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00:00:38.800 --> 00:00:40.086
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)

00:00:40.280 --> 00:00:41.964
(GET UGLY BY JASON DERULO
PLAYING)

00:00:43.080 --> 00:00:45.208
Let your hurr down

00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:46.645
We's about to get down

00:00:47.840 --> 00:00:48.841
Yeah!

00:00:48.920 --> 00:00:50.445
Oh, my, oh my, oh my God

00:00:50.960 --> 00:00:52.849
This girl straight and this girl not

00:00:53.120 --> 00:00:54.929
Tipsy off that peach Ciroc

00:00:55.040 --> 00:00:56.963
Like la la la

00:00:57.360 --> 00:00:59.442
Ching-a-lang-lang
ching-a-ling-a-lang-lang

00:00:59.680 --> 00:01:01.728
Jeans so tight I could see loose change

00:01:01.800 --> 00:01:03.370
Do your thang, thang, girl
Do that thang

00:01:03.440 --> 00:01:05.249
Like la la la

00:01:05.680 --> 00:01:10.208
Tell them pretty
faced girls tryna
brass each other

00:01:10.640 --> 00:01:14.326
And them undercover
freaks who ain't nun'
but trouble

00:01:14.600 --> 00:01:18.366
Baby, I'm a tell you some'
only cause I love ya

00:01:18.800 --> 00:01:22.043
People all around the world sexy

00:01:22.840 --> 00:01:24.046
Get ugly

00:01:24.120 --> 00:01:25.121
(VOCALIZING)

00:01:25.200 --> 00:01:26.725
Get ugly, baby

00:01:26.800 --> 00:01:27.801
(CONTINUES VOCALIZING)

00:01:28.040 --> 00:01:29.041
Woo hoo

00:01:29.440 --> 00:01:30.441
And everybody say

00:01:30.520 --> 00:01:31.646
La la la

00:01:31.720 --> 00:01:32.721
Get ugly

00:01:32.800 --> 00:01:34.404
You're too sexy to me

00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:36.565
You're too sexy to me

00:01:37.600 --> 00:01:38.601
So sexy

00:01:39.640 --> 00:01:41.369
Damn, that's ugly

00:01:42.600 --> 00:01:44.204
(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

00:01:45.600 --> 00:01:46.806
EDINA: Giles! Giles!

00:01:47.200 --> 00:01:49.089
He loves me, he loves me.

00:01:49.240 --> 00:01:50.401
Get ugly, baby

00:01:50.720 --> 00:01:52.290
Woo hoo

00:01:53.200 --> 00:01:55.328
And everybody say la la la

00:01:55.400 --> 00:01:56.481
Get ugly

00:01:57.160 --> 00:01:58.764
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

00:02:01.080 --> 00:02:02.650
PATSY: Eddy? Eddy?

00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:04.841
Eddy?

00:02:05.200 --> 00:02:06.361
Ed?

00:02:06.640 --> 00:02:09.530
Look, I'm twerkin', darling.
(CHUCKLES) I'm twerkin'.

00:02:09.760 --> 00:02:10.761
No, you're not.

00:02:11.160 --> 00:02:12.446
Isn't that twerking?

00:02:12.720 --> 00:02:14.210
No, move your bum.

00:02:14.400 --> 00:02:15.811
Ooh.

00:02:17.120 --> 00:02:18.565
(RETCHES)

00:02:19.760 --> 00:02:21.171
Dysfunctional

00:02:21.240 --> 00:02:22.241
Get ugly

00:02:27.440 --> 00:02:28.441
(GROANS)

00:02:30.600 --> 00:02:32.125
You're too sexy to me

00:02:32.440 --> 00:02:35.205
Sweetheart, darling? Saff?

00:02:37.280 --> 00:02:38.361
(THUDS)

00:02:41.680 --> 00:02:43.330
SAFFY:
Your grandmother's home.

00:02:43.440 --> 00:02:46.683
Darling! Sweetheart!
Darling! Sweetheart!

00:02:47.120 --> 00:02:48.485
Darling! (YELPS)

00:02:58.320 --> 00:03:00.482
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)

00:03:07.800 --> 00:03:09.689
BUBBLE: Wakey, wakey,
my lady.

00:03:09.800 --> 00:03:12.565
(GROANS)
Oh, get out, get out.

00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:15.565
You have meetings, meetings, meetings...

00:03:15.840 --> 00:03:17.569
parties, openings.

00:03:17.640 --> 00:03:18.641
(GRUNTS)

00:03:20.720 --> 00:03:21.721
Pats?

00:03:22.160 --> 00:03:23.764
Pats!
(GASPS) What?

00:03:23.840 --> 00:03:25.365
Today's the day I sign the deal

00:03:25.440 --> 00:03:26.805
on my book deal, darling.
(CHUCKLES)

00:03:27.240 --> 00:03:29.607
Oh! Fabulous.

00:03:29.840 --> 00:03:31.604
(SIGHING) Yeah, fabulous.

00:03:31.840 --> 00:03:33.285
Am I in it?

00:03:33.600 --> 00:03:35.409
Of course you're in it, darling,

00:03:35.480 --> 00:03:38.450
because you are my oldest, oldest friend.

00:03:38.520 --> 00:03:39.521
Mmm-hmm.

00:03:40.520 --> 00:03:42.727
And who will play me, Eddy?

00:03:43.320 --> 00:03:45.607
Well, darling,
it's only just nearly a book.

00:03:45.800 --> 00:03:47.131
It will be a film, though, sweetheart,

00:03:47.200 --> 00:03:48.531
because it's about me, isn't it?

00:03:48.720 --> 00:03:52.441
It's about London's
premier fashion P. R.

00:03:52.520 --> 00:03:53.646
(CHUCKLES)

00:03:53.720 --> 00:03:54.721
Fabulous.

00:03:54.960 --> 00:03:57.645
And who will play me, Eddy?
Not Jane Fonda.

00:03:58.200 --> 00:03:59.201
Why?

00:03:59.600 --> 00:04:00.886
I've had stem cells

00:04:00.960 --> 00:04:02.450
and the blood of
a 2-year-old child

00:04:02.520 --> 00:04:04.648
injected in my skin
and I still look like this.

00:04:04.840 --> 00:04:06.922
You need to use fetus blood, Eddy.

00:04:07.000 --> 00:04:09.401
A little spritz of afterbirth, darling.

00:04:09.640 --> 00:04:11.483
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
Keep up, sweetie.

00:04:11.560 --> 00:04:12.766
(MACHINE GURGLING)

00:04:14.440 --> 00:04:15.930
Oh!

00:04:16.200 --> 00:04:17.611
I want to go in there,

00:04:17.680 --> 00:04:19.364
but I have to get past that big mirror.

00:04:19.680 --> 00:04:22.286
I think I am now officially
fatter sideways

00:04:22.360 --> 00:04:23.566
than I am front on.

00:04:23.760 --> 00:04:26.650
Darling, you don't
need those.
I am your mirror.

00:04:27.360 --> 00:04:28.646
How do I look?

00:04:29.760 --> 00:04:31.489
Fabulous.
Thank you.

00:04:31.560 --> 00:04:32.686
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

00:04:33.760 --> 00:04:34.761
Ooh.

00:04:35.320 --> 00:04:36.924
Need to move that, Eddy.

00:04:37.320 --> 00:04:39.243
I'll call Kelly Hoppen.
(CHUCKLES)

00:04:39.800 --> 00:04:40.881
Fabulous.

00:04:41.800 --> 00:04:43.245
Morning.

00:04:43.520 --> 00:04:44.806
Afternoon.

00:04:45.000 --> 00:04:47.810
(SIGHS)
When did these stairs
get so long?

00:04:48.000 --> 00:04:49.729
SAFFY: Since you dug into
middle earth.

00:04:49.920 --> 00:04:51.922
EDINA: Oh, yes.
Good though, isn't it?

00:04:52.320 --> 00:04:53.606
Bo and Marshall rang.

00:04:53.800 --> 00:04:55.290
Both of them?

00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:56.930
They want to come
and talk about the house.

00:04:57.320 --> 00:04:59.288
Why do they want to talk about the house?

00:04:59.640 --> 00:05:00.801
I don't know.

00:05:01.000 --> 00:05:02.490
Go outside!

00:05:02.680 --> 00:05:03.920
Eddy, I'm vaping.

00:05:04.360 --> 00:05:06.010
No, darling, you lit it,
that's a cigarette.

00:05:06.400 --> 00:05:07.481
And she's a child.

00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:10.001
Then why can't she
go outside into the air?

00:05:10.480 --> 00:05:12.289
Your mother's here.

00:05:12.480 --> 00:05:13.720
Oh, Christ.

00:05:13.880 --> 00:05:15.325
How long is this one here for?

00:05:15.400 --> 00:05:16.481
When's she going back?

00:05:16.680 --> 00:05:17.647
I don't know.

00:05:17.720 --> 00:05:19.688
All I know is it's something
else I'm paying for.

00:05:19.920 --> 00:05:21.490
I'm not going back to Africa.

00:05:21.560 --> 00:05:23.483
If Dad wants to see me, he can come here.

00:05:23.760 --> 00:05:25.125
Why isn't he paying for her?

00:05:25.240 --> 00:05:26.605
Mum, we're divorced.

00:05:26.840 --> 00:05:28.683
Well, he can't just sit in Ebola

00:05:28.760 --> 00:05:31.604
or wherever he is, darling,
and not pay for her.

00:05:31.760 --> 00:05:32.966
Gabon?

00:05:33.600 --> 00:05:34.726
What?

00:05:34.920 --> 00:05:36.285
Gabon?

00:05:38.440 --> 00:05:39.441
Gabon?

00:05:39.760 --> 00:05:41.762
Why is she...
Why are you saying Gabon?

00:05:41.960 --> 00:05:43.530
Is he still in Gabon?

00:05:44.520 --> 00:05:46.329
Is he still in Gabon?
No.

00:05:46.520 --> 00:05:47.931
No! No.

00:05:48.320 --> 00:05:49.526
Dad's paying for me.

00:05:50.440 --> 00:05:51.851
He gave me a credit card.

00:05:51.920 --> 00:05:53.490
EDINA:
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:05:53.600 --> 00:05:55.841
Talking about
credit cards. Bubble?

00:05:56.520 --> 00:06:00.320
All of my cards are broken.
Fix them, please.

00:06:00.520 --> 00:06:03.091
Eddy, I'm thirsty.
Morning, Mrs. M.

00:06:03.600 --> 00:06:05.329
Morning, Patsy, dear.

00:06:06.320 --> 00:06:07.651
EDINA:
I'll open a Bolly. (GASPS)

00:06:10.080 --> 00:06:11.764
Darling, where is the champagne?

00:06:11.840 --> 00:06:13.001
I don't know.

00:06:15.000 --> 00:06:17.321
Where's the Bolly?
Where's the champagne?

00:06:17.480 --> 00:06:19.482
If you want things,
you have to pay for them.

00:06:19.640 --> 00:06:20.880
Since when?

00:06:21.080 --> 00:06:24.084
Sounds like you'll have to
tighten your belt, dear.

00:06:24.360 --> 00:06:25.361
Oh.

00:06:25.640 --> 00:06:27.768
If you manage that, it'll be a first.

00:06:28.360 --> 00:06:30.567
Don't let her eat anything
while she's here.

00:06:30.640 --> 00:06:31.880
All right? No eaty.

00:06:32.360 --> 00:06:34.124
Eddy, what are we
going to do
without champagne?

00:06:34.360 --> 00:06:35.361
(DOORBELL BUZZING)

00:06:35.480 --> 00:06:37.369
That'll be Bo and Marshall.

00:06:38.880 --> 00:06:39.927
BO: Hi, hi, hi.

00:06:40.040 --> 00:06:41.041
MARSHALL: Hello, there.

00:06:41.760 --> 00:06:44.161
No need to rush, honey.
Be careful.

00:06:44.400 --> 00:06:45.481
All of this is new.

00:06:45.800 --> 00:06:46.801
Hello, everybody.

00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:47.921
Oh, hello, there.

00:06:48.360 --> 00:06:50.488
Let's get up here, one, two, three.

00:06:51.120 --> 00:06:53.361
Now tell her why we're here.

00:06:53.840 --> 00:06:56.730
I can't go on with the house payments.

00:06:57.520 --> 00:06:59.363
You paid for all this?
Yes.

00:06:59.600 --> 00:07:02.604
Well, darling,
that's how divorce works.
Learn.

00:07:02.800 --> 00:07:04.404
He needs surgery.

00:07:04.600 --> 00:07:07.888
Yes. We can tell them.
Marshall is a transgender.

00:07:08.000 --> 00:07:09.684
(CHUCKLES)
He'd like to
live as a woman.

00:07:09.920 --> 00:07:12.844
Oh, that's typical.
Jumping on the bandwagon.

00:07:12.920 --> 00:07:14.922
Finally she gets to cut your balls off!

00:07:15.160 --> 00:07:18.687
Oh, well, I don't need
your measly payments.

00:07:19.400 --> 00:07:21.721
I've got a book deal.
(SCOFFS)

00:07:21.840 --> 00:07:23.171
Come on, Pats.

00:07:23.520 --> 00:07:26.524
At least you're small.
You'll be able
to get shoes.

00:07:27.080 --> 00:07:29.082
So when does it come off?

00:07:29.480 --> 00:07:32.723
Oh, we haven't
gone through "coming off"
therapy yet.

00:07:33.720 --> 00:07:35.165
Darling, come with me today.

00:07:35.400 --> 00:07:36.731
I'm putting the final touches to...

00:07:36.880 --> 00:07:39.167
the Huki Muki retrospective launch party.

00:07:39.560 --> 00:07:41.085
Can Lulu
sing at that?
No.

00:07:41.960 --> 00:07:44.201
Oh, no, no, that all has to go back.

00:07:44.480 --> 00:07:45.720
That's all got to go back.

00:07:45.960 --> 00:07:47.724
Eddy, how long have we got this for?

00:07:47.880 --> 00:07:49.769
Oh, they've lent it for Emma Bunton,

00:07:49.840 --> 00:07:50.887
but they don't mind.

00:07:51.080 --> 00:07:52.730
BUBBLE:
No, they want it back.

00:07:52.840 --> 00:07:55.571
Exercise, exercise,
exercise... done!

00:07:56.640 --> 00:07:58.483
FEMALE RADIO HOST:
And coming up
on "Woman's Hour",

00:07:58.560 --> 00:08:00.722
was Shakespeare's wife depressed?

00:08:01.000 --> 00:08:02.764
But first, here in the studio we have

00:08:02.840 --> 00:08:05.571
P.R. supremo Claudia Bing,
a woman...

00:08:05.760 --> 00:08:06.761
with her finger on the pulse.

00:08:07.000 --> 00:08:08.889
EDINA:
Oh, turn that shit off.

00:08:10.200 --> 00:08:12.806
There was a time
the zeitgeist
blew through me.

00:08:13.000 --> 00:08:14.764
Now it's just...

00:08:15.000 --> 00:08:17.207
A tiny fart.
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

00:08:19.200 --> 00:08:20.201
Eddy, look.

00:08:20.600 --> 00:08:22.967
Quite close by.
Ooh. (CHUCKLES)

00:08:23.480 --> 00:08:25.005
No, I'm all right.

00:08:25.080 --> 00:08:26.081
(SIGHS)

00:08:26.160 --> 00:08:28.731
Had him, had him, had him, had him.

00:08:28.800 --> 00:08:29.801
(MUTTERING)

00:08:31.000 --> 00:08:33.002
Eddy, can we stop at the Wolseley?

00:08:33.480 --> 00:08:35.608
No, darling, my cards are broken.

00:08:36.480 --> 00:08:37.766
Chiltern Firehouse?

00:08:38.000 --> 00:08:40.048
My cards are broken!

00:08:41.480 --> 00:08:43.164
Well, haven't you got any of that...

00:08:45.760 --> 00:08:47.046
hand money?

00:08:47.480 --> 00:08:48.766
No.

00:08:51.480 --> 00:08:52.766
(CAMERA CLICKING)

00:08:54.480 --> 00:08:55.606
What is that?

00:08:55.960 --> 00:08:57.246
Chanel No. 5.

00:08:57.640 --> 00:08:59.051
No, I'm all right.

00:09:01.800 --> 00:09:03.529
Show them your breasts.
No.

00:09:03.800 --> 00:09:05.529
Oh, come on.
Leave it, Bo.

00:09:05.720 --> 00:09:07.961
Women, can't live with 'em,
can't... (GASPS)

00:09:08.520 --> 00:09:10.522
Is this little Lola?

00:09:10.640 --> 00:09:11.880
(CHUCKLES) Oh.

00:09:11.960 --> 00:09:12.961
Africa.

00:09:13.520 --> 00:09:16.205
We are sisters.
My people are your people.

00:09:16.640 --> 00:09:17.801
Which people?

00:09:18.040 --> 00:09:20.520
Black people.
I am a black person.

00:09:21.640 --> 00:09:24.086
Deep down, we are all black.

00:09:24.160 --> 00:09:25.161
Oh!

00:09:35.200 --> 00:09:38.682
So, can I have
an advance?
(CHUCKLES)

00:09:38.840 --> 00:09:42.083
No. What is this?
I just don't get it.

00:09:43.080 --> 00:09:45.606
Well, this isn't how it would be written.

00:09:45.680 --> 00:09:47.842
This is how I dictated it to Bubble.

00:09:48.560 --> 00:09:50.085
Bubble. What is Bubble?

00:09:50.760 --> 00:09:52.000
My P.A., Bubble.

00:09:52.920 --> 00:09:54.331
(GIGGLING)

00:09:55.000 --> 00:09:56.889
Oh, I thought it was new software.

00:09:57.320 --> 00:09:59.800
You see, I'm just not really understanding

00:09:59.880 --> 00:10:01.644
anything you say.
(CHUCKLES)

00:10:02.120 --> 00:10:03.849
I need a coffee.

00:10:04.560 --> 00:10:05.561
Coffee!

00:10:06.560 --> 00:10:09.131
I mean,
the world of P. R.
Mmm.

00:10:09.320 --> 00:10:11.766
Who really knows
what P. R. is?

00:10:12.000 --> 00:10:14.685
P. R. is everything.
I am P. R.

00:10:14.920 --> 00:10:16.604
I took Sting and
put him in the rainforest,

00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:18.245
gave the little pygmies a party.

00:10:18.680 --> 00:10:20.842
I put Bono behind yellow glasses.

00:10:20.920 --> 00:10:22.331
I gave celebrities AIDS.

00:10:22.720 --> 00:10:23.721
(CHUCKLES)

00:10:24.240 --> 00:10:25.890
The T-shirt.

00:10:26.120 --> 00:10:27.884
Anyway, look...

00:10:28.120 --> 00:10:29.884
there's not enough here.

00:10:30.640 --> 00:10:31.641
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

00:10:31.720 --> 00:10:32.881
What do you mean, not enough?

00:10:32.960 --> 00:10:36.282
There's pages and pages.
I dictated it to Bubble.

00:10:37.800 --> 00:10:40.610
It mostly just says,
"Blah, blah, blah."

00:10:45.040 --> 00:10:47.008
Who do you
represent in P. R.?

00:10:47.080 --> 00:10:48.081
(SIGHS)

00:10:48.160 --> 00:10:50.367
Well, it's not just the "who's",

00:10:50.600 --> 00:10:52.921
it's the "what's".
It's the likes of...

00:10:53.080 --> 00:10:55.287
Not the "likes of", the "actuals".

00:10:57.280 --> 00:10:58.611
The singer Lulu.

00:10:59.160 --> 00:11:00.366
Who else?

00:11:01.240 --> 00:11:02.366
(STAMMERS)

00:11:02.640 --> 00:11:04.165
Spice Emma, Baby Bunton.

00:11:04.760 --> 00:11:05.921
And?

00:11:07.640 --> 00:11:08.641
Queen Noor.

00:11:10.040 --> 00:11:13.761
I have a huge
boutique vodka.
I have Pop-Specs.

00:11:14.640 --> 00:11:15.641
Joel.

00:11:16.400 --> 00:11:19.290
Graham! Graham, I know you.
I know him.

00:11:19.640 --> 00:11:20.641
He loves me.

00:11:20.840 --> 00:11:22.410
I don't love you.
You're gay, come on.

00:11:22.760 --> 00:11:25.331
I don't love you!
Leave me alone.

00:11:25.720 --> 00:11:27.324
I don't know what's wrong with him.

00:11:28.120 --> 00:11:29.326
All my friends are gay.

00:11:30.320 --> 00:11:32.971
And Nigella!
Yes. I know Nigella.

00:11:33.200 --> 00:11:35.771
Write a chapter on that.
Me and Nigella...

00:11:36.000 --> 00:11:38.651
eating late at night...
in a fridge.

00:11:38.880 --> 00:11:39.881
No.

00:11:40.960 --> 00:11:42.962
Can I have an advance?
No.

00:11:43.120 --> 00:11:44.121
Why?

00:11:44.280 --> 00:11:45.327
Because it's shit.

00:11:46.000 --> 00:11:47.001
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

00:11:47.120 --> 00:11:48.406
Eddy, let's go.

00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:49.961
I'll be late.

00:11:54.200 --> 00:11:56.362
You only read 'em.
You don't write 'em.

00:11:57.960 --> 00:12:00.088
You just work in the shop.

00:12:01.000 --> 00:12:03.446
You think your life's
interesting. It isn't.

00:12:04.360 --> 00:12:07.170
It may be worth living,
but it's not worth reading.

00:12:07.960 --> 00:12:11.009
It's happened. Move on.

00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:14.001
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

00:12:15.320 --> 00:12:17.322
Bloody, bloody books!
Bloody books!

00:12:17.400 --> 00:12:19.368
Blah, blah, blah!
Bloody books!

00:12:20.320 --> 00:12:21.446
(GRUNTS)

00:12:22.040 --> 00:12:24.930
PATSY: I have to check
the Huki Muki mannequins
before tonight. (SNORTS)

00:12:25.000 --> 00:12:26.729
Coming with me, Eds?

00:12:26.800 --> 00:12:27.801
No, I can't.

00:12:28.400 --> 00:12:31.324
I've got that P. R. persons
lunch-of-the-month lunch.

00:12:31.720 --> 00:12:32.721
BUBBLE: Brunch.

00:12:32.920 --> 00:12:34.809
A munch-of-the-munch munch?

00:12:35.000 --> 00:12:36.411
Not munch. Lunch.

00:12:36.800 --> 00:12:38.040
Oh, kill her, Eddy.

00:12:38.160 --> 00:12:39.400
What are we going to?

00:12:39.800 --> 00:12:40.926
BUBBLE:
Have you rung Lulu yet?

00:12:41.000 --> 00:12:42.490
Oh, shut up about Lulu.
(WHISTLES)

00:12:42.720 --> 00:12:43.926
Don't rush me.

00:12:44.840 --> 00:12:46.763
I haven't got any money.

00:12:46.840 --> 00:12:48.808
Get someone to pay at the other end.

00:12:49.280 --> 00:12:50.770
Where's my car?

00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:52.410
It's gone back to Baby Bunton.

00:12:52.800 --> 00:12:53.801
But I need wheels!

00:12:53.960 --> 00:12:54.961
Oh!

00:12:55.160 --> 00:12:58.050
But you were only given feet.

00:12:58.200 --> 00:12:59.361
Oh, shut up.

00:13:09.160 --> 00:13:11.766
Yeah. Love. Love.

00:13:12.160 --> 00:13:13.161
Hate.

00:13:13.360 --> 00:13:15.124
Put the fishtail next to the red blob.

00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:17.089
And change that mannequin, it's too fat.

00:13:17.280 --> 00:13:18.770
Why are we doing this by the river?

00:13:18.840 --> 00:13:20.205
It stinks of fish.

00:13:20.440 --> 00:13:22.169
Is that you? Good grief.

00:13:22.400 --> 00:13:24.243
What's the food?
Oh, raw.

00:13:24.360 --> 00:13:25.646
Freshly dead, octopus with a pulse?

00:13:25.720 --> 00:13:26.687
Yeah.

00:13:26.760 --> 00:13:27.761
Cocktails?

00:13:27.880 --> 00:13:29.405
The mixologist is Madeira Slice.

00:13:29.480 --> 00:13:32.848
He's doing his flaming
gasoline herbal
labia cocktails.

00:13:33.080 --> 00:13:34.411
No olives.
No.

00:13:34.760 --> 00:13:36.330
Oh, Metro wants a paragraph.

00:13:36.520 --> 00:13:38.887
Oh, Patsy Stone, fashion editor, The A.

00:13:39.080 --> 00:13:41.003
Fashion designer Huki Muki

00:13:41.080 --> 00:13:43.082
makes Valentino look like Topshop.

00:13:43.320 --> 00:13:45.482
Disorientating beauty juxtaposed

00:13:45.560 --> 00:13:47.801
between life and death...
and shoes.

00:13:48.080 --> 00:13:50.481
Yeah, all that shit, but more importantly,

00:13:50.600 --> 00:13:52.204
our magazine is sponsoring it.

00:13:52.440 --> 00:13:54.442
I want Huki Muki smaller, our logo bigger.

00:13:54.560 --> 00:13:55.925
Yeah, Magda.

00:13:56.200 --> 00:13:58.806
Oi, Pats.
I've just been
with Valentino.

00:13:59.080 --> 00:14:00.081
What's left of him?

00:14:00.240 --> 00:14:02.163
Not much. He's a small
lizard handbag

00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:03.571
with a hoverboard of hair.

00:14:03.800 --> 00:14:04.926
(BOTH LAUGHING)

00:14:05.360 --> 00:14:06.850
Shut up!
Ooh!

00:14:07.800 --> 00:14:09.370
Guest list, now.
Right.

00:14:09.560 --> 00:14:14.282
Okay, we have got
all the Jenners and Tyga...

00:14:14.480 --> 00:14:16.960
Suki, Cara, David...

00:14:17.240 --> 00:14:21.245
Kanye. We have Dolce,
but not Gabbana. Okay.

00:14:21.480 --> 00:14:23.881
SamCam, I don't know who...

00:14:23.960 --> 00:14:26.247
Ai Wuhwuh... Ai Weiwuh...
Weiwie...

00:14:26.840 --> 00:14:27.966
Am I going deaf

00:14:28.040 --> 00:14:30.122
or have you not said "Kate Moss" yet?

00:14:30.280 --> 00:14:31.645
Apart from the fact

00:14:31.880 --> 00:14:33.166
me head's full of fish fumes...

00:14:33.360 --> 00:14:35.601
it's impossible because
she's left her P. R.

00:14:37.120 --> 00:14:38.645
I shouldn't have said that, it's secret.

00:14:38.880 --> 00:14:40.120
Delete, delete.

00:14:40.280 --> 00:14:42.282
I don't care.
Just get her here.

00:14:42.520 --> 00:14:45.046
Offer her ayahuasca and shamans

00:14:45.120 --> 00:14:46.849
and enough vodka to kill cattle.

00:14:47.040 --> 00:14:50.328
I'm off to Chanel.
Lagerfeld waits for no man.

00:14:50.520 --> 00:14:52.284
Get me an Uber.
A minicab?

00:14:52.480 --> 00:14:56.326
Helicopter!
I don't do traffic!

00:14:57.080 --> 00:14:58.206
Bag.

00:14:58.400 --> 00:14:59.970
Chanel, Chanel!

00:15:00.040 --> 00:15:01.610
I can't bloody work with that shit!

00:15:05.520 --> 00:15:07.488
PR HOST:
Welcome, everybody,
to this month's

00:15:07.560 --> 00:15:09.881
P.R. person-of-the-month
lunch.

00:15:10.520 --> 00:15:13.285
Eat. It's all free.

00:15:13.880 --> 00:15:17.885
Nothing is free anymore.
Even freedom isn't free.

00:15:18.160 --> 00:15:19.491
It used to be.

00:15:19.560 --> 00:15:21.449
But now everybody wants your PIN number.

00:15:21.640 --> 00:15:24.530
Sure they do, old girl.
Sure they do.

00:15:24.880 --> 00:15:25.881
Say nothing.

00:15:26.080 --> 00:15:27.206
Edina.

00:15:27.520 --> 00:15:28.487
Claudia.

00:15:28.560 --> 00:15:30.005
I hear you've just been to a meeting

00:15:30.080 --> 00:15:32.811
with my friend Joel at Random Penguin.

00:15:32.880 --> 00:15:33.881
Yeah, it went really well.

00:15:34.520 --> 00:15:36.329
He said how it went.

00:15:36.560 --> 00:15:39.006
PR HOST:
Ladies and gentlemen,
Claudia Bing.

00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:43.649
Thank you, guys.
So proud
to be yet again...

00:15:44.040 --> 00:15:47.522
the P. R. person's
P. R. person of the month.

00:15:48.200 --> 00:15:51.568
We will continue to run campaigns...

00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:54.367
with the...
"sergeny"?

00:15:54.560 --> 00:15:55.766
Synergy.

00:15:55.880 --> 00:15:57.041
Oh, synergy.

00:15:57.440 --> 00:15:59.010
Shooting up and...
Out.

00:16:00.040 --> 00:16:02.930
Out.
Shooting out on Twitter...

00:16:03.120 --> 00:16:06.124
and joining up all those conversations.

00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:08.488
Do we do that?
No.

00:16:08.920 --> 00:16:13.926
Who knew that a blog post
could do more than
a banner or cookie engagement?

00:16:14.160 --> 00:16:15.685
Do you feed my Twitter?

00:16:16.040 --> 00:16:19.249
No, I forgot. And it died.

00:16:21.040 --> 00:16:22.405
(INAUDIBLE)

00:16:27.560 --> 00:16:29.403
These days, you can't get by

00:16:29.480 --> 00:16:32.211
with a couple
of old pop stars
and a vodka.

00:16:32.280 --> 00:16:33.281
(PEOPLE SNICKERING)

00:16:33.360 --> 00:16:36.967
It's a boutique vodka!
It's a huge boutique vodka!

00:16:37.040 --> 00:16:38.201
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

00:16:40.360 --> 00:16:42.567
PATSY:
Eddy! Top secret, darling.

00:16:42.640 --> 00:16:43.971
You don't know this...

00:16:44.160 --> 00:16:46.640
and I don't know this, but, darling...

00:16:47.080 --> 00:16:48.969
Kate Moss
is changing her P.R.!

00:16:49.040 --> 00:16:50.041
(GASPS)

00:16:51.400 --> 00:16:52.970
Darling? Kate Moss!

00:16:53.240 --> 00:16:54.605
Oh, shut up! Stop!

00:16:54.960 --> 00:16:56.166
Eds, darling,

00:16:56.240 --> 00:16:59.084
she's going to be at the Huki Muki.

00:16:59.280 --> 00:17:00.964
Shut up! Shut up!

00:17:01.200 --> 00:17:02.281
No one else will know.

00:17:02.360 --> 00:17:03.725
Don't let that bitch Bing know.

00:17:04.040 --> 00:17:05.246
(MUFFLED CONVERSATION)

00:17:05.520 --> 00:17:06.521
Damn!

00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:08.404
So common.

00:17:10.720 --> 00:17:11.721
(SNIFFS)
Ooh!

00:17:15.120 --> 00:17:16.121
SAFFY: Lola!

00:17:16.400 --> 00:17:18.402
Lola!
What?

00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:20.210
Have you seen Gran?

00:17:20.280 --> 00:17:21.486
(DOORBELL RINGING)

00:17:25.280 --> 00:17:27.282
Hi.
Hi. Hi.

00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:28.641
(CHUCKLES)

00:17:30.800 --> 00:17:31.801
Oh.

00:17:31.880 --> 00:17:34.645
Um, are you okay?
You seem a bit flustered.

00:17:34.800 --> 00:17:36.450
Yeah, uh, no. Uh...

00:17:36.640 --> 00:17:38.881
I just need to see Gran
off to the airport.

00:17:39.160 --> 00:17:41.322
My mother's looking after Lola tonight.

00:17:41.480 --> 00:17:43.164
Should I
meet your mother?
No.

00:17:43.680 --> 00:17:44.681
Okay.

00:17:45.160 --> 00:17:46.810
Sorry.
It's fine.

00:17:47.320 --> 00:17:48.560
Can I kiss you properly now?

00:17:48.640 --> 00:17:50.483
I've been thinking about it all day.

00:17:51.160 --> 00:17:52.844
(STAMMERS) Sorry.

00:17:56.560 --> 00:17:57.925
Oh, my God.

00:17:58.160 --> 00:17:59.685
I can't believe that face

00:17:59.760 --> 00:18:01.603
came from the womb of the little dumpster.

00:18:01.800 --> 00:18:02.847
Excuse me?

00:18:03.160 --> 00:18:05.606
Tonight, Lola,
you are my
perfect accessory.

00:18:05.720 --> 00:18:07.688
Oh, she won't need much, darling.

00:18:07.840 --> 00:18:09.649
If raw material was the finished article,

00:18:09.720 --> 00:18:11.370
there'd be no point of me.

00:18:11.520 --> 00:18:13.488
I'm going to straighten and shimmer.

00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:14.727
LOLA: Ow! Ow!
Go for it.

00:18:14.920 --> 00:18:17.605
Just take the pain, bitch.
Your hair will straighten.

00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:18.647
Ow!

00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:20.688
Beyoncé cried, too, but she surrendered.

00:18:20.760 --> 00:18:21.761
Ow!

00:18:24.240 --> 00:18:25.241
(RATTLING)

00:18:25.520 --> 00:18:26.681
Don't stop.

00:18:26.840 --> 00:18:30.367
There's something in the suitcase?

00:18:37.760 --> 00:18:39.489
Where am I?

00:18:39.720 --> 00:18:40.960
Oh, Gran!

00:18:42.480 --> 00:18:43.527
What's she doing?

00:18:43.720 --> 00:18:45.563
I'm off to Cannes, dear.

00:18:45.760 --> 00:18:48.366
She's going
to Aunt Violet's
birthday party.

00:18:48.560 --> 00:18:49.891
Why don't I know about this?

00:18:50.280 --> 00:18:52.601
We didn't want you to know, dear.

00:18:52.680 --> 00:18:54.808
It's going to be very sprauncy.

00:18:54.880 --> 00:18:56.405
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh!

00:18:56.520 --> 00:18:59.524
No, no, leave it!
It's Pats. Patsy.

00:19:00.880 --> 00:19:02.291
Hi, darling.

00:19:02.360 --> 00:19:03.407
Got some threads for the midget.

00:19:03.560 --> 00:19:04.721
Leave them there.

00:19:04.880 --> 00:19:07.770
Oh, I smell pigs, Eddy.
I smell rozzers.

00:19:08.520 --> 00:19:12.241
Oh, just a thought.
Will I need
injections, Saffy?

00:19:12.440 --> 00:19:13.646
Yeah, lethal ones.

00:19:14.040 --> 00:19:15.451
JUNE: Bonjour.

00:19:16.240 --> 00:19:17.526
You just met my mother.

00:19:19.240 --> 00:19:20.810
She seems nice.

00:19:22.680 --> 00:19:23.727
Look up.

00:19:23.800 --> 00:19:25.245
Okay, I'm looking up.

00:19:26.920 --> 00:19:28.365
Patsy's here.
(HISSES)

00:19:28.440 --> 00:19:29.521
Ugh.

00:19:29.600 --> 00:19:31.523
Darling, it's pretty exciting, isn't it?

00:19:31.600 --> 00:19:33.443
Tonight is going to change everything.

00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:35.603
Oh, my God, what's happening?

00:19:35.920 --> 00:19:38.685
No, Eddy.
What?

00:19:39.800 --> 00:19:41.802
I'm going to...
Don't tell him, Eddy.

00:19:42.560 --> 00:19:43.561
Tell him, Eddy.

00:19:45.280 --> 00:19:47.601
I'm gonna get Kate Moss!
I'm her new P. R.!

00:19:47.680 --> 00:19:48.841
(CHUCKLES)
(SCREAMS)

00:19:51.960 --> 00:19:53.689
Go on, go to Patsy.

00:19:53.760 --> 00:19:55.569
(CHUCKLES)

00:19:56.640 --> 00:19:57.641
(SIGHS)

00:19:59.600 --> 00:20:01.807
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

00:20:01.960 --> 00:20:03.724
We all love you.

00:20:03.960 --> 00:20:05.610
We love you.
We love you.

00:20:05.800 --> 00:20:08.485
We thought we'd go to Goa
for an Ayurvedic colonic.

00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:10.449
It's totes amaze.
So beautiful.

00:20:10.640 --> 00:20:12.847
Edina has to come.
She has to.

00:20:13.600 --> 00:20:15.443
Or we could go out.

00:20:15.520 --> 00:20:16.931
There's that new club, FoFo BoBo.

00:20:17.320 --> 00:20:19.084
(GASPS) Who's D.J.-ing?
Dead Mice.

00:20:19.360 --> 00:20:20.407
(ALL GASPING)

00:20:20.480 --> 00:20:22.323
I love Dead Mice.

00:20:22.520 --> 00:20:24.602
LARA STONE:
Oh, Edina, you have to come.

00:20:24.800 --> 00:20:26.802
Stella will give you
all the clothes you need.

00:20:27.320 --> 00:20:29.527
I would love to dress you.

00:20:30.320 --> 00:20:31.606
KATE MOSS: Oh, Eddy...

00:20:31.840 --> 00:20:34.002
you're my favorite person
in the whole world.

00:20:34.080 --> 00:20:36.003
You have to do my P. R.

00:20:36.280 --> 00:20:37.884
Please, you have to.

00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:40.006
Please?
Okay, okay.

00:20:40.480 --> 00:20:41.891
(CHANTING)
Eddy! Eddy! Eddy!

00:20:51.320 --> 00:20:54.005
What are those?
I'm not wearing them!

00:20:54.520 --> 00:20:58.081
Pats! Will you just let her
wear what she wants?

00:20:59.000 --> 00:21:00.570
Can I do Kate's hair?

00:21:00.640 --> 00:21:02.529
I'd love to give her ends a good tonging.

00:21:02.680 --> 00:21:03.681
Yes.

00:21:03.800 --> 00:21:04.801
(CHUCKLING)

00:21:05.000 --> 00:21:06.411
She's going to love you, Lola.

00:21:06.480 --> 00:21:07.527
Why?

00:21:07.640 --> 00:21:08.971
'Cause you have what we all want.

00:21:09.080 --> 00:21:10.445
Eddy, look.

00:21:10.880 --> 00:21:13.645
Youth patch.
Absorb, absorb.
(CHUCKLING)

00:21:14.520 --> 00:21:15.681
Now, listen.

00:21:15.760 --> 00:21:17.524
You're coming
as my daughter,
so all you do...

00:21:17.760 --> 00:21:19.524
I'm not going to be man bait.

00:21:19.680 --> 00:21:21.364
(CHUCKLES)
You should be so lucky.

00:21:21.600 --> 00:21:23.045
(SHUSHING)

00:21:24.520 --> 00:21:25.885
What are you doing?

00:21:26.800 --> 00:21:29.531
I'm going. I want to go.

00:21:29.720 --> 00:21:31.006
Kate Moss will be there and Eddy said...

00:21:31.080 --> 00:21:32.127
(TUTTING)

00:21:32.440 --> 00:21:33.680
What?

00:21:35.800 --> 00:21:38.690
Are you sexing
that little rodent downstairs,
darling?

00:21:39.560 --> 00:21:41.927
You know what?
Fine. Fuck it.

00:21:42.400 --> 00:21:43.925
Sorry. Fuck. Fuck!

00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:45.925
Fuck, fuck, fuck.

00:21:46.120 --> 00:21:47.121
Fuck it!

00:21:48.560 --> 00:21:50.608
I am going out.
Do what you want.

00:21:50.680 --> 00:21:52.409
You can do what you want.

00:21:52.680 --> 00:21:54.409
Just don't do it to get at me.

00:21:54.600 --> 00:21:56.841
I ruined my life
by trying not to make
my mother happy.

00:21:56.960 --> 00:21:58.086
Don't do the same.

00:22:07.480 --> 00:22:08.606
(EXHALES)

00:22:11.080 --> 00:22:13.048
You wearing Stella McCartney tonight, Eds?

00:22:13.400 --> 00:22:15.402
Uh, no, darling, no.

00:22:16.080 --> 00:22:18.606
She still won't let me in her shop.

00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:21.011
(CROWD CHEERING)

00:22:21.760 --> 00:22:23.125
I'm here on the red carpet

00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:24.850
of the Huki Muki retrospective...

00:22:25.080 --> 00:22:27.082
with London's fashion glitterati.

00:22:27.600 --> 00:22:30.080
If you're not here,
then who the hell are you?

00:22:30.440 --> 00:22:31.646
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

00:22:35.840 --> 00:22:37.126
You're singing tonight, Lulu.

00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:39.965
Yeah. It's going to be
a great crowd in there.
I'm excited.

00:22:40.120 --> 00:22:43.124
Jerry, you look ravishing.
What are you wearing?

00:22:43.600 --> 00:22:45.090
Well, Richard, I'm wearing a dress

00:22:45.160 --> 00:22:47.128
that was given to me by Chanel.

00:22:47.600 --> 00:22:49.489
As you can see, it's beautiful.

00:22:49.560 --> 00:22:51.210
I have lots of their dresses.

00:22:53.880 --> 00:22:56.008
Magda, is it possible...
No.

00:23:00.080 --> 00:23:01.650
Gwendoline? Gwendoline?

00:23:01.800 --> 00:23:03.131
How are you?

00:23:03.560 --> 00:23:04.607
You're really tall.
Well spotted.

00:23:05.800 --> 00:23:09.486
It's just I was
speaking to Lulu
and she's quite small.

00:23:09.640 --> 00:23:10.641
Great.

00:23:10.880 --> 00:23:12.166
Last ones, please.

00:23:12.560 --> 00:23:15.564
Good grief. Oh,
Christ, love,
we can see your bumhole.

00:23:15.640 --> 00:23:16.641
This way.

00:23:16.760 --> 00:23:18.489
Do you think Kate's already here?

00:23:18.560 --> 00:23:19.721
Hiya, hiya, hiya.

00:23:20.040 --> 00:23:22.042
Where's Kate?
Darling, just be cool.

00:23:22.240 --> 00:23:24.846
I am cool, darling.
I am cool.

00:23:25.160 --> 00:23:27.481
Oh, shit! Lulu.
Forgot to ring her.

00:23:27.800 --> 00:23:29.928
What'll I tell Lulu?

00:23:30.040 --> 00:23:32.247
Oi! You're not wearing
my clothes, are you?

00:23:32.680 --> 00:23:33.761
No, darling, no.

00:23:33.840 --> 00:23:36.047
This is all T. K. Maxx.
T. K. Maxx.

00:23:36.800 --> 00:23:38.245
I can't stand that woman.

00:23:38.680 --> 00:23:40.682
Let it go. Just breathe.
(SIGHS)

00:23:40.920 --> 00:23:41.921
Stella, darling.

00:23:43.120 --> 00:23:45.521
Is your father with you?
Is little Pauly with you?

00:23:45.840 --> 00:23:47.251
No.
Oh, that's a shame.

00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:49.523
I was hoping to have
a little catch-up with him.

00:23:49.600 --> 00:23:52.683
I haven't seen him
since 1969,
know what I mean?

00:23:53.000 --> 00:23:55.685
Ugh, God, and the world blamed Yoko.

00:23:56.080 --> 00:23:59.926
My shoes I just adore.
So comfortable.

00:24:00.200 --> 00:24:02.123
They're also made by Chanel.

00:24:02.200 --> 00:24:04.806
And are made of really soft leather.

00:24:05.040 --> 00:24:06.087
(CROWD CHEERING)

00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:07.969
WOMAN: Huki Muki!

00:24:09.600 --> 00:24:10.965
I need to piss.

00:24:11.160 --> 00:24:12.207
Huki! Huki!

00:24:12.720 --> 00:24:16.088
Just a word, please!
Huki! Huki Muki!

00:24:17.840 --> 00:24:19.171
Sorry, Huki won't speak.

00:24:19.560 --> 00:24:22.564
Why do you think
there's been
a Huki Muki revival?

00:24:22.760 --> 00:24:26.651
It's about blobs.
Great big blobs of color.

00:24:26.840 --> 00:24:28.729
But why now?

00:24:28.960 --> 00:24:31.725
It's simply that
we're ready to
see it again.

00:24:31.880 --> 00:24:33.644
Thank you very much.

00:24:33.720 --> 00:24:35.563
Claudia Bing, an incredible woman.

00:24:35.760 --> 00:24:38.843
You know, Richard,
you really can't go wrong
with Chanel.

00:24:39.080 --> 00:24:40.605
I've been a big fan of Karl's

00:24:40.680 --> 00:24:43.729
for so many years,
and I love what he does.

00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:45.001
And glasses off.

00:24:45.760 --> 00:24:47.091
And glasses on again, darling.

00:24:47.720 --> 00:24:49.882
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
La Roux!

00:24:49.960 --> 00:24:51.769
He wants to know

00:24:52.120 --> 00:24:53.884
What it feels like

00:24:54.000 --> 00:24:55.684
Excuse me. (CHUCKLES)

00:24:56.840 --> 00:24:58.729
Just looking for my mate, Kate.

00:24:58.800 --> 00:25:02.009
She wants to know What it feels like

00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:05.164
To settle down Settle down

00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:07.321
He's got the money

00:25:07.600 --> 00:25:10.683
Have you seen Kate Moss?
Just looking for Kate.

00:25:10.880 --> 00:25:12.291
He wants to pounce

00:25:12.680 --> 00:25:13.681
You're joking.

00:25:13.760 --> 00:25:14.727
He wants to pounce

00:25:14.800 --> 00:25:16.290
Never know ifhe's giving you up

00:25:16.600 --> 00:25:18.284
Are youjust not good enough

00:25:18.600 --> 00:25:20.762
Lulu, I thought you were singing tonight.

00:25:21.040 --> 00:25:22.371
That's what I was told.

00:25:22.760 --> 00:25:25.047
She's done this to me before as well.

00:25:25.200 --> 00:25:26.201
Oi!

00:25:26.280 --> 00:25:29.284
You. You told Lulu
this was her gig.

00:25:30.280 --> 00:25:32.169
You know what, darling?
It is, 'cause afterwards,

00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:35.289
they said you can sing
"Shout". Accapeli.

00:25:39.160 --> 00:25:41.640
I will bloody murder her.

00:25:41.840 --> 00:25:44.047
Has anyone seen Kate?
I'm supposed to meet her.

00:25:44.920 --> 00:25:46.888
Get me half a Bass in a straight glass,

00:25:46.960 --> 00:25:49.167
and something to eat,
but nothing with tentacles.

00:25:49.640 --> 00:25:51.210
And none of that dim sum bollocks.

00:25:51.320 --> 00:25:52.321
Get me a sandwich.

00:25:52.960 --> 00:25:54.724
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

00:25:55.680 --> 00:25:57.125
He wants to know

00:25:58.200 --> 00:25:59.406
Kelly Hoppen.

00:25:59.640 --> 00:26:01.085
What's your take on all this color?

00:26:01.320 --> 00:26:03.288
To be honest, it's doing my head in.

00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:06.086
Eddy, little Kate is on the balcony.

00:26:06.160 --> 00:26:07.321
(GASPS)
She's out there, darling!

00:26:07.800 --> 00:26:09.962
Oh, Lola, Lola, follow, follow.

00:26:12.440 --> 00:26:14.090
(INAUDIBLE)

00:26:17.160 --> 00:26:18.161
Sweetie!

00:26:18.840 --> 00:26:20.205
LOLA:
It's Brienne of Tarth...

00:26:20.320 --> 00:26:22.209
PATSY: Lola, come here!

00:26:22.400 --> 00:26:24.084
Are you okay?

00:26:24.320 --> 00:26:27.290
(SIGHS) I just have
this nightmare P. R.

00:26:27.680 --> 00:26:30.081
Oh, I got rid of mine.
Good for you.

00:26:30.320 --> 00:26:33.244
Eddy, I'm going to roll away the Hamm.

00:26:33.360 --> 00:26:34.691
All right, darling.

00:26:34.880 --> 00:26:35.881
I don't even know what they do.

00:26:35.960 --> 00:26:36.961
Who does?

00:26:37.360 --> 00:26:38.850
Oh, watch out.

00:26:39.080 --> 00:26:41.367
Hi, Jonny. Patsy. Stone.

00:26:41.840 --> 00:26:42.841
Patsy.

00:26:43.240 --> 00:26:45.368
Hamm. Jon. Hamm.

00:26:45.840 --> 00:26:47.365
Don't you remember me, Jonny?

00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:49.001
No.

00:26:49.200 --> 00:26:50.964
Jonny Jonny from the Big Apple

00:26:51.040 --> 00:26:53.441
needing a little taste
of the English rose?

00:26:55.320 --> 00:26:56.446
Oh, God.

00:26:56.880 --> 00:26:59.360
Yes, I do. I was fifteen.

00:26:59.880 --> 00:27:01.120
But you were a very
big fifteen, sweetheart.

00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:02.247
Oh, God.

00:27:02.440 --> 00:27:06.240
I want you to go over there
and talk to her casually.

00:27:06.440 --> 00:27:07.441
And then what?

00:27:07.880 --> 00:27:09.245
Then I'll come over and join you

00:27:09.320 --> 00:27:10.367
and she'll think I'm cool...

00:27:10.800 --> 00:27:13.201
and before you know it,
I'll be doing her P. R.

00:27:13.400 --> 00:27:14.811
That's the plan?
Yeah.

00:27:15.000 --> 00:27:16.126
Jesus.

00:27:16.320 --> 00:27:17.401
(CHUCKLES)

00:27:17.800 --> 00:27:20.041
I can't believe you're still, uh...

00:27:21.040 --> 00:27:22.371
alive.

00:27:22.720 --> 00:27:24.290
Can I offer you
a taste now?
No.

00:27:24.480 --> 00:27:25.970
Oh, come on, Jonny, come on.

00:27:26.080 --> 00:27:27.411
No, thank you.

00:27:28.080 --> 00:27:31.368
You took my virginity.
Please leave me my...

00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:33.366
sanity.

00:27:33.440 --> 00:27:34.441
Good luck.

00:27:34.520 --> 00:27:36.010
Jonny. Hi, Kate, sweetie.

00:27:36.360 --> 00:27:37.486
Jonny? Jonny?

00:27:37.960 --> 00:27:40.042
Okay, go, go, go!

00:27:40.400 --> 00:27:42.767
Talk to her. Big me up.

00:27:51.040 --> 00:27:52.644
Yes, yes. Smoke, smoke.

00:27:54.040 --> 00:27:55.280
Smoke.

00:27:55.560 --> 00:27:57.244
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

00:28:06.320 --> 00:28:08.209
Kate? Claudia Bing.

00:28:08.440 --> 00:28:09.885
Edina Monsoon!
Oh!

00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:11.081
(GASPS)

00:28:15.160 --> 00:28:16.161
(GASPS)

00:28:16.400 --> 00:28:17.401
Kate!

00:28:17.480 --> 00:28:18.970
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

00:28:21.280 --> 00:28:22.520
Why did you do that?

00:28:22.600 --> 00:28:23.806
EDINA: She fell.

00:28:24.200 --> 00:28:26.089
You pushed her.
No, she fell!

00:28:26.320 --> 00:28:27.970
I saw you!

00:28:28.200 --> 00:28:30.089
Kate Moss has been pushed!

00:28:30.280 --> 00:28:31.884
(GUESTS EXCLAIMING)

00:28:33.200 --> 00:28:34.964
Kate! Kate!

00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:36.884
Kate Moss!

00:28:37.000 --> 00:28:39.571
Hold on. I'll go in!

00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:42.970
You are not going in!
Put your jacket back on!

00:28:43.240 --> 00:28:44.287
Eddy!

00:28:44.360 --> 00:28:46.169
She'll pop up!
It's only water!

00:28:47.480 --> 00:28:50.484
It's just water, why isn't she popping up?

00:28:51.160 --> 00:28:52.446
Why did you do this?

00:28:52.800 --> 00:28:54.802
I didn't do it!
She just fell!

00:28:55.040 --> 00:28:57.247
Eddy, this is my party!

00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:02.004
I have a limp and I don't know why.

00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:03.321
Get them all down.

00:29:03.400 --> 00:29:05.164
I don't want to see anything on camera.

00:29:05.360 --> 00:29:06.441
Right,
the only thing is...
Now!

00:29:07.480 --> 00:29:11.530
I fucking hate parties.
I fucking hate handbags!

00:29:11.880 --> 00:29:13.405
(MUMBLING)

00:29:13.520 --> 00:29:15.124
Me leg. Good Lord.

00:29:15.360 --> 00:29:16.771
Magda! Selfie!

00:29:16.840 --> 00:29:17.841
Fuck off!

00:29:18.120 --> 00:29:19.406
Get them off.

00:29:19.840 --> 00:29:23.287
That woman has always been out of control.

00:29:23.360 --> 00:29:24.850
Kate was trying to get away from her.

00:29:25.040 --> 00:29:27.327
I was shocked.
I saw it happen.

00:29:27.400 --> 00:29:28.526
She was pushed.

00:29:29.280 --> 00:29:31.282
Did I miss something?

00:29:32.520 --> 00:29:36.047
ORLA GUERIN:
This is the scene
wherejust a few hours ago...

00:29:36.280 --> 00:29:38.521
celebrated international
model Kate Moss...

00:29:38.960 --> 00:29:43.488
fell or was pushed from
a balcony into the Thames.

00:29:43.880 --> 00:29:46.042
Since then, emergency services have been

00:29:46.120 --> 00:29:48.521
struggling to cope with the aftermath.

00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:50.688
(SCREAMING)

00:29:50.920 --> 00:29:52.445
(SOBBING)

00:29:52.560 --> 00:29:54.324
(WOMAN SCREAMS)

00:29:54.880 --> 00:29:56.564
(SOBBING)
It's my little toe.

00:29:56.640 --> 00:29:57.641
She fell off her shoe.

00:29:58.640 --> 00:30:00.085
Looking for Kate!

00:30:00.200 --> 00:30:03.568
Get back. One more dance.
Baby, please.

00:30:04.040 --> 00:30:07.010
I'm okay.
I didn't fall in the river.

00:30:07.080 --> 00:30:08.081
(WOMAN WAILING)

00:30:08.400 --> 00:30:09.686
(SIRENS IN DISTANCE)

00:30:37.400 --> 00:30:38.481
(DOOR OPENING)

00:30:42.040 --> 00:30:43.087
(DOOR SHUTS)

00:30:44.200 --> 00:30:45.690
Shut up!
You shut up!

00:30:48.080 --> 00:30:50.287
How bad can this be?
I mean, you know.

00:30:50.480 --> 00:30:53.245
You have probably killed Kate Moss.

00:30:55.240 --> 00:30:56.480
Shit.

00:30:58.120 --> 00:30:59.451
Spoilt your night out?

00:31:00.360 --> 00:31:01.441
That doesn't matter.

00:31:02.280 --> 00:31:03.441
I shouldn't have let you go.

00:31:03.520 --> 00:31:05.363
I don't know what I was thinking.

00:31:06.120 --> 00:31:07.610
She'll be all right, won't she?

00:31:08.120 --> 00:31:10.282
Kate, she's waterproof.

00:31:10.360 --> 00:31:13.125
That's what we
always say about Kate,
she's waterproof.

00:31:13.960 --> 00:31:15.371
I demand to see your superior!

00:31:15.600 --> 00:31:17.250
That would be me.
Nick?

00:31:17.440 --> 00:31:18.680
This is Detective Inspector Nick...

00:31:18.760 --> 00:31:19.966
We know each other, thank you.

00:31:20.040 --> 00:31:21.041
God.

00:31:21.280 --> 00:31:22.281
Don't.

00:31:23.480 --> 00:31:26.324
Hello, hello?
Have they found Kate?

00:31:26.520 --> 00:31:28.284
No. The currents
are very strong.

00:31:28.360 --> 00:31:29.521
Only an outside chance...

00:31:29.960 --> 00:31:32.042
Thank you. She will
either have drowned

00:31:32.160 --> 00:31:34.970
or just be very, very wet.

00:31:35.960 --> 00:31:37.086
In the meantime,

00:31:37.160 --> 00:31:38.525
you're here for your own safety.

00:31:38.720 --> 00:31:41.610
There's a very
well-coordinated
lynch mob outside.

00:31:42.600 --> 00:31:43.601
What happens now?

00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:45.650
This doesn't change anything between us.

00:31:46.160 --> 00:31:47.491
No, about this.

00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:50.049
Oh. I have witnesses

00:31:50.120 --> 00:31:52.600
to say that your mother pushed her.

00:31:54.000 --> 00:31:55.081
No!

00:31:55.160 --> 00:31:56.286
I didn't want her to die.

00:31:56.560 --> 00:31:58.688
She needed her.
Loved her!

00:31:59.080 --> 00:32:00.206
We don't know that she's dead yet.

00:32:00.280 --> 00:32:01.566
Or that it's murder.

00:32:02.280 --> 00:32:04.169
Murder?
Thank you.

00:32:05.880 --> 00:32:07.166
Manslaughter charges might be brought.

00:32:08.080 --> 00:32:10.162
Sorry.

00:32:13.080 --> 00:32:14.081
(SIGHS)

00:32:17.200 --> 00:32:18.440
Oh, God.

00:32:22.280 --> 00:32:23.520
(TEETH SQUEAKING)

00:32:30.320 --> 00:32:32.368
Police continue to search the Thames

00:32:32.440 --> 00:32:34.568
after fashion icon Kate Moss....

00:32:35.040 --> 00:32:36.610
fell from a balcony.

00:32:36.720 --> 00:32:38.449
(OVERLAPPING NEWS REPORTS)

00:32:40.440 --> 00:32:43.603
There is a real sense of
devastation. Local people...

00:32:43.800 --> 00:32:47.122
friends, eyewitnesses are in disbelief.

00:32:47.360 --> 00:32:49.806
They are reluctant
to leave the banks
of the Thames

00:32:49.880 --> 00:32:52.247
while any faint hope remains...

00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:54.369
of Kate Moss being found alive.

00:32:54.600 --> 00:32:57.729
We're expecting the police
to hold a news conference...

00:32:58.240 --> 00:32:59.651
to give us the latest information

00:32:59.720 --> 00:33:01.484
they have about the incident.

00:33:01.680 --> 00:33:03.409
Now back to the studio.

00:33:03.600 --> 00:33:05.170
Some breaking news...

00:33:05.240 --> 00:33:08.084
P. R. guru Edina Monsoon,
the woman at the heart...

00:33:08.360 --> 00:33:10.328
of the police investigation has returned

00:33:10.400 --> 00:33:12.084
to her West London home.

00:33:12.560 --> 00:33:14.722
EDINA: Don't drive off
until I'm in the house!

00:33:15.200 --> 00:33:16.770
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)

00:33:17.400 --> 00:33:18.890
EDINA: Oi! Oi!

00:33:19.400 --> 00:33:21.164
(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

00:33:23.240 --> 00:33:25.766
Stop hounding me!
I'm not an animal!

00:33:28.640 --> 00:33:30.529
(SOBBING)
She was, like, someone

00:33:30.600 --> 00:33:32.762
that I really looked up to.

00:33:33.160 --> 00:33:34.650
She wouldn't give a fuck what we think.

00:33:34.720 --> 00:33:35.881
No!

00:33:36.280 --> 00:33:37.566
Devastated.
I'm so confused.

00:33:37.760 --> 00:33:40.411
Is there really nothing else
happening in the world?

00:33:40.600 --> 00:33:41.647
Fashion is dead.

00:33:44.840 --> 00:33:47.161
Oh! Oh!

00:33:48.120 --> 00:33:49.406
OMG.
What, darling?

00:33:49.720 --> 00:33:50.767
(GASPING)
You're trending on Twitter.

00:33:50.880 --> 00:33:51.881
Am I?

00:33:52.120 --> 00:33:53.645
You're a hashtag.

00:33:53.760 --> 00:33:55.603
(GASPS)
Oh. Oh!

00:33:56.280 --> 00:33:58.203
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, no.

00:33:58.280 --> 00:34:00.123
Oh, no, this is horrible.

00:34:00.680 --> 00:34:02.409
Disgusting.

00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:04.642
Oh, they hate you!

00:34:04.760 --> 00:34:06.330
Who? Who?

00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:07.766
Oh, there she is.

00:34:08.120 --> 00:34:09.690
Here she is.

00:34:10.280 --> 00:34:11.805
The fat woman!

00:34:12.440 --> 00:34:14.124
Yeah, just do the toes.
(CHUCKLING)

00:34:15.560 --> 00:34:17.324
Your fat little toes?

00:34:17.560 --> 00:34:20.450
The fat little celebrity toes?

00:34:20.680 --> 00:34:23.160
Yeah, yeah.
Right.

00:34:24.160 --> 00:34:26.811
Fat woman kills thin woman.

00:34:27.240 --> 00:34:29.242
You don't know anything!
It was an accident!

00:34:29.440 --> 00:34:32.444
Nothing about you is an accident.

00:34:32.840 --> 00:34:34.330
May I suggest...

00:34:36.560 --> 00:34:37.561
Fat Pink?

00:34:37.640 --> 00:34:38.687
(SIGHS)

00:34:39.560 --> 00:34:40.561
What are you doing?

00:34:40.720 --> 00:34:41.721
Oh, here we go.

00:34:41.800 --> 00:34:42.767
(CLEARS THROAT)

00:34:42.840 --> 00:34:44.842
This is my therapy, sweetheart.

00:34:45.240 --> 00:34:48.449
When are you going to
just for one moment...

00:34:48.760 --> 00:34:51.730
take in the enormity of what has happened?

00:34:52.360 --> 00:34:54.840
When are you going to
stop rolling through life,

00:34:54.920 --> 00:34:57.161
wanting more and more?

00:34:57.480 --> 00:35:00.484
Look at this house.
Nobody needs
a house this big.

00:35:00.680 --> 00:35:01.841
I do.

00:35:02.360 --> 00:35:05.489
You see?
Even your house is fat.

00:35:05.720 --> 00:35:06.721
I'm on a diet.

00:35:06.920 --> 00:35:09.651
You're always on a diet, Mum,
but you're always fat.

00:35:09.720 --> 00:35:10.721
Mmm-hmm.

00:35:10.800 --> 00:35:12.450
Because you never stop eating!

00:35:12.520 --> 00:35:13.521
Mmm-hmm.

00:35:14.360 --> 00:35:15.691
Now will you please...

00:35:16.200 --> 00:35:19.886
just stop for one second
and look at what
you've done?

00:35:20.360 --> 00:35:21.646
Yes.

00:35:26.000 --> 00:35:29.004
Oh, I love that girl.

00:35:29.240 --> 00:35:30.241
(GRUNTING)

00:35:33.880 --> 00:35:36.406
Your death threats, m'lady.

00:35:36.920 --> 00:35:42.404
Like a bird on the wire

00:35:44.160 --> 00:35:48.563
Like a drunk in a midnight choir

00:35:49.400 --> 00:35:51.402
Everybody bloody hates you!

00:35:51.560 --> 00:35:53.324
Stupid bloody drunk!

00:35:53.520 --> 00:35:55.409
You mucky bitch.

00:35:56.000 --> 00:35:57.889
You filthy scunner!

00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:01.002
You make me sick.

00:36:01.360 --> 00:36:05.331
Like a worm on a hook

00:36:06.320 --> 00:36:08.084
I'm innocent.

00:36:08.240 --> 00:36:11.005
Patsy Stone.
But I am innocent.

00:36:11.240 --> 00:36:13.641
Excuse me, guys.
I'm the victim here.

00:36:13.920 --> 00:36:15.570
I'm Patsy Stone, but I am innocent.

00:36:16.600 --> 00:36:18.284
MAN: That's it, Patsy,
lovely. Thank you,
darling.

00:36:19.920 --> 00:36:21.081
(INDISTICT CLAMORING)

00:36:21.440 --> 00:36:22.441
Thanks.

00:36:23.000 --> 00:36:24.001
Thursday.

00:36:39.560 --> 00:36:41.130
Can you please shut up, darling?

00:36:41.200 --> 00:36:42.565
I'm trying to do my Mindlessness.

00:36:45.120 --> 00:36:46.645
I'm being trollied on Twitter.

00:36:47.400 --> 00:36:48.401
Oh.

00:36:48.480 --> 00:36:50.608
Everybody hates me.

00:36:52.040 --> 00:36:55.249
When I was coming
in earlier, a woman
screamed at me.

00:36:55.600 --> 00:36:57.045
What did she say?

00:36:57.240 --> 00:36:59.402
She told me I was a pariah.

00:37:00.160 --> 00:37:02.481
Do you know what a pariah is?

00:37:04.280 --> 00:37:05.964
It's a fish.

00:37:08.200 --> 00:37:09.486
That's right.
(DOOR OPENS)

00:37:10.480 --> 00:37:12.687
Flash, flash, flash.
Flash for Patsy.

00:37:13.000 --> 00:37:15.082
Patsy, flash, flash, flash.

00:37:15.320 --> 00:37:16.481
Ugh, Eddy.

00:37:18.640 --> 00:37:20.085
You killed Kate Moss!

00:37:20.160 --> 00:37:22.288
I've lost my job because of you!

00:37:22.600 --> 00:37:25.080
And now I am nothing as well.

00:37:25.600 --> 00:37:26.931
(GLASS SHATTERS)

00:37:37.320 --> 00:37:39.607
It's from Stella McCartney.

00:37:48.360 --> 00:37:50.328
(SIGHS AND SOBS)

00:37:54.520 --> 00:37:55.521
(GRUNTS)

00:37:57.080 --> 00:37:59.003
How many "Om's" have I given you?

00:37:59.080 --> 00:38:01.082
How much money?

00:38:01.280 --> 00:38:03.044
Where is my enlightenment?

00:38:03.200 --> 00:38:04.690
Where is my nirvana,

00:38:05.000 --> 00:38:08.083
you stupid, blue, buggering Buddha!

00:38:13.960 --> 00:38:15.121
(SIGHS)

00:38:16.400 --> 00:38:18.209
(CHANTING) Om...

00:38:20.400 --> 00:38:22.129
Om...

00:38:22.600 --> 00:38:25.001
Ba-ding-ding-ding-ding,
cha...

00:38:25.480 --> 00:38:27.642
(CONTINUES CHANTING) Om...

00:38:28.640 --> 00:38:32.008
Ba-ring-ding-ding-
ding-ding-cha...

00:38:32.720 --> 00:38:34.529
Om...

00:38:38.120 --> 00:38:40.122
(SIGHS) Oh.

00:38:48.680 --> 00:38:50.682
Sorry you lost your job, darling.

00:38:51.520 --> 00:38:52.681
You're not nothing.

00:38:54.000 --> 00:38:55.331
Cheers, thanks a lot.

00:39:00.320 --> 00:39:02.561
It's the first thing
I've ever had from Stella.

00:39:03.000 --> 00:39:04.081
Oh, Eddy.

00:39:04.240 --> 00:39:07.164
So the little scrap drowned.
People will forget that.

00:39:07.280 --> 00:39:09.123
They've forgotten a lot worse.

00:39:09.360 --> 00:39:11.601
I mean, look at lovely Hugh.

00:39:12.000 --> 00:39:14.446
He unzipped his chinos for
a prossie blowjob

00:39:14.520 --> 00:39:15.601
and we forgave him.

00:39:16.600 --> 00:39:19.683
In fact, I think
we loved him a little bit
more after that.

00:39:19.760 --> 00:39:21.330
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

00:39:21.880 --> 00:39:23.769
She's probably popped up
somewhere, hasn't she?

00:39:24.040 --> 00:39:26.042
Confused and shivering.

00:39:26.240 --> 00:39:30.802
Poor little tiny wet Katie,
flapping about in the mud.

00:39:31.160 --> 00:39:33.447
Washed up on the Isle of Dogs.

00:39:36.440 --> 00:39:37.726
I mean, Eddy...

00:39:38.720 --> 00:39:40.449
things float.

00:39:40.520 --> 00:39:41.521
Yeah.

00:39:41.720 --> 00:39:45.327
Yeah, things drift, and they float.

00:39:45.520 --> 00:39:48.330
Why don't those
idiots float
something down the river?

00:39:49.400 --> 00:39:50.401
Eddy...

00:39:51.200 --> 00:39:53.726
if you want
something done,
you've got to do it yourself.

00:39:54.480 --> 00:39:55.641
Yeah.

00:40:02.320 --> 00:40:04.641
It's the right place and the right time.

00:40:05.200 --> 00:40:07.202
What for?
Shut up.

00:40:12.760 --> 00:40:13.761
Are you ready, Pats?

00:40:15.200 --> 00:40:16.201
Ready, Eddy.
Ready for what?

00:40:16.720 --> 00:40:17.721
Ah.

00:40:20.560 --> 00:40:22.324
EDINA: Go, drift.
(GIGGLES)

00:40:29.200 --> 00:40:30.531
Bubble?

00:40:30.840 --> 00:40:31.841
Bubble!

00:40:32.520 --> 00:40:34.682
Where is she, Ed?
I don't know. Bubble?

00:40:34.840 --> 00:40:36.330
She swims too fast.

00:40:36.440 --> 00:40:38.647
There she is. Go forward!
What is she doing?

00:40:38.840 --> 00:40:39.841
Bubble!

00:40:40.160 --> 00:40:41.286
Fish her out, the little insect.

00:40:41.360 --> 00:40:42.441
Bubble!

00:40:43.520 --> 00:40:44.521
(GASPS)

00:40:47.240 --> 00:40:48.526
Bubble?

00:40:48.680 --> 00:40:50.648
Darling, she fell off.

00:40:51.640 --> 00:40:52.801
Eddy.

00:40:53.240 --> 00:40:54.571
It's okay, no one saw.

00:40:54.800 --> 00:40:56.370
But, Eddy, they'll find her!

00:40:56.440 --> 00:40:58.681
Then just go, go, go!

00:41:01.120 --> 00:41:03.361
Go, darling, go, go, go.

00:41:11.120 --> 00:41:12.645
Oh, that's great, isn't it?

00:41:12.720 --> 00:41:14.370
Now I've killed two people!

00:41:14.440 --> 00:41:15.441
Oh!

00:41:15.560 --> 00:41:16.561
Come on!

00:41:17.160 --> 00:41:19.288
Eddy, we've got to
get away.
We've got to go now.

00:41:19.560 --> 00:41:21.324
But where?
I can't leave the country.

00:41:21.400 --> 00:41:23.402
I'm a marked woman.

00:41:23.800 --> 00:41:25.564
We could go north.
North?

00:41:25.800 --> 00:41:27.290
What, south?

00:41:27.400 --> 00:41:29.084
You know what we need.

00:41:29.200 --> 00:41:30.850
We need money.

00:41:32.200 --> 00:41:33.486
(BOTH PANTING)

00:41:34.560 --> 00:41:36.847
Darling, darling.
Listen.

00:41:37.840 --> 00:41:40.207
When this is actually over,

00:41:40.280 --> 00:41:42.851
and it will actually be
over one day, darling...

00:41:43.600 --> 00:41:46.604
will you please just remind me...

00:41:47.520 --> 00:41:50.603
to go back for the boots
I just saw
in Westwood window.

00:41:55.720 --> 00:41:56.846
(SIGHS) Eddy?

00:41:57.600 --> 00:41:58.886
What is this?

00:41:58.960 --> 00:42:00.849
Darling, it's a onesie.

00:42:00.920 --> 00:42:02.251
Mmm-hmm.

00:42:03.200 --> 00:42:04.725
I've got some pills.

00:42:05.200 --> 00:42:06.531
Pills, pills, pills.

00:42:06.840 --> 00:42:09.320
I've got some little blue
ones, little pink ones.

00:42:09.600 --> 00:42:11.648
That little blue one.
What's that?

00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:13.321
It's a button.

00:42:13.520 --> 00:42:15.522
(BOTH LAUGHING)

00:42:18.400 --> 00:42:21.290
Maybe I should just resign
myself to my fate, darling.

00:42:22.640 --> 00:42:25.564
I mean, I can't redecorate
my way out of this one,
can I?

00:42:25.640 --> 00:42:27.642
(GUNSHOT)
WOMAN: You bitch!

00:42:28.760 --> 00:42:30.524
Eddy, we've got to escape.

00:42:30.600 --> 00:42:32.364
We've got to get out of the country.

00:42:32.560 --> 00:42:33.891
I have no money.

00:42:33.960 --> 00:42:36.440
Why didn't you marry
some of those rich men
you slept with?

00:42:36.640 --> 00:42:37.641
That wasn't the point.

00:42:38.240 --> 00:42:39.526
There must be someone.

00:42:39.600 --> 00:42:41.489
There must be someone, darling.

00:42:41.760 --> 00:42:45.321
Think. We've got to make
a serious plan. Think!

00:42:49.480 --> 00:42:50.891
We could try a bong.

00:42:51.000 --> 00:42:52.365
I've got a bong.

00:42:52.680 --> 00:42:54.364
(BOTH LAUGHING)

00:42:59.680 --> 00:43:02.809
Everyone used to die young
in old cavemen
historical times.

00:43:02.880 --> 00:43:04.689
They didn't reach the age of 30.

00:43:04.840 --> 00:43:07.844
That's why now,
everyone young
just wants to go so fast.

00:43:08.240 --> 00:43:10.402
But at our age, you're lost, because...

00:43:11.480 --> 00:43:12.720
we should all be dead.

00:43:12.920 --> 00:43:15.526
Shouldn't we, darling?
No, Eddy, no.

00:43:16.000 --> 00:43:17.490
It's very good to die young.

00:43:17.680 --> 00:43:19.921
It is good to go young.

00:43:20.560 --> 00:43:21.561
Yeah.

00:43:22.520 --> 00:43:24.727
(YELPING)

00:43:25.400 --> 00:43:27.289
Oh, no, it's ash.

00:43:27.680 --> 00:43:30.365
(EXHALING)
(SNORTING)

00:43:30.680 --> 00:43:32.523
Oh. (SNORTS)

00:43:32.600 --> 00:43:33.761
Oh...

00:43:33.880 --> 00:43:34.961
Eddy, there was Charlie.

00:43:35.360 --> 00:43:36.441
Who's Charlie?

00:43:36.520 --> 00:43:39.285
Charlie Douglas.
He had an enormous yacht.

00:43:42.280 --> 00:43:43.281
(BOTH MOANING)

00:43:43.400 --> 00:43:44.731
Ah, he never married.

00:43:44.880 --> 00:43:47.042
He said I was the only girl
he would ever marry.

00:43:47.320 --> 00:43:48.970
He said he would wait for me.

00:43:49.400 --> 00:43:50.890
Oh...
We had some good times.

00:43:50.960 --> 00:43:52.962
We had good times and he was rich!

00:43:54.240 --> 00:43:55.241
He was very rich!

00:43:58.840 --> 00:44:00.330
Eddy?
Yeah.

00:44:00.560 --> 00:44:02.961
Saffy's little birth blob has money.

00:44:05.440 --> 00:44:09.001
Darling. We need Lola.
We need to take Lola.

00:44:09.080 --> 00:44:10.320
(CHUCKLING)

00:44:10.400 --> 00:44:11.640
Yeah, we need Lola.

00:44:11.840 --> 00:44:14.571
LOLA: I can hear everything
you're saying, you know.

00:44:15.600 --> 00:44:16.840
Everything.

00:44:16.920 --> 00:44:19.491
Are you looking for my money
so you can go find Charlie?

00:44:19.560 --> 00:44:22.006
No, no, no, darling.
No, no.

00:44:22.440 --> 00:44:25.330
Yes! Give us
your credit cards
and you won't get hurt!

00:44:25.520 --> 00:44:26.521
Why should I?

00:44:26.760 --> 00:44:27.807
Oh. Oh...

00:44:27.880 --> 00:44:31.327
Because, darling,
now you listen to me,
all right?

00:44:31.600 --> 00:44:33.329
I've messed up, I know that,

00:44:33.440 --> 00:44:35.488
but that will happen to anybody...

00:44:35.760 --> 00:44:36.886
who really lives life,

00:44:36.960 --> 00:44:39.770
who really lives life, darling.

00:44:40.000 --> 00:44:42.367
And I now know who my friends are.

00:44:42.480 --> 00:44:45.450
Husbands, they come and go,
but my friend has stayed.

00:44:46.600 --> 00:44:47.601
Why does she stay?

00:44:48.600 --> 00:44:50.045
Because it's bloody good fun.

00:44:50.760 --> 00:44:51.886
We have fun.

00:44:52.360 --> 00:44:54.931
Good fun, darling.
And you know what?

00:44:55.360 --> 00:44:59.046
There's so many great times
out there waiting for us.

00:44:59.480 --> 00:45:01.482
And I don't want to miss them.

00:45:01.680 --> 00:45:03.045
We don't want to miss them, do we?

00:45:03.120 --> 00:45:04.963
Or would you rather stay here?

00:45:05.360 --> 00:45:08.364
You know, with Mum.
(CHUCKLES) Dull old Mum.

00:45:09.360 --> 00:45:11.362
Or come with us, sweetheart.

00:45:11.920 --> 00:45:14.651
Come with us. For fun.

00:45:16.800 --> 00:45:18.450
Fine.
(BOTH GASP)

00:45:18.720 --> 00:45:20.006
You'll need more than the card.

00:45:20.080 --> 00:45:22.845
We can't just walk out of
the house in broad daylight.

00:45:23.040 --> 00:45:26.647
Yeah, of course.
We need help. More help.

00:45:26.840 --> 00:45:28.729
Who else would be
stupid enough
to help you two?

00:45:28.800 --> 00:45:29.801
EDINA: Huh.

00:45:30.600 --> 00:45:32.602
Oh.
(GASPS)

00:45:35.160 --> 00:45:37.481
So what is Patsy's plan?

00:45:37.720 --> 00:45:38.881
Just do what I do.

00:45:39.080 --> 00:45:42.084
We sneak into the house
looking perfectly normal.

00:45:42.400 --> 00:45:44.767
It'll be a nightmare
with all the paparazzi.

00:45:45.520 --> 00:45:48.330
Excuse me! No!
No photographs!

00:45:48.840 --> 00:45:50.842
No one's taking any photos.

00:45:50.920 --> 00:45:52.888
It's as if they didn't know who we are.

00:45:52.960 --> 00:45:54.962
Missed a
perfect opportunity. Get in.

00:45:55.440 --> 00:45:56.851
No photos, no photos.

00:45:57.080 --> 00:45:58.570
Come on, dear.

00:45:59.440 --> 00:46:01.363
Police are urging the crowd to move on.

00:46:01.560 --> 00:46:03.847
The flowers, offerings
of Hunter Wellingtons...

00:46:04.000 --> 00:46:06.207
and bottles of Sauvignon Blanc

00:46:06.440 --> 00:46:07.885
are proving a hazard to shipping.

00:46:08.080 --> 00:46:10.447
Oh, for God's sake, turn it off.

00:46:11.560 --> 00:46:15.849
We can't, darling.
We're drunk and have
eaten too many drugs.

00:46:16.120 --> 00:46:17.770
As per usual.

00:46:21.560 --> 00:46:22.686
Where's Mum?

00:46:23.080 --> 00:46:24.969
(EDINA SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

00:46:26.560 --> 00:46:27.891
What has happened to Kate Moss?

00:46:27.960 --> 00:46:31.123
Where is she?
What in the world
is going on?

00:46:31.200 --> 00:46:33.851
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

00:46:35.760 --> 00:46:37.171
(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

00:46:39.480 --> 00:46:41.482
Quick, quick.
Almost there.

00:46:42.000 --> 00:46:44.731
Get into this taxi
where we're going nowhere.

00:46:44.920 --> 00:46:45.921
What took you so long?

00:46:46.120 --> 00:46:47.246
PATSY: Hurry up, Fleur.

00:46:47.400 --> 00:46:48.481
It's these bloody shoes.

00:46:48.680 --> 00:46:50.045
All right, taxi, drive.

00:46:50.480 --> 00:46:51.720
Drive, drive!

00:46:51.840 --> 00:46:53.251
(SHOW THEME PLAYING)

00:46:53.880 --> 00:46:54.961
Welcome back.

00:46:55.080 --> 00:46:58.163
So, Lily, can you tell us
how you're feeling
about Kate?

00:46:58.600 --> 00:47:00.125
Well...
Put it into words.

00:47:00.920 --> 00:47:02.604
Well, I...
Sad.

00:47:02.920 --> 00:47:04.684
I didn't actually know her that well.

00:47:04.800 --> 00:47:06.609
You're devastated.

00:47:06.920 --> 00:47:07.921
I...

00:47:08.000 --> 00:47:10.480
Heartbroken.
Thank you so much.

00:47:10.760 --> 00:47:13.764
Your feelings are shared
by a nation still in shock.

00:47:14.480 --> 00:47:16.608
(THEME PLAYS)

00:47:18.600 --> 00:47:20.523
How's your mother holding up?

00:47:21.640 --> 00:47:24.166
It seems to be
taking its toll...
facially.

00:47:25.640 --> 00:47:27.165
I'm going to wake Lola up.

00:47:27.280 --> 00:47:28.930
I can't believe she slept this long.

00:47:29.040 --> 00:47:30.963
Let her sleep.
She's a grownup.

00:47:31.200 --> 00:47:33.043
She's thirteen.

00:47:36.680 --> 00:47:37.681
(SHRIEKS)

00:47:44.080 --> 00:47:46.651
I want you to know something.

00:47:48.800 --> 00:47:51.087
I'm sorry I went out that night.

00:47:53.960 --> 00:47:55.086
I, uh...

00:47:57.080 --> 00:47:59.082
should have stayed with you.

00:48:00.080 --> 00:48:04.563
Then perhaps you wouldn't
have got caught up
in all this mess.

00:48:13.960 --> 00:48:15.564
I love you.

00:48:17.240 --> 00:48:18.651
(GASPING)

00:48:22.560 --> 00:48:26.007
Lola's gone. She's gone!
She must have gone
with them!

00:48:27.680 --> 00:48:29.250
Tell me where they've gone.

00:48:30.000 --> 00:48:31.525
Tell me!

00:48:31.640 --> 00:48:33.244
Whoa, whoa. Calm down.

00:48:33.720 --> 00:48:34.846
Where have they gone?

00:48:35.040 --> 00:48:36.041
We don't know.

00:48:36.160 --> 00:48:37.161
We weren't told.

00:48:37.600 --> 00:48:40.251
A girl has only
one confidante
and mum's the word.

00:48:40.320 --> 00:48:43.722
Oh, her hairdresser,
Christopher. Oh!

00:48:44.000 --> 00:48:45.240
FLEUR: Judas.

00:48:45.680 --> 00:48:46.886
I knew she spoke to him

00:48:46.960 --> 00:48:48.928
because she canceled her next appointment.

00:48:49.120 --> 00:48:50.281
Don't panic.

00:48:50.360 --> 00:48:53.125
It's only a problem
if they've left the country.

00:48:57.040 --> 00:48:58.371
Welcome to Budget.

00:48:58.720 --> 00:49:01.724
Where the only tossers
are our baggage handlers.

00:49:02.040 --> 00:49:03.280
How are you? Hi.

00:49:03.680 --> 00:49:04.966
Morning.
Oh, shut up.

00:49:05.120 --> 00:49:06.360
Where we wing it.

00:49:06.720 --> 00:49:08.370
PILOT: Welcome on-board
Budget Airlines.

00:49:08.640 --> 00:49:10.768
This is flight BD1 15 to Nice.

00:49:11.040 --> 00:49:13.361
Where is first class?
Down the back?

00:49:13.720 --> 00:49:15.370
(LAUGHING) Oh...
(LAUGHING)

00:49:15.760 --> 00:49:17.285
There is no first class.

00:49:17.360 --> 00:49:20.045
It's just first ass on any available seat.

00:49:20.280 --> 00:49:22.647
We are three.
There's only two seats.

00:49:22.840 --> 00:49:25.844
The middle one isn't a seat,
it's where you put your bag.

00:49:26.040 --> 00:49:29.328
Oh, no, they're all seats.
Uh, you put your bags up top.

00:49:30.880 --> 00:49:31.881
Oh, God.

00:49:32.320 --> 00:49:33.321
Uh...

00:49:33.760 --> 00:49:37.321
I don't put the bags up.
I'm the designated DNB.

00:49:39.240 --> 00:49:40.401
"Do Nothing Bitch."

00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:45.240
Thank you.
WOMAN: Ow!

00:49:46.480 --> 00:49:48.084
Sandwich. Heads up.

00:49:48.320 --> 00:49:50.084
Can we get free nuts
and drinks from the bitch?

00:49:50.240 --> 00:49:53.244
Oi, waitress?
We want our complimentary
drinks and nuts.

00:49:53.640 --> 00:49:58.089
Oh, you have to prepay
for all the snacks
and beverages.

00:49:58.320 --> 00:50:01.688
Just get your credit card,
slip it through your slot.

00:50:01.920 --> 00:50:04.241
Uh, ma'am, you'll have to take your seat.

00:50:04.680 --> 00:50:05.920
I need a piss.

00:50:06.120 --> 00:50:07.246
It'll have to wait.

00:50:09.240 --> 00:50:10.765
I've started.

00:50:15.800 --> 00:50:18.690
I hate how you have to
be nice to transgendered
people now.

00:50:18.880 --> 00:50:20.769
Just reach around
and get that
lady's red wine.

00:50:20.840 --> 00:50:22.001
No.

00:50:22.360 --> 00:50:24.089
(ALARM BLARING)

00:50:28.760 --> 00:50:30.967
Oi! Drop the fag, hag!

00:50:31.280 --> 00:50:32.725
What is your problem?

00:50:33.240 --> 00:50:34.401
You!

00:50:34.960 --> 00:50:36.291
(SNORTING)

00:50:42.360 --> 00:50:43.771
(DISGUSTED GRUNT)

00:50:45.080 --> 00:50:49.290
(SIGHS) Cheers.
Don't get that
on British Airways.

00:50:54.400 --> 00:50:56.289
(FRENCH POP SONG PLAYING)

00:51:00.920 --> 00:51:02.410
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

00:51:02.480 --> 00:51:03.481
EDINA: Whoo-hoo!

00:51:04.280 --> 00:51:05.281
We did it, Pats!

00:51:05.440 --> 00:51:07.408
Oh, Eddy, we did it!

00:51:07.480 --> 00:51:08.845
We're free, free!

00:51:09.160 --> 00:51:10.525
We can breathe!

00:51:10.600 --> 00:51:11.726
Breathe!

00:51:12.320 --> 00:51:14.209
We're going to join the jet set.

00:51:14.400 --> 00:51:15.401
The jet set.

00:51:15.840 --> 00:51:17.842
So you're going to marry this Charlie?

00:51:18.000 --> 00:51:19.843
She's going to marry him,

00:51:19.920 --> 00:51:21.684
then he's going to die
and we'll get all the money.

00:51:21.760 --> 00:51:22.761
(LAUGHING)

00:51:22.840 --> 00:51:24.080
How old is he?

00:51:24.160 --> 00:51:25.400
Oh, he's ancient.

00:51:25.840 --> 00:51:27.524
He's old.
He's like on death's door.

00:51:28.400 --> 00:51:30.129
Actually, he's the same age as me.

00:51:30.200 --> 00:51:31.486
(LAUGHS)

00:51:33.000 --> 00:51:35.002
We need more champagne, darling.

00:51:35.200 --> 00:51:36.361
No, it's nearly over its limit.

00:51:36.440 --> 00:51:37.441
What does that mean?

00:51:37.840 --> 00:51:40.366
It means we need
Charlie's big bucks,
darling,

00:51:40.440 --> 00:51:42.363
if we're ever going to live the dream.

00:51:42.760 --> 00:51:45.331
Oh, Eddy, the dream.
The dream, darling.

00:51:45.480 --> 00:51:46.481
(PETER SARSTEDT SINGING)

00:51:46.840 --> 00:51:50.367
But where do you go to my lovely

00:51:50.760 --> 00:51:53.366
When you're alone in your bed

00:51:55.040 --> 00:51:58.044
Tell me the thoughts that surround you

00:51:58.880 --> 00:52:01.247
I want to look inside your head, yes, I do

00:52:11.360 --> 00:52:14.125
I need to buy champagne.
What's that in French?

00:52:14.200 --> 00:52:16.009
Champignons,
champignons.
(GLASS SHATTERS)

00:52:16.120 --> 00:52:17.884
We need to get out of these clothes.

00:52:18.040 --> 00:52:19.849
It's all right, darling.
No one knows us here.

00:52:19.920 --> 00:52:21.285
They're just so horrible.

00:52:22.240 --> 00:52:23.366
Oh, Eddy?

00:52:24.400 --> 00:52:26.084
Oh.

00:52:27.160 --> 00:52:28.491
Buongiorno!

00:52:30.880 --> 00:52:31.881
(SIGHS)

00:52:33.040 --> 00:52:35.281
Baby Bunton, Pats.
Baby Bunton.

00:52:35.360 --> 00:52:36.361
Shit.

00:52:36.840 --> 00:52:38.365
Eddy, Eddy.

00:52:48.400 --> 00:52:49.401
(SIGHS)

00:52:49.520 --> 00:52:52.251
Why can't we go anywhere
without knowing someone?

00:52:52.520 --> 00:52:54.090
She didn't see us.
(SIGHS)

00:52:54.960 --> 00:52:56.849
I think I just saw Edina Monsoon.

00:52:56.920 --> 00:52:57.967
Really?

00:52:58.160 --> 00:53:01.164
Unless you've seen
a mannequin that fat before.

00:53:11.280 --> 00:53:13.851
Hiya. You okay?

00:53:15.520 --> 00:53:18.410
I've put you into hot yoga after this.

00:53:18.480 --> 00:53:20.528
You do it
in an actual oven. Ooh!

00:53:21.600 --> 00:53:23.329
You'd like that, wouldn't you?

00:53:23.400 --> 00:53:26.131
Just don't think about Edina Monsoon.

00:53:26.880 --> 00:53:28.245
Oh, thanks.

00:53:28.320 --> 00:53:29.321
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

00:53:30.880 --> 00:53:32.291
It's Emma Bunton.

00:53:32.560 --> 00:53:34.289
What? Emma Bunton?

00:53:36.440 --> 00:53:38.283
No. Edina?

00:53:38.560 --> 00:53:40.005
She's where?

00:53:40.200 --> 00:53:41.361
Did you call the police?

00:53:41.560 --> 00:53:43.847
Yes. And I'm going
over there to make sure

00:53:43.920 --> 00:53:45.331
the police do their job!

00:53:45.480 --> 00:53:47.482
Her P.A. has a house
near Cannes.

00:53:47.880 --> 00:53:50.167
Bubble has a house there?
Yeah.

00:53:50.360 --> 00:53:51.646
You talked to her?

00:53:52.040 --> 00:53:54.361
Yeah. She's had
a terrible time.

00:53:54.440 --> 00:53:56.568
It's been quite a saga.

00:53:57.440 --> 00:53:59.169
(METAL DETECTOR BUZZING)
Nothing.

00:54:00.640 --> 00:54:02.165
(BEEPING)
What's that?

00:54:05.040 --> 00:54:07.327
That's nice. eBay?

00:54:07.480 --> 00:54:08.481
BUBBLE: Oi!

00:54:09.040 --> 00:54:11.168
Oi, you!

00:54:12.480 --> 00:54:15.006
Bonjour.
Bonjour.

00:54:16.040 --> 00:54:18.008
Have you been in the water long?

00:54:18.160 --> 00:54:20.606
All bloody night.
Did you jump?

00:54:21.040 --> 00:54:24.362
Did I, buggery.
I was pushed.

00:54:26.240 --> 00:54:29.608
Lola won't answer my calls
and I've tried every number
for Christopher.

00:54:29.680 --> 00:54:31.648
I'll have to look for him.

00:54:31.800 --> 00:54:33.086
At least she's with your mother.

00:54:33.760 --> 00:54:34.761
And Patsy.

00:54:35.840 --> 00:54:37.126
My daughter is with Patsy.

00:54:37.320 --> 00:54:38.401
I'll come with you.

00:54:38.680 --> 00:54:40.045
Edina must be back
in 3 days for
the primary hearing.

00:54:40.240 --> 00:54:43.050
I don't care about her.
No, I'm sorry.

00:54:43.240 --> 00:54:45.004
Let me.
No!

00:54:45.680 --> 00:54:47.250
I'm better on my own.

00:54:57.720 --> 00:54:58.926
(MUSIC PLAYING)

00:54:59.880 --> 00:55:03.248
Shoot that poison arrow
to my heart, heart, heart

00:55:03.760 --> 00:55:05.364
Shoot that poison arrow to my heart

00:55:05.800 --> 00:55:07.245
Oh, hello. I know you.

00:55:07.400 --> 00:55:10.051
My mother used to bring me
here as a child.

00:55:11.160 --> 00:55:14.448
Shoot that poison arrow
to my heart, heart, heart

00:55:15.080 --> 00:55:16.730
Shoot that poison arrow

00:55:18.880 --> 00:55:20.928
Shoot that poison arrow

00:55:23.840 --> 00:55:26.969
Christopher, I know you're
here. I just saw you.

00:55:27.240 --> 00:55:28.890
(ALL BOOING)

00:55:29.720 --> 00:55:31.768
My daughter's gone missing

00:55:31.840 --> 00:55:33.365
and I think you know where she's gone.

00:55:33.760 --> 00:55:35.250
Clear off, you little wet wipe!

00:55:38.080 --> 00:55:39.844
Just sing something.

00:55:39.920 --> 00:55:42.082
That'll quieten them down.

00:55:42.840 --> 00:55:45.081
Get off, you little bitch troll!

00:55:49.840 --> 00:55:52.081
I learned the truth at seventeen

00:55:52.360 --> 00:55:55.807
That love was meant for beauty queens

00:55:56.760 --> 00:56:00.048
And high school girls
with clear-skinned smiles

00:56:00.360 --> 00:56:03.887
Who married young and then retired

00:56:07.320 --> 00:56:11.245
And those of us with ravaged faces

00:56:12.080 --> 00:56:14.970
Lacking in the social graces

00:56:15.320 --> 00:56:18.767
Desperately remained at home

00:56:18.960 --> 00:56:22.123
lnventing lovers on the phone

00:56:22.800 --> 00:56:26.122
Who called to say "Come dance with me"

00:56:27.400 --> 00:56:30.483
And murmured vague obscenities

00:56:31.400 --> 00:56:35.962
It isn't all it seems at seventeen

00:56:37.000 --> 00:56:38.081
(INAUDIBLE)

00:56:40.440 --> 00:56:42.124
LOLA: So who is this Charles?

00:56:42.320 --> 00:56:44.448
Oh, just an old scrotum Patsy knows.

00:56:44.520 --> 00:56:45.931
More money than marbles.

00:56:46.160 --> 00:56:48.049
Charles was rather superb, actually.

00:56:48.240 --> 00:56:51.244
Back when the
South of France
was really something...

00:56:51.440 --> 00:56:52.771
God created woman

00:56:52.840 --> 00:56:54.922
and Brigitte Bardot
was just out of nappies.

00:56:55.120 --> 00:56:57.122
She's back in 'em now.

00:56:57.320 --> 00:56:59.322
What did Charles do?
Films.

00:56:59.520 --> 00:57:02.000
What kind?
Art films.

00:57:05.400 --> 00:57:06.561
Oh, porn!

00:57:06.840 --> 00:57:07.841
(GASPS)

00:57:08.920 --> 00:57:10.490
Well, no.
For connoisseurs...

00:57:10.840 --> 00:57:11.921
Gentlemen.

00:57:12.040 --> 00:57:13.121
Gentlesseurs.

00:57:13.360 --> 00:57:14.327
If you don't find him?

00:57:14.400 --> 00:57:15.925
This is my old hunting ground.

00:57:16.160 --> 00:57:18.162
Plenty of prey out there.

00:57:18.360 --> 00:57:20.283
And they won't need
beaters to flush 'em out

00:57:20.360 --> 00:57:22.442
once they sniff me up the Croisette.

00:57:22.520 --> 00:57:23.885
(BOTH LAUGHING)

00:57:24.400 --> 00:57:27.165
So the plan is, we start
at Violet's party, right?

00:57:27.360 --> 00:57:29.089
The old guys will be there.

00:57:29.280 --> 00:57:30.406
My mother doesn't know anything

00:57:30.480 --> 00:57:31.891
and Violet won't care.

00:57:32.000 --> 00:57:33.889
In the South of France,
everyone's a criminal!

00:57:33.960 --> 00:57:35.007
(BOTH LAUGHING)

00:57:35.080 --> 00:57:36.206
Plenty of cleavage, Eddy.

00:57:36.400 --> 00:57:37.447
Yes, darling.
I'm wearing this.

00:57:37.520 --> 00:57:38.885
But not those shoes.

00:57:39.080 --> 00:57:40.889
Those shoes, darling.
Not those shoes.

00:57:41.160 --> 00:57:42.207
But I like these shoes.

00:57:42.360 --> 00:57:43.407
They make you hobble.

00:57:43.840 --> 00:57:47.401
I'm wearing them anyway.
I have thin ankles.

00:57:48.400 --> 00:57:52.086
ALL: We all play the game
and when we dare

00:57:52.480 --> 00:57:56.007
We cheat ourselves at solitaire

00:57:56.360 --> 00:57:59.284
lnventing lovers on the phone

00:57:59.840 --> 00:58:00.807
Oh, my God.

00:58:00.880 --> 00:58:03.008
What that woman has done to you.

00:58:04.120 --> 00:58:05.121
You have to tell me where she is.

00:58:05.200 --> 00:58:06.201
Do you know?

00:58:07.000 --> 00:58:09.128
Cannes.
Cannes in France.
Thank you.

00:58:09.440 --> 00:58:10.441
And, hey.

00:58:11.240 --> 00:58:12.241
Make your own kind of music.

00:58:14.320 --> 00:58:15.321
(ALL CHEERING)

00:58:20.360 --> 00:58:21.361
Merci.

00:58:21.440 --> 00:58:23.124
You're very lucky at this.

00:58:23.320 --> 00:58:24.560
No, not luck.

00:58:24.640 --> 00:58:27.086
It's just that I play a bad hand well.

00:58:27.240 --> 00:58:28.890
Don't we all?

00:58:29.120 --> 00:58:30.531
Keep behind us.

00:58:30.600 --> 00:58:32.090
Stay behind.
Don't come with us.

00:58:32.240 --> 00:58:33.526
This is it, Eddy.

00:58:33.600 --> 00:58:35.090
(HUMMING)

00:58:35.160 --> 00:58:37.242
I'm looking good, I'm looking...

00:58:39.600 --> 00:58:42.285
Oh, Eddy, look how young we are.

00:58:43.040 --> 00:58:44.565
EDINA:
Look at the sad shoes.

00:58:44.920 --> 00:58:46.331
It's all leopard print and liver spots.

00:58:46.400 --> 00:58:47.970
It's like old age camouflage.

00:58:48.160 --> 00:58:50.049
I smell formaldehyde.
(CHUCKLES)

00:58:50.240 --> 00:58:52.242
What on earth are you doing here?

00:58:52.440 --> 00:58:53.566
Mrs. M.

00:58:53.960 --> 00:58:55.371
Just looking for the party.

00:58:55.560 --> 00:58:56.561
Well, this is it.

00:58:57.640 --> 00:58:59.005
Yoo-hoo!

00:58:59.280 --> 00:59:00.566
PATSY:
Christ, is that Violet?

00:59:00.960 --> 00:59:03.247
What is this,
some late-life lesbo party?

00:59:03.320 --> 00:59:04.481
Where are the men?

00:59:04.920 --> 00:59:06.285
They're on the terrace, dear.

00:59:06.600 --> 00:59:10.047
We have to make do
with cards
and a little dancing.

00:59:11.040 --> 00:59:12.610
It's quite nice, actually.

00:59:14.160 --> 00:59:16.401
Terrace, terrace, terrace.

00:59:16.480 --> 00:59:17.527
Yeah. Yeah.

00:59:17.600 --> 00:59:21.321
You stay here
with the old ones.
We're off.

00:59:21.920 --> 00:59:24.491
Ooh, look, Pats,
not hobbling,
not hobbling.

00:59:25.640 --> 00:59:27.483
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

00:59:32.160 --> 00:59:34.083
Ah, this is more like it, Eds.

00:59:34.280 --> 00:59:36.248
This is our kind of party, darling.

00:59:36.320 --> 00:59:38.288
We fit in here.

00:59:39.000 --> 00:59:40.286
Hey, Monty.
How's things?

00:59:40.480 --> 00:59:42.642
No ex-wives
allowed here.

00:59:43.080 --> 00:59:45.082
You need some help, old ladies?

00:59:45.160 --> 00:59:46.241
(WOMAN GIGGLES)

00:59:46.960 --> 00:59:49.088
The place is full of weird babies.

00:59:49.280 --> 00:59:51.169
Little stretched fetus faces.

00:59:51.320 --> 00:59:52.560
Patsy!

00:59:52.960 --> 00:59:53.961
(CHUCKLING) Patsy!

00:59:54.520 --> 00:59:56.648
It's Charlie. Stay here.
Jesus.

00:59:57.440 --> 01:00:00.091
My God!
I'd know those tits
anywhere!

01:00:00.360 --> 01:00:01.646
Patsy!

01:00:03.120 --> 01:00:05.248
Oh, Charles, darling.

01:00:05.400 --> 01:00:06.447
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

01:00:06.520 --> 01:00:08.363
What are you doing here, Patricia?

01:00:08.560 --> 01:00:10.562
Charles, darling, looking for you.

01:00:10.720 --> 01:00:12.165
(CHUCKLES)
Oh.

01:00:13.000 --> 01:00:14.331
Still got the yacht, Charlie?

01:00:15.000 --> 01:00:16.240
I've got a big one.

01:00:16.640 --> 01:00:18.005
The trouble is the girls

01:00:18.080 --> 01:00:20.321
all want their own cabins these days.

01:00:21.040 --> 01:00:24.010
Oh, Charlie, do you remember the old days?

01:00:24.520 --> 01:00:28.570
You... Fiona
and that Kristel wench.

01:00:28.720 --> 01:00:31.041
No, Charlie. I meant us.

01:00:32.120 --> 01:00:34.566
Black Emanuelle meets Hitler.

01:00:35.120 --> 01:00:37.248
I loved that film! (LAUGHS)

01:00:38.680 --> 01:00:40.444
Do you remember waking up together

01:00:40.520 --> 01:00:42.682
in hot, sweet Saint-Tropez?

01:00:43.040 --> 01:00:46.681
Walking across the duckboards
down to the fairy blue sea?

01:00:47.080 --> 01:00:48.923
Oh, I miss those times.

01:00:49.680 --> 01:00:51.250
So do I, Charlie.

01:00:51.400 --> 01:00:53.402
But you know what I really miss?

01:00:53.600 --> 01:00:55.090
Yes, Charles.

01:00:56.160 --> 01:00:57.321
Pubic hair.

01:00:57.400 --> 01:00:58.561
I'm sick of those Brazilians...

01:00:59.040 --> 01:01:02.567
those Hollywoods.
So bald, so boring.

01:01:03.080 --> 01:01:05.242
I had a full beard in those days.

01:01:05.400 --> 01:01:08.404
But I suppose you are what you eat.

01:01:08.600 --> 01:01:09.647
(CHORTLES)

01:01:09.720 --> 01:01:12.246
But Charlie, Charlie, look at me.

01:01:12.400 --> 01:01:16.291
Remember you said
you would only
ever marry me?

01:01:16.520 --> 01:01:17.760
Uh, I might have said that.

01:01:18.160 --> 01:01:20.322
Well, Charles, I'm ready.

01:01:21.080 --> 01:01:22.764
My answer is yes.

01:01:23.440 --> 01:01:25.647
Steady on, Patsy, steady on.

01:01:26.720 --> 01:01:29.451
As you can see,
we're very well
catered for here.

01:01:30.120 --> 01:01:31.246
(LAUGHS)

01:01:31.320 --> 01:01:34.324
Charlie, you always said I was the one.

01:01:35.200 --> 01:01:37.441
I think he's tired of you now.

01:01:37.720 --> 01:01:40.610
Isn't she terrific looking?

01:01:41.120 --> 01:01:42.610
Charlie, she's a gold digger.

01:01:43.080 --> 01:01:44.605
I'm a gold mine.

01:01:47.320 --> 01:01:51.120
Oh, by the way,
steer clear of the Jacuzzi.

01:01:51.320 --> 01:01:54.483
It's a smoothie of old sperm.

01:01:55.480 --> 01:01:56.481
Ciao.

01:02:02.560 --> 01:02:03.686
Hmm?

01:02:04.240 --> 01:02:05.480
Bastard.

01:02:06.480 --> 01:02:07.606
(SIGHS)

01:02:14.120 --> 01:02:15.246
No luck?

01:02:15.360 --> 01:02:16.486
No.

01:02:17.360 --> 01:02:19.203
You see, dear, we're all too old now.

01:02:19.280 --> 01:02:20.406
Oh, shut up.

01:02:20.480 --> 01:02:23.290
Come on, Eddy!
It's my birthday.

01:02:23.360 --> 01:02:25.249
Come on, come on.

01:02:25.320 --> 01:02:26.685
Oh!

01:02:31.240 --> 01:02:32.321
Enjoying yourself?

01:02:32.440 --> 01:02:33.521
No.

01:02:37.680 --> 01:02:40.809
EDINA: No, I'm young!
I'm still young.
I'm not old.

01:02:41.240 --> 01:02:43.402
I'm not old.
I'm still young.

01:02:43.680 --> 01:02:45.489
Because 60 is the new 40!

01:02:45.680 --> 01:02:48.160
Sixty is the new 40!

01:02:48.360 --> 01:02:50.522
No! Not the sad feet!

01:02:51.160 --> 01:02:52.525
(SOBBING)

01:02:56.440 --> 01:02:57.441
Oh, ow! Ow.

01:02:57.520 --> 01:02:58.521
Careful!

01:02:58.720 --> 01:03:01.326
With your reputation
for galumphing into people,

01:03:01.400 --> 01:03:03.289
we don't want you to
trip over the Duchess.

01:03:05.200 --> 01:03:06.247
EDINA: What is that?

01:03:06.400 --> 01:03:07.526
She's the Dowager Baroness

01:03:07.600 --> 01:03:11.400
Lubliana Thysen von Rothschild und Muck.

01:03:16.400 --> 01:03:19.165
Pats, Pats, Pats, Pats, Pats.

01:03:19.840 --> 01:03:23.845
That is the richest woman in the world.

01:03:25.320 --> 01:03:26.845
Darling, that...

01:03:27.320 --> 01:03:30.847
is the richest woman in the world!

01:03:32.840 --> 01:03:34.649
No, Eddy, no, no, Eddy, no!

01:03:34.760 --> 01:03:36.569
Yes, yes, yes.
Just come on.

01:03:37.440 --> 01:03:38.601
Oi! Where are
you two off to?

01:03:38.720 --> 01:03:39.926
Laundry. You come, too.

01:03:40.240 --> 01:03:41.241
(YELPS)

01:03:43.720 --> 01:03:46.121
FEMALE RADIO REPORTER:
Reports from a source
close to the investigation

01:03:46.200 --> 01:03:48.521
suggest Edina Monsoon
may have fled the country.

01:03:48.600 --> 01:03:49.601
For you.
Ooh.

01:03:50.360 --> 01:03:51.566
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

01:03:53.400 --> 01:03:54.401
SAFFY: Gran?

01:03:54.600 --> 01:03:56.602
Oh, hello, Saffy.
Is Mum there?

01:03:56.760 --> 01:03:59.604
Yes, your mother and Patsy are here.

01:03:59.880 --> 01:04:01.484
What about Lola?

01:04:01.680 --> 01:04:03.091
Is she with them?

01:04:03.200 --> 01:04:04.611
Well, she was, dear.

01:04:05.360 --> 01:04:08.569
Oh, my goodness. I must go.
Shirley Bassey is arriving...

01:04:08.760 --> 01:04:10.603
any minute now.

01:04:18.600 --> 01:04:20.728
The minute you walked in thejoint

01:04:21.600 --> 01:04:24.683
I could see you were a man of distinction

01:04:24.800 --> 01:04:25.847
A real big spender

01:04:25.960 --> 01:04:27.291
Very nice.

01:04:27.440 --> 01:04:30.250
Good lookin', so refined

01:04:30.440 --> 01:04:33.808
Say,
wouldn't you like to know
what's goin' on in my mind?

01:04:34.000 --> 01:04:35.889
So let me get right to the point

01:04:36.760 --> 01:04:39.286
I don't pop my cork for every man I see

01:04:39.640 --> 01:04:40.880
May we join you?

01:04:41.000 --> 01:04:42.240
Who are you?

01:04:42.640 --> 01:04:44.404
I am Edina.

01:04:44.920 --> 01:04:47.651
May I introduce my brother Pat?

01:04:47.760 --> 01:04:49.967
Spend a little time with me

01:04:50.800 --> 01:04:53.406
Stone. Pat Stone.

01:04:53.960 --> 01:04:55.644
(MUFFLED GRUNTING)

01:04:56.520 --> 01:04:58.488
Do you know who I am?

01:04:58.800 --> 01:05:01.246
Dowager Baroness Lubliana

01:05:01.320 --> 01:05:03.800
Thysen von Rothschild und Muck.

01:05:04.280 --> 01:05:07.523
So you're not partying
with all the other men?

01:05:07.720 --> 01:05:09.324
No, he likes older women.

01:05:09.520 --> 01:05:11.488
Not those girls.

01:05:14.680 --> 01:05:18.287
We want a proper shuffle,
no fuzzing the cards.

01:05:18.400 --> 01:05:21.324
(MOANING)
(CHUCKLES)

01:05:22.360 --> 01:05:23.691
With me

01:05:28.920 --> 01:05:29.921
(NANCY SINATRA SINGING)

01:05:30.000 --> 01:05:33.447
Spring was never waiting for us, boy

01:05:33.520 --> 01:05:36.490
It ran one step ahead

01:05:36.560 --> 01:05:38.642
As we followed in the dance

01:05:43.760 --> 01:05:47.890
Between the parted pages and were pressed

01:05:48.040 --> 01:05:52.409
ln love's hot fevered iron
like a striped...

01:05:52.480 --> 01:05:53.481
(MUSIC STOPS)

01:05:54.480 --> 01:05:56.482
(MINISTER SPEAKING FRENCH)

01:06:07.000 --> 01:06:08.490
French.

01:06:09.000 --> 01:06:10.490
Pat Stone.

01:06:11.040 --> 01:06:12.804
(CONTINUES SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

01:06:12.880 --> 01:06:13.881
PATSY: Yeah.

01:06:15.040 --> 01:06:16.041
Yeah.

01:06:16.800 --> 01:06:17.801
Oui.

01:06:17.880 --> 01:06:19.405
(MINISTER SPEAKING FRENCH)
Okay.

01:06:30.680 --> 01:06:31.966
Yes, absolutely.

01:06:32.080 --> 01:06:33.764
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

01:06:34.760 --> 01:06:35.921
Now.

01:06:36.360 --> 01:06:37.361
Oh!

01:06:43.520 --> 01:06:46.046
Oh, what a rainbow world we live in.

01:06:46.800 --> 01:06:47.961
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
(MUSIC RESUMES)

01:06:54.720 --> 01:06:56.085
(BELL TOLLING)
(WOMAN SINGING)

01:06:56.520 --> 01:07:00.764
EDINA:
Till death do you part,
till death do you part.

01:07:00.920 --> 01:07:02.763
How long do you think it will be?

01:07:02.920 --> 01:07:05.651
Let Lubey have her moment.
Come on, sweetie, be cool.

01:07:05.840 --> 01:07:07.126
My darling Pat.

01:07:07.440 --> 01:07:09.010
You feeling all right?

01:07:09.600 --> 01:07:11.011
(MUMBLING)

01:07:11.400 --> 01:07:14.643
MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark

01:07:14.720 --> 01:07:18.805
All the sweet green icing flowing down

01:07:18.920 --> 01:07:20.729
(EDINA SIGHS AND CHUCKLES)

01:07:23.080 --> 01:07:25.048
Still got it, hasn't it, the Riviera?

01:07:25.120 --> 01:07:27.566
Yeah, it's still got it.

01:07:28.560 --> 01:07:29.686
Where are we going?

01:07:29.880 --> 01:07:32.008
The Grand-Hotel
Du Cap-Ferrat.

01:07:33.360 --> 01:07:35.966
Oh, Eddy,
the six finest words
in the English language.

01:07:37.640 --> 01:07:38.971
Are we booked in?

01:07:39.120 --> 01:07:41.885
No need, it's mine.
I own it.

01:07:41.960 --> 01:07:43.200
(GROWLS)

01:07:59.840 --> 01:08:02.127
I'm so happy.
Are you?

01:08:02.560 --> 01:08:04.449
Tremendously happy.

01:08:04.720 --> 01:08:06.848
You and I are married.
(CHUCKLES)

01:08:07.440 --> 01:08:08.726
So...

01:08:11.120 --> 01:08:12.610
so...

01:08:13.520 --> 01:08:14.681
happy?

01:08:14.840 --> 01:08:16.604
Tremendously.

01:08:17.000 --> 01:08:20.129
Now it's late, darling.
Bed beckons.

01:08:21.600 --> 01:08:24.604
Does it? Um, another drink?
Perhaps some nibbles?

01:08:24.840 --> 01:08:26.604
I'm tired.

01:08:27.040 --> 01:08:28.849
Oh, I'm tired, too.

01:08:29.160 --> 01:08:31.128
Would you mind if I retired?

01:08:31.200 --> 01:08:33.043
Stay and drink with your sister.

01:08:33.480 --> 01:08:35.687
I don't mind.
Enjoy the evening.

01:08:35.960 --> 01:08:36.961
(SHOUTING)

01:08:38.600 --> 01:08:40.489
And thank you.

01:08:40.840 --> 01:08:41.841
I may be...

01:08:41.920 --> 01:08:43.126
the richest woman in the world,

01:08:43.200 --> 01:08:47.171
but also sometimes the loneliest.

01:08:47.640 --> 01:08:49.529
Oh, Lubey.

01:08:49.880 --> 01:08:51.370
Am I interrupting something?
No, darling.

01:08:51.480 --> 01:08:52.481
(SHOUTS)

01:08:53.360 --> 01:08:55.727
(CHUCKLING)
Au revoir.

01:08:55.840 --> 01:08:57.171
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

01:08:59.280 --> 01:09:00.281
(SIGHS)

01:09:01.320 --> 01:09:02.401
Oh, Eddy.

01:09:03.320 --> 01:09:05.243
Little Lubey, Eds.
Mmm.

01:09:06.040 --> 01:09:07.724
is a darling.

01:09:08.480 --> 01:09:10.721
Wasabi nut, wasabi.
(SPITS)

01:09:13.520 --> 01:09:14.521
(EDINA SIGHS)

01:09:17.080 --> 01:09:18.650
Thank you, darling.

01:09:19.080 --> 01:09:20.525
How are you feeling?

01:09:20.920 --> 01:09:22.081
Tremendously happy.

01:09:22.200 --> 01:09:24.248
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

01:09:26.560 --> 01:09:28.130
What if they've found Bubble?

01:09:28.560 --> 01:09:30.927
Darling, don't
think about it.
They can't tie it to us.

01:09:31.200 --> 01:09:32.929
Yeah, yeah.

01:09:34.200 --> 01:09:36.771
Eddy, living well is the best revenge.

01:09:40.080 --> 01:09:41.923
This could be our life, couldn't it?

01:09:42.120 --> 01:09:45.602
This is our life.
We're not going back.

01:09:45.800 --> 01:09:48.121
And what's to miss?
Just things.

01:09:49.120 --> 01:09:51.168
You've never had attachments, have you?

01:09:51.560 --> 01:09:53.210
They're not attachments.

01:09:53.280 --> 01:09:56.124
They're parasites, ticks, danglers.

01:09:56.800 --> 01:09:58.848
You can buy new things.

01:10:02.120 --> 01:10:03.121
Hmm.

01:10:04.560 --> 01:10:06.244
We're not going back.

01:10:07.160 --> 01:10:08.321
Do you want vodka in that?

01:10:08.440 --> 01:10:09.646
Yeah.

01:10:15.960 --> 01:10:18.247
LULU: I can't believe
you can afford a place
like this.

01:10:18.840 --> 01:10:22.970
Well, I do all our accounts
and I've been overpaying
meself for years.

01:10:23.280 --> 01:10:26.841
'Twas nowt but a wormhole
when I bought it, though.

01:10:27.160 --> 01:10:29.606
She's an idiot and she
tried to kill you, remember.

01:10:29.680 --> 01:10:30.681
I know, but...

01:10:31.560 --> 01:10:32.800
I called the police.

01:10:32.960 --> 01:10:36.851
They will find her.
And she will get...

01:10:37.000 --> 01:10:38.240
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

01:10:55.760 --> 01:10:57.649
Hello, Saffy, dear.
Gran.

01:10:57.880 --> 01:11:00.281
Funniest thing...
I was wrong.

01:11:00.560 --> 01:11:01.846
Lola's not here?

01:11:02.160 --> 01:11:04.766
It wasn't Shirley Bassey,
it was a lookalike.

01:11:04.960 --> 01:11:06.689
Gran, where is Lola?

01:11:06.880 --> 01:11:08.882
I have no idea, dear.

01:11:09.320 --> 01:11:10.765
Come on, Gloria.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

01:11:12.000 --> 01:11:13.365
Have you got the balls?

01:11:13.640 --> 01:11:14.846
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

01:11:15.320 --> 01:11:16.367
EMMA: Saff!

01:11:16.760 --> 01:11:18.205
Emma. Lola!

01:11:18.760 --> 01:11:19.841
Are you all right?

01:11:20.000 --> 01:11:21.047
I'm fine.

01:11:21.240 --> 01:11:24.881
I found her cleaning my room.
They gave her to housekeeping.

01:11:25.040 --> 01:11:26.041
I'm so glad you're safe.

01:11:26.120 --> 01:11:27.121
Mmm-hmm.

01:11:28.320 --> 01:11:29.367
I love you.

01:11:31.040 --> 01:11:32.326
Thanks.

01:11:35.000 --> 01:11:36.729
What are you doing here?

01:11:36.920 --> 01:11:38.206
Oh, it's a long story.

01:11:38.280 --> 01:11:41.204
Lulu called the police
because I saw
your mother here.

01:11:41.720 --> 01:11:42.721
Lulu?

01:11:42.800 --> 01:11:43.881
(CEL PHONE RINGING)

01:11:44.360 --> 01:11:45.691
Nick?

01:11:45.920 --> 01:11:47.046
What?

01:11:47.240 --> 01:11:48.287
Oh, uh...

01:11:48.360 --> 01:11:50.931
Hang on.
Can you look after Lola?

01:11:51.240 --> 01:11:54.244
Of course.
I won't be long,
I promise.

01:11:59.800 --> 01:12:02.087
Nick, I found Lola.
I found your mother.

01:12:02.280 --> 01:12:03.281
I don't care about my mother.

01:12:03.360 --> 01:12:05.362
Yes, you do. Drive!

01:12:07.280 --> 01:12:08.281
Allez.

01:12:08.760 --> 01:12:09.841
Go. Please.

01:12:19.840 --> 01:12:20.966
I don't normally like the stuff

01:12:21.040 --> 01:12:23.725
you get in hotel lobbies,
but this is quite nice.

01:12:23.960 --> 01:12:25.086
It's fabulous.

01:12:25.720 --> 01:12:26.721
(EDINA SIGHS)

01:12:27.760 --> 01:12:28.966
Oh, I could get used to this.

01:12:29.960 --> 01:12:31.724
I am used to it.
(CHUCKLES)

01:12:33.040 --> 01:12:34.121
Where's the wife?

01:12:34.320 --> 01:12:36.448
She's using the funicular.
She'll be hours.

01:12:38.440 --> 01:12:39.885
I tell you something, Eddy.

01:12:40.120 --> 01:12:42.726
Little Kate Moss, thank you.

01:12:44.400 --> 01:12:46.129
Oh. I mean, darling...

01:12:46.320 --> 01:12:47.970
this could be the first day

01:12:48.120 --> 01:12:49.406
of the start of the whole days

01:12:49.480 --> 01:12:51.323
of the rest of our lives,
couldn't it, really?

01:12:52.000 --> 01:12:54.890
Thanks to Lubey.
Yeah, thanks to Lubey.

01:12:56.000 --> 01:12:58.446
Are you growing
attached to Lubey, darling?

01:12:58.800 --> 01:13:01.007
We are just waiting for her
to change her will and die.

01:13:01.200 --> 01:13:02.440
Oh, Eddy.

01:13:02.520 --> 01:13:03.965
I mean, has she changed her will yet?

01:13:04.120 --> 01:13:07.761
All in good time, Eds, all in good time.

01:13:09.120 --> 01:13:11.327
Oh, I say. Hello.

01:13:17.480 --> 01:13:19.482
I'll just go and check that out.

01:13:19.800 --> 01:13:21.211
(PHONE RINGING)

01:13:23.040 --> 01:13:25.042
Saffy, listen.
I'm not coming home,

01:13:25.120 --> 01:13:26.167
so stop phoning me!

01:13:26.360 --> 01:13:27.930
I've got the rest of my life to live

01:13:28.000 --> 01:13:29.843
and I'm going to live it.

01:13:30.040 --> 01:13:33.362
I'm done with all of you, so forget me.

01:13:33.440 --> 01:13:35.044
Just forget me.

01:13:36.040 --> 01:13:37.451
(SINGING)
I'm walking down the road

01:13:37.920 --> 01:13:39.922
Looking at trees

01:13:40.320 --> 01:13:42.482
All the people going by

01:13:42.920 --> 01:13:46.481
They say "How do you look
so good today, Eddy?"

01:13:46.920 --> 01:13:49.810
I say
"I don't know. I don't know"

01:13:55.520 --> 01:13:57.522
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
So...

01:13:58.520 --> 01:14:00.522
have you been working here long?

01:14:02.360 --> 01:14:04.840
You look pretty...
Oh, the mustache.

01:14:05.840 --> 01:14:07.524
You're pretty gorgeous, too.

01:14:08.560 --> 01:14:11.040
(POLICE OFFICER
SPEAKING FRENCH)

01:14:11.280 --> 01:14:12.361
(GASPS)

01:14:16.480 --> 01:14:18.209
(YELPING)
(SCREAMS)

01:14:18.560 --> 01:14:20.130
(CHUCKLING)

01:14:21.240 --> 01:14:23.242
(PANTING) Eddy, Eddy! Eddy!

01:14:23.560 --> 01:14:25.005
Eddy!
What, darling?

01:14:25.200 --> 01:14:27.202
The pigs, the fuzz...
your face!

01:14:27.560 --> 01:14:29.050
We've got to leave.
The pigs, the fuzz,
your face!

01:14:29.120 --> 01:14:30.121
(GASPS)

01:14:30.560 --> 01:14:32.005
EDINA: The pigs, the pigs!

01:14:32.080 --> 01:14:33.161
Quick!

01:14:33.280 --> 01:14:34.884
Come on, Eddy,
we've got to
get out of here.

01:14:35.880 --> 01:14:38.167
Cover your face.
Just hide, hide.

01:14:49.560 --> 01:14:52.086
Excusez-moi.
Hello.

01:14:52.560 --> 01:14:53.846
Excusez-moi, madame?

01:14:53.960 --> 01:14:55.246
I say!

01:14:55.560 --> 01:14:56.846
Excusez-moi, madame?

01:14:56.960 --> 01:14:58.200
Can I help you?

01:14:59.640 --> 01:15:00.641
(GASPS)

01:15:10.480 --> 01:15:12.209
(GRUNTING)

01:15:15.040 --> 01:15:17.611
Quick, quick, quick,
darling! Get in!

01:15:24.960 --> 01:15:26.291
PATSY: Allez, allez!

01:15:26.400 --> 01:15:27.640
EDINA: I am allez-ing.

01:15:32.320 --> 01:15:34.209
Go left, go left!
(GROANING)

01:15:38.920 --> 01:15:39.921
Keep going, Eddy!

01:15:42.280 --> 01:15:43.281
(GASPING)

01:15:44.000 --> 01:15:45.001
Go left!

01:15:45.080 --> 01:15:47.481
At the end, go left.

01:15:47.560 --> 01:15:48.971
(WHIMPERING)

01:15:50.440 --> 01:15:51.441
(WOMAN SCREAMING)

01:15:57.280 --> 01:15:58.281
(OFFICERS SPEAKING FRENCH)

01:15:58.360 --> 01:16:00.124
PATSY: Left.
EDINA: We've been left!

01:16:01.960 --> 01:16:03.564
What's that pedal?
Press that pedal.

01:16:03.640 --> 01:16:04.607
(SHOUTING IN FRENCH)

01:16:04.680 --> 01:16:07.251
That pedal!
That pedal there!

01:16:07.320 --> 01:16:08.685
(WINDSHIELD WIPERS SQUEAKING)
Oh. Oh.

01:16:09.000 --> 01:16:10.650
No, not that pedal.

01:16:11.040 --> 01:16:12.326
Not that pedal.

01:16:13.240 --> 01:16:14.321
Watch out!

01:16:14.440 --> 01:16:15.487
(SCREAMS)

01:16:17.120 --> 01:16:18.167
Oh, God!
PATSY: Merci.

01:16:20.200 --> 01:16:21.281
(PEOPLE SHRIEKING)

01:16:27.000 --> 01:16:28.365
That was quite nice.

01:16:28.440 --> 01:16:29.407
(SHOUTING IN FRENCH)

01:16:29.520 --> 01:16:31.010
We've lost them, Eddy.

01:16:31.160 --> 01:16:33.049
Shall I keep going?
Yeah! We're not giving in!

01:16:34.160 --> 01:16:36.083
EDINA: Watch out!
(CYCLISTS SPEAKING FRENCH)

01:16:36.160 --> 01:16:38.288
EDINA: Bloody bicyclettes!

01:16:39.520 --> 01:16:41.682
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
We're not going back.

01:16:42.480 --> 01:16:43.481
(ENGINE STOPS)

01:16:45.520 --> 01:16:47.284
Brake, Eddy!

01:16:48.560 --> 01:16:50.210
(METAL CLANGING)
(EDINA WHIMPERING)

01:16:51.080 --> 01:16:53.162
EDINA: Oh, God! Whoa!

01:16:56.200 --> 01:16:57.440
(BOTH SCREAMING)

01:16:59.120 --> 01:17:00.360
She could be anywhere.

01:17:01.200 --> 01:17:02.201
(LULU GASPS)

01:17:09.560 --> 01:17:11.403
Bubble, you're alive!

01:17:11.720 --> 01:17:14.564
Welcome to my humble abode.

01:17:15.040 --> 01:17:17.327
Lulu? What are you
doing here?

01:17:17.560 --> 01:17:19.085
I want to see you pay.

01:17:19.160 --> 01:17:20.207
SAFFY: Mum!

01:17:20.400 --> 01:17:22.129
EDINA: Saff.
PATSY: Oh, shit.

01:17:22.240 --> 01:17:23.526
Get out!

01:17:23.720 --> 01:17:25.051
No, no.

01:17:25.320 --> 01:17:26.401
Don't be ridiculous.

01:17:26.480 --> 01:17:28.323
Nick's come to take you
back for the hearing.

01:17:28.520 --> 01:17:29.567
Eddy?

01:17:30.080 --> 01:17:31.730
No, we're not going back, darling.

01:17:32.200 --> 01:17:33.725
Mum, get out of the water!

01:17:35.080 --> 01:17:36.411
(WHIMPERING)

01:17:37.440 --> 01:17:39.090
Eddy, we're sinking.
(GRUNTS)

01:17:39.240 --> 01:17:41.402
Do get out of the pool,
Mrs. Monsoon.

01:17:41.560 --> 01:17:43.164
I would rather die

01:17:43.240 --> 01:17:45.322
than go back to all those hating faces!

01:17:46.320 --> 01:17:48.322
I mean, look at me, darling.

01:17:49.200 --> 01:17:52.761
All I've ever wanted was not to be fat...

01:17:53.200 --> 01:17:54.486
and old.

01:17:54.760 --> 01:17:58.207
You know, darling.
To just keep
the party going.

01:17:58.480 --> 01:18:00.209
Now here I am.

01:18:01.080 --> 01:18:04.607
Just fat and old and hated...

01:18:05.080 --> 01:18:06.605
and nothing.

01:18:07.160 --> 01:18:08.525
I'm getting in. (SIGHS)

01:18:08.600 --> 01:18:12.127
Darling, I know you think
I don't know who I am...

01:18:12.280 --> 01:18:14.442
(STAMMERING)
...and what I've done.

01:18:15.240 --> 01:18:17.607
But I do, darling, I do.

01:18:19.120 --> 01:18:21.122
I'm disgusting.

01:18:21.680 --> 01:18:24.604
Always wanting everything,
always taking more.

01:18:25.480 --> 01:18:27.244
Wearing stupid...

01:18:27.480 --> 01:18:29.767
ridiculous small, small, small,

01:18:29.840 --> 01:18:32.241
stylish, stupid, ridiculous clothing!

01:18:32.520 --> 01:18:34.682
You think it's hard living with me,

01:18:34.760 --> 01:18:36.808
try being at this end, darling.

01:18:38.240 --> 01:18:39.765
And it is all about me, isn't it?

01:18:39.840 --> 01:18:41.126
It has been all about me.

01:18:41.320 --> 01:18:42.810
And me, Eds.

01:18:43.600 --> 01:18:44.601
(GASPS)

01:18:48.800 --> 01:18:50.290
Darling...

01:18:50.520 --> 01:18:53.490
I've never given you
the love that you deserve.

01:18:56.800 --> 01:18:58.529
Before I go...

01:18:58.800 --> 01:19:01.326
I want you to know that I love you.

01:19:04.520 --> 01:19:06.409
I love you, Mum.

01:19:06.600 --> 01:19:08.602
And Lola, sweetheart.

01:19:08.840 --> 01:19:11.161
And Pats.

01:19:13.560 --> 01:19:15.164
It's all right.

01:19:16.400 --> 01:19:18.448
You can let me go, darling.

01:19:20.560 --> 01:19:22.289
Let me go.
I'm going to join Kate

01:19:22.400 --> 01:19:25.563
in the watery grave.
Let me go.

01:19:26.760 --> 01:19:28.524
Kate's not dead.

01:19:28.640 --> 01:19:29.721
What?
What?

01:19:29.800 --> 01:19:31.768
What?
She lives!

01:19:36.200 --> 01:19:37.201
Kate!

01:19:37.360 --> 01:19:39.647
Jean Paul.
Where's the party?

01:19:39.840 --> 01:19:41.888
The party is wherever you are, Kate!

01:19:42.240 --> 01:19:43.526
I lost everyone.

01:19:43.640 --> 01:19:46.803
Sometimes it's good
to have lost some people.

01:19:47.200 --> 01:19:49.362
You stay with me.
We make another
little party.

01:19:50.920 --> 01:19:54.686
You stupid, bloody, bollocking idiot!

01:19:54.880 --> 01:19:56.882
Why didn't you say that before?

01:19:57.320 --> 01:20:00.483
I just humiliated myself!

01:20:00.720 --> 01:20:02.484
(CROWD CHEERING)

01:20:16.560 --> 01:20:17.641
Hi, Kate, darling.

01:20:17.720 --> 01:20:20.291
No, I'm working from Nobu this week.

01:20:20.480 --> 01:20:21.606
The world is at your feet

01:20:21.680 --> 01:20:23.284
and I can make them stay there.

01:20:23.480 --> 01:20:24.606
Game-changing reinvention...

01:20:24.680 --> 01:20:27.251
You are the new face
of Louis Vuitton menswear.

01:20:27.400 --> 01:20:28.401
(LAUGHING) I know!

01:20:28.920 --> 01:20:30.001
No, I've done a big dump.

01:20:30.240 --> 01:20:31.321
I only represent you now.

01:20:31.400 --> 01:20:33.243
Got rid of Emma Bunton and Lulu.

01:20:33.400 --> 01:20:35.767
I'm gonna be a big cheese
in the Big Apple.

01:20:36.360 --> 01:20:38.647
I am a big cheese!
Thank you, darling!

01:20:39.000 --> 01:20:40.809
(LAUGHING)

01:20:43.920 --> 01:20:45.365
We are living the dream, darling.

01:20:45.440 --> 01:20:46.646
We are, darling.

01:20:49.720 --> 01:20:52.644
Here I am, Edina Monsoon, on my way to...

01:20:52.920 --> 01:20:54.524
my book launch.
Yeah.

01:20:58.280 --> 01:21:00.282
EDINA: Oh, darling, I lost
my pelvic floor on takeoff.

01:21:01.280 --> 01:21:03.328
PATSY: Don't worry. We'll
pick it up on the way back.

01:21:03.520 --> 01:21:06.410
Fashion icon Kate Moss has
been found safe and well...

01:21:07.000 --> 01:21:10.607
five days after falling
from a balcony into the river.

01:21:10.800 --> 01:21:12.723
It's been reported she is resting

01:21:12.800 --> 01:21:14.928
at the home ofher
new P.R., Eddy Mon...

01:21:15.000 --> 01:21:16.001
(TURNS TV OFF)

01:21:16.680 --> 01:21:18.569
Why is Kate Moss still here?

01:21:18.800 --> 01:21:20.564
Mum's doing her P. R. now.

01:21:20.760 --> 01:21:22.683
Apparently, she's never been so in demand

01:21:22.760 --> 01:21:24.000
since she went missing.

01:21:24.440 --> 01:21:25.965
So, darling, the plan is

01:21:26.040 --> 01:21:28.441
we throw a huge party in Hyde Park.

01:21:28.680 --> 01:21:30.921
Like a "Welcome Back, Kate" party.

01:21:31.000 --> 01:21:32.365
(CHUCKLES)

01:21:32.440 --> 01:21:34.920
And darling, we should get Bollinger

01:21:35.000 --> 01:21:37.446
to give us a whole vintage.
A whole vintage, darling.

01:21:37.680 --> 01:21:39.682
Eddy, you'll want to wear couture.

01:21:39.960 --> 01:21:42.008
Yeah, yeah. No Stella.
(LAUGHING)

01:21:42.440 --> 01:21:46.684
Am I still sending
all the bills
to Baroness Lublubliana...

01:21:46.920 --> 01:21:49.321
Rothschild Von Thy...

01:21:49.560 --> 01:21:52.006
Mum, no!
You can't do that.

01:21:52.440 --> 01:21:54.010
No, Eddy, no, no, no.

01:21:54.440 --> 01:21:56.727
Think of our life, our dream!

01:21:57.000 --> 01:21:58.764
Don't let this repellent little shrew

01:21:58.840 --> 01:22:00.604
take it away from us.

01:22:00.840 --> 01:22:02.569
Every time our life hits a good patch,

01:22:02.640 --> 01:22:05.325
this miserable piece of flesh ruins it.

01:22:05.720 --> 01:22:07.722
If you don't tell her, I will!

01:22:08.360 --> 01:22:11.489
Oh, you little bitch troll from hell.

01:22:12.720 --> 01:22:14.722
No!

01:22:29.040 --> 01:22:30.041
(SIGHS)

01:22:30.880 --> 01:22:33.087
Lubey, I have something to tell you.

01:22:34.360 --> 01:22:35.771
I'm not a man.

01:22:36.040 --> 01:22:37.485
I know.

01:22:37.880 --> 01:22:40.042
And I'm not a woman.

01:22:50.760 --> 01:22:53.525
EDINA: Well, you don't mind
sleeping with him/her?

01:22:54.480 --> 01:22:57.086
Does it mean
you don't need the strap-on?
I don't know.

01:22:58.000 --> 01:22:59.490
(THlS WHEEL'S ON FlRE BY KYLIE MINOGUE)

01:23:00.920 --> 01:23:03.526
Wheel's on fire

01:23:03.880 --> 01:23:08.966
Rolling down the road

01:23:09.760 --> 01:23:14.049
Best notify my next ofkin

01:23:14.520 --> 01:23:19.560
This wheel shall explode!

01:23:20.400 --> 01:23:23.927
If your memory serves you well

01:23:24.760 --> 01:23:27.764
I was going to confiscate my lace

01:23:28.160 --> 01:23:32.927
And wrap it up in a sailor's knot

01:23:33.040 --> 01:23:35.930
And hide it in your case

01:23:36.760 --> 01:23:41.004
If I knew for sure that it was yours

01:23:41.120 --> 01:23:44.567
But it was oh, so hard to tell

01:23:45.440 --> 01:23:49.206
But you knew that we would meet again

01:23:49.440 --> 01:23:52.125
lfyour memory served you well

01:23:54.640 --> 01:23:57.166
Wheel's on fire

01:23:57.840 --> 01:24:03.483
Rolling down the road

01:24:03.720 --> 01:24:07.725
Best notify my next ofkin

01:24:08.160 --> 01:24:13.485
This wheel shall explode!

01:24:13.800 --> 01:24:17.885
If your memory serves you well

01:24:18.640 --> 01:24:21.644
You'll remember you're the one

01:24:21.800 --> 01:24:26.488
That called on me to call on them

01:24:26.880 --> 01:24:29.645
To get you your favors done

01:24:30.960 --> 01:24:33.804
And after every plan had failed

01:24:34.840 --> 01:24:38.003
And there was nothing more to tell

01:24:39.120 --> 01:24:42.920
You knew that we would meet again

01:24:43.000 --> 01:24:46.163
lfyour memory served you well

01:24:48.760 --> 01:24:51.081
Wheel's on fire

01:24:51.680 --> 01:24:57.244
Rolling down the road

01:24:57.600 --> 01:25:01.730
Best notify my next ofkin

01:25:02.080 --> 01:25:07.883
This wheel shall explode!

01:26:23.680 --> 01:26:26.331
You talk like Marlene Dietrich

01:26:27.200 --> 01:26:30.602
And you dance like Zizi Jeanmaire

01:26:31.280 --> 01:26:34.762
Your clothes are all made by Balmain

01:26:35.280 --> 01:26:38.568
And there's diamonds
and pearls in your hair

01:26:38.640 --> 01:26:39.641
Yes, there are

01:26:41.600 --> 01:26:44.888
You live in a fancy apartment

01:26:45.720 --> 01:26:48.849
Off
the Boulevard Saint-Michel

01:26:49.800 --> 01:26:53.771
Where you keep your Rolling Stones records

01:26:53.840 --> 01:26:56.730
And your friend of Sacha Distel

01:26:56.800 --> 01:26:57.801
Yes, you do

01:26:59.960 --> 01:27:03.328
Oh, but where do you go to, my lovely

01:27:04.640 --> 01:27:07.291
When you're alone in your bed?

01:27:08.720 --> 01:27:11.963
Tell me the thoughts that surround you

01:27:12.800 --> 01:27:15.371
I want to look inside your head

01:27:15.640 --> 01:27:16.641
Yes, I do

01:27:18.640 --> 01:27:22.008
I've seen all your qualifications

01:27:22.680 --> 01:27:26.082
You got from the Sorbonne

01:27:26.800 --> 01:27:29.849
And the painting you stole from Picasso

01:27:31.000 --> 01:27:34.004
Your loveliness goes on and on

01:27:34.080 --> 01:27:35.161
Yes, it does

01:27:37.080 --> 01:27:40.289
Oh, when you go on your summer vacation

01:27:41.160 --> 01:27:44.130
You go to Juan-les-Pins

01:27:45.160 --> 01:27:48.801
With your carefully designed
topless swimsuit

01:27:49.360 --> 01:27:52.409
You get an even suntan

01:27:52.680 --> 01:27:54.842
On your back and on your legs

01:27:55.440 --> 01:27:58.887
And when the snow falls
you're found in St. Moritz

01:27:59.680 --> 01:28:02.763
With the others of thejet-set

01:28:03.360 --> 01:28:07.081
And you sip your Napoleon brandy

01:28:07.920 --> 01:28:10.685
But you never get your lips wet

01:28:10.760 --> 01:28:12.000
No, you don't

01:28:13.920 --> 01:28:17.811
But where do you go to my lovely

01:28:18.280 --> 01:28:21.443
When you're alone in your bed?

01:28:22.200 --> 01:28:25.329
Won't you
tell me the thoughts
that surround you?

01:28:26.360 --> 01:28:29.284
I want to look inside your head

01:28:29.360 --> 01:28:30.361
Yes, I do

01:28:32.240 --> 01:28:35.483
Your name it is heard in high places

01:28:36.480 --> 01:28:39.802
You know the Aga Khan

01:28:40.440 --> 01:28:43.808
He sent you a racehorse for Christmas

01:28:44.880 --> 01:28:49.920
And you keep itjust for fun
for a laugh, ha-ha-ha

01:28:50.880 --> 01:28:54.009
They say that when you get married

01:28:55.000 --> 01:28:58.163
It'll be to a millionaire

01:28:59.080 --> 01:29:02.243
But they don't realize where you came from

01:29:03.080 --> 01:29:06.129
And I wonder if they really care

01:29:06.200 --> 01:29:07.531
Or give a damn

01:29:09.440 --> 01:29:13.047
Where do you go to, my lovely

01:29:13.800 --> 01:29:16.770
When you're alone in your bed?

01:29:17.920 --> 01:29:21.242
Tell me the thoughts that surround you

01:29:21.960 --> 01:29:24.884
I want to look inside your head

01:29:24.960 --> 01:29:26.200
Yes, I do

01:29:27.280 --> 01:29:31.444
I remember the back streets ofNaples

01:29:32.120 --> 01:29:35.522
Two children begging in rags

01:29:36.160 --> 01:29:39.801
Both touched with a burning ambition

01:29:40.800 --> 01:29:43.485
To shake off
their lowly-borne tags

01:29:43.560 --> 01:29:45.210
They try

01:29:46.080 --> 01:29:49.926
So look into my face
Marie-Claire

01:29:50.960 --> 01:29:53.964
And remember just who you are

01:29:54.960 --> 01:29:58.521
Then go and forget me forever

01:29:59.160 --> 01:30:03.165
But I know you still bear
the scar, deep inside

01:30:03.280 --> 01:30:04.486
Yes, you do

01:30:05.200 --> 01:30:09.000
I know where you go to my lovely

01:30:10.000 --> 01:30:12.970
When you're alone in your bed

01:30:14.040 --> 01:30:17.169
I know the thoughts that surround you

01:30:17.960 --> 01:30:24.491
'Cause I can look inside your head

01:30:46.240 --> 01:30:49.369
People should go back to
watching videos of kittens.

01:30:49.440 --> 01:30:51.124
Now bugger off.

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