 --> 00:10:19.506 Except for a few campers who are lepers. 122 00:10:19.548 --> 00:10:21.509 Good one, Beth. 123 00:10:23.511 --> 00:10:26.013 Thank you, Gene. 124 00:10:31.269 --> 00:10:36.275 Excuse me. Could you tell me where I could find the, uh... 125 00:10:36.775 --> 00:10:41.280 How do I put this? The, uh, sci-fi, 126 00:10:41.322 --> 00:10:44.283 nerdy, indoor kids? 127 00:10:44.784 --> 00:10:47.287 - Bunk 3. - Oh, yeah. thanks. 128 00:10:52.292 --> 00:10:55.295 Hey, guys. 129 00:10:55.796 --> 00:10:58.299 I'm associate Professor Neumann. 130 00:10:58.799 --> 00:11:01.302 Who'd like to spend the last day at camp doing science projects? 131 00:11:04.305 --> 00:11:07.058 Okay, okay. Okay, cool. 132 00:11:13.315 --> 00:11:16.318 I've seen more fucked-up shit happen in five minutes out there... 133 00:11:16.360 --> 00:11:18.779 than you'll see in your whole fucking life. 134 00:11:18.821 --> 00:11:22.575 Gene, I'm really sorry, you know. If I could change history, I would. 135 00:11:22.617 --> 00:11:26.329 Fuck you! We need to make eight gallons of bug juice by snack hour. 136 00:11:26.371 --> 00:11:29.333 Do you know where the powder packets are? 137 00:11:29.833 --> 00:11:33.337 In the pantry over the sink, right next to my bottle of dick cream! 138 00:11:33.379 --> 00:11:35.338 Wait. 139 00:11:36.339 --> 00:11:38.342 Ignore that last comment. 140 00:11:38.383 --> 00:11:40.344 - Did you say dick cream? - No. 141 00:11:40.844 --> 00:11:42.846 I said stick team. 142 00:11:43.347 --> 00:11:45.850 You know, stickball? Forget about it. Go away! Leave me alone. 143 00:11:48.352 --> 00:11:50.355 I'm pretty sure he said dick cream, but... 144 00:11:50.396 --> 00:11:52.857 Victor. 145 00:11:53.358 --> 00:11:56.862 I need you and Neil to take The Eagles out on Moose river. I made them a promise. 146 00:11:57.362 --> 00:11:59.865 It's the last day of camp. It's not gonna work for me. 147 00:11:59.907 --> 00:12:01.825 - It's not gonna work for you? - No. 148 00:12:01.867 --> 00:12:05.496 It's not gonna work for you. Okay, how about this as a compromise? 149 00:12:05.538 --> 00:12:08.791 The Eagles are going to go out on Moose river... 150 00:12:08.833 --> 00:12:12.003 - and you and Neil are going to take them. - What? 151 00:12:12.504 --> 00:12:15.007 Everybody focus up. All eyes here. 152 00:12:15.007 --> 00:12:18.010 I would like to announce that Ben and I are planning to produce a musical number... 153 00:12:18.052 --> 00:12:21.305 from godspell for the talent show tonight. 154 00:12:21.347 --> 00:12:24.517 I'm sorry. Ben is producing, I am directing/choreographing. 155 00:12:24.517 --> 00:12:27.520 I'm speaking from personal experience, but if you can't carry a tune... 156 00:12:27.562 --> 00:12:30.023 don't come to the audition and waste our time. 157 00:12:30.023 --> 00:12:32.526 - We're serious. - And bring a lot of movement clothes, 158 00:12:33.026 --> 00:12:36.530 A.K.A. jazz shoes, dance belts, lycras, et al. 159 00:12:36.572 --> 00:12:38.532 and seriously, F.Y.I., you guys, 160 00:12:38.532 --> 00:12:41.536 this is not an excuse to get out of your regular activities. 161 00:12:41.577 --> 00:12:44.539 This is an excuse to do some good musical theater. 162 00:12:44.581 --> 00:12:47.042 So, be prepared, be enthusiastic... 163 00:12:47.042 --> 00:12:50.545 and leave your bullshit attitude and baggage at the door, 'cause we don't need it! 164 00:12:50.587 --> 00:12:52.548 Hey, you guys! 165 00:12:52.923 --> 00:12:57.428 Oh, I was thinking maybe we could take a walk later, 166 00:12:57.470 --> 00:13:00.431 maybe go out to Gunner's Pass one last time. 167 00:13:00.932 --> 00:13:03.392 Goddamn it, Katie! You're suffocating me! 168 00:13:03.433 --> 00:13:05.394 I'm chokin', all right? Give me some breathing room. 169 00:13:05.436 --> 00:13:09.440 I just want to spend some time with you. It's our last day at camp. 170 00:13:09.482 --> 00:13:12.735 - My butt itches. - What are you talking about? 171 00:13:12.735 --> 00:13:15.905 - We're soul mates, right? - What? Yeah. 172 00:13:15.947 --> 00:13:19.952 Whatever, if you want. J.J., save me a waffle, man. 173 00:13:20.452 --> 00:13:22.413 Andy, I'm serious. Come on. 174 00:13:22.454 --> 00:13:25.958 I just want it to be special. Fuck you, dyke! 175 00:13:26.459 --> 00:13:29.462 - Why are you being such an asshole? - I gotta finish my breakfast. 176 00:13:29.504 --> 00:13:32.966 I love you, baby. So good talking to you. 177 00:13:35.468 --> 00:13:37.471 Yeah, see you in macrame. 178 00:13:46.856 --> 00:13:49.233 One last, successful B.K.F.S.T... 179 00:13:49.734 --> 00:13:52.195 becomes one for the record books. 180 00:13:52.237 --> 00:13:55.240 And with t-minus 11 hours to the big talent show, 181 00:13:55.282 --> 00:13:58.285 we sail on aboard the good ship Firewood... 182 00:13:58.285 --> 00:14:01.247 toward a little oasis that I like to call... 183 00:14:01.288 --> 00:14:04.709 morning activity time. 184 00:14:04.750 --> 00:14:06.711 What's going on with Silas? 185 00:14:06.753 --> 00:14:09.881 You didn't hear? He got kicked out of camp. - Why? 186 00:14:09.881 --> 00:14:13.760 He snuck into the office and videotaped himself jerking off. - You're kidding! 187 00:14:14.011 --> 00:14:15.512 - Where's the tape? - He hid it. 188 00:14:16.013 --> 00:14:21.018 - We gotta get that tape. - It's a subject matter I'm sure you're familiar with, McKinley. 189 00:14:21.060 --> 00:14:22.812 - Shut up, J.J. - You shut up. 190 00:14:22.812 --> 00:14:24.689 - You shut up. - You shut up. 191 00:14:35.908 --> 00:14:38.912 One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. 192 00:14:39.412 --> 00:14:42.416 And one, and one. Step aside. Step aside. 193 00:14:55.305 --> 00:14:56.806 All right. Stop it! 194 00:14:59.059 --> 00:15:03.063 Okay, kids. Um, today we're going to use... 195 00:15:03.105 --> 00:15:06.066 some crayons... 196 00:15:06.442 --> 00:15:09.445 to make some decorations for the talent show. 197 00:15:14.951 --> 00:15:17.454 - Is that your wedding ring, Gail? - Um, no. 198 00:15:17.954 --> 00:15:21.083 I mean, yes, actually. Yes, it is. It was. 199 00:15:21.125 --> 00:15:24.211 It was. It used to be, I mean, legally. 200 00:15:24.462 --> 00:15:28.466 It's so twisted. His lawyer won't even call me now. 201 00:15:28.841 --> 00:15:31.970 - Where are the crayons? - The crayons are... 202 00:15:32.095 --> 00:15:34.848 the crayon is right there. 203 00:15:35.098 --> 00:15:37.601 We could draw with the markers. 204 00:15:37.643 --> 00:15:40.604 Listen, Valerie, 205 00:15:41.105 --> 00:15:43.065 I need you to be helpful here, okay? 206 00:15:43.107 --> 00:15:46.110 I do not need you to undermine me, okay? 207 00:15:46.611 --> 00:15:49.364 But there's only one crayon, and it's brown. 208 00:15:49.405 --> 00:15:52.117 There are literally hundreds of colored markers. 209 00:16:06.256 --> 00:16:07.883 Hey. 210 00:16:09.385 --> 00:16:11.387 Going on your trip? 211 00:16:11.512 --> 00:16:14.015 Yep. 212 00:16:14.015 --> 00:16:16.517 Sucks dick we never got to know each other. 213 00:16:16.768 --> 00:16:18.770 Yeah. 214 00:16:19.145 --> 00:16:20.647 You got a stick of gum, Victor? 215 00:16:21.147 --> 00:16:23.150 I thought you'd never ask. 216 00:16:40.794 --> 00:16:44.548 Abby! My trip... it doesn't come back until tomorrow. 217 00:16:44.590 --> 00:16:47.551 - Don't go. - I can't, because Beth told me... 218 00:16:50.680 --> 00:16:53.141 Let's go. 219 00:16:53.182 --> 00:16:57.437 ♪ Get ready get set, baby ♪ I'll be back tonight. 220 00:16:57.562 --> 00:17:00.065 ♪ Leaving tomorrow so get ready ♪ 221 00:17:00.566 --> 00:17:04.570 ♪ Get ready get set, baby ♪ Tonight. 222 00:17:04.612 --> 00:17:06.572 Ah! 223 00:17:06.572 --> 00:17:10.576 This is "The Beekeeper" here on Camp Firewood radio. 224 00:17:10.576 --> 00:17:15.207 I've got my drones working hard on a breakfast time rock... Hey. 225 00:17:15.248 --> 00:17:19.211 - Arty, I need you to take a shower. - Okay. 226 00:17:19.711 --> 00:17:22.715 Your parents are coming tomorrow. I don't want to get in trouble. 227 00:17:22.756 --> 00:17:25.718 - Sure. - You haven't taken a shower once yet this summer. 228 00:17:25.760 --> 00:17:29.721 - Fine. No problem. - Arty, take a shower. 229 00:17:30.222 --> 00:17:32.224 You're covered in dirt. 230 00:17:32.266 --> 00:17:34.226 Fine. 231 00:17:36.228 --> 00:17:38.606 This is Arty Solomon here. 232 00:17:38.648 --> 00:17:40.942 Alias, "The Beekeeper." 233 00:17:40.984 --> 00:17:45.989 - You guys, I'm really gonna miss this place. - Me too. 234 00:17:46.239 --> 00:17:51.745 Hey, let's all promise that in ten years from today we'll meet again... 235 00:17:51.787 --> 00:17:53.497 and we'll see what kind of people we've blossomed into. 236 00:17:53.539 --> 00:17:56.459 - Yeah! - What time you wanna meet? 237 00:17:56.501 --> 00:17:59.003 - You mean ten years from now? - Yeah. 238 00:17:59.254 --> 00:18:01.256 Let's meet in the morning so we can make a day of it. 239 00:18:01.298 --> 00:18:04.051 Okay, so what is it? Is it like 9:00 or 9:30? 240 00:18:04.051 --> 00:18:06.762 Let's say 9:00, that way we can be here by 9:30. 241 00:18:06.804 --> 00:18:09.139 Why don't we say 9:30, 242 00:18:09.139 --> 00:18:11.642 and then make it your beeswax to be here at 9:30? 243 00:18:12.143 --> 00:18:16.147 We're gonna be in our late 20's. I don't see any reason we can't be places on time. 244 00:18:16.272 --> 00:18:19.276 Okay, it's settled. 9:30 it is. 245 00:18:19.317 --> 00:18:22.237 - All agreed? - Agreed. 246 00:18:22.279 --> 00:18:25.240 Great, 'cause I have something at 11:00. 247 00:18:25.282 --> 00:18:28.244 You've got a trapper keeper full of appointments, right? 248 00:18:28.285 --> 00:18:31.789 No, I have something at 11:00 that I can't change 'cause I already moved it twice. 249 00:18:35.919 --> 00:18:37.921 What are you looking at? 250 00:18:37.921 --> 00:18:40.924 Is there a U.F.O. in the sky? 251 00:18:40.924 --> 00:18:44.929 No, no. It's nothing you need worry about... 252 00:18:48.432 --> 00:18:50.935 Yet. 253 00:18:57.316 --> 00:19:01.320 Andy? Are you gonna clean that up? 254 00:19:01.362 --> 00:19:03.781 Oh, yeah, I will. 255 00:19:03.823 --> 00:19:07.285 Uh, I just got... I don't have time now. 256 00:19:07.327 --> 00:19:10.455 Clean it up and come to my office for the meeting. 257 00:19:10.956 --> 00:19:12.958 I gotta... 258 00:19:42.115 --> 00:19:44.117 Damn! 259 00:20:03.263 --> 00:20:07.267 - Gail, are you okay? - Yeah, I'm okay. 260 00:20:09.270 --> 00:20:12.273 It's just that my husband Ron... 261 00:20:12.315 --> 00:20:14.817 You know... no, he's my ex-husband. 262 00:20:14.859 --> 00:20:17.278 I guess I have to get used to that. 263 00:20:17.779 --> 00:20:20.282 I have to get used to saying ex, ex, ex. 264 00:20:20.657 --> 00:20:24.035 He's my ex, ex-husband. 265 00:20:24.035 --> 00:20:28.540 You know, it's just that I thought, like... 266 00:20:29.040 --> 00:20:32.044 when Jonas and I separated, I thought everything was lost. 267 00:20:32.085 --> 00:20:33.795 And then I met Ron... 268 00:20:33.795 --> 00:20:39.301 and it just seemed like everything was gonna work out, you know? 269 00:20:39.427 --> 00:20:43.181 Keep going. We're with you. I'm a total wreck! I don't even know where the crayons are. 270 00:20:43.556 --> 00:20:48.061 - I know, I know. Gail, listen to me. - I'm a loser. What? 271 00:20:48.103 --> 00:20:52.566 - Ron's who he is and you can't change that. - I know. 272 00:20:52.608 --> 00:20:54.568 Okay? 273 00:20:54.568 --> 00:20:57.321 - Gail, listen to me. Look at me. - I am. 274 00:20:57.363 --> 00:21:00.074 Gail, look at me. Gail, look at me. 275 00:21:00.575 --> 00:21:02.577 I want you to say "okay." 276 00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:06.081 - Why? - I want you to say "okay." 277 00:21:08.083 --> 00:21:11.086 - Okay. - Okay. Good. 278 00:21:11.086 --> 00:21:13.339 I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you all... 279 00:21:13.380 --> 00:21:15.341 for making the last eight weeks, 280 00:21:15.841 --> 00:21:18.344 without rival, the best summer of my entire life. 281 00:21:20.722 --> 00:21:22.682 Okay, let's get to business. 282 00:21:22.724 --> 00:21:25.727 Coop, the camp goat took a shit in the infirmary. 283 00:21:26.228 --> 00:21:28.230 - I need you to take care of that, please. - That's impossible! 284 00:21:28.272 --> 00:21:32.193 It is possible, and it happened... on my shoes. 285 00:21:32.234 --> 00:21:35.738 Abby, bunk 8 wants to watch The China Syndrome again, so run the betamax. 286 00:21:36.239 --> 00:21:39.200 - Again? - What can I say? They love it. McKinley. 287 00:21:39.242 --> 00:21:43.121 Four lower campers are stuck in the ropes course. I meant to tell you yesterday. 288 00:21:43.497 --> 00:21:46.500 Could you get to it now? And last, but certainly not least, 289 00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:49.378 tonight is the big talent show. 290 00:21:49.753 --> 00:21:52.255 We have a lot of hard work ahead of us. A few ground rules... 291 00:21:52.631 --> 00:21:55.133 Hey. Hey! 292 00:21:55.634 --> 00:21:58.637 I'm serious here. I am not joking around. 293 00:21:59.138 --> 00:22:02.642 I am not jok... I am not Ruth Buzzi standing here. 294 00:22:02.683 --> 00:22:05.520 I am no Ruth Buzzi standing here! 295 00:22:10.400 --> 00:22:13.278 Steve? What you got there? 296 00:22:14.530 --> 00:22:17.533 I have been programmed... 297 00:22:17.575 --> 00:22:19.493 by my galactic master... 298 00:22:19.535 --> 00:22:21.537 not to talk to earth denizens... 299 00:22:21.787 --> 00:22:25.792 of classifications J.J. and McKinley-I-zoid. 300 00:22:30.172 --> 00:22:33.675 - Your brother is such a freak. - I know. 301 00:22:33.717 --> 00:22:36.178 Katie, you're hot, right? 302 00:22:36.679 --> 00:22:40.683 By all accounts, you would be considered "hot." Is that correct? 303 00:22:40.725 --> 00:22:42.685 Uh, I suppose so. 304 00:22:43.186 --> 00:22:48.692 So if one wanted to be hot and make a good impression, what would you wear? 305 00:22:48.734 --> 00:22:51.195 You put on a clean pair of pants? 306 00:22:51.695 --> 00:22:54.698 Beth, come on. Pants? Are you kidding? 307 00:22:55.199 --> 00:22:57.201 Yes. Pants. 308 00:22:57.243 --> 00:22:59.203 Of course I'm kidding. 309 00:22:59.203 --> 00:23:02.207 You didn't get I'm kidding? Unless you're kidding. 310 00:23:02.248 --> 00:23:06.712 'cause pants, Katie. Come on, please. Pants. 311 00:23:06.753 --> 00:23:09.214 So would you... slacks? Pants? 312 00:23:09.715 --> 00:23:12.718 I don't know. I think I'd wear a sexy dress or something. 313 00:23:13.219 --> 00:23:15.221 That? Oh, you're good. Sexy dress. 314 00:23:15.263 --> 00:23:18.224 Okay. Uh, that's "a." 315 00:23:18.224 --> 00:23:22.728 Um, what else... what else would one do if one were... 316 00:23:22.770 --> 00:23:25.731 I'd do my hair. Oh, get out of town! 317 00:23:25.731 --> 00:23:29.736 I'm not getting out of town, and I'm serious. And I'd use a little mousse. 318 00:23:30.236 --> 00:23:33.740 Moose, as in... 319 00:23:34.241 --> 00:23:36.994 No, as "mousse" for your hair. Right! Right! 320 00:23:37.369 --> 00:23:40.372 - Okay. Wait a minute, Beth. Are you... - What? 321 00:23:40.623 --> 00:23:42.625 Huh? What's up? 322 00:23:43.000 --> 00:23:46.504 You dog! You have a crush on somebody! 323 00:23:46.504 --> 00:23:50.884 - I do have a crush. I just don't believe he's interested. - What? 324 00:23:50.925 --> 00:23:55.264 Beth, do not worry. Come with me and I will mousse you up. 325 00:24:01.020 --> 00:24:04.399 Hey, Andy, can I take out the motorboat and drive around the lake? 326 00:24:04.524 --> 00:24:08.403 - Sure. - Wow! Thanks. 327 00:24:08.903 --> 00:24:13.408 Just make sure you fill it up with gas when you're done, and watch out... 328 00:24:13.450 --> 00:24:15.411 Yeah, whatever. 329 00:24:22.418 --> 00:24:25.422 Man, I'd give anything for two minutes in the closet with Lindsay. 330 00:24:28.425 --> 00:24:30.928 - What about Katie? - Who? 331 00:24:31.428 --> 00:24:33.430 Excellent. 332 00:24:46.194 --> 00:24:49.196 Hey. Whatcha writin' on? 333 00:24:49.238 --> 00:24:51.157 My "gurnal." 334 00:24:51.199 --> 00:24:53.701 I write my thoughts in it every day. 335 00:24:53.743 --> 00:24:56.705 Oh, you mean a journal. 336 00:24:56.746 --> 00:24:58.665 Yeah, whatever. 337 00:24:58.707 --> 00:25:01.210 Guess I'm not all smart like you. 338 00:25:01.251 --> 00:25:03.671 Can I see what you're writing? 339 00:25:03.712 --> 00:25:08.217 Only three people are allowed to look at this... Me, myself and I. 340 00:25:08.259 --> 00:25:10.219 But I want you to share it with me. 341 00:25:13.223 --> 00:25:15.225 Hey! 342 00:25:18.979 --> 00:25:21.982 Let's see. Debbie Waxman? 343 00:25:22.483 --> 00:25:25.987 No. she makes that weird piggy face when she talks, you know? 344 00:25:26.028 --> 00:25:29.991 Yeah. okay, good. No piggy face. 345 00:25:31.993 --> 00:25:34.454 - Rachel Schwartz. - No. 346 00:25:34.496 --> 00:25:37.499 - Come on, she's a slut. She'll go. - I'll pass. 347 00:25:37.541 --> 00:25:40.461 - Yeah, you're not really a slut type. - Yes, I am. 348 00:25:40.503 --> 00:25:44.507 I love sluts. Sluts rock. It's just gotta be the right slut. 349 00:25:44.882 --> 00:25:46.885 What about Susie? 350 00:25:48.762 --> 00:25:51.723 Yeah. I could go for Susie. 351 00:25:51.765 --> 00:25:54.017 She and I went out my first summer here. 352 00:25:54.059 --> 00:25:56.270 - When you were ten? - Yeah, we were ten, 353 00:25:56.395 --> 00:25:58.397 But we were into some heavy shit. 354 00:25:58.898 --> 00:26:00.524 Did you go all the way? 355 00:26:01.025 --> 00:26:04.028 You bet we went all the way. We went all the way back too. 356 00:26:04.070 --> 00:26:06.489 We did doggy style, pony style. 357 00:26:06.531 --> 00:26:10.410 Style council. That's a good band. They're hot now. Human league. 358 00:26:10.452 --> 00:26:12.913 They have some good stuff. 359 00:26:12.913 --> 00:26:16.417 League of nations. That brings in the whole thing of united nations. 360 00:26:16.666 --> 00:26:19.169 That brings in the whole category of countries. 361 00:26:19.210 --> 00:26:22.673 Where to start? Well, the obvious one. 362 00:26:22.673 --> 00:26:27.178 The birthplace of spaghetti and pasta, all the oily stuff... Italy. 363 00:26:27.428 --> 00:26:29.931 - Now you go. - Um... 364 00:26:30.431 --> 00:26:33.434 - How about Italy? - Yeah, good! It's safe. 365 00:26:33.476 --> 00:26:36.438 I kind of paved the way with that one, but... 366 00:26:39.941 --> 00:26:41.443 What? 367 00:26:41.944 --> 00:26:43.946 - What? - Hey, guys. 368 00:26:45.573 --> 00:26:47.575 - Hi, Nancy. - Hi, Katie. 369 00:26:47.617 --> 00:26:49.577 Coop, goat shit. 370 00:26:57.210 --> 00:26:59.213 Whoo-hoo! Ow! 371 00:27:08.348 --> 00:27:10.850 Andy! Help me! 372 00:27:10.975 --> 00:27:12.978 - You french great. - Andy! 373 00:27:13.478 --> 00:27:17.482 - You're not so bad yourself, Mr. Man. - Andy, help me! 374 00:27:17.524 --> 00:27:21.487 - I can't swim! - Cut it out, bobby. You're fine. 375 00:27:21.529 --> 00:27:24.866 For chrissake, Andy, help me, I'm drowning. 376 00:27:30.622 --> 00:27:34.126 No, you can't hear the ocean, but you can learn a great deal about our world. 377 00:27:35.627 --> 00:27:38.756 - Hi, guys. - Hey, Beth. 378 00:27:38.797 --> 00:27:41.842 Like the new look. Tres chic. 379 00:27:41.884 --> 00:27:44.886 - Thank you, Henry. - Please, call me Henry. 380 00:27:44.928 --> 00:27:46.889 Okay, Henry it is. 381 00:27:47.389 --> 00:27:50.392 I see you decided to come teach the campers, Henry. 382 00:27:50.434 --> 00:27:53.396 Yeah. I'm sorry I snapped at you before. 383 00:27:53.896 --> 00:27:56.858 I'm a little shy around children. But it's been great! 384 00:27:56.900 --> 00:27:59.903 I've got them making miniature black holes with paper clips and soot. 385 00:27:59.945 --> 00:28:02.864 What you do is so fascinating! 386 00:28:02.906 --> 00:28:06.910 - You really like astrophysics? - I love it! It's my biggest hobby. I love it. 387 00:28:06.952 --> 00:28:11.916 Really? Okay. Who's your favorite astrophysicist? 388 00:28:11.958 --> 00:28:15.420 My fav... I totally know this one. 389 00:28:15.461 --> 00:28:17.422 Okay, any... 390 00:28:21.927 --> 00:28:24.430 - What time is it? - Um... 391 00:28:24.471 --> 00:28:26.390 9:00, 9:30. 392 00:28:26.432 --> 00:28:30.436 I'm so late. I have to go meet Jim... Stansel. 393 00:28:30.478 --> 00:28:33.439 - You know Jim? He's that guy. - Uh-huh. 394 00:28:33.940 --> 00:28:36.943 - So I'll talk to you later. Okay? - Okay. 395 00:28:36.985 --> 00:28:39.947 Okay. Okay. Later, then. 396 00:28:44.577 --> 00:28:47.580 Andy, have you seen my swimming buddy? 397 00:28:47.622 --> 00:28:49.582 Um... if I can't find him, 398 00:28:49.582 --> 00:28:52.085 I'm telling Beth that you let him drown. 399 00:28:52.585 --> 00:28:56.089 - I was busy. - It's your job to make sure kids don't drown. 400 00:28:56.131 --> 00:28:58.091 Lindsay, I need like 20 minutes, all right? 401 00:28:58.592 --> 00:29:01.095 Gotta talk to this kid. 402 00:29:01.595 --> 00:29:03.597 Andy, where are we going? 403 00:29:04.098 --> 00:29:05.600 To a big, secret pizza party. 404 00:29:06.100 --> 00:29:08.478 Wow! Cool. I love pizza. 405 00:29:08.519 --> 00:29:11.481 Yeah, well... 406 00:29:16.861 --> 00:29:19.364 Nancy! Hello. 407 00:29:19.489 --> 00:29:23.869 If I was looking for a book on astrophysics, where would I find one? 408 00:29:24.244 --> 00:29:27.247 Off the top of my head, I'd have to say a bookstore. 409 00:29:27.372 --> 00:29:29.875 - Or a library. - Right. 410 00:29:29.875 --> 00:29:31.877 Just curious. Keep up the good work. 411 00:29:32.128 --> 00:29:33.629 Okay. 412 00:29:36.257 --> 00:29:38.718 Excuse me. Uh, Nancy. 413 00:29:38.760 --> 00:29:41.137 Say I wanted to get a book on, um... 414 00:29:41.513 --> 00:29:43.515 What? 415 00:29:44.016 --> 00:29:47.519 - Camp directing, I guess. Would that be... - Henry. 416 00:29:47.770 --> 00:29:50.272 Henry! Library. 417 00:29:50.773 --> 00:29:54.861 Ooh. Thank you! 418 00:29:54.902 --> 00:29:58.907 Beth! Beth! 419 00:29:59.282 --> 00:30:02.411 If you're going into town, can you pick me up something at the drugstore? 420 00:30:02.536 --> 00:30:06.790 Beth, come on. My husband's coming today and I need some lube. 421 00:30:06.832 --> 00:30:08.793 For my pussy. 422 00:30:12.296 --> 00:30:14.257 Oh, cool! 423 00:30:14.299 --> 00:30:17.802 Beth's going into town. Let's go! Wait, wait! 424 00:30:22.057 --> 00:30:24.685 No, no, no. No, no, no, no. 425 00:30:24.810 --> 00:30:27.313 Come on, Coop! Come on! 426 00:30:34.571 --> 00:30:36.072 Whoo! 427 00:30:36.573 --> 00:30:38.575 Whoo! 428 00:30:38.951 --> 00:30:40.452 ♪ Got a feeling tonight ♪ 429 00:30:40.952 --> 00:30:43.955 ♪ Though her daddy's makin' trouble it'll be all right ♪ 430 00:30:44.205 --> 00:30:46.666 ♪ I'm working hard I don't know why ♪ 431 00:30:46.708 --> 00:30:50.212 ♪ I'm like a working-class dog and I just get by ♪ 432 00:30:50.462 --> 00:30:53.966 ♪ Tonight I'm going out for a minute ♪ 433 00:30:57.094 --> 00:30:59.097 ♪ You know we're living on the brink ♪ 434 00:30:59.597 --> 00:31:02.600 ♪ Second by second by minute by minute ♪ 435 00:31:03.101 --> 00:31:06.104 ♪ Love is all right tonight ♪ 436 00:31:15.114 --> 00:31:19.994 ♪ Love is all right ♪ 437 00:31:21.871 --> 00:31:25.876 ♪ Love is all right ♪ 438 00:31:26.376 --> 00:31:27.878 ♪ Tonight ♪ 439 00:31:44.521 --> 00:31:46.523 Come on. 440 00:31:55.033 --> 00:31:57.786 ♪ All right ♪ 441 00:31:57.827 --> 00:32:00.706 ♪ It's gonna be all right ♪ 442 00:32:00.747 --> 00:32:03.625 ♪ It's gonna be all right ♪ 443 00:32:03.667 --> 00:32:06.545 ♪ It's gonna be all right ♪ 444 00:32:08.047 --> 00:32:12.301 ♪ Love is all right tonight ♪ 445 00:32:13.802 --> 00:32:17.807 ♪ Baby, we're gonna be all right ♪ 446 00:32:18.182 --> 00:32:20.643 Hey, guys, how was Waterville? 447 00:32:20.685 --> 00:32:23.187 - It was really fun. - It's always fun to get away from camp, 448 00:32:23.688 --> 00:32:25.690 even for an hour. 449 00:32:27.192 --> 00:32:29.945 Katie! I'll see you later maybe? 450 00:32:29.987 --> 00:32:32.698 Definitely. 451 00:32:35.826 --> 00:32:37.828 Guys, wait up! 452 00:32:45.962 --> 00:32:47.923 How far away is this goddamn river? 453 00:32:47.965 --> 00:32:51.468 It's at least two hours, Vic. Try to forget about Abby. 454 00:32:51.510 --> 00:32:54.472 I can't, Neil, okay? This is my only chance. 455 00:32:54.972 --> 00:32:56.474 What are you talking about? 456 00:32:56.974 --> 00:32:59.477 I'm gonna tell you something, but I swear to God, if you tell anybody... 457 00:32:59.978 --> 00:33:03.231 - I swear to God! - What? Wha... 458 00:33:06.234 --> 00:33:09.238 - I'm a virgin. - Wha... 459 00:33:09.738 --> 00:33:12.199 You're joking. Right, dude? 460 00:33:12.241 --> 00:33:16.245 You're the stallion. You've had like 50 or 60 women, so I mean... 461 00:33:16.287 --> 00:33:20.250 Actually, it's closer to... zero. 462 00:33:21.751 --> 00:33:24.212 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 463 00:33:24.254 --> 00:33:26.256 You're a loser. You are a loser! 464 00:33:26.298 --> 00:33:29.051 Oh, my God. Don't. I... 465 00:33:29.051 --> 00:33:31.762 you're such a loser. 466 00:33:40.980 --> 00:33:43.441 - What? - What? 467 00:33:43.483 --> 00:33:45.485 You listen to me, Mr. Kickass. 468 00:33:45.985 --> 00:33:47.987 Mr. Rubber Burner. 469 00:33:47.987 --> 00:33:50.490 You wipe that hotshot grin off your face or I'll shoot it off you. 470 00:33:50.532 --> 00:33:52.993 You got that? Now finish up them taters. 471 00:33:53.493 --> 00:33:55.746 - I'm gonna go fondle my sweaters. - Come on. What? 472 00:33:55.788 --> 00:33:57.998 - Finish up the taters. - Then what did you say? 473 00:33:57.998 --> 00:34:01.002 - Then what did I say? - You said you were gonna go fondle your sweaters. 474 00:34:01.502 --> 00:34:04.005 I... no, I didn't. 475 00:34:04.005 --> 00:34:06.007 I said I'm gonna fondue with cheddar. 476 00:34:06.007 --> 00:34:08.510 I was thinking about making fondue with cheddar cheese for dinner tonight. 477 00:34:08.552 --> 00:34:12.639 - No, Gene, that is not what you said. - It is what I said. 478 00:34:12.681 --> 00:34:15.142 Fondue with cheddar. 479 00:34:15.184 --> 00:34:17.144 Okay, fine. 480 00:34:20.648 --> 00:34:22.775 Okay, see you later. 481 00:34:22.817 --> 00:34:25.737 See ya. 482 00:34:25.779 --> 00:34:28.782 I'm just gonna stop by my bunk for a real quick sec. 483 00:34:31.785 --> 00:34:34.288 Maybe you should talk to him. 484 00:34:34.413 --> 00:34:39.419 So rabbi Rothstein says, "sim, sim, sim, sim, ata..." 485 00:34:39.919 --> 00:34:41.880 Hey, McKinley. 486 00:34:41.921 --> 00:34:44.925 - Did you take that shower yet? - Yeah, of course. 487 00:34:44.966 --> 00:34:47.469 - Did you? - No. 488 00:34:47.469 --> 00:34:49.930 Take a shower. 489 00:34:52.433 --> 00:34:55.436 Sorry, folks for the "coitus interuptus," if you will. 490 00:34:55.561 --> 00:34:58.064 I know you're all hungry for the picnic, 491 00:34:58.064 --> 00:35:00.567 so don't eat too many barbecued bovine muscles. 492 00:35:00.608 --> 00:35:03.069 Those being hamburgers. Thank you. 493 00:35:07.323 --> 00:35:10.326 Gail, if I could just interject something here. 494 00:35:10.452 --> 00:35:14.706 This is gonna sound like I'm putting down my own gender, 495 00:35:14.748 --> 00:35:18.961 but the truth is, a lot of the time men can be real... 496 00:35:19.003 --> 00:35:21.964 and excuse the Yiddish... insensitive schmucks. 497 00:35:22.214 --> 00:35:24.717 - It's true. - I know. 498 00:35:25.218 --> 00:35:29.222 I know. It's just that I'm 34 years old. 499 00:35:29.597 --> 00:35:31.099 You know? 500 00:35:31.099 --> 00:35:34.603 I'm just afraid I'm never gonna meet anybody. 501 00:35:35.103 --> 00:35:37.106 - Shh. Just breathe. Shh. - It's so sad. 502 00:35:39.108 --> 00:35:43.112 Breathe. Shh. Just breathe. 503 00:35:43.154 --> 00:35:45.907 Oh, God! 504 00:35:45.949 --> 00:35:48.618 Your hands are magic. 505 00:35:48.743 --> 00:35:51.747 - There you go. - You, my friend, are a magician. 506 00:35:57.378 --> 00:35:59.338 Okay! 507 00:35:59.380 --> 00:36:02.884 Everyone! Immediately! Out of the van. 508 00:36:02.926 --> 00:36:05.387 Get out of the van. Out. Out. 509 00:36:06.888 --> 00:36:08.390 - What are you doing? - I'm going back to camp. 510 00:36:08.890 --> 00:36:11.852 - I'll come back in the morning and pick you up. - Wait a second. 511 00:36:11.894 --> 00:36:16.148 - What, Neil? - Wait a minute. You can't get there and back by sunup. 512 00:36:16.649 --> 00:36:20.153 I am going to be with Abby Bernstein tonight. And if you don't like it, you know what? 513 00:36:20.194 --> 00:36:23.656 You could just go ahead and fuck yourself! 514 00:36:23.698 --> 00:36:25.408 Hey! 515 00:36:29.163 --> 00:36:32.791 You're making a big mistake, Victor Pulak. 516 00:36:32.833 --> 00:36:35.043 A big mistake. 517 00:36:35.418 --> 00:36:38.422 ♪ Even though we ain't got money ♪ 518 00:36:38.463 --> 00:36:41.425 ♪ I'm so in love with you, honey ♪ 519 00:36:41.550 --> 00:36:44.053 ♪ And everything will bring a chain ♪ 520 00:36:44.094 --> 00:36:47.056 ♪ Of love, yeah ♪ 521 00:36:47.557 --> 00:36:50.059 ♪ In the morning when I rise ♪ 522 00:36:50.101 --> 00:36:52.062 ♪ Bring a... ♪ Oh, God! 523 00:36:53.563 --> 00:36:55.065 Oh, shit! 524 00:36:56.566 --> 00:36:58.569 Abby! 525 00:36:58.819 --> 00:37:01.572 ♪ In the morning when I rise ♪ 526 00:37:01.614 --> 00:37:04.325 ♪ You bring a tear of joy to my eyes ♪ 527 00:37:06.369 --> 00:37:09.289 Hey, Abby. 528 00:37:09.330 --> 00:37:12.834 - I thought this was a different bunk. - No. 529 00:37:12.959 --> 00:37:15.462 - Am I bothering you? - No, not at all. 530 00:37:15.963 --> 00:37:18.465 You wanna come sit on the bed? 531 00:37:39.488 --> 00:37:41.949 ♪ Even though we ain't got money ♪ 532 00:37:41.991 --> 00:37:45.495 ♪ I'm so in love with you, honey ♪ That sucks! 533 00:37:45.537 --> 00:37:48.456 ♪ And everything will bring a chain ♪ 534 00:37:48.498 --> 00:37:52.503 ♪ Of love ♪ Wait for me, Abby Bernstein. Wait for me, my darling. 535 00:37:53.003 --> 00:37:55.506 ♪ And in the morning when I rise ♪ Wait. 536 00:37:55.548 --> 00:37:58.467 What? What? 537 00:37:58.509 --> 00:38:00.511 I just want to take off my shirt. 538 00:38:02.262 --> 00:38:05.266 - Where are we going? - I don't know. Victor took the maps. 539 00:38:05.766 --> 00:38:08.269 - Shut up and paddle. - I want Victor back. 540 00:38:08.769 --> 00:38:12.273 - We all want him back, Sammy, but he's not coming back. - My name isn't Sammy. 541 00:38:12.774 --> 00:38:15.777 We'll die without him. He's the only one who can navigate the river. 542 00:38:15.819 --> 00:38:18.280 Fine, you're right. I'll find the son of a gun. 543 00:38:18.780 --> 00:38:22.785 I'll bring him back here if it's the last thing I do, dead or alive. 544 00:38:22.826 --> 00:38:24.537 Alive. We want him alive. 545 00:38:24.578 --> 00:38:27.039 Okay. Wait here. 546 00:38:33.046 --> 00:38:36.049 Okay. Okay. 547 00:38:36.550 --> 00:38:38.051 All right. 548 00:39:01.202 --> 00:39:05.206 ♪ I was born to love I was born to dream ♪ 549 00:39:05.331 --> 00:39:08.209 ♪ The kinkiest boy you've ever seen ♪ 550 00:39:08.251 --> 00:39:11.922 ♪ I gotta do it my way ♪ 551 00:39:11.963 --> 00:39:15.551 ♪ Or no way at all ♪ 552 00:39:15.592 --> 00:39:19.096 ♪ So why don't you turn me loose ♪ 553 00:39:19.597 --> 00:39:22.308 ♪ Turn me loose ♪ 554 00:39:22.350 --> 00:39:26.229 ♪ I've gotta do it my way ♪ 555 00:39:26.354 --> 00:39:30.858 ♪ I wanna fly ♪ 556 00:39:41.995 --> 00:39:43.997 Ahh! 557 00:39:53.883 --> 00:39:55.635 Oh, my God! 558 00:39:56.136 --> 00:39:58.638 Look at Lindsay's chicken wings. 559 00:39:59.139 --> 00:40:00.766 Debbie Epstein has, like, playboy titties! 560 00:40:01.016 --> 00:40:04.520 - It's just like klute! - Holy shit, you guys! Look, look, look. 561 00:40:04.770 --> 00:40:08.524 Bend over, yes. Take 'em off, take 'em off. Yes! Yes! 562 00:40:08.566 --> 00:40:12.028 Guys, I'm gonna catch up with you later, okay? 563 00:40:14.531 --> 00:40:16.491 Dude, that's kind of sad. 564 00:40:16.533 --> 00:40:20.037 He gets so uncomfortable whenever we talk openly about sexual issues. 565 00:40:20.078 --> 00:40:22.498 You know, he's never been with a girl before. 566 00:40:22.539 --> 00:40:24.917 McKinley needs to experience the ultimate. 567 00:40:25.042 --> 00:40:26.544 I think you know what I'm talking about. 568 00:40:27.044 --> 00:40:29.047 You mean penis in vagina? 569 00:40:29.088 --> 00:40:31.508 No, dickhead. Sex. 570 00:40:31.549 --> 00:40:34.553 Oh, oh, oh. 571 00:40:36.680 --> 00:40:39.183 They're total nymphos! Throw the ball! 572 00:40:39.224 --> 00:40:41.644 Yes! 573 00:40:41.685 --> 00:40:45.565 I'm sure we can convince one of the girls from bunk 10 to boink McKinley. 574 00:40:46.065 --> 00:40:48.526 They're really horny this summer. 575 00:40:48.568 --> 00:40:51.196 Where did he go, anyway? - I don't know. 576 00:40:51.696 --> 00:40:54.199 - Probably went to write his mommy and daddy a letter. - What a fag! 577 00:40:54.241 --> 00:40:57.202 - Who are we gonna set him up with? - How about Debbie? 578 00:40:57.244 --> 00:40:59.245 - No, she's got mono. - Right. 579 00:40:59.287 --> 00:41:01.164 - How about Debbie? - Who? 580 00:41:01.206 --> 00:41:05.210 - You know, Debbie Debbie. - Oh, Debbie Debbie. No, she's his cousin. 581 00:41:05.252 --> 00:41:09.214 - How about tall Debbie? - Too tall. 582 00:41:09.465 --> 00:41:12.969 How about Debbie freeman? She's in heat! 583 00:41:13.469 --> 00:41:16.472 - She wants to french. - No, you shithead. She wants to get boned. 584 00:41:16.514 --> 00:41:19.309 - Then I want her. - You're being ridiculous. 585 00:41:19.351 --> 00:41:21.853 I'm not being ridiculous! I'm just saying I want her. 586 00:41:21.895 --> 00:41:23.814 This isn't about you. This is about McKinley. 587 00:41:23.855 --> 00:41:27.860 Haven't you been listening to what we've been saying? We're trying to get our friend laid. 588 00:41:27.902 --> 00:41:32.365 - Ah! point taken. - Okay. Tonight... 589 00:41:32.865 --> 00:41:35.368 - Get McKinley laid. - Come hell or high water? 590 00:41:35.410 --> 00:41:37.329 Secret handshake? 591 00:41:37.370 --> 00:41:39.873 Get McKinley laid! 592 00:42:02.272 --> 00:42:03.774 As everybody knows, 593 00:42:04.275 --> 00:42:08.905 today is the big culminating, climactic softball game... 594 00:42:08.946 --> 00:42:12.408 - against evil Camp Tiger Claw. - Boo! 595 00:42:12.909 --> 00:42:14.911 We have put together an unlikely... 596 00:42:15.162 --> 00:42:18.665 team of misfits, and we've been training like crazy all summer. 597 00:42:19.166 --> 00:42:21.669 Yeah, it's a motley crew that you'd think... 598 00:42:22.169 --> 00:42:23.671 would never be able to win a single game. 599 00:42:24.171 --> 00:42:27.174 We had a kooky training period where it seemed like... 600 00:42:27.215 --> 00:42:30.177 it seemed like nothing was gonna go right. But, guys, 601 00:42:30.302 --> 00:42:32.263 somehow we made it to the finals. 602 00:42:32.304 --> 00:42:36.684 So I say, when those anonymously evil campers from Tiger Claw get here, 603 00:42:37.185 --> 00:42:40.688 we give it our best shot, and we try to come from behind at the last minute... 604 00:42:40.730 --> 00:42:43.692 with some weird trick play that we made up and we win the game. 605 00:42:43.733 --> 00:42:46.194 What do you say, team? 606 00:42:46.445 --> 00:42:47.946 It sounds like well-worn territory. 607 00:42:48.447 --> 00:42:50.449 The whole thing feels kind of trite. I say we forget it. 608 00:42:50.699 --> 00:42:53.202 - Is that how everybody feels? - Yeah. 609 00:42:53.244 --> 00:42:54.954 Well, it's fine with me. 610 00:43:06.467 --> 00:43:09.970 So listen, they just aren't into it. It's kind of trite. 611 00:43:10.012 --> 00:43:12.473 Yeah, you're right. No problem, man. 612 00:43:12.515 --> 00:43:15.476 It's sort of hackneyed. Tried and done before. 613 00:43:15.518 --> 00:43:17.479 See you later, man. 614 00:43:21.483 --> 00:43:23.986 It's no big deal. they were totally cool. 615 00:43:24.027 --> 00:43:25.988 Okay? All right. 616 00:43:32.745 --> 00:43:35.749 Susie is gonna score with McKinley. 617 00:43:36.249 --> 00:43:38.752 Then he's gonna need some eyewitnesses for verification. 618 00:43:38.877 --> 00:43:40.379 Let's go! 619 00:43:46.761 --> 00:43:50.598 Why does she still have her clothes on? 620 00:43:50.640 --> 00:43:54.393 - Looks like she's playing the flute. - Oh, wow. kinky. 621 00:43:59.023 --> 00:44:01.484 As bared witness by myself, 622 00:44:01.526 --> 00:44:06.031 All of Camp Firewood and the higher power, however you define it, 623 00:44:06.406 --> 00:44:09.409 I hereby consecrate and sanctify the union... 624 00:44:09.660 --> 00:44:12.121 of McKinley and Ben. 625 00:44:12.162 --> 00:44:15.416 May their majestic and blessed love... 626 00:44:15.458 --> 00:44:18.669 flourish all the days of their lives. 627 00:44:20.171 --> 00:44:22.173 - Amen. - Amen. 628 00:44:22.424 --> 00:44:24.050 Amen. 629 00:44:27.930 --> 00:44:30.432 McKinley's a fag. 630 00:44:30.933 --> 00:44:34.437 - McKinley's a fag with Ben! - What are we gonna do? 631 00:44:35.730 --> 00:44:38.024 Capture the flag! 632 00:44:50.663 --> 00:44:53.666 Hey, aren't you gonna eat anything? 633 00:44:54.167 --> 00:44:55.668 I'm not hungry. 634 00:44:58.171 --> 00:45:01.675 So, you haven't made many friends this summer, have you? 635 00:45:01.716 --> 00:45:04.136 No, I have not. 636 00:45:04.177 --> 00:45:08.057 - Let's drop the robot voice, shall we? - Okay. 637 00:45:08.432 --> 00:45:12.061 - This your first summer here? - Fifth. You were my counselor... 638 00:45:12.186 --> 00:45:14.147 - three times. - Now I'm the camp director. 639 00:45:14.188 --> 00:45:17.692 If there's anything I can do to make your last day more enjoyable, let me know. 640 00:45:17.734 --> 00:45:19.653 Really? 641 00:45:19.694 --> 00:45:23.197 I have an idea. How about whatever you've been working on is your talent tonight? 642 00:45:23.239 --> 00:45:26.159 That way, the other campers can get to know you. 643 00:45:26.201 --> 00:45:30.080 - It's not a song or anything. - It's okay. I'll have Susie put you on the list. 644 00:45:30.580 --> 00:45:33.083 Oh, God! Thank you! 645 00:45:34.585 --> 00:45:37.463 - How was the waterfront this morning? - It was good. 646 00:45:37.963 --> 00:45:40.842 We gonna get a chance to spend time together? 647 00:45:40.883 --> 00:45:43.720 Are you gonna pound this into my face all day? 648 00:45:43.761 --> 00:45:46.181 Sorry. 649 00:45:46.222 --> 00:45:49.184 Apology accepted. 650 00:45:49.226 --> 00:45:52.730 Guess what. A bunch of us went into town and got ice cream and hamburgers... 651 00:45:52.771 --> 00:45:54.732 It smells like the ribs are ready. 652 00:45:59.237 --> 00:46:02.949 Beth, I may regret saying this, 653 00:46:02.991 --> 00:46:07.996 - but how dare you usurp my authority as producer... - Hmpf! 654 00:46:08.038 --> 00:46:09.998 Director/choreographer of the talent show? 655 00:46:10.499 --> 00:46:13.002 You were wrong to do that! 656 00:46:13.127 --> 00:46:15.588 I have been busting my balls, woman! 657 00:46:15.630 --> 00:46:18.633 I am telling you, the musical numbers are a mess, 658 00:46:19.133 --> 00:46:21.594 my kids are a bunch of amateurs, 659 00:46:21.636 --> 00:46:24.890 and the last thing I need today is some diabetic freak... 660 00:46:24.931 --> 00:46:28.143 prancing around on stage making my life a living hell! 661 00:46:30.145 --> 00:46:32.773 All right, I'll put him last. 662 00:46:33.024 --> 00:46:35.026 Good. 663 00:46:35.526 --> 00:46:37.528 Oh, she always wins! 664 00:46:39.531 --> 00:46:42.534 Don't pick it up, stupid! 665 00:46:42.576 --> 00:46:45.370 Stop picking it up! 666 00:46:45.412 --> 00:46:48.123 You see? this is us, 667 00:46:48.165 --> 00:46:53.670 and we're traveling around the sun. 668 00:46:54.171 --> 00:46:59.677 That's a 1.3 million mile trip every year! 669 00:46:59.718 --> 00:47:02.138 Radical. 670 00:47:02.179 --> 00:47:05.683 You might say that each and every one of us... 671 00:47:05.725 --> 00:47:09.187 is a crew member here on spaceship earth. 672 00:47:09.688 --> 00:47:12.190 - When would we say that? - Any time. 673 00:47:12.232 --> 00:47:15.152 Dinner. Literally any time. 674 00:47:15.194 --> 00:47:19.073 You're amazing. I hope I can come to your college and you can be my professor. 675 00:47:19.115 --> 00:47:22.535 Actually, I, uh... 676 00:47:22.577 --> 00:47:26.081 I'm just an associate professor. 677 00:47:26.331 --> 00:47:28.333 - What does that mean? - Melvyn! 678 00:47:28.375 --> 00:47:30.335 No, no, it's all right. 679 00:47:30.585 --> 00:47:32.838 it means, Melvyn... 680 00:47:32.880 --> 00:47:35.090 It means that I'm... 681 00:47:39.095 --> 00:47:41.097 less than. 682 00:47:48.605 --> 00:47:50.607 Oh, God! 683 00:47:54.236 --> 00:47:56.739 Hey! What's goin' on? 684 00:47:58.366 --> 00:48:00.869 Hey, Beth. We're just having ourselves a little cry. 685 00:48:05.624 --> 00:48:07.584 I know what this group needs. 686 00:48:07.626 --> 00:48:10.629 How 'bout we grab some lunch and watch the "capture the flag" game? 687 00:48:10.671 --> 00:48:14.508 - What do you say? - I think we'll take a rain check, Beth. 688 00:48:15.009 --> 00:48:19.012 - We're in the middle of some pretty interesting stuff. - I'll make you a deal. 689 00:48:19.388 --> 00:48:21.849 You come watch the "capture the flag game" with the normal kids, 690 00:48:21.890 --> 00:48:25.394 and then you can have the whole rest of the day to learn about planets, stars, 691 00:48:25.895 --> 00:48:28.898 pulsars, heliocentricity, gravitational collapse... 692 00:48:29.274 --> 00:48:30.733 and the science of celestial mechanics... 693 00:48:30.775 --> 00:48:33.778 as shown through the work of the 19th century scientists... 694 00:48:33.820 --> 00:48:38.283 Alexis Clairaut, Jean d'Alembert and Pierre Laplace. 695 00:48:38.325 --> 00:48:41.036 - Okay? Ready? - Okay! 696 00:48:41.412 --> 00:48:44.040 Break! 697 00:48:47.043 --> 00:48:51.047 Gee, I was really impressed by some of the stuff you said back there. 698 00:48:51.089 --> 00:48:55.511 - Oh, it was... - No, Beth, you know what you're talking about. 699 00:48:55.552 --> 00:48:57.554 I don't know where you find the time to learn about astrophysics. 700 00:48:58.055 --> 00:49:01.559 I mean, with camp payroll and insurance to deal with. 701 00:49:02.059 --> 00:49:05.063 Keeping parents happy, supervising a young staff. 702 00:49:05.104 --> 00:49:08.024 - Keeping everyone fed. - Wow. 703 00:49:08.066 --> 00:49:12.070 It was in 1908 that the first American summer camps were founded in the Catskills. 704 00:49:15.324 --> 00:49:18.327 - Is there any more corn? - What? 705 00:49:18.828 --> 00:49:21.831 - More corn. - Oh, dude. 706 00:49:21.873 --> 00:49:24.834 - You got... - What, dude? 707 00:49:24.959 --> 00:49:27.462 What? What are you doing with your hand? 708 00:49:27.504 --> 00:49:30.048 On your face. You, uh... 709 00:49:30.090 --> 00:49:33.052 Cat got your tongue, Andy? What is it? 710 00:49:33.093 --> 00:49:35.846 You have barbecue sauce all over your face. 711 00:49:35.971 --> 00:49:38.975 - I know that. So? - It's pretty foul. 712 00:49:39.350 --> 00:49:44.856 It's just barbecue sauce. Come on. I wanna make out. 713 00:49:47.358 --> 00:49:49.360 Okay, but not here. 714 00:49:55.867 --> 00:49:58.328 What's it like being a professor? 715 00:49:58.370 --> 00:50:03.375 - What do they say, "publish or perish"? - Well, perish mostly. 716 00:50:03.417 --> 00:50:05.878 I'm up for tenure this fall. 717 00:50:06.379 --> 00:50:08.881 If I don't make my mark soon, I could end up out of work. 718 00:50:09.382 --> 00:50:11.885 But you're so talented! 719 00:50:12.385 --> 00:50:14.387 Tell that to my dean. 720 00:50:15.889 --> 00:50:19.393 Okay. Okay, what's his address? 721 00:50:19.435 --> 00:50:22.354 You serious? 56 Linden Lane. 722 00:50:22.396 --> 00:50:25.983 - Okay. City? - God, you're really... Augusta. 723 00:50:26.025 --> 00:50:29.028 - State? - I can't believe... well, Maine, of course. 724 00:50:29.529 --> 00:50:33.492 - ZIP? - This is... 04139. 725 00:50:33.533 --> 00:50:36.036 - Does he have an apartment number? - No! 726 00:50:36.537 --> 00:50:41.041 Beth, this is incredible. I don't know how to thank you. 727 00:50:41.083 --> 00:50:44.545 You already have, Henry. You already have. 728 00:50:53.680 --> 00:50:57.184 This is crazy. This is crazy. 729 00:52:01.795 --> 00:52:04.298 That's it, Lars. 730 00:52:04.799 --> 00:52:06.801 Good. Keep your feet together. 731 00:52:06.843 --> 00:52:08.428 You got it. Good. 732 00:52:11.681 --> 00:52:13.642 Aah! 733 00:52:13.683 --> 00:52:17.312 You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore. 734 00:52:19.565 --> 00:52:21.066 Whatever! 735 00:52:26.072 --> 00:52:28.908 Damn it! 736 00:52:28.950 --> 00:52:31.578 Is it my turn yet? 737 00:52:42.840 --> 00:52:46.343 So, this is where I come when I want to think. 738 00:52:46.385 --> 00:52:48.345 Wow! 739 00:52:48.846 --> 00:52:51.349 It's very... 740 00:52:51.390 --> 00:52:53.851 Barn-like. 741 00:52:58.356 --> 00:53:00.817 You know, it's weird, Coop. 742 00:53:00.859 --> 00:53:04.363 I was supposed to be in the woods with Andy this afternoon, but... 743 00:53:04.404 --> 00:53:08.868 Oh. I'm sorry. We can go back. We should go back. 744 00:53:08.909 --> 00:53:12.371 No, no! It's okay. I can see him later. 745 00:53:18.378 --> 00:53:21.381 Give me your hand. 746 00:53:26.512 --> 00:53:28.472 It's cold. 747 00:53:28.514 --> 00:53:31.517 Yeah. I'm freezing. 748 00:53:32.018 --> 00:53:33.520 Do you want my sweatshirt? 749 00:53:33.561 --> 00:53:35.897 Do you mind? 750 00:53:51.414 --> 00:53:55.419 Okay, Coop, now I'm colder than I was before when I said I was cold. 751 00:53:56.920 --> 00:53:59.423 Well, do you want my flannel? 752 00:54:00.925 --> 00:54:03.427 Yeah. 753 00:54:12.061 --> 00:54:16.065 This is cool! It's really a great shirt. I love it. 754 00:54:16.107 --> 00:54:19.068 It's my favorite shirt. 755 00:54:19.569 --> 00:54:22.572 So... you're gonna have to give it back. 756 00:54:22.614 --> 00:54:24.574 Now? 757 00:54:25.075 --> 00:54:27.077 Yeah. 758 00:54:35.586 --> 00:54:38.047 What are we doing? 759 00:54:38.089 --> 00:54:41.593 - Do you mean like switching our shirts? - No. 760 00:54:42.094 --> 00:54:44.596 What are we doing? 761 00:54:44.638 --> 00:54:46.598 I don't know. 762 00:55:05.744 --> 00:55:09.624 Okay, so I'm Ron and I'm calling you. Here we go. Ring, ring. 763 00:55:09.999 --> 00:55:12.001 Hello? Hi, Gail. 764 00:55:12.043 --> 00:55:13.962 It's me, Ron. 765 00:55:14.003 --> 00:55:18.467 Hi, Ron. What do you want? Um, well... 766 00:55:18.508 --> 00:55:23.013 I'm ready to give our marriage another shot. What do you say? 767 00:55:24.515 --> 00:55:27.018 Um... 768 00:55:27.143 --> 00:55:29.145 Be strong, Gail! 769 00:55:29.270 --> 00:55:33.525 - No. - No, Ron, it's over. 770 00:55:33.566 --> 00:55:37.779 Good-bye. 771 00:55:45.787 --> 00:55:48.290 Hi, mom. Could you get dad? 772 00:55:48.332 --> 00:55:50.751 Just get him. 773 00:55:50.793 --> 00:55:54.797 Hi, dad. Okay, are you guys sitting down? 774 00:55:55.297 --> 00:55:58.301 I met somebody. Well, she's got this other boyfriend, 775 00:55:58.342 --> 00:56:00.803 but, well, it's just a matter of time, I think. 776 00:56:03.431 --> 00:56:05.934 Her name is Katie, and she's really great. 777 00:56:05.976 --> 00:56:08.896 And, um... what? I don't think so. 778 00:56:08.937 --> 00:56:11.899 She might be. She's got a pretty big nose. 779 00:56:11.941 --> 00:56:14.944 Well, I know how you guys worry that I have trouble meeting girls. 780 00:56:14.986 --> 00:56:17.405 And I'm just saying, worry no more. 781 00:56:17.447 --> 00:56:21.451 Well, I should get going. she's probably looking for me. 782 00:56:21.493 --> 00:56:25.455 Okay, I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. Bye-bye. 783 00:56:27.458 --> 00:56:29.919 This feels so good. 784 00:56:29.960 --> 00:56:32.964 Maybe you shouldn't jump the gun just yet, Coop. 785 00:56:33.339 --> 00:56:36.342 Very good, very good. 786 00:56:36.384 --> 00:56:38.845 A-plus for comedy, Beth. 787 00:56:39.346 --> 00:56:41.848 Ruth Buzzi better watch her back. 788 00:56:41.890 --> 00:56:44.852 Beth! "Jump the gun." 789 00:56:49.732 --> 00:56:52.610 ♪ Day by day ♪ 790 00:56:52.652 --> 00:56:55.447 ♪ Day by day ♪ 791 00:56:55.488 --> 00:57:00.869 Okay, stop! I feel like I'm watching regional theater, you guys. 792 00:57:00.911 --> 00:57:04.415 God, am I at the Cleveland playhouse or something? 793 00:57:04.415 --> 00:57:07.834 Your craft is a muscle! You need to exercise it! 794 00:57:07.876 --> 00:57:11.254 Take a break! Think about what you've done. 795 00:57:11.755 --> 00:57:14.508 Gee, Susie, have you seen Katie anywhere? 796 00:57:14.550 --> 00:57:16.969 No. why? 797 00:57:17.011 --> 00:57:19.263 No particular reason. But if you see her, will you tell her I'm looking for her? 798 00:57:19.764 --> 00:57:22.517 - Sure. - Okay. 799 00:57:24.519 --> 00:57:27.022 All right, with passion! 800 00:57:29.650 --> 00:57:32.152 Katie! Are you in here? 801 00:57:32.277 --> 00:57:33.779 Oh, hi. 802 00:57:34.280 --> 00:57:37.283 Um, I want to talk to you later, okay? 803 00:57:37.658 --> 00:57:40.662 Oh, yeah. Sure. 804 00:57:50.923 --> 00:57:55.428 Dinner! 805 00:57:55.678 --> 00:57:58.681 - Have you seen J.J. and Gary? Do you know where they are? - Don't know. 806 00:57:58.723 --> 00:58:01.685 I'm a little worried they might have found out about us. - Hey! 807 00:58:01.935 --> 00:58:03.436 McKinley and Ben! 808 00:58:05.314 --> 00:58:08.192 This is for you. 809 00:58:11.695 --> 00:58:14.198 It's a chaise lounge. 810 00:58:14.448 --> 00:58:17.952 We didn't know if maybe you guys already had one. We have the receipt if you do. 811 00:58:17.994 --> 00:58:20.413 No, we don't have one. Thank you! 812 00:58:20.455 --> 00:58:22.958 It goes with the chenille throw cloth Beth's sister gave us. 813 00:58:23.000 --> 00:58:26.670 Okay, everybody, attention. I've got an announcement. 814 00:58:26.712 --> 00:58:29.215 I know you're all getting ready for the big talent show tonight, 815 00:58:29.256 --> 00:58:32.760 but the following campers need to put their trunks out... 816 00:58:32.760 --> 00:58:36.221 so the early bus to Boston can pick them up at 7:30 a.m. 817 00:58:36.263 --> 00:58:41.268 Amanda Klein, Jessica Azaria, 818 00:58:41.268 --> 00:58:46.232 Ira Stevenberg, Sol Zimmerstein, 819 00:58:47.734 --> 00:58:52.114 uh, David... Ben Gurion. 820 00:58:54.116 --> 00:58:57.620 Cookin' slop for the grunts in 'Nam was easier than this. 821 00:58:57.661 --> 00:59:01.123 We had no place being over there. 822 00:59:01.165 --> 00:59:03.084 It was a war we couldn't win, Gene. 823 00:59:03.126 --> 00:59:08.131 Yeah, well I'm gonna go smear some mud on my ass. 824 00:59:08.173 --> 00:59:10.509 What? 825 00:59:11.009 --> 00:59:16.474 I said, "I hear my bud's in class." 826 00:59:16.515 --> 00:59:19.769 I gotta go and call my bud and see how his grades are. 827 00:59:19.811 --> 00:59:23.022 - I, I gotta go. go away, leave me alone. - Gene, hold on. 828 00:59:23.523 --> 00:59:28.028 Look, I don't care what you do in your private time, but don't lie about it. 829 00:59:28.070 --> 00:59:32.366 I mean, you clearly said, "smear mud on my ass." 830 00:59:32.408 --> 00:59:38.414 And I'll tell you something. If you wanna smear mud on your ass, smear mud on your ass. 831 00:59:38.456 --> 00:59:40.792 Just be honest about it. 832 00:59:40.917 --> 00:59:44.421 Look, Gene, I've never told anyone this before. 833 00:59:44.462 --> 00:59:48.425 But I can suck my own dick. And I do it. 834 00:59:48.801 --> 00:59:51.303 A lot. 835 00:59:51.679 --> 00:59:53.681 There, I said it. I was honest. 836 00:59:53.723 --> 00:59:56.017 And you know what, Gene? 837 00:59:56.059 --> 00:59:59.062 Being honest makes you feel better. 838 01:00:00.313 --> 01:00:04.817 Hey, Katie, wait. I'm sorry about before. 839 01:00:04.859 --> 01:00:07.320 - I hope that wasn't bad timing. - No. 840 01:00:07.445 --> 01:00:09.405 - Coop, we have to talk. - Sure. 841 01:00:09.447 --> 01:00:13.452 I was thinking that what happened between us before was a mistake. 842 01:00:13.493 --> 01:00:15.913 - And, uh... - What? 843 01:00:15.954 --> 01:00:17.956 I wasn't thinking straight. It was wrong. 844 01:00:18.457 --> 01:00:23.462 No, it wasn't wrong. Katie, why are you doing this? 845 01:00:23.963 --> 01:00:25.923 I'm really sorry. 846 01:00:25.965 --> 01:00:28.968 Come on! This is a joke, right? 847 01:00:29.010 --> 01:00:31.429 I have a boyfriend, Coop. 848 01:00:31.471 --> 01:00:35.976 And I can't... I can't do this. I'm sorry. 849 01:00:40.982 --> 01:00:43.067 Wait, Katie! 850 01:00:43.109 --> 01:00:46.863 When we first started hanging out together this morning... 851 01:00:46.905 --> 01:00:48.823 we were just friends. 852 01:00:48.865 --> 01:00:52.369 But things change, and I've fallen in love with you. 853 01:00:52.870 --> 01:00:55.998 And I just, I just know that if you gave me a chance, 854 01:00:56.499 --> 01:00:58.960 I could make you feel so good. 855 01:00:59.001 --> 01:01:02.338 So I'm coming to you, not as your buddy, 856 01:01:02.380 --> 01:01:05.008 and not as a co-counselor, but for the first time as a man. 857 01:01:05.508 --> 01:01:07.969 A man who loves a woman, 858 01:01:08.011 --> 01:01:11.014 and who wants to hold her, and provide for her, 859 01:01:11.056 --> 01:01:13.017 and, yes, have sex with her. 860 01:01:13.267 --> 01:01:16.270 But, seriously, Katie, I love the way you laugh. 861 01:01:16.312 --> 01:01:18.356 And I love the way your hair smells. 862 01:01:18.397 --> 01:01:22.402 And I love it that sometimes for no reason, you're late for shul. 863 01:01:22.652 --> 01:01:25.989 And I don't care that you're bowlegged and bilingual. 864 01:01:26.031 --> 01:01:29.034 All I know is I would have said "no" to every person on your list... 865 01:01:29.076 --> 01:01:32.036 because I've always wanted you. 866 01:01:34.414 --> 01:01:37.417 Coop, I don't know what to say. 867 01:01:40.421 --> 01:01:42.673 Coop, wait! 868 01:01:44.175 --> 01:01:47.678 Rachael Clipperhofferman, 869 01:01:49.180 --> 01:01:51.182 - Steven Schenk... - Beth! 870 01:01:51.433 --> 01:01:54.936 - Can I make a quick announcement before we finish up? - Sure thing. 871 01:01:59.316 --> 01:02:03.321 I want to thank all of you for a terrific summer. 872 01:02:03.362 --> 01:02:05.823 Cooking for all you nice people... 873 01:02:06.199 --> 01:02:10.453 has really helped me get over the fact that I fought in the Vietnam war. 874 01:02:10.495 --> 01:02:12.956 Have a great winter! I'm gonna go hump the fridge! 875 01:02:13.331 --> 01:02:15.584 What? 876 01:02:19.588 --> 01:02:24.594 Yes, folks, it's true. I said, "I'm gonna go hump the fridge." 877 01:02:26.471 --> 01:02:31.560 What you may not know is that I also own a bottle of dick cream. 878 01:02:31.601 --> 01:02:36.607 I fondle my sweaters, and I often like to smear mud on my ass. 879 01:02:36.857 --> 01:02:40.361 You're probably asking yourselves, "isn't he a weirdo, 880 01:02:40.403 --> 01:02:42.363 outcast, loose cannon?" 881 01:02:44.240 --> 01:02:47.702 Maybe. I don't think so. 882 01:02:47.744 --> 01:02:51.748 I want to introduce you guys to someone. This is my friend. 883 01:02:54.251 --> 01:02:56.754 I don't know who he is, but I do know this. 884 01:02:57.254 --> 01:03:02.259 At a time when I was trying to hide myself from myself, 885 01:03:02.301 --> 01:03:06.263 He was there to show me a new way. 886 01:03:08.265 --> 01:03:10.768 Because I couldn't hide from him. 887 01:03:11.769 --> 01:03:14.773 And I can be proud of who I am. 888 01:03:16.775 --> 01:03:20.279 I put it to you, Camp Firewood, 889 01:03:20.779 --> 01:03:25.284 As we spend our last dinner together: Be proud of who you are! 890 01:03:27.662 --> 01:03:30.665 Look at me, ma! 891 01:03:31.040 --> 01:03:34.502 I made it! I'm okay! 892 01:03:44.430 --> 01:03:46.432 Now, if you don't mind, 893 01:03:48.434 --> 01:03:51.938 I have some unfinished business to attend to. 894 01:04:07.956 --> 01:04:11.960 Great! 895 01:04:25.850 --> 01:04:28.853 Hey! Hey! 896 01:04:33.107 --> 01:04:36.110 You fuckin' assholes! Let me go! 897 01:04:38.113 --> 01:04:41.074 No! No! No! 898 01:04:41.116 --> 01:04:43.619 Please, stop! No, no, no! 899 01:04:43.660 --> 01:04:47.122 No! No! 900 01:04:57.008 --> 01:05:01.096 Oh, Henry, I'm so happy. 901 01:05:01.138 --> 01:05:04.141 But what will become of us tomorrow? 902 01:05:04.183 --> 01:05:07.103 Hey, you. Penny for your thoughts. 903 01:05:07.144 --> 01:05:10.148 Beth, tomorrow's the least of our problems. 904 01:05:10.648 --> 01:05:14.152 Don't tell me. Don't even tell me you have crabs. 905 01:05:14.653 --> 01:05:17.114 No. Well, yes, but that's not the point. 906 01:05:17.155 --> 01:05:20.117 - What is the point? - This isn't the time or the place to discuss it. 907 01:05:20.159 --> 01:05:24.163 Beth, meet me at the picnic table in ten seconds. I'll tell you all about it. 908 01:05:24.205 --> 01:05:26.624 Okay. 909 01:05:35.676 --> 01:05:40.139 Beth, hello. Thanks for coming. Let's get right to it. 910 01:05:40.180 --> 01:05:42.683 You may recall ten seconds ago, I asked you to join me here by the picnic table... 911 01:05:43.184 --> 01:05:44.685 so I could tell you what's going on. 912 01:05:45.186 --> 01:05:49.691 Well, earlier today, I saw what I thought was possibly a planet, 913 01:05:49.733 --> 01:05:53.028 also possibly a meteor in the evening sky. 914 01:05:53.070 --> 01:05:56.280 I now believe that object was none other... 915 01:05:56.322 --> 01:06:00.326 than a renegade piece of Skylab, the NASA space station. 916 01:06:00.368 --> 01:06:03.830 - And it's heading right for the camp. - Oh, my God! 917 01:06:04.331 --> 01:06:08.335 And there's more. We have no way of pinpointing exactly where it's going to land. 918 01:06:08.836 --> 01:06:10.796 - It could kill us all! - Jesus! 919 01:06:10.838 --> 01:06:13.800 Wait a minute! There might be a way... 920 01:06:13.841 --> 01:06:16.803 to build a homemade Skylab tracking device! 921 01:06:16.844 --> 01:06:20.473 - Which accomplishes? - We could surmise the location of impact. 922 01:06:20.515 --> 01:06:23.477 We could avert a tragedy on the scale of the Hindenburg. 923 01:06:23.518 --> 01:06:26.855 - Beth, will you help us? - Anything you need. 924 01:06:26.897 --> 01:06:29.608 Let's do it! 925 01:06:29.734 --> 01:06:31.235 Hey, Andy? 926 01:06:31.736 --> 01:06:34.489 - Can I talk to you for a second? - Sure. 927 01:06:34.739 --> 01:06:36.241 - Okay, well... - Time's up. 928 01:06:36.741 --> 01:06:38.743 You said a second. 929 01:06:38.869 --> 01:06:42.372 - I want to ask you something. - So you want to talk for more than a second? 930 01:06:42.498 --> 01:06:45.459 - Yeah. - What is it then? like a couple minutes? 931 01:06:45.501 --> 01:06:48.254 - No. yeah, at most, say, like three minutes. - Fine. 932 01:06:48.629 --> 01:06:51.633 - Do you really love Katie? - Not really. 933 01:06:51.758 --> 01:06:53.718 Because I really love her, man. 934 01:06:53.760 --> 01:06:57.764 And if you have one ounce of decency, you will do the right thing and let her go. 935 01:06:57.806 --> 01:06:59.516 - No way! - No way? 936 01:06:59.892 --> 01:07:03.020 Fuck no, dude. She's hot! In fact, fuck off. 937 01:07:03.062 --> 01:07:05.606 I will not fuck off. 938 01:07:05.648 --> 01:07:08.401 You're making a really big mistake, buddy, 939 01:07:08.443 --> 01:07:11.154 because that woman is not your plaything. 940 01:07:11.404 --> 01:07:15.909 Coop, seriously... Fuck off. 941 01:07:16.034 --> 01:07:20.039 - I'm sick of talking about this with you. - God! 942 01:07:27.671 --> 01:07:29.923 Whoa! 943 01:07:36.931 --> 01:07:39.934 So this is the Skylab tracking device? 944 01:07:39.976 --> 01:07:41.895 Is this gonna save my camp? 945 01:07:41.936 --> 01:07:44.689 I don't know. But if it does, we'll all be heroes. 946 01:07:44.731 --> 01:07:47.609 In fact, I just got word that if we pull this off, 947 01:07:47.651 --> 01:07:50.404 I could be up for the Hopkins prize for physics. 948 01:07:50.446 --> 01:07:54.951 The Hopkins! Baby, what a dream. You'll finally get your tenure. 949 01:08:09.717 --> 01:08:11.719 Be proud of who you are. 950 01:08:12.220 --> 01:08:14.180 Huh? 951 01:08:14.222 --> 01:08:17.684 - Gene? - Shh. 952 01:08:17.726 --> 01:08:21.730 - It isn't about the girl. - It isn't? 953 01:08:22.230 --> 01:08:24.233 Well, it is, 954 01:08:25.734 --> 01:08:29.739 but see if you can follow me here. 955 01:08:29.780 --> 01:08:32.742 It... 956 01:08:33.243 --> 01:08:35.245 isn't. 957 01:08:36.246 --> 01:08:38.707 Oh. 958 01:08:38.749 --> 01:08:42.753 So it is and it isn't. 959 01:08:49.260 --> 01:08:53.263 You are ready to be taught the new way. 960 01:08:55.266 --> 01:09:00.772 Will you help teach me about this... 961 01:09:00.813 --> 01:09:04.776 What is it? a "new way"? 962 01:09:43.193 --> 01:09:45.195 ♪ Show me the fever ♪ 963 01:09:45.445 --> 01:09:50.451 ♪ Into the fire taking it higher and higher ♪ 964 01:09:50.493 --> 01:09:55.456 ♪ Nothing to fear it's only desire ♪ 965 01:09:55.498 --> 01:09:57.459 ♪ Taking it higher and higher ♪ 966 01:09:57.959 --> 01:10:02.464 ♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪ 967 01:10:02.506 --> 01:10:05.968 ♪ Higher, higher ♪ 968 01:10:06.010 --> 01:10:09.430 ♪ Show me the fever ♪ 969 01:10:09.472 --> 01:10:14.727 ♪ Into the fire taking it higher and higher ♪ 970 01:10:15.728 --> 01:10:19.357 ♪ Nothing to fear it's only desire ♪ 971 01:10:19.399 --> 01:10:22.860 ♪ Taking it higher and higher ♪ 972 01:10:22.902 --> 01:10:25.363 ♪ Whoo-hoo ♪ 973 01:10:33.372 --> 01:10:34.790 Abby. 974 01:10:35.291 --> 01:10:38.294 Abby. Abby, my lover, my friend. Abby! 975 01:10:46.428 --> 01:10:50.140 - Hey, Neil, what's up? - Victor abandoned the raft trip, 976 01:10:50.182 --> 01:10:52.685 and now the kids are about to go over devil's canyon rapids! 977 01:10:57.440 --> 01:10:59.692 - Where did he go? - He wanted to get back to camp. 978 01:10:59.734 --> 01:11:01.861 So you left the campers alone on the river? 979 01:11:01.861 --> 01:11:03.905 Only Victor knows how to navigate those rapids. 980 01:11:03.947 --> 01:11:06.450 We've got to find him and get him back to that river. 981 01:11:06.491 --> 01:11:09.328 It's him! Victor! Victor! 982 01:11:09.828 --> 01:11:11.830 - We lost him, goddamn it! - I've got him! 983 01:11:12.331 --> 01:11:14.166 - Where is he? - He's calling from inside the camp. 984 01:11:14.208 --> 01:11:17.712 The only other phone is in the infirmary! We gotta go! 985 01:11:20.465 --> 01:11:22.467 Ahhh. 986 01:11:26.346 --> 01:11:27.848 Beth, what's the matter? 987 01:11:28.348 --> 01:11:31.352 The phone! Where's the fucking phone? 988 01:11:31.852 --> 01:11:34.856 In the back room. 989 01:11:51.373 --> 01:11:54.376 We're losing time! 990 01:11:59.632 --> 01:12:02.635 My baby! 991 01:12:02.760 --> 01:12:05.763 I want to make love to you! 992 01:12:06.264 --> 01:12:08.266 Abby! 993 01:12:09.768 --> 01:12:11.269 Abby? 994 01:12:13.272 --> 01:12:14.731 Moose? 995 01:12:14.773 --> 01:12:17.526 Um, you're gonna think this is so shallow, 996 01:12:17.568 --> 01:12:20.279 - but what was your name again? - Oh, my God. 997 01:12:20.780 --> 01:12:24.284 Do you have any idea... 998 01:12:24.325 --> 01:12:27.787 what I had to go through to see you? 999 01:12:28.288 --> 01:12:31.291 You snooze, you lose, dude. 1000 01:12:33.293 --> 01:12:37.798 Victor Pulak, there's a raft of campers about to go over devil's canyon rapids! 1001 01:12:39.425 --> 01:12:42.929 Are you gonna be part of the problem, or are you the solution? 1002 01:12:49.311 --> 01:12:51.772 Let's go. 1003 01:12:51.814 --> 01:12:54.817 Let's go! 1004 01:12:59.697 --> 01:13:01.199 Here we go. 1005 01:13:05.704 --> 01:13:09.166 - Oh, fuck my cock! - What does it say? 1006 01:13:09.208 --> 01:13:12.711 According to this readout, Skylab is going to land directly on the rec hall. 1007 01:13:12.753 --> 01:13:14.672 Oh, no. When? 1008 01:13:14.714 --> 01:13:17.174 - Sometime in the next 90 minutes. - Oh, my God! 1009 01:13:17.215 --> 01:13:20.719 - That's only one mix tape. - The talent show's starting right now! 1010 01:13:21.220 --> 01:13:24.348 - Good evening, Firewood! - Are you ready for some talent? 1011 01:13:27.226 --> 01:13:30.104 - Beth, we have to evacuate the rec hall immediately! - Yeah. 1012 01:13:30.230 --> 01:13:32.065 Victor! 1013 01:13:32.107 --> 01:13:33.859 Come on! 1014 01:13:37.488 --> 01:13:39.490 Stand back. 1015 01:13:41.992 --> 01:13:43.995 Whoa! Whoa! 1016 01:13:44.495 --> 01:13:49.501 You're a master, Vic. What the... what the fu... what? 1017 01:13:49.542 --> 01:13:52.003 You're doing it. You're actually doing it. 1018 01:13:52.504 --> 01:13:56.008 Oh! You saved them! You saved them! 1019 01:13:59.386 --> 01:14:03.391 Victor Pulak, You're okay by me. 1020 01:14:03.433 --> 01:14:05.393 I'm okay, you're okay. 1021 01:14:05.894 --> 01:14:10.399 And Neil, next time we go camping, you drive the Van. 1022 01:14:27.918 --> 01:14:30.170 I wish there was another way. Maybe we should just let them die. 1023 01:14:30.671 --> 01:14:32.172 No! My friend, Jimmy's, in there. 1024 01:14:32.673 --> 01:14:34.675 - You have a friend? - I'm kidding. 1025 01:14:34.925 --> 01:14:36.927 Wait a minute. 1026 01:14:39.931 --> 01:14:41.891 - No. - What? 1027 01:14:41.933 --> 01:14:45.436 Well, there might be a way that we could use our device... 1028 01:14:45.477 --> 01:14:49.440 to slightly change its direction, but... 1029 01:14:49.482 --> 01:14:51.401 no, it's impossible. 1030 01:14:51.442 --> 01:14:53.403 Why? What's the problem? 1031 01:14:53.445 --> 01:14:55.906 In order to do it, we would somehow have to be able... 1032 01:14:55.947 --> 01:14:58.951 to repeatedly generate random numbers between one and twenty... 1033 01:14:59.451 --> 01:15:00.953 in order to calibrate the deferential. 1034 01:15:01.453 --> 01:15:05.958 That would take some sort of super mainframe computer and we don't have one. 1035 01:15:06.000 --> 01:15:08.711 So all is lost. 1036 01:15:08.753 --> 01:15:11.423 No, it's not. 1037 01:15:11.464 --> 01:15:14.968 Any dungeon master worth his weight in geldings... 1038 01:15:15.010 --> 01:15:18.472 goes nowhere without his... 1039 01:15:20.474 --> 01:15:22.435 20-sided die. 1040 01:15:22.476 --> 01:15:26.355 I'd like to introduce us to the emcee for the evening. 1041 01:15:26.856 --> 01:15:31.862 We brought him all the way from Kutscher's Country Club in the Catskill mountains. 1042 01:15:31.903 --> 01:15:35.365 Wait! I have some bad news! 1043 01:15:36.992 --> 01:15:39.495 And my bad news is... 1044 01:15:44.125 --> 01:15:49.130 and my bad news is... there is no bad news. I was just joking. 1045 01:15:49.506 --> 01:15:51.466 Good one, Beth. 1046 01:15:51.508 --> 01:15:55.512 Let's give a Firewood welcome to Mr. Alan Shemper! 1047 01:15:58.766 --> 01:16:00.726 Thank you very much. 1048 01:16:00.768 --> 01:16:05.273 Hello, Camp Firewood. Thank you for having me. 1049 01:16:05.648 --> 01:16:10.654 I went to sleep-away camp so long ago that it was the stone age. 1050 01:16:11.655 --> 01:16:13.656 Seriously, it wasn't the stone age. 1051 01:16:13.698 --> 01:16:16.117 It was the ice age! 1052 01:16:16.159 --> 01:16:19.788 No, really, it was the stone age. But, folks, 1053 01:16:20.288 --> 01:16:24.001 actually I went to camp Machnudin... 1054 01:16:24.043 --> 01:16:26.045 in the pine hills of Westchester, New York. 1055 01:16:26.086 --> 01:16:28.005 And that was so long ago... 1056 01:16:28.047 --> 01:16:32.051 for breakfast we had to eat scrambled pterodactyl eggs... 1057 01:16:32.093 --> 01:16:35.055 and Raptor bacon! 1058 01:16:35.180 --> 01:16:38.433 Back then we didn't have cots, we had slabs. 1059 01:16:39.935 --> 01:16:43.188 Instead of sleeping bags, we had sleeping pelts. 1060 01:16:51.322 --> 01:16:56.328 Our first act hails all the way from over in bunk 2. 1061 01:16:56.828 --> 01:17:01.834 And his name is Roger, The Master Broom Balancer. 1062 01:17:14.723 --> 01:17:16.225 Holy cow! 1063 01:17:17.851 --> 01:17:20.855 Right here, right here. 1064 01:17:20.896 --> 01:17:23.357 Let's pray to God this works. 1065 01:17:24.859 --> 01:17:27.737 ♪ Love will pervade us till death separates us ♪ 1066 01:17:27.779 --> 01:17:31.241 ♪ We're friends friends, friends ♪ 1067 01:17:31.283 --> 01:17:34.703 That's from us to bunk 7! 1068 01:17:34.745 --> 01:17:36.955 - Nine or six, what was it? - Nine! 1069 01:17:36.997 --> 01:17:41.501 Okay. We're getting closer. Give me another. Seven. 1070 01:17:41.543 --> 01:17:44.338 White folks are so stupid when they get mad. 1071 01:17:44.379 --> 01:17:47.883 They be like, "hey, asshole, I'm going to kick your behind." 1072 01:17:47.925 --> 01:17:50.886 But the brothers don't even need to raise their voice. 1073 01:17:50.928 --> 01:17:53.890 These motherfuckers be like, "don't make me say it twice." 1074 01:17:54.390 --> 01:17:55.892 That's true, that's true. 1075 01:17:55.934 --> 01:17:57.894 I hate white people! 1076 01:17:58.395 --> 01:18:02.900 Be that as it may, this next act is a guy named Bert Flugalman. 1077 01:18:02.941 --> 01:18:05.402 But it says here that you all know him as... 1078 01:18:05.903 --> 01:18:08.656 Mooooose! 1079 01:18:25.549 --> 01:18:27.510 Gail. 1080 01:18:27.551 --> 01:18:31.055 - Gail. - Ron. 1081 01:18:33.933 --> 01:18:35.435 What are you doing here? 1082 01:18:35.685 --> 01:18:38.188 I've been thinking about you a lot. 1083 01:18:38.689 --> 01:18:41.191 And I want you back. 1084 01:18:45.071 --> 01:18:48.032 Ron... I love you, 1085 01:18:48.074 --> 01:18:51.578 and I want to be with you, but... 1086 01:18:53.580 --> 01:18:56.083 I've just had too many woulda-coulda-shouldas in my life. 1087 01:18:56.124 --> 01:18:58.544 Well, I'm just... 1088 01:18:58.585 --> 01:19:02.590 I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired, you know? 1089 01:19:02.631 --> 01:19:06.094 And if you can't handle that, then to hell with you! 1090 01:19:06.219 --> 01:19:09.221 You'll come back to me, Gail. I know you will. 1091 01:19:15.102 --> 01:19:18.106 I don't think so, Ronald von Kleinenshtein. 1092 01:19:18.147 --> 01:19:20.608 I really don't think so. 1093 01:19:27.241 --> 01:19:30.870 And now, Camp Fizzie-poo, performing the song... 1094 01:19:30.911 --> 01:19:34.373 "Day by day" from the musical godspell, 1095 01:19:34.415 --> 01:19:36.376 is Susie's drama group. 1096 01:19:37.877 --> 01:19:39.379 Before we start, I'd just like to say... 1097 01:19:39.879 --> 01:19:41.882 that the campers you're about to see suck dick. 1098 01:19:41.923 --> 01:19:43.884 Nevertheless, please welcome them. 1099 01:19:56.898 --> 01:20:00.402 ♪ Day by day ♪ 1100 01:20:00.444 --> 01:20:03.864 ♪ Day by day ♪ 1101 01:20:03.906 --> 01:20:10.913 ♪ Oh, dear Lord three things I pray ♪ 1102 01:20:12.790 --> 01:20:15.293 ♪ To see thee more clearly ♪ 1103 01:20:15.794 --> 01:20:18.296 ♪ To love thee more dearly ♪ 1104 01:20:19.172 --> 01:20:23.302 ♪ Follow thee more nearly ♪ 1105 01:20:23.802 --> 01:20:25.429 ♪ Day by day ♪ 1106 01:20:27.306 --> 01:20:30.810 ♪ Day by day ♪ ♪ Day by day ♪ 1107 01:20:30.852 --> 01:20:33.313 ♪ Day by day ♪ 1108 01:20:33.813 --> 01:20:39.569 ♪ Oh, dear Lord three things I pray ♪ 1109 01:20:41.946 --> 01:20:43.948 ♪ To see thee more clearly ♪ 1110 01:20:44.449 --> 01:20:48.412 ♪ Love thee more dearly ♪ 1111 01:20:48.453 --> 01:20:53.459 ♪ Follow thee more nearly day by day ♪ 1112 01:20:55.211 --> 01:21:02.844 ♪ Day by day by day by day by day ♪ 1113 01:21:03.970 --> 01:21:07.432 Boo! 1114 01:21:07.474 --> 01:21:10.477 Well, well, well, I can honestly say... 1115 01:21:10.978 --> 01:21:13.439 that there is no Broadway ditty... 1116 01:21:13.481 --> 01:21:17.986 closer to my heart than the one you just heard, "day bidet." 1117 01:21:18.361 --> 01:21:19.821 Give me another. 1118 01:21:19.863 --> 01:21:21.865 - Twenty. - There's not much time left. 1119 01:21:22.240 --> 01:21:26.745 When I was at camp, my favorite activity was always arts and crafts. 1120 01:21:26.787 --> 01:21:30.750 Or as we used to call it, arts and "farts" and crafts. 1121 01:21:30.875 --> 01:21:33.377 We used to make drawings. 1122 01:21:33.503 --> 01:21:35.505 Cave drawings! 1123 01:21:35.755 --> 01:21:39.217 Which is my way of saying we were cavemen. 1124 01:21:39.259 --> 01:21:42.763 I went to camp so long ago that I can remember saying... 1125 01:21:42.804 --> 01:21:46.225 "Sticks and stones may break my bones," and meaning it! 1126 01:21:46.267 --> 01:21:51.272 I went to camp so long ago that fucking Jesus Christ was my counselor! 1127 01:21:51.314 --> 01:21:55.276 And my best friend hadn't fully evolved yet. 1128 01:21:55.652 --> 01:21:58.405 His name was Ugh, and he walked on all fours! 1129 01:21:58.447 --> 01:22:01.783 There were two epidemics when I went to camp. 1130 01:22:01.825 --> 01:22:05.162 Head lice and the plague... the bubonic plague. 1131 01:22:30.063 --> 01:22:32.566 ♪ When you look into his eyes ♪ 1132 01:22:32.942 --> 01:22:35.444 ♪ It comes to you as no surprise ♪ 1133 01:22:36.570 --> 01:22:39.532 ♪ I was the same ♪ 1134 01:22:39.574 --> 01:22:43.078 Katie, I came here to tell you I'm leaving. 1135 01:22:45.080 --> 01:22:47.040 - Uh, what? - Yeah. 1136 01:22:47.082 --> 01:22:50.586 I've grown up a lot since before dinner when we last talked. 1137 01:22:50.628 --> 01:22:54.548 - Where are you going? - I don't know. 1138 01:22:54.590 --> 01:22:59.095 Maybe see the world. I got a couple more weeks before school starts. 1139 01:22:59.596 --> 01:23:03.475 - But... - Hey. 1140 01:23:04.476 --> 01:23:07.479 I want you to have this. 1141 01:23:12.735 --> 01:23:16.114 Hurry up! I think I can see it coming towards us! 1142 01:23:20.118 --> 01:23:23.121 And finally, ladies and germs, is a dude... 1143 01:23:23.163 --> 01:23:27.626 who goes by the name of... "Steve." 1144 01:23:27.668 --> 01:23:31.005 Let's give him a hand. 1145 01:23:41.140 --> 01:23:44.143 Come on, do something. Or get the fuck off the stage! 1146 01:24:09.546 --> 01:24:12.049 Is that wind? 1147 01:24:29.318 --> 01:24:31.820 Oh, my God. 1148 01:24:36.450 --> 01:24:38.411 Coop? 1149 01:24:38.453 --> 01:24:41.706 Coop, Coop, don't leave. 1150 01:24:41.748 --> 01:24:44.960 Coop! Coop, I love you! 1151 01:24:46.962 --> 01:24:50.424 Yeah, I didn't know it until this very moment for sure, 1152 01:24:50.466 --> 01:24:54.971 but now I know, and it feels like nothing I've ever known before. 1153 01:24:55.012 --> 01:24:56.931 It feels so good. I love you. 1154 01:24:56.973 --> 01:24:59.809 ♪ Show me the fever ♪ 1155 01:24:59.851 --> 01:25:05.106 ♪ Into the fire taking it higher and higher ♪ 1156 01:25:05.356 --> 01:25:10.487 ♪ Nothing to fear it's only desire ♪ 1157 01:25:10.528 --> 01:25:12.989 ♪ Taking it higher and higher ♪ 1158 01:25:14.116 --> 01:25:17.995 ♪ Into this fever into this fire ♪ 1159 01:25:18.245 --> 01:25:21.499 ♪ Taking it higher and higher ♪ 1160 01:25:21.540 --> 01:25:25.962 ♪ There's nothing evil ♪ 1161 01:25:26.004 --> 01:25:28.006 ♪ Taking it higher and higher ♪ 1162 01:25:28.256 --> 01:25:30.217 How do I know it's real this time? 1163 01:25:30.258 --> 01:25:33.262 Because I'm telling you. That's all I can do. 1164 01:25:33.303 --> 01:25:35.222 I love you. 1165 01:25:35.264 --> 01:25:39.769 - Say it again. - I love you, I love you, Gerald Cooperberg! 1166 01:25:44.023 --> 01:25:47.027 ♪ Show me the fever ♪ 1167 01:25:47.277 --> 01:25:51.531 ♪ Into the fire taking it higher and higher ♪ 1168 01:25:56.537 --> 01:25:59.040 It's working! 1169 01:26:20.188 --> 01:26:23.024 Way to go, guys! 1170 01:26:23.024 --> 01:26:25.819 Beth, we did it. 1171 01:26:39.333 --> 01:26:40.834 Whoo! 1172 01:26:59.980 --> 01:27:03.985 Baby, that was beautiful! 1173 01:27:35.686 --> 01:27:41.067 You better write to me. I'm gonna miss you so much! 1174 01:27:46.448 --> 01:27:48.950 Beth! Beth! I got it! 1175 01:27:48.992 --> 01:27:51.411 The Hopkins award! 1176 01:27:51.453 --> 01:27:56.459 And, NASA's hiring me to go to work for them at Cape Canaveral, Florida. 1177 01:27:56.959 --> 01:27:58.960 I'll have a whole new life! 1178 01:27:59.461 --> 01:28:01.421 That's wonderful. 1179 01:28:01.463 --> 01:28:05.467 I knew this would happen. I would meet you, fall in love and you would leave me. 1180 01:28:05.968 --> 01:28:08.471 Wait, hold on, Beth. I've already told them, 1181 01:28:08.512 --> 01:28:10.932 I need an apartment for two people. 1182 01:28:10.973 --> 01:28:14.436 - And they'll fly you back here every summer. - Fuck you! 1183 01:28:14.477 --> 01:28:19.483 And, Beth, I know we've been having trouble with, you know... 1184 01:28:19.524 --> 01:28:22.486 but I was thinking when the time comes, we can adopt. 1185 01:28:22.528 --> 01:28:25.448 Shh. It's happened. 1186 01:28:25.489 --> 01:28:27.492 I'm pregnant. We're gonna have a baby. 1187 01:28:27.992 --> 01:28:31.496 Oh. Oh, baby! 1188 01:28:31.621 --> 01:28:34.124 - Good-bye, Beth. - Oh, hey! 1189 01:28:34.624 --> 01:28:36.627 Looks like everything worked out for you two. 1190 01:28:37.127 --> 01:28:39.129 Yeah, it's the best thing that's ever happened in my life. 1191 01:28:39.171 --> 01:28:41.131 I hope you like shrimp cocktail, because we want you... 1192 01:28:41.173 --> 01:28:44.135 to be the guest of honor at our wedding next week. 1193 01:28:44.635 --> 01:28:46.637 We would be delighted. But I hope it's not Jumbo shrimp... 1194 01:28:46.679 --> 01:28:50.141 because I'm allergic to oxymorons. 1195 01:28:53.645 --> 01:28:55.647 - Bye. - Bye. 1196 01:29:12.916 --> 01:29:15.419 We saved everyone's life and they'll never know it. 1197 01:29:15.461 --> 01:29:17.421 I almost like it better that way. 1198 01:29:17.922 --> 01:29:19.924 It was us rolling the dice that diverted it, right? 1199 01:29:20.424 --> 01:29:23.886 - Not the enormous gust of wind, right? - Right. 1200 01:29:23.928 --> 01:29:27.431 I feel like this entire summer, which kind of sucked, 1201 01:29:27.473 --> 01:29:30.935 has been rejuvenated by the events of the past 24 hours. 1202 01:29:30.977 --> 01:29:35.940 Yeah, it's like... well, forget it. 1203 01:29:35.982 --> 01:29:37.942 - You know what? - What? 1204 01:29:38.443 --> 01:29:42.447 You guys are my best friends. Well, my only friends. 1205 01:29:42.489 --> 01:29:45.451 - Yeah. - Nanoo-nanoo. 1206 01:29:52.458 --> 01:29:54.919 - So, this is it, babe. - Yep. 1207 01:29:54.961 --> 01:29:58.715 So, obviously I think we should get together in the city next weekend. 1208 01:29:58.757 --> 01:30:03.387 - I'll call my parents, and you can talk to your dad and Kim. - Listen. 1209 01:30:03.429 --> 01:30:07.975 Last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic. 1210 01:30:08.017 --> 01:30:10.937 No doubt about it. And that's great. 1211 01:30:10.979 --> 01:30:14.441 But I've thought about it, and my thing is this: 1212 01:30:14.482 --> 01:30:17.486 Andy's really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too. 1213 01:30:17.986 --> 01:30:22.449 But Andy is like cut from marble. He's gorgeous. 1214 01:30:22.491 --> 01:30:26.496 He's like this beautiful face and this incredible body, 1215 01:30:26.537 --> 01:30:30.500 and I genuinely don't care that he's kind of lame. 1216 01:30:30.750 --> 01:30:33.753 I don't even care that he cheats on me. 1217 01:30:34.254 --> 01:30:37.216 And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm 16. 1218 01:30:37.257 --> 01:30:40.261 And maybe it will be a different story like when I'm ready to get married. 1219 01:30:40.302 --> 01:30:44.265 But right now, I'm entirely about sex. I just want Andy. 1220 01:30:44.765 --> 01:30:46.726 - Yeah. - I wanna take him, 1221 01:30:46.768 --> 01:30:50.772 And grab him and just fuck his brains out, you know? 1222 01:30:50.814 --> 01:30:53.316 So that's where my priorities are right now. 1223 01:30:53.358 --> 01:30:56.069 Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you. 1224 01:30:56.110 --> 01:30:58.780 But you're really nice. Everybody thinks so. 1225 01:30:59.280 --> 01:31:03.285 And I'm sorry if this isn't the direction you saw things going between us. 1226 01:31:03.326 --> 01:31:06.330 I still totally want to be friends. 1227 01:31:06.371 --> 01:31:09.291 You better write me a letter, okay? 1228 01:31:09.333 --> 01:31:11.752 Sure. 1229 01:31:11.794 --> 01:31:14.172 Cool? 1230 01:31:17.175 --> 01:31:20.178 Katie, let's go. 1231 01:31:38.323 --> 01:31:41.326 - How you doing? - Good.