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WEBVTT - https://subtitletools.com 00:00:07.540 --> 00:00:10.065 (drumroll) 00:00:10.176 --> 00:00:14.135 (rousing orchestral fanfare playing) 00:00:22.622 --> 00:00:26.786 (fanfare ends) 00:00:33.199 --> 00:00:35.429 (jazz intro) 00:00:35.535 --> 00:00:37.435 (man singing folk) 00:00:50.216 --> 00:00:52.377 (singing continues) 00:01:05.498 --> 00:01:09.264 (men sing chorus) 00:01:19.112 --> 00:01:22.081 (jazzy instrumental break) 00:01:35.061 --> 00:01:38.030 (country fiddle playing) 00:01:50.743 --> 00:01:52.370 (singing continues) 00:02:21.174 --> 00:02:24.735 (men sing chorus) 00:02:28.181 --> 00:02:29.842 (singing continues) 00:02:31.818 --> 00:02:35.845 (music ends) 00:02:42.529 --> 00:02:44.190 Robin Williger. 00:02:44.297 --> 00:02:47.892 He is a 15-year-old freshman from Racine, Wisconsin. 00:02:48.001 --> 00:02:49.696 He enjoys studying history. 00:02:49.802 --> 00:02:51.429 He's on the debate team. 00:02:51.538 --> 00:02:54.803 Robin's future looked very, very bright, 00:02:54.908 --> 00:02:56.739 but recently he was diagnosed with cancer, 00:02:56.843 --> 00:02:58.401 a very tough kind of cancer. 00:02:58.511 --> 00:03:02.072 Robin tells me he has quit smoking, though, 00:03:02.182 --> 00:03:05.413 and he no longer thinks that cigarettes are cool. 00:03:05.518 --> 00:03:07.986 (applause) 00:03:09.556 --> 00:03:11.854 Whoo! 00:03:11.958 --> 00:03:15.223 And our final guest today is Nick Naylor. 00:03:15.328 --> 00:03:19.890 Mr. Naylor is the vice president of the Academy of Tobacco Studies. 00:03:19.999 --> 00:03:23.025 Now, they are the tobacco industry's main lobby 00:03:23.136 --> 00:03:24.433 in Washington, D.C. 00:03:24.537 --> 00:03:27.597 and Mr. Naylor is their chief spokesman. 00:03:27.707 --> 00:03:30.938 (audience murmuring) 00:03:40.687 --> 00:03:43.986 (booing, hissing) 00:03:45.592 --> 00:03:47.389 NICK: Few people on this planet know 00:03:47.493 --> 00:03:49.620 what it is to be truly despised. 00:03:49.729 --> 00:03:51.959 Can you blame them? 00:03:52.065 --> 00:03:54.431 I earn a living fronting an organization 00:03:54.534 --> 00:03:57.799 that kills 1,200 human beings a day. 00:03:57.904 --> 00:03:59.098 1,200 people. 00:03:59.205 --> 00:04:01.696 We're talking two jumbojet plane loads 00:04:01.808 --> 00:04:04.504 of men, women and children. 00:04:04.611 --> 00:04:05.635 I mean, there's Attila, 00:04:05.745 --> 00:04:07.269 Genghis, 00:04:07.380 --> 00:04:08.278 and me, 00:04:08.381 --> 00:04:09.643 Nick Naylor, 00:04:09.749 --> 00:04:10.773 the face of cigarettes... 00:04:10.883 --> 00:04:13.647 the Colonel Sanders of nicotine. 00:04:13.753 --> 00:04:15.220 This is where I work, 00:04:15.321 --> 00:04:17.846 the Academy of Tobacco Studies. 00:04:17.957 --> 00:04:20.118 It was established by seven gentlemen 00:04:20.226 --> 00:04:21.818 you may recognize from C-SPAN. 00:04:21.928 --> 00:04:24.556 These guys realized quick if they were going to claim 00:04:24.664 --> 00:04:25.756 that cigarettes were not addictive, 00:04:25.865 --> 00:04:28.026 they better have proof. 00:04:28.134 --> 00:04:29.965 This is the man they rely on, 00:04:30.069 --> 00:04:32.196 Erhardt Von Grupten Mundt. 00:04:32.305 --> 00:04:34.569 They found him in Germany. 00:04:34.674 --> 00:04:36.198 I won't go into the details. 00:04:36.309 --> 00:04:37.469 He's been testing the link 00:04:37.577 --> 00:04:38.805 between nicotine and lung cancer 00:04:38.911 --> 00:04:42.176 for 30 years and hasn't found any conclusive results. 00:04:42.282 --> 00:04:43.180 The man's a genius. 00:04:43.283 --> 00:04:44.944 He could disprove gravity. 00:04:45.051 --> 00:04:46.712 Then we've got our sharks. 00:04:46.819 --> 00:04:48.582 We draft them out of Ivy League law schools 00:04:48.688 --> 00:04:50.986 and give them time-shares and sports cars. 00:04:51.090 --> 00:04:52.648 It's just like a John Grisham novel- 00:04:52.759 --> 00:04:55.319 you know, without all the espionage. 00:04:55.428 --> 00:04:58.659 Most importantly, we've got spin control. 00:04:58.765 --> 00:05:00.596 That's where I come in. 00:05:00.700 --> 00:05:02.065 I get paid to talk. 00:05:02.168 --> 00:05:03.726 I don't have an MD or law degree. 00:05:03.836 --> 00:05:04.734 (shutter clicking) 00:05:04.837 --> 00:05:06.065 (machine gun firing) 00:05:06.172 --> 00:05:09.335 I have a bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names. 00:05:09.442 --> 00:05:11.876 You know that guy who can pick up any girl? 00:05:11.978 --> 00:05:13.036 I'm him 00:05:13.146 --> 00:05:14.238 on crack. 00:05:14.347 --> 00:05:17.441 (cheers, applause) 00:05:17.550 --> 00:05:19.541 This is obviously a heated issue 00:05:19.652 --> 00:05:22.348 and we do have a lot that we want to cover today. 00:05:23.289 --> 00:05:24.551 Nick, do you have a question? 00:05:24.657 --> 00:05:25.749 Joan, 00:05:25.858 --> 00:05:29.658 how on earth would Big Tobacco profit 00:05:29.762 --> 00:05:32.196 off of the loss of this young man? 00:05:32.298 --> 00:05:34.493 Now, I hate to think in such callous terms, 00:05:34.600 --> 00:05:37.694 but, if anything, we'd be losing a customer. 00:05:37.804 --> 00:05:40.898 It's not only our hope, it's in our best interest 00:05:41.007 --> 00:05:43.237 to keep Robin alive and smoking. 00:05:43.343 --> 00:05:45.004 - That's ludicrous. - Let me tell you something, 00:05:45.111 --> 00:05:46.942 Joan, and please, let me share something 00:05:47.046 --> 00:05:50.675 with the fine, concerned people in the audience today. 00:05:50.783 --> 00:05:54.344 The Ron Goodes of this world... 00:05:54.454 --> 00:05:57.014 want the Robin Willigers to die. 00:05:57.123 --> 00:05:58.215 - What? - NAYLOR: You know why? 00:05:58.324 --> 00:05:59.916 So that their budgets will go up. 00:06:00.026 --> 00:06:02.893 This is nothing less than trafficking in human misery, 00:06:02.995 --> 00:06:04.758 and you, sir, ought to be ashamed of yourself. 00:06:04.864 --> 00:06:06.354 I ought to be ashamed of myself? 00:06:06.466 --> 00:06:09.594 As a matter of fact, we're about to launch... 00:06:09.702 --> 00:06:12.694 a $50 million campaign 00:06:12.805 --> 00:06:16.969 aimed at persuading kids not to smoke. 00:06:17.076 --> 00:06:19.237 Because I think that we can all agree 00:06:19.345 --> 00:06:21.472 that there is nothing more important 00:06:21.581 --> 00:06:22.912 than America's children. 00:06:23.015 --> 00:06:24.380 LUNDEN: All right, now, that's something that 00:06:24.484 --> 00:06:26.247 we're going to want to know more about. 00:06:26.352 --> 00:06:27.512 but I have to take a short break. 00:06:27.620 --> 00:06:29.713 Hang on, a lot more coming. 00:06:29.822 --> 00:06:32.586 (applause) 00:06:32.692 --> 00:06:35.627 $50 million?! Are you out of your fucking mind?! 00:06:35.728 --> 00:06:36.626 Everyone has a boss. 00:06:36.729 --> 00:06:37.627 BR just happens 00:06:37.730 --> 00:06:39.254 to be mine. 00:06:39.365 --> 00:06:41.230 He came from the vending machine world. 00:06:41.334 --> 00:06:42.995 This made him tough. 00:06:44.370 --> 00:06:47.567 The name BR came from his tour in Vietnam. 00:06:47.673 --> 00:06:50.767 The people who know its meaning are all dead. 00:06:50.877 --> 00:06:52.310 The deal was five million! 00:06:52.412 --> 00:06:55.176 $5 million will get you a couple of subway posters. 00:06:55.281 --> 00:06:56.213 It's not going to impress anyone. 00:06:56.315 --> 00:06:57.475 That's the idea, Nick. 00:06:57.583 --> 00:06:58.515 You'll be thanking me soon. 00:06:58.618 --> 00:06:59.778 This'll probably get you great press. 00:06:59.886 --> 00:07:02.252 I gotta call the captain and see if this is gonna fly. 00:07:02.355 --> 00:07:04.448 Get your ass back to D.C. 00:07:12.565 --> 00:07:15.625 (applause nearby) 00:07:15.735 --> 00:07:16.895 (door opening) 00:07:18.271 --> 00:07:20.239 Thank you so much for coming. 00:07:22.074 --> 00:07:22.972 Mr. Naylor? 00:07:23.075 --> 00:07:24.064 It's your turn. 00:07:24.177 --> 00:07:26.509 Ah. 00:07:26.612 --> 00:07:28.671 Joey is such a bright young man. 00:07:28.781 --> 00:07:29.748 We all look forward 00:07:29.849 --> 00:07:31.612 to his coming out of his shell a little. 00:07:31.717 --> 00:07:32.945 He's a bit shy. 00:07:33.052 --> 00:07:34.849 Yeah, he gets that from his mother. 00:07:43.996 --> 00:07:46.760 (whisper): Hey, Joey. 00:07:46.866 --> 00:07:49.232 Please don't ruin my childhood. 00:07:49.335 --> 00:07:51.394 Come on, Joey. Trust me. 00:07:59.312 --> 00:08:02.372 How many of you want to be lawyers when you grow up? 00:08:02.482 --> 00:08:03.471 Right. 00:08:03.583 --> 00:08:05.073 How about... 00:08:05.184 --> 00:08:06.913 movie stars? 00:08:07.019 --> 00:08:08.247 (laughing) 00:08:08.354 --> 00:08:09.480 How about lobbyists? 00:08:09.589 --> 00:08:10.521 What's that? 00:08:10.623 --> 00:08:12.557 It's kind of like being a movie star. 00:08:12.658 --> 00:08:14.421 It's what I do. I talk for a living. 00:08:14.527 --> 00:08:15.687 What do you talk about? 00:08:15.795 --> 00:08:17.854 I speak on behalf of cigarettes. 00:08:17.964 --> 00:08:19.192 My mom used to smoke. 00:08:19.298 --> 00:08:21.926 She says that cigarettes kill. 00:08:22.034 --> 00:08:24.434 Really? Now, is your mommy a doctor? 00:08:24.537 --> 00:08:25.435 No. 00:08:25.538 --> 00:08:27.267 A scientific researcher of some kind? 00:08:27.373 --> 00:08:28.601 No. 00:08:28.708 --> 00:08:29.640 Well, she doesn't exactly sound 00:08:29.742 --> 00:08:31.141 like a credible expert, now, does she? 00:08:32.678 --> 00:08:33.576 Don't feel bad. 00:08:33.679 --> 00:08:35.579 It's okay to listen to your mom. 00:08:35.681 --> 00:08:38.047 I mean, it's good to listen to your parents... Joey. 00:08:38.150 --> 00:08:40.448 All I'm suggesting 00:08:40.553 --> 00:08:42.953 is that there will always be people trying to tell you 00:08:43.055 --> 00:08:45.216 what to do and what to think. 00:08:45.324 --> 00:08:46.689 There probably already are people doing that. 00:08:46.792 --> 00:08:47.690 Am I right? 00:08:47.793 --> 00:08:48.725 KIDS: Yes. 00:08:48.828 --> 00:08:50.591 I'm here to say 00:08:50.696 --> 00:08:54.132 that when someone tries to act like some sort of an expert, 00:08:54.233 --> 00:08:57.725 you can respond, "Who says?" 00:08:57.837 --> 00:08:59.532 So, cigarettes are good for you? 00:08:59.639 --> 00:09:01.539 - No! - No, that's not... 00:09:01.641 --> 00:09:02.801 That's not what I'm getting at. 00:09:02.909 --> 00:09:05.241 My point is that you have to think for yourself. 00:09:05.344 --> 00:09:07.073 You have to challenge authority. 00:09:07.179 --> 00:09:09.443 If your parents told you that chocolate was dangerous, 00:09:09.549 --> 00:09:11.073 would you just take their word for it? 00:09:11.183 --> 00:09:12.275 KIDS: No. 00:09:12.385 --> 00:09:13.374 Exactly. 00:09:13.486 --> 00:09:15.317 So perhaps instead of acting like sheep 00:09:15.421 --> 00:09:16.388 when it comes to cigarettes, 00:09:16.489 --> 00:09:17.922 you should find out for yourself. 00:09:18.024 --> 00:09:19.150 Okay, then. 00:09:19.258 --> 00:09:21.624 Thank you, Mr. Naylor, for joining us. 00:09:21.727 --> 00:09:22.955 (light applause) 00:09:31.103 --> 00:09:33.663 NICK: Every week we meet here at Bert's. 00:09:33.773 --> 00:09:35.764 Together, we represent the chief spokespeople 00:09:35.875 --> 00:09:38.844 for the tobacco, alcohol and firearms industries. 00:09:38.945 --> 00:09:40.071 We call ourselves the MOD Squad. 00:09:40.179 --> 00:09:41.077 All right. 00:09:41.180 --> 00:09:43.842 M-O-D, Merchants of Death. 00:09:43.950 --> 00:09:45.110 So, my day's ruined. 00:09:45.217 --> 00:09:46.115 Why? 00:09:46.218 --> 00:09:47.446 Dateline's doing a segment 00:09:47.553 --> 00:09:49.145 on fetal alcohol syndrome. Thank you. 00:09:49.255 --> 00:09:51.189 Polly works for the Moderation Council. 00:09:51.290 --> 00:09:53.588 A casual drinker by the age of 14, 00:09:53.693 --> 00:09:54.955 Polly quickly developed 00:09:55.061 --> 00:09:58.462 a tolerance usually reserved for Irish dockworkers. 00:09:58.564 --> 00:10:00.395 In our world, she's the woman 00:10:00.499 --> 00:10:02.660 that got the pope to endorse red wine. 00:10:05.638 --> 00:10:06.570 We're gonna get creamed. 00:10:06.672 --> 00:10:07.934 Any ideas? 00:10:08.040 --> 00:10:09.337 I don't know. 00:10:09.442 --> 00:10:11.774 Deformed kids are tough. 00:10:11.877 --> 00:10:14.141 I'm lucky my product only makes them bald before it kills them. 00:10:14.246 --> 00:10:16.146 You could hug the kids. 00:10:16.248 --> 00:10:18.216 They're not going to let me hug the kids. 00:10:18.317 --> 00:10:19.875 Who's doing the segment, Donaldson or Sawyer? 00:10:19.986 --> 00:10:20.884 Sawyer, probably. 00:10:20.987 --> 00:10:21.885 You're fucked. 00:10:21.988 --> 00:10:22.886 Why? 00:10:22.989 --> 00:10:24.115 Cause she's gonna hug them. 00:10:24.223 --> 00:10:26.418 Look, if you see her going in for a hug, 00:10:26.525 --> 00:10:29.358 maybe just box her out, get in there before she does. 00:10:29.462 --> 00:10:31.054 NICK: BobbyJay works for SAFETY, 00:10:31.163 --> 00:10:33.393 - (ricochet) - the Society for the Advancement of Firearms 00:10:33.499 --> 00:10:35.296 and Effective Training for Youth. 00:10:35.401 --> 00:10:37.699 You want me to smile? 00:10:39.472 --> 00:10:41.872 After watching the footage of the Kent State shootings, 00:10:41.974 --> 00:10:44.807 BobbyJay, then 17, signed up for the National Guard 00:10:44.910 --> 00:10:47.003 so he, too, could shoot college students. 00:10:47.113 --> 00:10:49.581 But the National Guard recruiter was out to lunch, 00:10:49.682 --> 00:10:52.845 so BobbyJay ended up shooting Panamanians instead, 00:10:52.952 --> 00:10:54.613 which was almost as good as college students. 00:10:54.720 --> 00:10:55.744 (gunshot) 00:10:55.855 --> 00:10:57.652 Only they shoot back. 00:10:57.757 --> 00:10:59.418 You know, you can beat a Breathalyzer 00:10:59.525 --> 00:11:02.517 - by sucking on activated charcoal tablets? - Really? 00:11:02.628 --> 00:11:04.186 Maybe we should change our campaign to 00:11:04.296 --> 00:11:06.264 "If You Must Drink and Drive, Suck Charcoal." 00:11:06.365 --> 00:11:07.423 Yeah, but don't the police wonder 00:11:07.533 --> 00:11:08.431 why you're sucking on charcoal? 00:11:08.534 --> 00:11:10.331 There's no law against charcoal. 00:11:10.436 --> 00:11:11.926 - Yet. - Yet. 00:11:16.809 --> 00:11:19.801 Dad, why is the American government the best government? 00:11:19.912 --> 00:11:21.436 Because of our endless appeals system. 00:11:24.550 --> 00:11:27.075 Joe, you're not writing down what I just said are you? 00:11:27.186 --> 00:11:28.346 Mm-hmm. 00:11:28.454 --> 00:11:30.445 Joey, stop for a second. 00:11:30.556 --> 00:11:32.046 What is the subject of your essay? 00:11:32.158 --> 00:11:34.956 Why is American government the best government in the world. 00:11:35.061 --> 00:11:36.688 Your teacher crafted that question? 00:11:36.796 --> 00:11:38.559 Yeah. Why? 00:11:38.664 --> 00:11:41.462 Well... I'll look past the obvious problems 00:11:41.567 --> 00:11:42.864 in syntax for a moment, 00:11:42.968 --> 00:11:45.061 and I'll focus more on the core of the question. 00:11:45.171 --> 00:11:46.365 I mean, "A," 00:11:46.472 --> 00:11:49.100 does America have the best government in the world? 00:11:49.208 --> 00:11:50.869 And "B," what constitutes a "best government"? 00:11:50.976 --> 00:11:53.410 Is it crime, is it poverty, literacy? 00:11:53.512 --> 00:11:54.945 Hmm? 00:11:55.047 --> 00:11:55.979 And America- definitely not best. 00:11:56.082 --> 00:11:57.276 Perhaps not even better than most. 00:11:57.383 --> 00:11:58.748 We do have a very entertaining government... 00:11:58.851 --> 00:12:00.148 Dad. 00:12:00.252 --> 00:12:02.083 I'm sorry. 00:12:03.389 --> 00:12:05.823 Are you familiar with the term "B.S."? 00:12:05.925 --> 00:12:07.483 Bullshit. 00:12:07.593 --> 00:12:08.855 Yes, exactly. 00:12:08.961 --> 00:12:11.862 B.S., if I may, is what questions like the one 00:12:11.964 --> 00:12:13.864 your teacher posed are made for. 00:12:13.966 --> 00:12:15.900 Because even if America had the best government, 00:12:16.001 --> 00:12:17.525 there'd be no way to prove it. 00:12:17.636 --> 00:12:18.967 And how many pages are you writing? 00:12:19.071 --> 00:12:19.969 Two pages. 00:12:20.072 --> 00:12:21.664 Two pages... 00:12:21.774 --> 00:12:23.332 Definitely not in two pages. 00:12:23.442 --> 00:12:25.603 So what am I supposed to write? 00:12:25.711 --> 00:12:27.406 You can write whatever you want. 00:12:27.513 --> 00:12:28.912 Okay. 00:12:29.014 --> 00:12:30.003 Write about... 00:12:30.116 --> 00:12:32.516 write about America's amazing ability 00:12:32.618 --> 00:12:35.610 to make profit by breaking down trading tariffs 00:12:35.721 --> 00:12:38.087 and bringing American jobs to Third World countries. 00:12:38.190 --> 00:12:40.124 Or how good we are at executing felons. 00:12:40.226 --> 00:12:41.853 They're all correct answers. 00:12:41.961 --> 00:12:43.929 I can do that? 00:12:44.029 --> 00:12:45.553 See, Joey, that's the beauty of argument. 00:12:45.664 --> 00:12:48.064 'Cause if you argue correctly, you're never wrong. 00:12:55.775 --> 00:12:58.676 Dad, if I finish this essay within an hour, 00:12:58.778 --> 00:13:00.541 can we stay up all night? 00:13:00.646 --> 00:13:05.310 That's a negotiation, not an argument. 00:13:05.417 --> 00:13:08.147 (over TV): Well, Conway, see you made it. 00:13:08.254 --> 00:13:10.279 Yeah, I guess that little voice was wrong. 00:13:10.389 --> 00:13:11.481 I feel better. 00:13:11.590 --> 00:13:12.750 I feel a lot better, too. 00:13:12.858 --> 00:13:15.418 As a matter of fact, I never felt so good in my life. 00:13:15.528 --> 00:13:17.120 How about a cigarette? 00:13:17.229 --> 00:13:18.696 (gunshot) 00:13:18.798 --> 00:13:20.663 (dramatic music playing) 00:13:23.903 --> 00:13:26.531 (gunfire) 00:13:33.979 --> 00:13:35.071 MAN 1: Is he...? 00:13:35.181 --> 00:13:36.273 MAN 2: Yeah. 00:13:38.384 --> 00:13:41.820 Hey. 00:13:41.921 --> 00:13:45.357 Nick, you still own a watch, don't you? 00:13:45.457 --> 00:13:46.651 Jill, I can't help feeling 00:13:46.759 --> 00:13:48.283 Joey's getting the wrong idea about his dad. 00:13:48.394 --> 00:13:49.918 It would be great if I could spend 00:13:50.029 --> 00:13:51.553 a little more time with him, you know? 00:13:51.664 --> 00:13:55.156 To give him a fair and balanced perspective. 00:13:55.267 --> 00:13:57.132 Nick, you had plenty of time for that. 00:13:57.236 --> 00:13:58.703 Now you're his weekend guardian. 00:13:58.804 --> 00:14:00.829 Besides, he has Brad. 00:14:00.940 --> 00:14:02.032 He still needs his father. 00:14:02.141 --> 00:14:04.336 Nick. 00:14:04.443 --> 00:14:05.535 You have a second? 00:14:07.246 --> 00:14:08.577 Sure, Brad. 00:14:08.681 --> 00:14:12.447 Nick, your job and everything aside, 00:14:12.551 --> 00:14:14.485 I hope you understand that secondhand smoke's 00:14:14.587 --> 00:14:16.282 a real killer. 00:14:16.388 --> 00:14:18.253 What are you talking about? 00:14:18.357 --> 00:14:19.984 I just hope you're providing 00:14:20.092 --> 00:14:22.652 a smoke-free environment for Joey, that's all I'm saying. 00:14:22.761 --> 00:14:24.956 Brad, I'm his father. 00:14:25.064 --> 00:14:27.396 You're the guy fucking his mom. 00:14:29.802 --> 00:14:32.100 That was unnecessary. 00:14:32.271 --> 00:14:35.707 Thank you all. Thank you all for coming. 00:14:35.808 --> 00:14:38.276 Tobacco is winning the war. 00:14:38.377 --> 00:14:41.574 The war against our children. 00:14:41.680 --> 00:14:44.979 They like to use cartoons and symbols to hook our kids. 00:14:45.084 --> 00:14:47.951 Well, now we have a symbol of our own. 00:14:48.053 --> 00:14:50.248 Doctor. 00:14:50.356 --> 00:14:53.120 It is my hope that within the year 00:14:53.225 --> 00:14:54.920 every cigarette package 00:14:55.027 --> 00:14:58.053 sold in America will carry this symbol. 00:14:58.163 --> 00:15:00.393 Perhaps then, cigarettes will finally be labeled 00:15:00.499 --> 00:15:03.593 appropriately as poison. 00:15:03.702 --> 00:15:05.567 I will be holding a congressional hearing 00:15:05.671 --> 00:15:08.401 to discuss the inclusion of the skull and crossbones 00:15:08.507 --> 00:15:09.974 in the next two weeks. 00:15:10.075 --> 00:15:11.474 As usual, I extend an open invitation 00:15:11.577 --> 00:15:14.068 to big tobacco. 00:15:14.179 --> 00:15:18.172 Perhaps this time they will grace us with their presence. 00:15:18.284 --> 00:15:19.581 And their answers. 00:15:19.685 --> 00:15:21.084 Thank you very much. 00:15:21.186 --> 00:15:23.313 (reporters clamoring) 00:15:25.791 --> 00:15:29.227 People, what is going on out there? 00:15:29.328 --> 00:15:32.957 I look down this table, all I see are white flags. 00:15:33.065 --> 00:15:35.693 Our numbers are down all across the board. 00:15:35.801 --> 00:15:37.666 Teen smoking- our bread and butter, 00:15:37.770 --> 00:15:39.499 is falling like a shit from heaven. 00:15:41.640 --> 00:15:43.301 We don't sell Tic Tacs, for Christ's sake. 00:15:43.409 --> 00:15:45.070 We sell cigarettes. 00:15:45.177 --> 00:15:49.113 And they're cool and available and addictive. 00:15:49.214 --> 00:15:50.841 The job is almost done for us. 00:15:52.618 --> 00:15:57.521 This environmentalist is challenging us. 00:15:57.623 --> 00:16:00.183 We have to have an answer. 00:16:00.292 --> 00:16:01.987 I'm asking you, 00:16:02.094 --> 00:16:03.925 when this cocksucker puts Captain Hook on our products, 00:16:04.029 --> 00:16:05.553 what the fuck are we going to do? 00:16:05.664 --> 00:16:08.224 - BR. - Yeah, Nick. 00:16:08.334 --> 00:16:09.528 If I may. 00:16:09.635 --> 00:16:12.069 In 1910, 00:16:12.171 --> 00:16:14.662 the U.S. was producing ten billion cigarettes a year. 00:16:14.773 --> 00:16:15.899 By 1930, 00:16:16.008 --> 00:16:17.976 we were up to 123 billion. 00:16:18.077 --> 00:16:20.045 What happened in between? 00:16:20.145 --> 00:16:21.806 Three things. 00:16:21.914 --> 00:16:22.881 A world war, 00:16:22.982 --> 00:16:26.850 dieting... and movies. 00:16:26.952 --> 00:16:28.180 Movies? 00:16:28.287 --> 00:16:31.313 1927-talking pictures are born. 00:16:31.423 --> 00:16:33.653 Suddenly, directors need to give their actors 00:16:33.759 --> 00:16:35.693 something to do while they're talking. 00:16:35.794 --> 00:16:38.490 Cary Grant, Carole Lombard are lighting up. 00:16:38.597 --> 00:16:40.064 Bette Davis- a chimney. 00:16:40.165 --> 00:16:41.462 And Bogart- remember the first picture 00:16:41.567 --> 00:16:42.625 with him and Lauren Bacall? 00:16:42.735 --> 00:16:45.203 Well, yea... not specifically. 00:16:45.304 --> 00:16:46.566 Oh, she sort 00:16:46.672 --> 00:16:48.765 of shimmies in through the doorway, 00:16:48.874 --> 00:16:50.967 19 years old. 00:16:51.076 --> 00:16:52.543 Pure sex. 00:16:52.644 --> 00:16:53.542 She says, 00:16:53.645 --> 00:16:55.875 "Anyone got a match?" 00:16:55.981 --> 00:16:57.676 And Bogie throws the matches at her... 00:16:59.184 --> 00:17:01.084 and she catches them. 00:17:01.186 --> 00:17:04.747 Greatest romance of the century. 00:17:04.857 --> 00:17:07.018 How'd it start? Lighting a cigarette. 00:17:07.126 --> 00:17:09.594 These days when someone smokes in the movies, 00:17:09.695 --> 00:17:12.926 they're either a psychopath or a European. 00:17:13.032 --> 00:17:14.932 The message Hollywood needs to send out 00:17:15.034 --> 00:17:17.002 is smoking is cool. 00:17:17.102 --> 00:17:19.400 We need the cast of Will and Grace 00:17:19.505 --> 00:17:20.870 smoking in their living room. 00:17:20.973 --> 00:17:23.203 Forrest Gump puffing away between his box of chocolates. 00:17:23.308 --> 00:17:26.709 Hugh Grant earning back the love of Julia Roberts 00:17:26.812 --> 00:17:31.112 by buying her favorite brand- her Virginia Slims. 00:17:31.216 --> 00:17:34.743 Most of the actors smoke already. 00:17:34.853 --> 00:17:37.083 If they start doing it on-screen, 00:17:37.189 --> 00:17:39.885 we can put the sex back into cigarettes. 00:17:39.992 --> 00:17:42.552 Well, it's a thought. 00:17:42.661 --> 00:17:44.458 I was hoping for something a little more inspiring, 00:17:44.563 --> 00:17:45.587 but at least you're thinking. 00:17:45.697 --> 00:17:47.062 Rest of you people, slam your fucking brains 00:17:47.166 --> 00:17:48.064 against your desks 00:17:48.167 --> 00:17:50.761 until something useful comes out. 00:17:50.869 --> 00:17:52.769 That was awesome. 00:17:52.871 --> 00:17:53.895 Thank you. 00:17:54.006 --> 00:17:55.997 Nick, you've been summoned. 00:17:56.108 --> 00:17:57.097 Captain wants to see you. 00:17:57.209 --> 00:17:58.540 He saw the Joan show. 00:17:58.644 --> 00:17:59.736 What'd he think? 00:17:59.845 --> 00:18:01.642 Get your ass on the next flight to Winston-Salem. 00:18:05.184 --> 00:18:07.118 Most people have this image in their heads 00:18:07.219 --> 00:18:09.312 of tobacco executives jet-setting around the world 00:18:09.421 --> 00:18:11.616 on private planes, eating foie gras 00:18:11.723 --> 00:18:13.088 as they count their money. 00:18:13.192 --> 00:18:15.319 Not me. 00:18:15.427 --> 00:18:17.725 I like to ride with the people. 00:18:17.830 --> 00:18:19.354 Know your clients. 00:18:19.465 --> 00:18:21.660 My people cram themselves into a tiny seat, 00:18:21.767 --> 00:18:23.632 pop a Xanax and dream of the moment 00:18:23.735 --> 00:18:26.670 they can stuff their face with fresh tobacco. 00:18:26.772 --> 00:18:29.536 If I can convince just one of these kids to pick up smoking, 00:18:29.641 --> 00:18:31.905 I've paid for my flight-round-trip. 00:18:40.352 --> 00:18:44.152 The Captain is the last great man of tobacco. 00:18:44.256 --> 00:18:45.985 He introduced filters 00:18:46.091 --> 00:18:49.549 when cigarettes first got slammed by Reader's Digest. 00:18:49.661 --> 00:18:54.030 Later, he founded the Academy of Tobacco Studies. 00:18:54.133 --> 00:18:57.000 The club was founded by the tobacco barons in 1890 00:18:57.102 --> 00:19:00.538 so they'd have a place to get away from their wives. 00:19:02.975 --> 00:19:06.502 Here, the Captain is a legend- 00:19:06.612 --> 00:19:08.944 a self-made man who started from nothing, 00:19:09.047 --> 00:19:11.845 and ended up with everything... 00:19:11.950 --> 00:19:15.147 except, evidently, a son. 00:19:15.254 --> 00:19:17.484 Nick, my boy. 00:19:17.589 --> 00:19:20.683 You're just in time for mud. 00:19:20.792 --> 00:19:22.384 Thank you. 00:19:22.494 --> 00:19:24.189 Sit down there. Yeah. 00:19:26.532 --> 00:19:28.727 Yeah. 00:19:28.834 --> 00:19:30.825 You know the secret to a really good julep? 00:19:30.936 --> 00:19:32.631 No, sir. 00:19:32.738 --> 00:19:35.104 Well, you crush the mint 00:19:35.207 --> 00:19:38.301 down onto the ice with your thumb 00:19:38.410 --> 00:19:40.844 and you grind it in, see? 00:19:40.946 --> 00:19:43.574 And it releases the menthol. 00:19:45.184 --> 00:19:46.173 Hmm. 00:19:46.285 --> 00:19:47.684 Now you know who taught me that? 00:19:47.786 --> 00:19:48.718 No, sir. Who? 00:19:48.820 --> 00:19:50.617 Fidel Castro. 00:19:55.093 --> 00:19:57.186 Do you remember 1952? 00:19:57.296 --> 00:20:00.527 Well, sir, I wasn't alive in 1952. 00:20:00.632 --> 00:20:05.365 Good Lord, I was in Korea shooting Chinese in 1952. 00:20:05.470 --> 00:20:07.631 Really? 00:20:07.739 --> 00:20:10.003 Today they're our best customer. 00:20:10.108 --> 00:20:12.736 Next time we won't have to shoot so many of them, will we? 00:20:12.844 --> 00:20:14.573 - (chuckles) - No, sir. 00:20:14.680 --> 00:20:18.673 1952 was the year Reader's Digest 00:20:18.784 --> 00:20:21.651 nailed us with the whole health aspect. 00:20:21.753 --> 00:20:24.244 As Churchill said, 00:20:24.356 --> 00:20:26.620 that was perhaps the end of our beginning. 00:20:26.725 --> 00:20:30.058 Tell me, 00:20:30.162 --> 00:20:32.096 do you enjoy your current work, Nick? 00:20:32.197 --> 00:20:33.164 Yes, sir. 00:20:33.265 --> 00:20:34.698 It's challenging... 00:20:34.800 --> 00:20:38.395 If you can do tobacco, you can do anything. 00:20:38.503 --> 00:20:41.336 Yes, sir, I like that. 00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:43.840 You know, Nick, you remind me 00:20:43.942 --> 00:20:46.172 just a little bit of myself when I was your age. 00:20:46.278 --> 00:20:48.906 Well, thank you, sir. 00:20:49.014 --> 00:20:50.845 Like that Joan Lunden show you did. 00:20:50.949 --> 00:20:53.213 You could have given up, cried, apologized, 00:20:53.318 --> 00:20:54.307 but you didn't. 00:20:54.419 --> 00:20:56.353 You stayed loyal. 00:20:56.455 --> 00:21:01.324 And you gave it to that son of a bitch good. 00:21:01.426 --> 00:21:03.986 - (chuckles) - My pleasure. 00:21:07.132 --> 00:21:10.295 Now, BR's come under the idea 00:21:10.402 --> 00:21:13.166 that we should start bribing producers in Hollywood 00:21:13.272 --> 00:21:16.935 to make the actors smoke on screen. 00:21:17.042 --> 00:21:20.034 You know, like in the old days. 00:21:20.145 --> 00:21:22.409 Say, that's, uh... 00:21:22.514 --> 00:21:24.778 that's a great idea. 00:21:24.883 --> 00:21:26.316 Mm-hmm. 00:21:26.418 --> 00:21:27.942 Smart man, that BR. 00:21:28.053 --> 00:21:29.577 Oh, yeah, yeah. 00:21:29.688 --> 00:21:31.212 And loyal. 00:21:50.842 --> 00:21:51.774 Yes, sir? 00:21:51.877 --> 00:21:53.742 Have a seat, Ron. 00:22:04.489 --> 00:22:08.892 You, see, Ron, I can't be everywhere I'm needed. 00:22:08.994 --> 00:22:10.894 That's why I send people like you 00:22:10.996 --> 00:22:12.327 to speak on my behalf. 00:22:12.431 --> 00:22:16.094 When you're there, you're not Ron Goode, 00:22:16.201 --> 00:22:18.169 the guy your friends probably like, 00:22:18.270 --> 00:22:20.830 you're Senator Finistirre's aide, 00:22:20.939 --> 00:22:24.204 and your name really doesn't matter. 00:22:24.309 --> 00:22:26.209 So, when 00:22:26.311 --> 00:22:29.007 Ron Goode acts like a complete asshole 00:22:29.114 --> 00:22:31.810 on the Joan Lunden Show, 00:22:31.917 --> 00:22:35.011 I am being an asshole on the Joan Lunden Show. 00:22:35.120 --> 00:22:36.781 Senator, sir, he sprang on me like... 00:22:36.888 --> 00:22:40.085 Where in the hell did you find cancer boy? 00:22:40.192 --> 00:22:42.626 He was supposed to be quite reliable. 00:22:42.728 --> 00:22:45.561 The Pulmonary Council was one of his references. 00:22:45.664 --> 00:22:47.359 Fucking nonprofits. 00:22:51.103 --> 00:22:53.833 When you're looking for a cancer kid, 00:22:53.939 --> 00:22:55.236 he should be hopeless. 00:22:55.340 --> 00:22:56.898 He should have a wheelchair. 00:22:57.008 --> 00:22:59.169 He should have trouble talking. 00:22:59.277 --> 00:23:02.007 He should have a little pet goldfish 00:23:02.114 --> 00:23:03.706 he carries around in a ziplock bag- 00:23:03.815 --> 00:23:04.873 hopeless. 00:23:04.983 --> 00:23:07.247 I apologize, sir, but if it wasn't 00:23:07.352 --> 00:23:08.683 - for Nick Naylor... - Nick Naylor? 00:23:10.589 --> 00:23:14.958 Don't you even think of using him as an excuse. 00:23:15.060 --> 00:23:17.051 The man shills bullshit for a living. 00:23:17.162 --> 00:23:19.130 You work for a fucking senator. 00:23:19.231 --> 00:23:21.495 A senator who is supposed to be tough on tobacco. 00:23:21.600 --> 00:23:24.467 Have a little... pride, for God's sake. 00:23:24.569 --> 00:23:28.801 It won't happen again, sir, I promise. 00:23:31.443 --> 00:23:34.970 All right, you're excused. 00:23:40.852 --> 00:23:42.183 Sometimes I feel like 00:23:42.287 --> 00:23:44.983 a Colombian drug dealer. 00:23:45.090 --> 00:23:46.682 (chuckles) 00:23:46.792 --> 00:23:51.354 The other day, my own granddaughter, flesh of flesh of my own loins, 00:23:51.463 --> 00:23:54.830 asked me, "Granddaddy, is it true 00:23:54.933 --> 00:23:57.800 cigarettes are bad for you?" 00:24:00.205 --> 00:24:02.765 We got to do something, Nick. 00:24:02.874 --> 00:24:04.136 I think you're our man. 00:24:04.242 --> 00:24:05.971 Thank you, sir. 00:24:06.077 --> 00:24:08.341 I want you to work on this Hollywood project. 00:24:08.447 --> 00:24:10.938 Get out there the next few weeks, stir things up 00:24:11.049 --> 00:24:14.985 and report directly to me. 00:24:15.086 --> 00:24:16.144 Sir, about the, 00:24:16.254 --> 00:24:19.314 the $50 million. 00:24:19.424 --> 00:24:22.325 Anti teen-smoking advertising. 00:24:22.427 --> 00:24:25.919 Well, shit, I sure hope it's not too persuasive. 00:24:26.031 --> 00:24:27.498 (laughs) 00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:28.725 I hope. 00:24:28.834 --> 00:24:30.028 (laughs) 00:24:40.245 --> 00:24:41.177 Nick, 00:24:41.279 --> 00:24:43.144 you're family now. 00:24:43.248 --> 00:24:45.876 Tobacco takes care of its own, eh? 00:24:45.984 --> 00:24:47.918 Thank you, sir. 00:25:00.832 --> 00:25:01.764 Mr. Naylor? 00:25:01.867 --> 00:25:02.856 Hi. 00:25:02.968 --> 00:25:04.401 Hi. Welcome to Tobacco One. 00:25:04.503 --> 00:25:05.765 Thank you. 00:25:05.871 --> 00:25:08.499 The captain told me to take extra special care of you today. 00:25:08.607 --> 00:25:11.041 So if there is anything at all I can do 00:25:11.142 --> 00:25:12.404 to make your flight more pleasant, 00:25:12.511 --> 00:25:15.776 you be sure and let me know now. 00:25:27.959 --> 00:25:29.051 BR. 00:25:29.160 --> 00:25:30.058 Pleasant flight? 00:25:30.161 --> 00:25:32.254 Oh! You could say that. 00:25:32.364 --> 00:25:34.127 Came up on the Captain's plane. 00:25:34.232 --> 00:25:36.132 Oh, it's quite the way to travel. 00:25:36.234 --> 00:25:38.099 I wouldn't know. 00:25:38.203 --> 00:25:39.465 No? You never been on Tobacco One 00:25:39.571 --> 00:25:42.802 with those seats, that kitchen, 00:25:42.908 --> 00:25:44.569 that stewardess, Tiffany? 00:25:44.676 --> 00:25:46.701 Haven't had the chance yet. 00:25:46.811 --> 00:25:48.108 Oh, well, you really must try it. 00:25:48.213 --> 00:25:50.272 It's the only way to travel. 00:25:50.382 --> 00:25:53.613 What'd he think of your $50 million anti-smoking campaign? 00:25:53.718 --> 00:25:55.652 Oh, the $50 million anti teen-smoking campaign? 00:25:55.754 --> 00:25:56.652 Yeah. 00:25:56.755 --> 00:25:57.915 Yeah, he gave that the go-ahead. 00:25:58.023 --> 00:25:59.183 Oh, and he loved your idea 00:25:59.291 --> 00:26:00.588 to put cigarettes back into movies. 00:26:00.692 --> 00:26:03.252 - That was your idea. - Oh, yeah? 00:26:03.361 --> 00:26:05.488 - He must have gotten confused. - Hmm. 00:26:05.597 --> 00:26:10.000 Yeah. Well, either way, he was pretty blown away. 00:26:10.101 --> 00:26:12.763 Right. Well, get a flight to L.A. 00:26:12.871 --> 00:26:13.963 I'll get you a meeting with Jeff Megall. 00:26:14.072 --> 00:26:15.096 Who? 00:26:15.206 --> 00:26:16.468 Hollywood super agent. 00:26:16.575 --> 00:26:20.238 Runs the agency EGO: Entertainment Global Offices. 00:26:20.345 --> 00:26:21.903 This guy is the entertainment business. 00:26:22.013 --> 00:26:24.277 And you are cigarettes, BR. 00:26:24.382 --> 00:26:26.247 Whatever. 00:26:27.852 --> 00:26:29.979 Yeah, but it's not a vacation, it's a learning experience. 00:26:30.088 --> 00:26:32.147 And California is one of the fastest-growing 00:26:32.257 --> 00:26:33.451 states, it's got 00:26:33.558 --> 00:26:35.253 the largest number of electoral votes in the country. 00:26:35.360 --> 00:26:38.158 I mean, this could be a very good trip for Joey. 00:26:38.263 --> 00:26:39.594 You know what? Don't smooth-talk me. 00:26:39.698 --> 00:26:40.687 You're not going to take him sightseeing. 00:26:40.799 --> 00:26:41.857 You're probably going 00:26:41.967 --> 00:26:43.958 to take him to some lung cancer symposium 00:26:44.069 --> 00:26:46.003 where a guy with an electronic voice box will tell him 00:26:46.104 --> 00:26:47.264 that his father is the devil. 00:26:47.372 --> 00:26:48.532 That's unfair. 00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:49.937 Unfair? What about Virginia? 00:26:50.041 --> 00:26:51.406 And what about Virginia? 00:26:51.509 --> 00:26:53.272 You took him to a cigarette factory. 00:26:53.378 --> 00:26:55.243 No, I took him to a tobacco farm. 00:26:55.347 --> 00:26:56.541 That's hardly the same thing. 00:26:56.648 --> 00:26:58.639 This conversation's over. 00:27:02.587 --> 00:27:04.612 (sighs): Oh, fuck. 00:27:04.789 --> 00:27:07.451 Last week we had another disgruntled postman. 00:27:07.559 --> 00:27:08.548 Of course, 00:27:08.660 --> 00:27:09.820 an hour later the Washington Post 00:27:09.928 --> 00:27:12.726 is calling me on the phone- godless swine. 00:27:12.831 --> 00:27:14.355 I said to 'em, I says, 00:27:14.466 --> 00:27:18.493 "Now if a plane crashes on account of pilot error, 00:27:18.603 --> 00:27:19.968 do you blame the Boeing Corporation?" 00:27:20.071 --> 00:27:21.060 Nice. 00:27:21.172 --> 00:27:22.537 - That's a good one. - Thank you. 00:27:22.641 --> 00:27:25.201 If some booze-besotten drunk runs someone down, 00:27:25.310 --> 00:27:27.244 do you go banging on the doors at General Motors? 00:27:27.345 --> 00:27:28.676 Tell me you didn't say that. 00:27:28.780 --> 00:27:30.145 Mm-hmm. 00:27:30.248 --> 00:27:32.239 Have either of you heard of a reporter named Heather Holloway? 00:27:32.350 --> 00:27:35.513 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Irish type. 00:27:35.620 --> 00:27:36.985 Brown hair, big blue eyes. 00:27:37.088 --> 00:27:38.180 Nice skin. 00:27:38.289 --> 00:27:39.313 Amazing tits. 00:27:39.424 --> 00:27:42.188 Tits? Why are tits relevant? 00:27:42.293 --> 00:27:43.624 Hmm, let's see. 00:27:43.728 --> 00:27:46.492 World-class tits on a reporter interviewing a man 00:27:46.598 --> 00:27:49.431 with privileged information are relevant. 00:27:49.534 --> 00:27:51.525 How about it, Nick? Are you a tit man? 00:27:51.636 --> 00:27:53.433 Don't answer that. That's a trap. 00:27:53.538 --> 00:27:56.336 Depends whose tits. 00:27:56.441 --> 00:27:58.238 Look, just don't get screwed, all right? 00:27:58.343 --> 00:28:01.312 Bobby, I think I can handle a good-looking girl reporter. 00:28:01.413 --> 00:28:03.040 Thank you. 00:28:12.257 --> 00:28:13.281 Heather Holloway. 00:28:13.391 --> 00:28:15.120 Nick Naylor, big tobacco. 00:28:16.828 --> 00:28:19.023 Is this kosher? 00:28:19.130 --> 00:28:21.064 Only if I can call you "Heather." 00:28:21.166 --> 00:28:23.430 By all means. 00:28:26.037 --> 00:28:27.026 So, Mr. Naylor... 00:28:27.138 --> 00:28:29.231 - Nick. - Nick. 00:28:29.340 --> 00:28:31.365 Let's start with... 00:28:31.476 --> 00:28:32.807 An '82 Margaux. 00:28:32.911 --> 00:28:34.936 Okay. Is it good? 00:28:35.046 --> 00:28:38.482 Good? It'll make you believe in God. 00:28:52.230 --> 00:28:54.721 So what is the focus of your piece? 00:28:54.833 --> 00:28:56.664 - You. - Really? 00:28:56.768 --> 00:28:58.599 You want to know how I live with myself. 00:28:58.703 --> 00:29:02.434 No. I don't imagine that's much of a problem. 00:29:02.540 --> 00:29:04.770 I want to know how you see yourself. 00:29:04.876 --> 00:29:06.070 I'm... 00:29:06.177 --> 00:29:08.941 a mediator between two sects of society 00:29:09.047 --> 00:29:10.742 that are trying to reach an accommodation. 00:29:10.849 --> 00:29:12.714 Interesting. 00:29:12.817 --> 00:29:16.480 My other interviews have pinned you as a mass murderer, 00:29:16.588 --> 00:29:19.648 bloodsucker, pimp, profiteer, child killer, 00:29:19.758 --> 00:29:23.023 and my personal favorite "yuppie Mephistopheles." 00:29:23.128 --> 00:29:26.256 Wow, that sounds like a balanced article. 00:29:26.364 --> 00:29:28.423 Who else should I talk to? 00:29:28.533 --> 00:29:30.660 55 million American smokers, for starters 00:29:30.769 --> 00:29:33.636 or perhaps the American tobacco farmer 00:29:33.738 --> 00:29:35.865 who is constantly being treated like a drug smuggler. 00:29:35.974 --> 00:29:37.373 I actually do plan on speaking to a tobacco farmer. 00:29:37.475 --> 00:29:38.464 Good. 00:29:38.576 --> 00:29:40.635 They're fine people, salt of the earth. 00:29:40.745 --> 00:29:43.145 Nick, why do you do this? 00:29:43.248 --> 00:29:44.909 What motivates you? 00:29:51.422 --> 00:29:53.515 You really want to know? 00:29:53.625 --> 00:29:54.785 Mm-hmm. 00:29:54.893 --> 00:29:55.917 Really? 00:29:56.027 --> 00:29:57.824 Mm-hmm. 00:29:57.929 --> 00:30:02.559 (whispers): Population control. 00:30:02.667 --> 00:30:04.931 (chuckles) 00:30:06.504 --> 00:30:07.596 You're bad. 00:30:10.041 --> 00:30:12.168 Everyone's got a mortgage to pay. 00:30:12.277 --> 00:30:14.507 NICK: The yuppie Nuremberg defense. 00:30:14.611 --> 00:30:18.138 So is a mortgage that much of a life goal? 00:30:18.247 --> 00:30:22.547 Well, 99% of everything done in the world, good or bad, 00:30:22.652 --> 00:30:25.177 is done to pay a mortgage, so perhaps the world 00:30:25.288 --> 00:30:27.313 would be a better place if everyone rented. 00:30:27.423 --> 00:30:29.516 Then why don't you rent? 00:30:29.626 --> 00:30:31.423 Mm. Well, I rent as well. 00:30:31.527 --> 00:30:32.994 - Really? - Yeah. 00:30:33.096 --> 00:30:35.360 My son and his mother and her boyfriend 00:30:35.465 --> 00:30:36.432 live in my house. 00:30:36.532 --> 00:30:37.658 I live in my apartment. 00:30:37.767 --> 00:30:41.259 What does Nick Naylor's apartment look like? 00:30:41.371 --> 00:30:43.805 I don't know. It's nothing impressive. 00:30:43.906 --> 00:30:45.271 It wouldn't make the real estate section. 00:30:45.375 --> 00:30:46.273 (chuckles) 00:30:46.376 --> 00:30:48.139 Can I see it? 00:30:50.780 --> 00:30:52.509 You want to see my apartment? 00:30:52.615 --> 00:30:55.516 I'd like to see where the devil sleeps. 00:31:01.824 --> 00:31:03.951 NICK: I know what you're probably thinking. 00:31:06.529 --> 00:31:08.656 This is a bad idea, right? 00:31:11.401 --> 00:31:13.028 I mean, come on. 00:31:13.136 --> 00:31:14.228 It's not that bad of an idea. 00:31:17.440 --> 00:31:18.600 (sizzling) 00:31:18.708 --> 00:31:21.108 (pots clattering) 00:31:28.885 --> 00:31:30.443 Mom, why can't I go 00:31:30.553 --> 00:31:32.612 to California? 00:31:32.722 --> 00:31:36.158 Because California's just not a... safe place. 00:31:36.259 --> 00:31:38.784 And besides, I'm not sure it's appropriate 00:31:38.895 --> 00:31:42.126 for your father to bring you on a business trip. 00:31:42.231 --> 00:31:43.664 Appropriate for who? 00:31:43.766 --> 00:31:45.734 What? 00:31:45.835 --> 00:31:48.133 Mom, is it possible that you're taking the frustration 00:31:48.237 --> 00:31:50.102 of your failed marriage out on me? 00:31:51.174 --> 00:31:53.642 Excuse me? 00:31:53.743 --> 00:31:56.007 This California trip seems like a great learning opportunity 00:31:56.112 --> 00:31:58.910 and a chance for me to get to know my father. 00:31:59.015 --> 00:32:00.744 But if you think it's more important 00:32:00.850 --> 00:32:02.715 to use me to channel your frustration 00:32:02.819 --> 00:32:04.719 against the man you no longer love, 00:32:04.821 --> 00:32:06.482 I'll understand. 00:32:11.527 --> 00:32:13.461 How'd you convince her? 00:32:13.563 --> 00:32:15.758 It was an argument, not a negotiation. 00:32:15.865 --> 00:32:17.492 That's my boy. 00:32:50.399 --> 00:32:53.368 (soft music playing) 00:33:03.813 --> 00:33:05.474 Nick? 00:33:05.581 --> 00:33:07.708 Nick, Jack, Jeff's assistant. Hey. 00:33:07.817 --> 00:33:10.081 How was your flight? Are you jet-lagged at all? 00:33:10.186 --> 00:33:11.881 It's, like, 2:00 in D.C. right now. 00:33:11.988 --> 00:33:13.455 You know what? Take some vitamin B. 00:33:13.556 --> 00:33:14.784 Jeff swears by it- in fact, 00:33:14.891 --> 00:33:16.552 I'm gonna hook you up with an injection. 00:33:16.659 --> 00:33:18.058 Who's this with you? How are you, dude? What's going on? 00:33:18.161 --> 00:33:19.253 You guys ever been to L.A. before? 00:33:19.362 --> 00:33:21.193 You want to head back to Jeff’s office? 00:33:21.297 --> 00:33:23.663 In fact, we probably should- He's a punctual being. 00:33:23.766 --> 00:33:26.599 We actually had some problems at first with the exterior mirrored glass. 00:33:26.702 --> 00:33:29.262 The reflection of the sun was causing head-on collisions on Wilshire. 00:33:29.372 --> 00:33:30.964 Oh, is everybody all right? 00:33:31.073 --> 00:33:33.234 Yeah, they got three-picture deals at Paramount- I'm sure they'll live. 00:33:33.342 --> 00:33:34.570 - It's a nice building. - Yeah? 00:33:34.677 --> 00:33:36.542 Hey, tell Jeff you think so, okay? 00:33:36.646 --> 00:33:39.171 'Cause he just put a lot of himself into this building. 00:33:39.282 --> 00:33:42.718 And you know something? It really shows. 00:33:42.819 --> 00:33:44.377 What's up, Hiroshi? 00:33:44.487 --> 00:33:48.253 Keep going- that sand's not gonna rake itself. 00:33:48.357 --> 00:33:50.382 All right, come here, this is my favorite part. 00:33:50.493 --> 00:33:53.724 That one right there? It's $7,000. 00:33:53.830 --> 00:33:55.855 - $7,000 for a fish? - (laughs): Yep. 00:33:55.965 --> 00:33:57.865 Kind of makes you want to stop eating sushi, 00:33:57.967 --> 00:33:59.594 but I guess you kind of have to. 00:33:59.702 --> 00:34:01.533 Hey, you see that big white one right there? 00:34:01.637 --> 00:34:04.401 Swear to you- $12,000, gift from Oprah. 00:34:04.507 --> 00:34:08.307 It's a Chamberlain- office-warming gift from Matthew McConaughey. 00:34:08.411 --> 00:34:09.776 Generous gift. 00:34:09.879 --> 00:34:11.904 (laughs): Yeah. Right! 00:34:12.014 --> 00:34:14.847 Don't get me wrong, Matthew is a tremendously talented individual 00:34:14.951 --> 00:34:16.441 and an extremely decent human being, 00:34:16.552 --> 00:34:19.077 however, before Jeff took him on, he was a face. 00:34:19.188 --> 00:34:20.416 Now he's a name. 00:34:20.523 --> 00:34:22.991 (elevator bell dings) 00:34:24.060 --> 00:34:26.961 Do you hear that? 00:34:30.199 --> 00:34:31.530 No. 00:34:32.602 --> 00:34:34.832 Exactly. 00:34:34.937 --> 00:34:36.370 (bell dings) 00:34:43.713 --> 00:34:45.078 Hey, Neal. 00:34:45.181 --> 00:34:47.445 Neal, I'm gonna impale your mom on a spike, 00:34:47.550 --> 00:34:50.212 and I'm gonna feed her dead body to my dog with syphilis. 00:34:50.319 --> 00:34:52.082 (laughs): Aw, Jack, you got me! 00:34:52.188 --> 00:34:53.849 NEAL: That guy! 00:34:53.956 --> 00:34:56.652 It's an inside joke. 00:34:56.759 --> 00:34:59.023 (sighs): So, as you can see, 00:34:59.128 --> 00:35:01.323 Jeff just really loves Asian shit. 00:35:01.430 --> 00:35:03.159 Uh, Candace, is he ready? 00:35:03.266 --> 00:35:04.927 - Mm-hmm. - Fantastic. 00:35:05.034 --> 00:35:07.298 (quietly): Okay, Joey, I'm gonna bring your dad in now. 00:35:07.403 --> 00:35:09.428 Is there anything I can get you while you're waiting, 00:35:09.538 --> 00:35:11.733 like an orange juice or a coffee or a Red Bull? 00:35:11.841 --> 00:35:14.241 - No, thanks. - Okay. 00:35:16.746 --> 00:35:18.714 Wow, it's a great office. 00:35:18.814 --> 00:35:20.805 Yeah. Jeff basically designed the whole thing. 00:35:20.917 --> 00:35:22.817 The architect just made the drawings. 00:35:22.919 --> 00:35:25.285 Jack, stop it. 00:35:25.388 --> 00:35:26.685 Next you're gonna be telling him 00:35:26.789 --> 00:35:28.279 what position I played for the Bruins. 00:35:28.391 --> 00:35:29.289 (quietly): Quarterback. 00:35:29.392 --> 00:35:30.654 Jeff Megall. 00:35:30.760 --> 00:35:31.988 Nick Naylor. 00:35:32.094 --> 00:35:34.324 Mr. Naylor's here to see if we can't get cigarettes 00:35:34.430 --> 00:35:36.955 - into the hands of somebody other than the usual RAVs. - Sure. 00:35:37.066 --> 00:35:39.557 - RAVs? - Russians, Arabs and Villains. 00:35:39.669 --> 00:35:41.398 Oh, well, then yes, I guess that is why I'm here. 00:35:41.504 --> 00:35:43.699 Good. I think we can help. 00:35:43.806 --> 00:35:45.899 Jeff invented product placement. 00:35:46.008 --> 00:35:47.976 NICK: I feel I have to ask, uh... 00:35:48.077 --> 00:35:51.069 Are you concerned at all about the, um... 00:35:51.180 --> 00:35:52.738 about the health element? 00:35:52.848 --> 00:35:55.715 I'm not a doctor, I'm a facilitator. 00:35:55.818 --> 00:35:57.080 I bring creative people together. 00:35:57.186 --> 00:35:59.381 Whatever information there is, exists, it's out there. 00:35:59.488 --> 00:36:00.682 People will decide for themselves. 00:36:00.790 --> 00:36:03.224 They should. It's not my role to decide for them. 00:36:03.326 --> 00:36:05.226 It'd be morally presumptuous. 00:36:05.328 --> 00:36:07.888 NICK: I could learn a lot from this man. 00:36:07.997 --> 00:36:10.363 Now, what we need is a smoking role model, 00:36:10.466 --> 00:36:11.398 a real winner. 00:36:11.500 --> 00:36:13.195 Indiana Jones meets Jerry Maguire. 00:36:13.302 --> 00:36:14.360 Right, on two packs a day. 00:36:14.470 --> 00:36:16.495 Only he can't live in contemporary society. 00:36:16.605 --> 00:36:17.503 Why not? 00:36:17.606 --> 00:36:19.597 The health issue's way too prevalent. 00:36:19.709 --> 00:36:21.643 People would constantly be asking the character 00:36:21.744 --> 00:36:24.008 why he's smoking- and that should go unsaid. 00:36:24.113 --> 00:36:26.047 How do you feel about the future? 00:36:26.148 --> 00:36:28.343 The future? 00:36:28.451 --> 00:36:30.180 Yeah, after the health thing's blown over. 00:36:30.286 --> 00:36:31.617 A world where smokers and nonsmokers 00:36:31.721 --> 00:36:33.120 live together in perfect harmony. 00:36:33.222 --> 00:36:35.588 Sony has a futuristic sci-fi movie they're looking to make. 00:36:35.691 --> 00:36:37.625 Message From Sector Six. 00:36:37.727 --> 00:36:39.752 All takes place in a space station. 00:36:39.862 --> 00:36:41.727 They're actively looking for some cofinancing. 00:36:41.831 --> 00:36:43.298 So cigarettes in space? 00:36:43.399 --> 00:36:45.526 It's the final frontier, Nick. 00:36:45.634 --> 00:36:47.625 But wouldn't they blow up in an all-oxygen environment? 00:36:48.704 --> 00:36:50.433 Probably. 00:36:50.539 --> 00:36:53.133 But it's an easy fix- one line of dialogue: 00:36:53.242 --> 00:36:55.210 "Thank God we invented the..." you know, 00:36:55.311 --> 00:36:56.608 whatever device. 00:36:56.712 --> 00:36:58.577 Brad Pitt. 00:36:58.681 --> 00:37:00.239 Catherine Zeta-Jones. 00:37:00.349 --> 00:37:01.748 They've just finished ravishing 00:37:01.851 --> 00:37:04.445 each other's bodies for the first time. 00:37:04.553 --> 00:37:06.578 They lie naked, suspended in air 00:37:06.689 --> 00:37:08.122 underneath the heavens. 00:37:08.224 --> 00:37:10.590 Pitt lights up. 00:37:10.693 --> 00:37:12.422 He starts blowing smoke rings all around 00:37:12.528 --> 00:37:14.325 Catherine's naked, flawless body, 00:37:14.430 --> 00:37:17.593 as the galaxies go whizzing by over the glass-domed ceiling. 00:37:17.700 --> 00:37:19.759 Now, tell me that doesn't work for you. 00:37:19.869 --> 00:37:21.166 I'd see that movie. 00:37:21.270 --> 00:37:22.532 I'd buy the goddamn DVD. 00:37:22.638 --> 00:37:25.334 You know, if the academy didn't send them to me for free. 00:37:25.441 --> 00:37:26.908 You know, 00:37:27.009 --> 00:37:29.170 you guys ought to think about designing a cigarette 00:37:29.278 --> 00:37:31.007 to be released simultaneously with the movie. 00:37:31.113 --> 00:37:32.671 Sector Sixes. 00:37:32.782 --> 00:37:34.340 No one's ever done it with a cigarette. 00:37:34.450 --> 00:37:35.576 Wow. 00:37:35.684 --> 00:37:37.584 Well, where do we go from here? 00:37:37.686 --> 00:37:40.519 You enjoy the rest of your day in L.A. with your son 00:37:40.623 --> 00:37:42.557 while I find out the answers to these questions. 00:37:42.658 --> 00:37:45.286 Hey, where can I get a bite to eat with my son? 00:37:45.394 --> 00:37:46.918 You ought to try Nobu's new place. 00:37:47.029 --> 00:37:49.429 - He only serves food that's white. - Oh, great. 00:37:50.699 --> 00:37:52.929 JOEY: So, you go to an office, 00:37:53.035 --> 00:37:55.663 then you go on TV and talk about cigarettes. 00:37:55.771 --> 00:37:57.602 Then you fly out to L.A. 00:37:57.706 --> 00:38:00.174 to talk to some guy who works with movie stars. 00:38:00.276 --> 00:38:03.575 - What is that? - That's my job; I'm a lobbyist. 00:38:03.679 --> 00:38:06.341 I know, but did you study to do that? 00:38:06.449 --> 00:38:08.940 No. No, I just kind of figured it out. 00:38:09.051 --> 00:38:11.144 Then can't anyone just do that? 00:38:11.253 --> 00:38:15.189 No, it, uh, requires a... 00:38:15.291 --> 00:38:19.022 a moral flexibility that goes beyond most people. 00:38:20.129 --> 00:38:22.962 Do I have flexible morals? 00:38:23.065 --> 00:38:25.761 Well, let's say you became a lawyer, right? 00:38:25.868 --> 00:38:27.495 And you were asked to defend a murderer. 00:38:27.603 --> 00:38:29.127 Worse than that- a child murderer. 00:38:29.238 --> 00:38:30.535 Now, 00:38:30.639 --> 00:38:33.631 the law states that every person deserves a fair trial. 00:38:33.742 --> 00:38:35.835 Would you defend them? 00:38:35.945 --> 00:38:37.640 I don't know. I guess every person 00:38:37.746 --> 00:38:39.577 - deserves a fair defense. - Yeah, well, 00:38:39.682 --> 00:38:41.809 so do multinational corporations. 00:38:41.917 --> 00:38:45.216 So, what happens when you're wrong? 00:38:45.321 --> 00:38:46.982 (chuckles): Well, Joey, I'm never wrong. 00:38:47.089 --> 00:38:48.556 But you can't always be right. 00:38:48.657 --> 00:38:51.592 Well, if it's your job to be right, then you're never wrong. 00:38:51.694 --> 00:38:53.889 But what if you are wrong? 00:38:53.996 --> 00:38:56.157 Okay, let's say that you're defending chocolate 00:38:56.265 --> 00:38:57.596 and I'm defending vanilla. 00:38:57.700 --> 00:39:00.100 Now, if I were to say to you, 00:39:00.202 --> 00:39:03.103 "Vanilla's the best flavor ice cream," you'd say...? 00:39:03.205 --> 00:39:05.264 - "No, chocolate is." - Exactly. 00:39:05.374 --> 00:39:06.966 But you can't win that argument. 00:39:07.076 --> 00:39:09.636 So, I'll ask you- So you think chocolate 00:39:09.745 --> 00:39:12.543 is the end-all and be-all of ice cream, do you? 00:39:12.648 --> 00:39:14.707 It's the best ice cream; I wouldn't order any other. 00:39:14.817 --> 00:39:16.717 Oh. So it's all chocolate for you, is it? 00:39:16.819 --> 00:39:18.411 Yes, chocolate is all I need. 00:39:18.521 --> 00:39:19.818 Well, I need more than chocolate. 00:39:19.922 --> 00:39:21.913 And for that matter, I need more than vanilla. 00:39:22.024 --> 00:39:23.787 I believe that we need freedom and choice 00:39:23.893 --> 00:39:26.384 when it comes to our ice cream, and that, Joey Naylor, 00:39:26.495 --> 00:39:28.019 that is the definition of liberty. 00:39:28.130 --> 00:39:30.064 But that's not what we're talking about. 00:39:30.166 --> 00:39:32.566 Ah, but that's what I'm talking about. 00:39:32.668 --> 00:39:35.603 - But... you didn't prove that vanilla's the best. - I didn't have to. 00:39:35.704 --> 00:39:38.537 I proved that you're wrong- and if you're wrong, I'm right. 00:39:38.641 --> 00:39:39.608 But you still didn't 00:39:39.708 --> 00:39:40.766 convince me. 00:39:40.876 --> 00:39:42.207 'Cause I'm not after you. 00:39:42.311 --> 00:39:45.610 I'm after them. 00:39:54.790 --> 00:39:56.758 (phone ringing) 00:40:01.697 --> 00:40:03.164 Hello? 00:40:03.265 --> 00:40:05.165 Thought I'd give you a little update. 00:40:05.267 --> 00:40:07.235 Jeff. You still at the office? 00:40:07.336 --> 00:40:09.861 Do you know what time it is in Tokyo right now? 00:40:09.972 --> 00:40:11.735 - No. - 4:00 P.M. tomorrow. 00:40:11.840 --> 00:40:13.637 It's the future, Nick. 00:40:14.843 --> 00:40:16.572 Anyway, for Pitt to smoke, 00:40:16.679 --> 00:40:18.909 it's $10 million; for the pair, it's 25. 00:40:19.014 --> 00:40:22.177 25?! Usually when I buy two of something, I get a discount. 00:40:22.284 --> 00:40:23.478 What's the extra five for? 00:40:23.586 --> 00:40:24.746 Synergy. 00:40:24.853 --> 00:40:27.617 These are not stupid people; they got it right away. 00:40:27.723 --> 00:40:29.953 Pitt and Zeta-Jones lighting up after some cosmic fucking 00:40:30.059 --> 00:40:32.527 in the bubble suite's gonna sell a lot of cigarettes. 00:40:32.628 --> 00:40:34.061 Well, for that kind of money, 00:40:34.163 --> 00:40:36.063 my people will expect some very serious smoking. 00:40:36.165 --> 00:40:37.655 Can Brad blow smoke rings? 00:40:37.766 --> 00:40:39.165 I don't have that information. 00:40:39.268 --> 00:40:40.963 Well, for $25 million, we'd want smoke rings. 00:40:41.070 --> 00:40:42.560 Oh, one other thing- you'll be cofinancing 00:40:42.671 --> 00:40:44.605 the picture with the Sultan of Glutan. 00:40:44.707 --> 00:40:45.901 The Sultan of Glutan? 00:40:46.008 --> 00:40:48.033 The one who massacred and enslaved his own people? 00:40:48.143 --> 00:40:50.634 Aren't they calling him the Hitler of the South Pacific? 00:40:50.746 --> 00:40:53.180 No, I can't speak to that- All my dealings with him, 00:40:53.282 --> 00:40:55.011 he's been a very reasonable and sensitive guy. 00:40:55.117 --> 00:40:56.345 He's fun. You'll like him. 00:40:56.452 --> 00:40:57.646 I better run it by my people. 00:40:57.753 --> 00:40:58.845 No problem. 00:40:58.954 --> 00:41:00.319 - (beep) - Oh, that's London calling. 00:41:00.422 --> 00:41:02.549 7:00 A.M. in the Old Empire. 00:41:02.658 --> 00:41:04.216 Jeff, when do you sleep? 00:41:04.326 --> 00:41:05.554 Sunday. 00:41:05.661 --> 00:41:07.390 (line hangs up) 00:41:21.577 --> 00:41:23.545 (laughs softly) 00:41:59.815 --> 00:42:01.806 (groans) 00:42:03.919 --> 00:42:05.887 (line ringing) 00:42:07.690 --> 00:42:10.181 - Operator. - Yeah, my light is blinking. 00:42:10.292 --> 00:42:13.523 - There's a package downstairs for you. - Okay, send it up. 00:42:16.065 --> 00:42:19.262 Captain, I'm sitting in front of an open briefcase. 00:42:19.368 --> 00:42:21.393 I don't suppose this is a raise. 00:42:21.503 --> 00:42:25.303 Now, Nick, do you know who Lorne Lutch is? 00:42:25.407 --> 00:42:27.102 Yeah, of course. He's the original Marlboro Man. 00:42:27.209 --> 00:42:29.677 He's dying. He was on Sally last week. 00:42:29.778 --> 00:42:31.973 Not exactly our biggest fan. 00:42:32.081 --> 00:42:33.309 Well, the money's for him. 00:42:33.415 --> 00:42:36.043 Now, he has a ranch out there in California. 00:42:36.151 --> 00:42:37.812 I want you to bring it to him. 00:42:37.920 --> 00:42:41.754 He's a cowboy, sir, and cowboys don't like bribes. 00:42:41.857 --> 00:42:44.018 It's not a bribe. No, sir. 00:42:44.126 --> 00:42:46.890 You're going out there on wings of angels, son. 00:42:46.995 --> 00:42:49.930 You mean we're just going to give him the money? 00:42:50.032 --> 00:42:51.431 Well, I think Christ himself would say, 00:42:51.533 --> 00:42:53.763 "That's mighty white of you boys." 00:42:53.869 --> 00:42:55.928 No gag agreement? 00:42:56.038 --> 00:42:58.438 Hopefully, he'll be so damn overcome with gratitude 00:42:58.540 --> 00:43:00.872 he'll... he'll have to shut up. 00:43:11.620 --> 00:43:13.952 Hey, kiddo, I got to go do a little bit more work 00:43:14.056 --> 00:43:15.148 this afternoon, all right? 00:43:15.257 --> 00:43:16.155 Can I come? 00:43:16.258 --> 00:43:17.691 No. Not this time. 00:43:17.793 --> 00:43:19.954 But I want to see what you do. 00:44:01.270 --> 00:44:02.862 You stay here, okay? 00:44:22.024 --> 00:44:24.584 What the fuck are you doing here? 00:44:24.693 --> 00:44:27.287 Uh... uh... 00:44:27.396 --> 00:44:29.091 Do you have a minute? 00:44:34.236 --> 00:44:35.897 What do you want? 00:44:36.004 --> 00:44:37.232 Dad! 00:44:37.339 --> 00:44:38.465 Joey, get back in the car. 00:44:45.080 --> 00:44:47.071 Just want to talk. 00:44:48.417 --> 00:44:50.476 All right. 00:44:50.586 --> 00:44:52.053 Let's talk. 00:45:08.470 --> 00:45:10.904 Pearl, we got company. 00:45:13.542 --> 00:45:16.739 Mister, you got a lot of nerve walking in here after... 00:45:16.845 --> 00:45:20.212 Honey, why don't you show this young man some iced tea? 00:45:23.352 --> 00:45:24.842 I'll be right back, tiger. 00:45:31.326 --> 00:45:33.123 (hissing) 00:45:41.270 --> 00:45:43.830 Saw you on... 00:45:43.939 --> 00:45:47.431 Weren't you on that TV show? 00:45:47.543 --> 00:45:50.341 Yeah. Yeah, that was me. 00:45:50.445 --> 00:45:54.006 You're lucky you made it out of there alive. 00:45:54.116 --> 00:45:56.414 Yeah. Tobacco used to be all over the television. 00:45:56.518 --> 00:46:00.511 Now TV is leading the witch hunt. 00:46:00.622 --> 00:46:02.487 Strange business. 00:46:02.591 --> 00:46:05.492 Last year, after I was diagnosed, 00:46:05.594 --> 00:46:11.123 flew east to attend the annual stockholders' convention. 00:46:12.901 --> 00:46:14.869 Stood up and told them I thought 00:46:14.970 --> 00:46:19.600 they ought to cut back on their advertising. 00:46:19.708 --> 00:46:22.302 You know what your boss said to me? 00:46:25.547 --> 00:46:28.607 He said, "We're certainly sorry 00:46:28.717 --> 00:46:32.483 "to hear about your medical problem. 00:46:32.588 --> 00:46:36.024 "However, without knowing more 00:46:36.124 --> 00:46:39.787 "of your medical history, 00:46:39.895 --> 00:46:41.988 we can't comment further." 00:46:44.566 --> 00:46:46.796 But then they tried to pretend 00:46:46.902 --> 00:46:48.631 I never worked for 'em. 00:46:50.572 --> 00:46:52.802 Yeah, I got the pay stubs. 00:46:52.908 --> 00:46:55.672 But, hell, I was on the damn billboards. 00:46:57.412 --> 00:46:59.141 I never even smoked 00:46:59.247 --> 00:47:01.272 Marlboro. 00:47:01.383 --> 00:47:03.851 I smoked Kools. 00:47:08.256 --> 00:47:11.384 You look like a nice-enough fella. 00:47:11.493 --> 00:47:13.791 What are you doing working for these assholes? 00:47:15.697 --> 00:47:17.756 I'm good at it. 00:47:17.866 --> 00:47:19.094 Better at doing this 00:47:19.201 --> 00:47:20.862 than I ever was at doing anything else. 00:47:20.969 --> 00:47:22.903 Aw, hell, son. 00:47:23.005 --> 00:47:25.565 I was good at shooting VC. 00:47:25.674 --> 00:47:27.642 I didn't make it my career. 00:47:29.945 --> 00:47:33.608 I suppose we all got to pay the mortgage. 00:47:37.452 --> 00:47:39.613 Your dad always bring you along like this? 00:47:39.721 --> 00:47:42.451 No. I live with my mom. 00:47:42.557 --> 00:47:44.286 He tell you why he's here today? 00:47:44.393 --> 00:47:48.227 He said that your husband was the Marlboro Man. 00:47:48.330 --> 00:47:49.729 (phone rings) 00:47:49.831 --> 00:47:53.631 Yeah, well, not anymore. 00:47:53.735 --> 00:47:55.202 Hello. 00:47:55.303 --> 00:47:57.464 Yeah. Hey, can you hold on a second? 00:47:57.572 --> 00:48:01.668 You need anything else, grab it out of the fridge. 00:48:01.777 --> 00:48:03.438 So I'm standing here minding my own business, 00:48:03.545 --> 00:48:05.410 filling up pill bottles... 00:48:05.514 --> 00:48:11.419 So you're here to talk me into shutting up? 00:48:13.288 --> 00:48:15.552 That what's in that case of yours? 00:48:15.657 --> 00:48:18.319 Yeah, basically. 00:48:19.528 --> 00:48:20.927 No, not basically. 00:48:21.029 --> 00:48:23.259 That's... that's exactly it. 00:48:25.367 --> 00:48:26.994 My dignity ain't for sale. 00:48:27.102 --> 00:48:29.570 It's not an offer. It's a gift. 00:48:29.671 --> 00:48:30.797 Taxes have all been paid. 00:48:30.906 --> 00:48:33.636 You get to keep it no matter what you do. 00:48:33.742 --> 00:48:35.175 The idea is that, somehow, 00:48:35.277 --> 00:48:37.905 your guilt will prevent you from bad-mouthing us. 00:48:38.013 --> 00:48:39.810 Are you supposed to be 00:48:39.915 --> 00:48:41.610 telling me all that? 00:48:41.717 --> 00:48:44.242 No, sir. Just apologize, 00:48:44.352 --> 00:48:46.115 give you the money, and leave. 00:48:46.221 --> 00:48:47.984 Why are you telling me this? 00:48:50.525 --> 00:48:52.493 Because, this way, you'll take the money. 00:48:52.594 --> 00:48:53.856 Why would I do that? 00:48:53.962 --> 00:48:54.951 Because you're mad. 00:48:55.063 --> 00:48:56.496 Damn straight I am. 00:48:56.598 --> 00:48:57.587 The first thing you'll do, 00:48:57.699 --> 00:48:59.792 is you'll call the L.A. Times, and CNN... 00:48:59.901 --> 00:49:01.300 - Huh? - and insist on Bonnie Carlton. 00:49:01.403 --> 00:49:02.301 She does really good 00:49:02.404 --> 00:49:03.302 controlled outrage. 00:49:03.405 --> 00:49:04.633 Tell them, "No Bonnie, no story." 00:49:04.740 --> 00:49:05.764 Watch it on MSNBC. 00:49:05.874 --> 00:49:07.171 - Okay. - When they get here, 00:49:07.275 --> 00:49:10.210 you open up the case... 00:49:12.914 --> 00:49:16.077 and you pour all the cash out onto the floor. 00:49:16.184 --> 00:49:17.242 - Why? - Trust me. 00:49:17.352 --> 00:49:18.546 It'll look more effective that way. 00:49:18.653 --> 00:49:22.714 Don't forget to shake every last bundle out. 00:49:24.459 --> 00:49:26.120 If you can, you know, give a cough or two. 00:49:26.228 --> 00:49:29.129 Once it's all out on the floor, 00:49:29.231 --> 00:49:30.698 tell them what you're going to do with it. 00:49:30.799 --> 00:49:31.766 What am I going to do with it? 00:49:31.867 --> 00:49:32.891 You're going to donate it. 00:49:33.001 --> 00:49:35.196 Yeah. Start the Lorne Lutch Cancer Foundation. 00:49:35.303 --> 00:49:36.634 You're going to have a ranch and a fair 00:49:36.738 --> 00:49:39.366 and a 5K. A 5K is a must. Television... 00:49:39.474 --> 00:49:40.498 Wait a minute. 00:49:40.609 --> 00:49:42.839 What about my family? 00:49:45.280 --> 00:49:47.475 But, Lorne, you can't keep the money. 00:49:47.582 --> 00:49:49.072 Why the hell not? 00:49:49.184 --> 00:49:50.412 What do you mean? 00:49:50.519 --> 00:49:53.113 Denounce us, and then keep the blood money? 00:49:53.221 --> 00:49:54.518 I mean, look at it. 00:50:01.797 --> 00:50:02.695 I got to think this over. 00:50:02.798 --> 00:50:03.662 Lorne, whoa. 00:50:03.765 --> 00:50:05.756 News doesn't work that way. 00:50:05.867 --> 00:50:07.892 You can't denounce us next week. 00:50:14.509 --> 00:50:17.774 I don't suppose I can denounce you for half of it. 00:50:17.879 --> 00:50:21.246 No, Lorne. Either you keep all the money, 00:50:21.349 --> 00:50:24.113 or you... you give it all away. 00:50:34.563 --> 00:50:36.724 Dad, how did you know 00:50:36.832 --> 00:50:38.697 he would take the money? 00:50:41.036 --> 00:50:43.937 You'd have to be crazy to turn down all that money. 00:50:44.039 --> 00:50:46.507 When I saw he wasn't crazy, I knew he'd take it. 00:50:48.009 --> 00:50:50.477 Would you have taken it? 00:50:50.579 --> 00:50:53.139 If I were him? Sure. 00:50:55.884 --> 00:50:57.351 So would I. 00:51:08.897 --> 00:51:09.955 I don't think you understand, sir. 00:51:10.065 --> 00:51:11.362 He's like a wild animal. 00:51:11.466 --> 00:51:13.127 You'll have to be on your guard at all times. 00:51:13.235 --> 00:51:14.224 He has this trick. 00:51:14.336 --> 00:51:15.530 Ron, shut up. 00:51:15.637 --> 00:51:17.468 I've tangoed with presidents, lawyers and Indian chiefs. 00:51:17.572 --> 00:51:20.132 I think I can handle Mr. Nick Naylor. 00:51:20.242 --> 00:51:22.005 (clears throat) 00:51:22.110 --> 00:51:23.304 DENNIS MILLER: All right, welcome back, kids. 00:51:23.411 --> 00:51:25.311 We've got two guests on the show tonight. 00:51:25.413 --> 00:51:27.404 First, joining us from our Washington studio... 00:51:27.515 --> 00:51:29.449 I must have that tie clip! 00:51:29.551 --> 00:51:32.145 ...is the senator from the great state of Vermont. 00:51:32.254 --> 00:51:34.415 Please welcome Ortolan Finistirre. 00:51:34.522 --> 00:51:35.420 Welcome, Senator. 00:51:35.523 --> 00:51:37.081 Good to be here, Dennis. 00:51:37.192 --> 00:51:38.887 And, joining us here in our Los Angeles studio, 00:51:38.994 --> 00:51:40.859 he is the chief spokesperson 00:51:40.962 --> 00:51:43.157 for the Academy of Tobacco Studies. 00:51:43.265 --> 00:51:44.755 Quite an august chamber, might I add? 00:51:44.866 --> 00:51:46.629 - Nick Naylor. Nick, welcome. - Pleasure to be here. 00:51:46.735 --> 00:51:49.465 All right, I understand you were on Joan Lunden's show recently. 00:51:49.571 --> 00:51:51.163 Didn't make a lot of friends over there, did you? 00:51:51.273 --> 00:51:52.638 I will say that I don't think 00:51:52.741 --> 00:51:54.038 I'll be getting my annual invitation 00:51:54.142 --> 00:51:56.906 to the Finistirre Labor Day Barbecue. 00:51:57.012 --> 00:51:59.412 Well, I continue to offer an open invitation to Mr. Naylor 00:51:59.514 --> 00:52:01.846 to join us in Congress to talk about the inclusion 00:52:01.950 --> 00:52:04.680 of our new poison label which, if I might say... 00:52:04.786 --> 00:52:06.947 Nick, ready to trek up the Hill and testify 00:52:07.055 --> 00:52:08.249 before Congress? 00:52:08.356 --> 00:52:10.517 Well, I'd love to, Dennis, but not as long as the senator 00:52:10.625 --> 00:52:11.990 is calling for me to be fired. 00:52:12.093 --> 00:52:14.391 It's not exactly a welcome invitation. 00:52:14.496 --> 00:52:17.021 Yeah. Bit of a mixed message, Senator. 00:52:17.132 --> 00:52:19.396 Well, not as mixed as the stance that Big Tobacco has taken 00:52:19.501 --> 00:52:21.264 about the dangers of smoking cigarettes. 00:52:21.369 --> 00:52:22.802 - Oh, no. - Now what are you laughing...? 00:52:22.904 --> 00:52:24.997 You're a wind-up artist. Give the man his due. 00:52:25.106 --> 00:52:26.903 He's got a bit of a point there, doesn't he? 00:52:27.008 --> 00:52:28.873 Sorry. I just can't help myself, Dennis. 00:52:28.977 --> 00:52:30.638 I... I... I'm just tickled by the idea 00:52:30.745 --> 00:52:32.440 of the gentleman from Vermont 00:52:32.547 --> 00:52:35.107 calling me a hypocrite when, uh... this same man, 00:52:35.216 --> 00:52:37.081 in one day, held a press conference where he called 00:52:37.185 --> 00:52:39.676 for the American tobacco fields to be slashed and burned, 00:52:39.788 --> 00:52:41.380 then he jumped on a private jet 00:52:41.489 --> 00:52:43.980 and flew down to Farm Aid where he rode a tractor onstage 00:52:44.092 --> 00:52:47.084 - Oh, come on. - as he bemoaned the downfall of the American farmer. 00:52:47.195 --> 00:52:48.992 Care to comment, Senator? 00:52:49.097 --> 00:52:51.031 He... I... No. 00:52:51.132 --> 00:52:53.362 Eloquent in its brevity. 00:52:53.468 --> 00:52:54.594 Emotional issue. 00:52:54.703 --> 00:52:55.931 Let's take some phone calls now. 00:52:56.037 --> 00:52:58.335 Herndon, Virginia. Go ahead. You're on the show. 00:52:58.440 --> 00:53:00.931 MAN: Dennis, has anyone ever announced that they're going 00:53:01.042 --> 00:53:02.805 to kill someone live on your show? 00:53:02.911 --> 00:53:06.142 My demo's been called quirky but, no, at this point, 00:53:06.247 --> 00:53:08.340 we're not skewing to the emotionally unstable. 00:53:08.450 --> 00:53:10.577 Then it's your lucky day. 00:53:10.685 --> 00:53:12.346 Because I'm here to tell you that, within a week, 00:53:12.454 --> 00:53:15.048 we're going to dispatch Mr. Naylor from this planet 00:53:15.156 --> 00:53:18.853 for all the pain and suffering he's caused in the world. 00:53:18.960 --> 00:53:20.985 (click) 00:53:22.630 --> 00:53:25.121 As I said, emotional issue. We're going to break now. 00:53:25.233 --> 00:53:26.996 I got to fire a call screener. 00:53:53.928 --> 00:53:55.395 Let's go. 00:54:25.393 --> 00:54:26.758 (chuckling) 00:54:26.861 --> 00:54:28.226 (moans) 00:54:31.066 --> 00:54:33.728 This is Nick Naylor telling you kids, 00:54:33.835 --> 00:54:37.032 "Don't do drugs, smoke cigarettes." 00:54:37.138 --> 00:54:38.298 That's really great. 00:54:38.406 --> 00:54:40.033 It's like I'm looking in a mirror. 00:54:40.141 --> 00:54:42.268 New idea: 00:54:42.377 --> 00:54:44.743 cigarettes for the homeless. 00:54:44.846 --> 00:54:45.938 We'll call them "hobos." 00:54:46.047 --> 00:54:47.378 (chuckling) 00:54:47.482 --> 00:54:48.847 Uh, that's awful. 00:54:48.950 --> 00:54:50.474 Any better than "Sector Sixes"? 00:54:50.585 --> 00:54:52.553 Right. 00:54:52.654 --> 00:54:55.487 Oh, my God, Nick, you're on TV. 00:54:55.590 --> 00:54:56.557 (TV playing) 00:54:56.658 --> 00:54:59.286 "Lobbyist on the lookout." 00:54:59.394 --> 00:55:02.591 You got to be kidding me. 00:55:03.865 --> 00:55:07.562 I want to fuck you while I watch you on TV. 00:55:07.669 --> 00:55:09.398 And they call me sick. 00:55:09.504 --> 00:55:10.402 Hurry. 00:55:10.505 --> 00:55:12.496 Before your segment ends. 00:55:12.607 --> 00:55:14.541 All right. 00:55:20.315 --> 00:55:22.442 Tell me more about Los Angeles, baby. 00:55:22.550 --> 00:55:23.710 Huh? 00:55:27.922 --> 00:55:29.719 NICK: He says he wants to trail me everywhere, 00:55:29.824 --> 00:55:30.984 I said, "Who's paying for it?" 00:55:31.092 --> 00:55:32.582 He says the tobacco company's paying for it. 00:55:32.694 --> 00:55:34.218 I said, "I don't need a bodyguard." 00:55:34.329 --> 00:55:35.887 I'm a man of the people. 00:55:35.997 --> 00:55:37.862 Rock on, Kennedy. 00:55:37.966 --> 00:55:39.661 Listen, we're all going to need bodyguards soon enough. 00:55:39.767 --> 00:55:41.564 Did you see the coverage the fetal alcohol people 00:55:41.669 --> 00:55:42.727 got themselves over this weekend? 00:55:42.837 --> 00:55:44.668 They made it seem like we were encouraging 00:55:44.772 --> 00:55:45.898 pregnant women to drink. 00:55:46.007 --> 00:55:47.099 I'm surprised I didn't get kidnapped 00:55:47.208 --> 00:55:48.539 on my way to work this morning. 00:55:48.643 --> 00:55:52.135 I don't think people from the alcoholic beverage industry 00:55:52.247 --> 00:55:54.238 need to worry about being kidnapped just yet. 00:55:55.850 --> 00:55:57.442 Pardon me? 00:55:57.552 --> 00:55:58.849 Look, I mean, 00:55:58.953 --> 00:56:00.944 nothing personal, but tobacco generates 00:56:01.055 --> 00:56:03.285 a little more heat than alcohol. 00:56:03.391 --> 00:56:04.858 Oh, this is news. 00:56:04.959 --> 00:56:08.588 My product puts away 475,000 a year. 00:56:08.696 --> 00:56:11.358 Oh, okay, now 475 is a legit number. 00:56:11.466 --> 00:56:12.694 Okay, 435,000. 00:56:12.800 --> 00:56:13.858 That's 1,200 a day. 00:56:13.968 --> 00:56:15.299 How many alcohol-related deaths a year? 00:56:15.403 --> 00:56:17.530 - Well, does that... - 100,000 tops? 00:56:17.639 --> 00:56:21.268 That's, what, 270 a day? 00:56:21.376 --> 00:56:22.536 Wowee. 00:56:22.644 --> 00:56:25.010 270 people, a tragedy. 00:56:25.113 --> 00:56:27.104 Excuse me if I don't exactly see terrorists getting excited 00:56:27.215 --> 00:56:28.842 about kidnapping anyone from the alcohol industry. 00:56:28.950 --> 00:56:30.212 - Well, you haven't even - Okay, 00:56:30.318 --> 00:56:32.149 - taken into account the number of deaths - let's just 00:56:32.253 --> 00:56:34.949 - breathe. - How many gun deaths a year in the U. S? 00:56:35.056 --> 00:56:36.785 11,000. 00:56:36.891 --> 00:56:39.223 11,000, are you kidding me? 00:56:39.327 --> 00:56:41.261 30 a day. 00:56:41.362 --> 00:56:42.795 That's less than passenger car mortalities. 00:56:42.897 --> 00:56:44.489 No terrorist would bother with either of you. 00:56:58.179 --> 00:56:59.942 Okay, look... stupid argument. 00:57:00.048 --> 00:57:02.073 I'll say. 00:57:02.183 --> 00:57:05.152 I'm sure both of you warrant vigilante justice. 00:57:05.253 --> 00:57:07.016 Thank you. 00:57:12.961 --> 00:57:14.656 (motor revs) 00:57:14.762 --> 00:57:16.229 (tires screech) 00:57:19.033 --> 00:57:21.092 (grunting, groaning) 00:57:21.202 --> 00:57:22.863 (engine racing, overlapping voices) 00:57:27.875 --> 00:57:29.137 Hey... please. Stop... hey. 00:57:29.244 --> 00:57:30.336 Who are you guys? 00:57:30.445 --> 00:57:32.072 (tires screeching) 00:57:34.249 --> 00:57:36.547 GIRL: And freedom means that we can do what we want. 00:57:36.651 --> 00:57:39.017 And that's really important. 00:57:39.120 --> 00:57:42.715 Because otherwise, we couldn't be free. 00:57:42.824 --> 00:57:46.851 And that's why America is the best government in the world. 00:57:46.961 --> 00:57:48.519 Whoa, hey, hey, hey. 00:57:48.630 --> 00:57:51.326 Hey, no need for that, no need for that. 00:57:51.432 --> 00:57:52.797 Whoa, whoa, hey. 00:57:52.900 --> 00:57:53.867 Hey, wait. 00:57:53.968 --> 00:57:55.162 Can we get a dialogue going here? 00:57:55.270 --> 00:57:58.034 Nick, we want you to stop killing people. 00:57:58.139 --> 00:57:59.868 So many people. 00:57:59.974 --> 00:58:01.532 Half a million people a year in the U.S. 00:58:01.643 --> 00:58:03.338 That, there's no data to support that. 00:58:03.444 --> 00:58:05.571 Nick... you're not on TV anymore. 00:58:08.983 --> 00:58:10.678 Okay, Joey, it's your turn. 00:58:13.288 --> 00:58:14.550 Hey! 00:58:14.656 --> 00:58:16.055 Nick, how much do you smoke a day? 00:58:16.157 --> 00:58:17.715 Hey, what are you doing? 00:58:17.825 --> 00:58:20.089 According to the box, each one of those patches 00:58:20.194 --> 00:58:22.355 contains 21 milligrams of nicotine. 00:58:22.463 --> 00:58:23.430 That's, like, what? 00:58:23.531 --> 00:58:24.930 One pack? 00:58:25.033 --> 00:58:27.331 Our industry has been working hand in hand with... 00:58:27.435 --> 00:58:29.369 Nick! Just listen, all right? 00:58:29.470 --> 00:58:31.028 What makes America the best government? 00:58:31.139 --> 00:58:33.437 The passion that doesn't exist anywhere in the world. 00:58:33.541 --> 00:58:35.441 Says here there are many adverse reactions 00:58:35.543 --> 00:58:36.601 from those things. 00:58:36.711 --> 00:58:38.611 Let's see, "arrhythmia, 00:58:38.713 --> 00:58:40.180 "constipation, dyspepsia, 00:58:40.281 --> 00:58:42.806 - "nausea... - My industry does $48 billion in revenue. 00:58:42.917 --> 00:58:44.612 pharyngitis, sinusitis..." 00:58:44.719 --> 00:58:47.552 Sure you can call it capitalism, a free market, 00:58:47.655 --> 00:58:49.282 a celebration of tariff breakdowns... 00:58:49.390 --> 00:58:52.052 "dysmenorrhea..." 00:58:52.160 --> 00:58:54.128 I don't even want to know what that means. 00:58:54.228 --> 00:58:55.991 Hey, look, I guess you could start by, you know, 00:58:56.097 --> 00:58:57.894 asking for five million, working your way up from there. 00:58:57.999 --> 00:58:59.432 But I don't want any money, Nick. 00:58:59.534 --> 00:59:00.466 Well, what do you want? 00:59:00.568 --> 00:59:01.865 I mean, I'm all ears here. 00:59:01.969 --> 00:59:05.097 I have another word for it- 00:59:05.206 --> 00:59:06.434 love. 00:59:06.541 --> 00:59:08.168 What does any man want? 00:59:08.276 --> 00:59:09.834 The love of a woman, 00:59:09.944 --> 00:59:11.138 crisp bacon... 00:59:11.245 --> 00:59:16.114 an average life span over 80 years. 00:59:16.217 --> 00:59:18.583 Oh, Nick... 00:59:18.686 --> 00:59:20.654 (filtered applause) 00:59:20.755 --> 00:59:22.814 ...you don't look so good. 00:59:29.831 --> 00:59:31.594 WOMAN: If you should smell smoke, 00:59:31.699 --> 00:59:34.167 please dial zero for the operator. 00:59:34.268 --> 00:59:38.398 Before leaving the room, check the door for heat. 00:59:38.506 --> 00:59:41.168 Find your nearest emergency exit, 00:59:41.275 --> 00:59:45.336 then soak a washcloth and cover your nose and mouth. 00:59:46.714 --> 00:59:48.909 Do not remove your washcloth. 00:59:49.016 --> 00:59:52.782 Try at all times to avoid breathing in the smoke. 00:59:52.887 --> 00:59:56.152 If necessary, crawl on your hands and knees 00:59:56.257 --> 00:59:58.555 to avoid the inhalation of smoke. 00:59:58.659 --> 01:00:00.354 Do not be alarmed. 01:00:00.461 --> 01:00:02.759 There are still no conclusive studies 01:00:02.864 --> 01:00:05.594 that link smoking to emphysema. 01:00:05.700 --> 01:00:07.133 (machine beeping) 01:00:12.140 --> 01:00:14.165 (monotone): You woke up. 01:00:14.275 --> 01:00:16.436 NICK: Perhaps a bad choice of inflection. 01:00:16.544 --> 01:00:20.207 Is she implying that I could’ve just as easily not? 01:00:31.426 --> 01:00:32.620 I was so scared. 01:00:32.727 --> 01:00:33.989 Hey, Joey. 01:00:34.095 --> 01:00:35.494 (sighs heavily) 01:00:35.596 --> 01:00:36.858 What happened? 01:00:36.964 --> 01:00:39.694 No nonsmoker could've ever withstood 01:00:39.801 --> 01:00:41.792 the amount of nicotine you had in your bloodstream. 01:00:41.903 --> 01:00:43.871 Hate to say it, but... 01:00:43.971 --> 01:00:46.531 cigarettes saved your life. 01:00:48.810 --> 01:00:50.334 Can I quote you on that, doc? 01:00:50.445 --> 01:00:52.709 You're a real trooper, my boy. 01:00:52.814 --> 01:00:54.645 Hey, Captain, 01:00:54.749 --> 01:00:56.080 where are you? 01:00:56.184 --> 01:00:57.913 Winston-Salem General. 01:00:59.420 --> 01:01:01.854 Damn heart failing me again. 01:01:01.956 --> 01:01:03.685 I thought we could be roommates. 01:01:03.791 --> 01:01:05.019 Nick, before we get sidetracked, 01:01:05.126 --> 01:01:06.821 there is one thing. 01:01:06.928 --> 01:01:09.419 All right, don't get all dramatic on me, doc. 01:01:09.530 --> 01:01:11.555 You can't smoke. 01:01:15.336 --> 01:01:16.394 That's no problem. 01:01:16.504 --> 01:01:18.028 I've quit before. 01:01:18.139 --> 01:01:20.039 I did during the pregnancy. 01:01:20.141 --> 01:01:21.199 How long, you think? 01:01:21.309 --> 01:01:23.368 I don't think you understand. 01:01:23.478 --> 01:01:26.038 It's a miracle you came out of this alive. 01:01:26.147 --> 01:01:27.739 Any smoking- one cigarette- 01:01:27.849 --> 01:01:29.942 could put you right back into a paralytic state. 01:01:30.051 --> 01:01:32.645 Your body just can't handle it. 01:01:37.959 --> 01:01:39.950 Nick, I don't want to put any more pressure on you, 01:01:40.061 --> 01:01:41.892 but we got a camera crew waiting out there. 01:01:41.996 --> 01:01:44.021 If we want to make the evening news... 01:01:44.131 --> 01:01:46.691 You want to unhook me here? 01:01:46.801 --> 01:01:50.703 This just goes to prove what I've been saying for so long. 01:01:50.805 --> 01:01:54.935 These nicotine patches are just deadly. 01:01:55.042 --> 01:01:56.805 Smoking saved my life. 01:01:56.911 --> 01:01:59.505 Considering your condition, will you still be able to appear 01:01:59.614 --> 01:02:01.673 before Senator Finistirre's subcommittee hearing 01:02:01.782 --> 01:02:03.807 on the usage of poison labels on cigarette packaging? 01:02:03.918 --> 01:02:05.510 Oh, I think now more than ever 01:02:05.620 --> 01:02:07.451 it is imperative that I be there. 01:02:07.555 --> 01:02:09.580 Nothing will keep me from testifying. 01:02:09.690 --> 01:02:12.750 Fucking kidnapping. 01:02:12.860 --> 01:02:14.259 I don't understand, sir. 01:02:14.362 --> 01:02:17.627 Aren't we considering the kidnapping a good thing? 01:02:17.732 --> 01:02:19.393 Well, he didn't die. 01:02:19.500 --> 01:02:21.832 He was almost killed, sir. 01:02:21.936 --> 01:02:23.096 That's the point. 01:02:23.204 --> 01:02:25.297 Now he looks like a victim, lucky bastard. 01:02:27.208 --> 01:02:29.335 The way I heard it, D.C. police found you naked 01:02:29.443 --> 01:02:31.104 laying in Lincoln's crotch 01:02:31.212 --> 01:02:34.909 covered in nicotine patches with a sign across your chest 01:02:35.016 --> 01:02:37.507 - that said... - He doesn't need to hear the details. 01:02:37.618 --> 01:02:39.950 It was some pretty fucked up shit. 01:02:40.054 --> 01:02:41.021 Shh! 01:02:41.122 --> 01:02:42.111 How are you feeling? 01:02:42.223 --> 01:02:45.556 I don't know. 01:02:45.660 --> 01:02:48.185 First time I'm thinking these cigarettes are pretty dangerous. 01:02:48.296 --> 01:02:50.264 You might be right about that. 01:02:50.364 --> 01:02:51.797 What are you doing? 01:02:53.568 --> 01:02:55.502 It may be small, but it'll do the trick. 01:02:55.603 --> 01:02:56.729 One shot, bam. 01:02:56.837 --> 01:02:59.101 Listen, Nick is not going to shoot anyone. 01:02:59.206 --> 01:03:00.332 Cool. 01:03:00.441 --> 01:03:01.373 Yeah, huh? 01:03:01.475 --> 01:03:02.703 I mean, uh... 01:03:02.810 --> 01:03:04.641 guns are to be treated with respect, you understand that? 01:03:04.745 --> 01:03:06.713 You'll make a great father. 01:03:06.814 --> 01:03:08.179 Thanks. 01:03:10.418 --> 01:03:12.045 (applause) 01:03:12.153 --> 01:03:13.643 Hey, there he is! 01:03:13.754 --> 01:03:15.449 Hey, he's back! 01:03:15.556 --> 01:03:16.989 Hey! 01:03:17.091 --> 01:03:18.524 Welcome back. 01:03:18.626 --> 01:03:20.719 - You okay? - Great. 01:03:20.828 --> 01:03:22.557 Good, 'cause you're booked on all the Sunday talk shows. 01:03:22.663 --> 01:03:25.461 For once we got public sympathy on our side. 01:03:25.566 --> 01:03:28.228 We can start our own little celebrity victim tour. 01:03:28.336 --> 01:03:30.702 I mean, we couldn't have planned this thing better ourselves. 01:03:30.805 --> 01:03:32.636 Oh, maybe next time I can lose a lung. 01:03:34.275 --> 01:03:36.743 Oh. Uh, I heard the, uh... 01:03:36.844 --> 01:03:39.039 Heather Holloway article is coming out tomorrow. 01:03:39.146 --> 01:03:41.080 Really? 01:03:41.182 --> 01:03:42.308 Yeah, anything I should be worried about? 01:03:42.416 --> 01:03:44.884 Uh, yeah, the Cancer Association. 01:03:44.986 --> 01:03:46.351 Apparently, they have it in for us. 01:03:46.454 --> 01:03:48.684 Fuckers. 01:03:59.100 --> 01:04:00.067 What? 01:04:00.167 --> 01:04:02.829 I got a call from the paper. 01:04:02.937 --> 01:04:05.098 Really? What'd they want? 01:04:05.206 --> 01:04:08.266 They wanted the correct spelling of my name and job title. 01:04:08.376 --> 01:04:10.207 You didn't tell her about us, did you? 01:04:10.311 --> 01:04:11.972 Who? 01:04:12.079 --> 01:04:13.273 Heather? 01:04:13.381 --> 01:04:15.246 No. 01:04:17.018 --> 01:04:19.213 I mean, maybe in passing, I... 01:04:19.320 --> 01:04:20.947 In passing. 01:04:21.055 --> 01:04:22.283 Oh, God, he fucked her. 01:04:22.390 --> 01:04:23.755 I tried to warn you. 01:04:23.858 --> 01:04:26.292 Hey, he didn't fuck her. You didn't fuck her, did you? 01:04:28.729 --> 01:04:30.196 When? 01:04:30.297 --> 01:04:31.229 In passing. 01:04:31.332 --> 01:04:32.458 Look, she's a really nice girl. 01:04:32.566 --> 01:04:33.590 Oh, God. 01:04:33.701 --> 01:04:35.692 We're really fucked. 01:04:54.055 --> 01:04:56.819 NICK: "Nick Naylor, lead spokesman for big tobacco, 01:04:56.924 --> 01:04:59.950 "would have you believe he thinks cigarettes are harmless. 01:05:00.061 --> 01:05:03.497 "But really, he's doing it for the mortgage. 01:05:03.597 --> 01:05:07.624 BAILEY: The MOD squad-meaning, of course, merchants of death- 01:05:07.735 --> 01:05:11.000 is comprised of Polly Bailey of the Moderation Council 01:05:11.105 --> 01:05:12.504 and BobbyJay Bliss 01:05:12.606 --> 01:05:16.542 of the gun business's own advisory group, SAFETY. 01:05:16.644 --> 01:05:20.171 BLISS: As explained by Naylor, the sole purpose of their meetings 01:05:20.281 --> 01:05:22.181 is to compete for the highest death toll 01:05:22.283 --> 01:05:23.841 as they compare strategies 01:05:23.951 --> 01:05:26.977 on how to dupe the American people. 01:05:27.088 --> 01:05:29.682 MEGALL: The film, Message from Sector Six, 01:05:29.790 --> 01:05:31.985 would emphasize the sex appeal of cigarettes 01:05:32.093 --> 01:05:34.084 in a way that only floating, nude, 01:05:34.195 --> 01:05:37.858 copulating Hollywood stars could. 01:05:37.965 --> 01:05:41.196 LUTCH: This did not stop Nick from bribing the dying man 01:05:41.302 --> 01:05:44.271 with a suitcase of cash to keep quiet on the subject 01:05:44.371 --> 01:05:48.501 of his recent lung cancer diagnosis. 01:05:48.609 --> 01:05:52.136 JILL: Nick's own son, Joey Naylor, seems to be being groomed 01:05:52.246 --> 01:05:54.237 for the job as he joins his father 01:05:54.348 --> 01:05:57.283 on the majority of his trips. 01:06:02.590 --> 01:06:03.852 (beep) 01:06:03.958 --> 01:06:06.051 RECEPTIONIST: I have Heather Holloway on line one. 01:06:06.160 --> 01:06:07.286 Heather. 01:06:07.394 --> 01:06:09.191 Hey, Nick, what did you think? 01:06:09.296 --> 01:06:10.957 Heather, uh... I... 01:06:11.065 --> 01:06:13.556 I mean, there's a lot of information in here, Heather, 01:06:13.667 --> 01:06:15.157 that is off the record. 01:06:15.269 --> 01:06:17.533 You never said anything about off the record. 01:06:17.638 --> 01:06:22.075 I presumed anything said while I was inside you was privileged. 01:06:22.176 --> 01:06:23.643 Nick... 01:06:23.744 --> 01:06:25.871 If you wanted to talk on a plane 01:06:25.980 --> 01:06:29.347 or at a movie or over dinner, that would have been fine. 01:06:29.450 --> 01:06:31.475 But you wanted to fuck. 01:06:31.585 --> 01:06:33.018 That's fine by me. 01:06:33.120 --> 01:06:35.145 You used me. 01:06:35.256 --> 01:06:36.883 Oh, Nick, come on. 01:06:36.991 --> 01:06:39.016 Now we're being children. 01:06:39.126 --> 01:06:41.185 Look, we both love our jobs. 01:06:41.295 --> 01:06:43.855 I'm just a reporter, and you're just a lobbyist. 01:06:43.964 --> 01:06:46.194 How can you do this to me? 01:06:48.469 --> 01:06:50.494 For the mortgage. 01:06:58.913 --> 01:06:59.880 Bitch. 01:06:59.980 --> 01:07:01.038 Whore. 01:07:01.148 --> 01:07:04.379 You should have been more careful, Nick. 01:07:04.485 --> 01:07:07.283 You've destroyed all the good will created by your kidnapping. 01:07:07.388 --> 01:07:08.685 Well, we'll work up a rebuttal. 01:07:08.789 --> 01:07:11.519 Heather Holloway isn't the only reporter in town. 01:07:11.625 --> 01:07:12.785 No, there isn't going to be any rebuttal. 01:07:12.893 --> 01:07:13.951 What do you mean? 01:07:14.061 --> 01:07:15.392 Don't talk to anyone. 01:07:15.496 --> 01:07:17.259 We're pulling you from the congressional hearing. 01:07:17.364 --> 01:07:18.922 No, no, no. You can't pull me from the congressional hearing. 01:07:19.033 --> 01:07:20.364 All you'll be doing is giving credence to her article. 01:07:20.467 --> 01:07:21.695 I'm ready to testify. 01:07:21.802 --> 01:07:23.463 Look, Nick, half of my job is damage control. 01:07:23.571 --> 01:07:24.663 Today, that consists 01:07:24.772 --> 01:07:27.400 of distancing ourselves from you entirely- 01:07:27.508 --> 01:07:31.239 letting you take all the heat on this article. 01:07:31.345 --> 01:07:33.074 Your job relied on your ability to keep secrets 01:07:33.180 --> 01:07:34.272 and spin the truth. 01:07:34.381 --> 01:07:36.076 I just cannot imagine a way 01:07:36.183 --> 01:07:37.810 in which you could have fucked up more. 01:07:37.918 --> 01:07:40.751 There's just no way I could possibly keep you on staff. 01:07:40.855 --> 01:07:42.652 Then I assume you've run this by the captain. 01:07:42.756 --> 01:07:44.690 Captain died this morning. 01:07:46.827 --> 01:07:49.921 (mellow, jazzy intro plays) 01:07:57.938 --> 01:08:03.638 (man singing slowly) 01:08:30.537 --> 01:08:33.836 (singing ends) 01:08:40.381 --> 01:08:42.508 (beep) 01:08:42.616 --> 01:08:44.550 (over answering machine): Mr. Naylor, this is Pete in Security from the Academy. 01:08:44.652 --> 01:08:46.517 Your things are waiting for you 01:08:46.620 --> 01:08:48.281 at the information kiosk in the lobby. 01:08:48.389 --> 01:08:49.583 Look, if you don't pick your stuff up by Friday, 01:08:49.690 --> 01:08:52.022 we're instructed to throw it out. 01:08:52.126 --> 01:08:53.684 (beep) 01:08:53.794 --> 01:08:56.661 Mr. Naylor, this is Special Agent Johnson with the FBI. 01:08:56.764 --> 01:08:59.426 Having not found any leads in your kidnapping investigation, 01:08:59.533 --> 01:09:00.830 we're going to be handing over the case 01:09:00.935 --> 01:09:01.993 to the local D.C. police, 01:09:02.102 --> 01:09:04.297 so please refer to them in the future 01:09:04.405 --> 01:09:05.997 for any updates and questions. 01:09:06.106 --> 01:09:07.835 (beep) 01:09:07.942 --> 01:09:10.536 Nick, Jack in Jeff Megall's office. 01:09:10.644 --> 01:09:14.080 Jeff really enjoyed meeting you the other day 01:09:14.181 --> 01:09:16.240 and he's just... he's torn up about the fact 01:09:16.350 --> 01:09:18.113 that you two couldn't find a project to work on. 01:09:18.218 --> 01:09:20.345 He's really just... I don't know. 01:09:20.454 --> 01:09:22.217 So, listen, but we should hang, at least, 01:09:22.323 --> 01:09:24.291 so you drop me a line whenever you're in town. 01:09:24.391 --> 01:09:27.849 Uh... my e-mail is, uh... 01:09:29.363 --> 01:09:30.921 ## [Man Singing] 01:09:31.031 --> 01:09:34.523 (knocking on door) 01:09:39.506 --> 01:09:41.599 (pounding on door) 01:09:43.444 --> 01:09:45.071 Who is it? 01:09:45.179 --> 01:09:47.079 JILL: It's me, Nick. 01:09:49.016 --> 01:09:51.541 Jill, this is a bad time. 01:09:51.652 --> 01:09:53.244 Let me in. 01:09:53.354 --> 01:09:54.480 (sighs softly) 01:09:54.588 --> 01:09:56.351 No. 01:09:56.457 --> 01:09:59.426 I brought someone who needs to talk to you. 01:10:04.631 --> 01:10:05.928 Hey, buddy. 01:10:06.033 --> 01:10:07.967 Hey, Dad. 01:10:08.068 --> 01:10:10.093 Coke in the fridge. 01:10:16.543 --> 01:10:21.310 So, this Heather Holloway, she must have been pretty hot. 01:10:21.415 --> 01:10:24.316 Yes. She's pretty hot. 01:10:24.418 --> 01:10:26.443 Don't take it so hard. 01:10:26.553 --> 01:10:29.181 A few flaws can be appealing. 01:10:29.289 --> 01:10:30.381 Makes you human. 01:10:30.491 --> 01:10:31.924 Who wants to be human? 01:10:32.026 --> 01:10:33.391 Well, I know one person 01:10:33.494 --> 01:10:36.463 who still thinks you're a God. 01:10:52.980 --> 01:10:55.676 Why did you tell that reporter all your secrets? 01:10:58.919 --> 01:11:01.547 You're too young to understand. 01:11:01.655 --> 01:11:04.749 Mom says it's because you have dependency issues 01:11:04.858 --> 01:11:06.348 and it was all just a matter of time 01:11:06.460 --> 01:11:08.621 before you threw it all away on some tramp. 01:11:08.729 --> 01:11:12.028 Well, that's one theory. 01:11:12.132 --> 01:11:13.963 Why are you hiding from everyone? 01:11:14.068 --> 01:11:19.665 It has something to do with being generally hated right now. 01:11:19.773 --> 01:11:21.263 But it's your job to be generally hated. 01:11:21.375 --> 01:11:24.139 It's more complicated than that, Joey. 01:11:24.244 --> 01:11:26.508 You're just making it more complicated 01:11:26.613 --> 01:11:28.171 so that you can feel sorry for yourself. 01:11:28.282 --> 01:11:30.011 Like you always said, 01:11:30.117 --> 01:11:33.416 "If you want an easy job, go work for the Red Cross." 01:11:33.520 --> 01:11:35.147 You're a lobbyist. 01:11:35.255 --> 01:11:38.349 Your job is to be right, and you're the best at what you do. 01:11:39.993 --> 01:11:41.392 You're the sultan of spin. 01:11:42.596 --> 01:11:43.995 "Sultan of spin"? 01:11:44.098 --> 01:11:45.622 Mom subscribes to Newsweek. 01:11:47.067 --> 01:11:48.398 Who cares what the Brads 01:11:48.502 --> 01:11:49.526 of the world think? 01:11:49.636 --> 01:11:50.898 He's not my dad. 01:11:52.606 --> 01:11:54.073 You are. 01:11:54.174 --> 01:11:57.405 NICK: And right there, looking into Joey’s eyes, 01:11:57.511 --> 01:12:00.912 it all came back in a rush. 01:12:01.014 --> 01:12:03.482 Why I do what I do- defending the defenseless, 01:12:03.584 --> 01:12:05.882 protecting the disenfranchised corporations 01:12:05.986 --> 01:12:08.045 that have been abandoned by their very own consumers- 01:12:08.155 --> 01:12:10.419 the logger... 01:12:10.524 --> 01:12:12.754 the sweatshop foreman... 01:12:12.860 --> 01:12:14.885 the oil driller... 01:12:14.995 --> 01:12:17.156 the land mine developer... 01:12:17.264 --> 01:12:20.563 the baby seal poacher... 01:12:20.667 --> 01:12:22.066 Baby seal poacher? 01:12:22.169 --> 01:12:23.534 Even I think that's kind of cruel. 01:12:23.637 --> 01:12:25.730 All right, you're missing the point. 01:12:25.839 --> 01:12:27.602 I must be, because I thought you were apologizing. 01:12:27.708 --> 01:12:28.675 I'm getting to that. 01:12:28.775 --> 01:12:30.538 When? 01:12:30.644 --> 01:12:33.112 Look. 01:12:33.213 --> 01:12:38.048 The two of you, you're basically my only friends, 01:12:38.152 --> 01:12:40.450 and the last thing that I would ever want to do 01:12:40.554 --> 01:12:42.249 would be to hurt you. 01:12:42.356 --> 01:12:44.221 And, I can only imagine... 01:12:44.324 --> 01:12:45.348 Why are you smiling? 01:12:45.459 --> 01:12:47.120 Why is he smiling? 01:12:47.227 --> 01:12:49.320 He won a hundred bucks off of you. 01:12:49.429 --> 01:12:52.455 I bet Polly you'd spill the beans to that reporter. 01:12:52.566 --> 01:12:55.034 That goes against everything that we stand for. 01:12:55.135 --> 01:12:57.399 Oh, please! You've ratted us out to some reporter with tits! 01:12:57.504 --> 01:12:59.404 Glorious tits. 01:12:59.506 --> 01:13:01.804 Only after you created a betting pool testing my incompetence? 01:13:01.909 --> 01:13:03.968 Do you have any idea the beating I'm taking at Moderation? 01:13:04.077 --> 01:13:06.807 Well, look, I'm sure both of you are under a lot of scrutiny. 01:13:06.914 --> 01:13:09.109 You know what? You can stop using the plural. 01:13:09.216 --> 01:13:12.413 The guys at Safety actually liked the name "Merchants of Death." 01:13:12.519 --> 01:13:13.816 They're gonna have some bumper stickers made up. 01:13:13.921 --> 01:13:15.821 I'll make sure you get one. 01:13:15.923 --> 01:13:17.857 Thank you. 01:13:20.027 --> 01:13:21.858 That is disgusting. 01:13:23.230 --> 01:13:24.959 It's American. 01:13:25.065 --> 01:13:26.623 Can I have a bite? 01:13:26.733 --> 01:13:28.257 Mmm. 01:13:28.368 --> 01:13:30.427 So I guess this means 01:13:30.537 --> 01:13:33.768 you won't be appearing at Finistirre's subcommittee. 01:13:33.874 --> 01:13:36.104 Hmm. I was kind of looking forward to it, too. 01:13:36.210 --> 01:13:38.974 It's kind of cool in a Jimmy Stewart sort of way. 01:13:39.079 --> 01:13:41.604 More like an Ollie North sort of way. 01:13:41.715 --> 01:13:43.945 Finistirre would have torn you a new asshole 01:13:44.051 --> 01:13:45.575 in a House of Parliament, no less. 01:13:45.686 --> 01:13:46.983 I could have taken him. 01:13:47.087 --> 01:13:48.748 - Yeah. - Oh, yeah? What would you have said? 01:13:48.855 --> 01:13:50.083 I don't know. 01:13:50.190 --> 01:13:53.421 I'd just like him to feel immeasurable pain, 01:13:53.527 --> 01:13:54.994 humiliation. 01:13:55.095 --> 01:13:56.562 Yeah, well, that would be kind of tough. 01:13:56.663 --> 01:13:58.028 I mean, he's already a Senator. 01:13:58.131 --> 01:13:59.860 (chuckles) 01:13:59.967 --> 01:14:02.162 I mean, how would you get back in even if you wanted to? 01:14:06.206 --> 01:14:07.366 Uh-oh. 01:14:13.313 --> 01:14:14.610 You're not gonna like this. 01:14:14.715 --> 01:14:17.616 (reporters clamoring) 01:14:17.718 --> 01:14:18.844 Hello. Thanks very much for coming. 01:14:18.952 --> 01:14:21.284 First of all, I'd like to say a few words 01:14:21.388 --> 01:14:22.514 to all the people who are mentioned 01:14:22.623 --> 01:14:24.682 in the recent newspaper article. 01:14:24.791 --> 01:14:26.281 Please take comfort in knowing 01:14:26.393 --> 01:14:30.159 that I will not rest until your names are cleared. 01:14:30.264 --> 01:14:32.357 This experience has taught me an important lesson- 01:14:32.466 --> 01:14:34.263 having sexual affairs with members of the press 01:14:34.368 --> 01:14:35.858 is just unfair. 01:14:35.969 --> 01:14:37.800 It's not unfair to me, mind you, 01:14:37.904 --> 01:14:41.362 but to all the people in my life whose only crime is knowing me. 01:14:41.475 --> 01:14:44.672 It was your names, not mine, that suffered 01:14:44.778 --> 01:14:47.303 from a meaningless affair with a seductress 01:14:47.414 --> 01:14:50.872 in the form of a young brunette Washington reporter 01:14:50.984 --> 01:14:52.542 whose name I won't mention 01:14:52.653 --> 01:14:54.587 because I have dignity. 01:14:54.688 --> 01:14:56.383 (reporters clamoring) 01:14:56.490 --> 01:14:57.514 Mr. Naylor! 01:14:57.624 --> 01:14:59.421 Are you still planning on testifying 01:14:59.526 --> 01:15:01.619 at tomorrow's subcommittee hearing on tobacco? 01:15:01.728 --> 01:15:03.992 I'm glad you asked that question. 01:15:04.097 --> 01:15:05.860 There have been wide accusations of me dropping out of tomorrow's hearing. 01:15:05.966 --> 01:15:07.194 Let it be known 01:15:07.301 --> 01:15:09.030 that unless Senator Finistirre has withdrawn my invitation 01:15:09.136 --> 01:15:10.569 - to speak, it is my plan - It's called a subpoena. 01:15:10.671 --> 01:15:12.502 to be in Congress tomorrow to share my knowledge 01:15:12.606 --> 01:15:14.870 of big tobacco and all those who enjoy its products. 01:15:14.975 --> 01:15:16.237 Thank you very much. I'll see you tomorrow. 01:15:16.343 --> 01:15:17.935 (all clamoring) 01:15:18.045 --> 01:15:20.013 (TV shuts off) 01:15:20.113 --> 01:15:21.307 (phone rings) 01:15:23.016 --> 01:15:26.247 (cacophony of phones ringing) 01:16:10.897 --> 01:16:13.457 (indistinct, distorted roaring and shutters clicking) 01:16:15.902 --> 01:16:18.496 Still feel like Jimmy Stewart? 01:16:29.516 --> 01:16:30.505 Good. 01:16:31.818 --> 01:16:34.844 (beeping) 01:16:37.023 --> 01:16:38.490 (electronic squealing) 01:16:38.592 --> 01:16:39.684 Why don't you all go ahead? 01:16:39.793 --> 01:16:41.317 This could be a while. 01:16:44.398 --> 01:16:46.093 (electronic squealing continues) 01:16:46.199 --> 01:16:51.227 If we could, um... if we could take our seats, please. 01:16:52.572 --> 01:16:53.869 (clears throat) 01:16:53.974 --> 01:16:56.534 Gentlemen, ladies. 01:16:56.643 --> 01:16:59.373 If I may call this meeting to order. 01:16:59.479 --> 01:17:04.246 We'll do everything we can to keep things brief and concise 01:17:04.351 --> 01:17:05.875 so that we can all get out of here on time. 01:17:05.986 --> 01:17:09.478 The skull and crossbones means one thing: 01:17:09.589 --> 01:17:11.056 Poison. 01:17:11.158 --> 01:17:13.854 Thus, the message is quite clear. 01:17:13.960 --> 01:17:16.121 Like any other product that carries the branding, 01:17:16.229 --> 01:17:19.460 if you take it, you will die. 01:17:19.566 --> 01:17:22.626 Yes, but isn't this overkill? 01:17:22.736 --> 01:17:26.001 Why don't we just use words, as we currently do? 01:17:26.106 --> 01:17:29.906 Something that describes the dangers of cigarette smoking. 01:17:30.010 --> 01:17:31.034 Well, the American public is not affected 01:17:31.144 --> 01:17:32.611 by masthead anymore. 01:17:32.712 --> 01:17:33.872 They need images. 01:17:33.980 --> 01:17:36.346 We've done studies which show that consumers react 01:17:36.450 --> 01:17:39.010 up to 80% more to imagery rather than words. 01:17:39.119 --> 01:17:40.416 The stats are there. 01:17:40.520 --> 01:17:42.317 It's just sad 01:17:42.422 --> 01:17:44.754 that the Academy of Tobacco Studies did not release 01:17:44.858 --> 01:17:46.257 this type of information earlier. 01:17:46.359 --> 01:17:49.328 When you say the Academy of Tobacco Studies, 01:17:49.429 --> 01:17:50.760 you're referring to... 01:17:50.864 --> 01:17:51.990 Yes. 01:17:52.098 --> 01:17:53.827 to the coalition... 01:17:53.934 --> 01:17:54.866 Yes, the coalition. 01:17:54.968 --> 01:17:56.560 The big... big tobacco... 01:17:56.670 --> 01:17:57.932 ...that is represented by... 01:17:58.038 --> 01:17:59.266 By, um... 01:17:59.372 --> 01:18:00.498 And specifically 01:18:00.607 --> 01:18:01.505 Mr... 01:18:01.608 --> 01:18:02.666 Um... 01:18:02.776 --> 01:18:04.368 Mr., uh, Nick Naylor. 01:18:04.478 --> 01:18:05.376 Nick Naylor? 01:18:05.479 --> 01:18:06.446 Thank you very much. 01:18:08.448 --> 01:18:09.346 WITNESS: The current use 01:18:09.449 --> 01:18:11.076 of words instead of imagery 01:18:11.184 --> 01:18:14.779 is an obvious move against the non-English-speaking population 01:18:14.888 --> 01:18:16.355 of the United States. 01:18:16.456 --> 01:18:18.583 The skull and crossbones 01:18:18.692 --> 01:18:22.059 speak loudly in all languages. 01:18:22.162 --> 01:18:24.756 By not using it, they're saying 01:18:24.865 --> 01:18:28.892 they want those who can't read English to die. 01:18:29.002 --> 01:18:30.765 Hmm. Senor Herrera, 01:18:30.871 --> 01:18:33.704 could you clarify "they"? 01:18:33.807 --> 01:18:35.104 NICK: Let it be known, 01:18:35.208 --> 01:18:37.676 the public beating has not gone out of style. 01:18:45.018 --> 01:18:47.179 Nick Naylor, please step forward. 01:18:56.897 --> 01:18:59.525 You go sit with him. 01:19:07.908 --> 01:19:10.900 Please state your name, address and current occupation. 01:19:11.011 --> 01:19:12.137 My name is Nick Naylor. 01:19:12.245 --> 01:19:14.008 I live at 6000 Massachusetts Avenue 01:19:14.114 --> 01:19:16.014 and I am currently unemployed, 01:19:16.116 --> 01:19:18.243 but until recently, I was the vice president 01:19:18.351 --> 01:19:19.841 of the Academy of Tobacco Studies. 01:19:19.953 --> 01:19:20.851 Mr. Naylor, 01:19:20.954 --> 01:19:24.412 as vice president of the Academy 01:19:24.524 --> 01:19:26.492 of Tobacco Studies, what was required of you? 01:19:26.593 --> 01:19:27.821 What did you do? 01:19:27.928 --> 01:19:31.420 I informed the public of all the research performed 01:19:31.531 --> 01:19:33.522 in the investigation on the effects of tobacco. 01:19:33.633 --> 01:19:34.759 Mm-hmm, and what, 01:19:34.868 --> 01:19:37.428 so far, has the Academy concluded 01:19:37.537 --> 01:19:39.971 in their investigation into the effects of tobacco? 01:19:40.073 --> 01:19:42.337 Well, many things, actually. 01:19:42.442 --> 01:19:44.205 Why, just the other day they uncovered evidence 01:19:44.311 --> 01:19:46.142 that smoking can offset Parkinson's disease. 01:19:46.246 --> 01:19:47.975 (amused buzz) 01:19:48.081 --> 01:19:49.309 I'm sure the health community 01:19:49.416 --> 01:19:50.542 is thrilled. 01:19:50.650 --> 01:19:53.551 Mr. Naylor, who provides the financial backing 01:19:53.653 --> 01:19:55.621 for the Academy of Tobacco Studies? 01:19:55.722 --> 01:19:58.987 Uh... Conglomerated Tobacco. 01:19:59.092 --> 01:20:00.787 That's the cigarette companies. 01:20:00.894 --> 01:20:02.953 For the most part, yes. 01:20:03.063 --> 01:20:05.964 Do you think that... 01:20:06.066 --> 01:20:08.034 might affect their priorities? 01:20:08.134 --> 01:20:09.465 No, just as I'm sure 01:20:09.569 --> 01:20:11.400 campaign contributions don't affect yours. 01:20:11.504 --> 01:20:12.528 Ohh. 01:20:12.639 --> 01:20:14.402 (all laughing) 01:20:14.507 --> 01:20:17.738 Senators, Mr. Naylor is not here to testify on the goings-on 01:20:17.844 --> 01:20:19.641 of the Academy of Tobacco Studies. 01:20:19.746 --> 01:20:21.805 We're here to examine the possibility 01:20:21.915 --> 01:20:23.314 of a warning logo on cigarettes. 01:20:23.416 --> 01:20:24.383 Now, Mr. Naylor, 01:20:24.484 --> 01:20:26.008 I have to ask you, out of formality, 01:20:26.119 --> 01:20:28.087 do you believe that smoking cigarettes, over time, 01:20:28.188 --> 01:20:31.419 can lead to lung cancer and other respiratory conditions 01:20:31.524 --> 01:20:32.718 such as emphysema? 01:20:34.594 --> 01:20:36.084 Yes. 01:20:38.932 --> 01:20:39.830 In fact, I think you'd be hard-pressed 01:20:39.933 --> 01:20:41.025 to find someone who really believes 01:20:41.134 --> 01:20:43.102 that cigarettes are not potentially harmful. 01:20:43.203 --> 01:20:45.433 I mean, show of hands, who out here thinks 01:20:45.538 --> 01:20:47.028 - that cigarettes aren't dangerous... - Mr. Naylor. 01:20:47.140 --> 01:20:50.268 There's no need for theatrics. 01:20:50.377 --> 01:20:52.937 Sir, I just don't see the point in a warning label for something people already know. 01:20:53.046 --> 01:20:54.343 The warning symbol 01:20:54.447 --> 01:20:58.076 is a reminder, a reminder of the dangers of smoking cigarettes. 01:20:58.184 --> 01:21:00.015 Well, if we want to remind people of danger, 01:21:00.120 --> 01:21:01.644 why don't we slap a skull and crossbones 01:21:01.755 --> 01:21:02.722 on all Boeing airplanes, 01:21:02.822 --> 01:21:04.255 Senator Lothridge? 01:21:04.357 --> 01:21:05.289 And all Fords, Senator Dupree? 01:21:05.392 --> 01:21:07.724 That is ridiculous. 01:21:07.827 --> 01:21:10.125 The death toll from airline and automobile accidents 01:21:10.230 --> 01:21:12.289 doesn't even skim the surface of cigarettes. 01:21:12.399 --> 01:21:13.457 They don't even compare. 01:21:13.566 --> 01:21:15.625 Oh, this from a senator who calls Vermont home. 01:21:15.735 --> 01:21:17.862 I don't follow you, Mr. Naylor. 01:21:17.971 --> 01:21:19.632 Well, the real 01:21:19.739 --> 01:21:22.299 demonstrated number one killer in America is cholesterol, 01:21:22.409 --> 01:21:23.398 and here comes Senator Finistirre, 01:21:23.510 --> 01:21:25.740 whose fine state is, I regret to say, 01:21:25.845 --> 01:21:28.871 clogging the nation's arteries with Vermont cheddar cheese. 01:21:28.982 --> 01:21:30.415 (audience murmuring) 01:21:30.517 --> 01:21:33.247 If we want to talk numbers, how about the millions of people 01:21:33.353 --> 01:21:34.320 dying of heart attacks. 01:21:34.421 --> 01:21:35.683 Perhaps Vermont cheddar 01:21:35.789 --> 01:21:38.155 should come with a skull and crossbones. 01:21:38.258 --> 01:21:40.089 That is lud... 01:21:40.193 --> 01:21:41.160 The great state of Vermont 01:21:41.261 --> 01:21:42.819 will not apologize for its cheese. 01:21:42.929 --> 01:21:43.896 Mr. Naylor, 01:21:43.997 --> 01:21:45.487 we are here to discuss cigarettes. 01:21:45.598 --> 01:21:49.227 Not planes, not cars- cigarettes. 01:21:49.335 --> 01:21:51.997 Now, as we discussed earlier, these warning labels 01:21:52.105 --> 01:21:55.302 are not for those who know, but rather for those who don't know. 01:21:55.408 --> 01:21:57.171 (sighs) 01:21:57.277 --> 01:21:59.268 What about the children? 01:21:59.379 --> 01:22:01.404 Gentlemen... 01:22:01.514 --> 01:22:03.448 it's called education. 01:22:03.550 --> 01:22:05.415 It doesn't come off the side of a cigarette carton. 01:22:05.518 --> 01:22:06.576 It comes from our teachers, 01:22:06.686 --> 01:22:08.745 and more importantly, our parents. 01:22:08.855 --> 01:22:11.983 It is the job of every parent 01:22:12.092 --> 01:22:15.721 to warn their children of all the dangers of the world, 01:22:15.829 --> 01:22:18.389 including cigarettes, so that one day, when they get older, 01:22:18.498 --> 01:22:20.329 they can choose for themselves. 01:22:22.569 --> 01:22:25.732 I look at my... son 01:22:25.839 --> 01:22:27.238 who... 01:22:27.340 --> 01:22:29.171 was kind enough to come with me today, 01:22:29.275 --> 01:22:31.766 and I can't help but think 01:22:31.878 --> 01:22:34.142 that I am responsible for his growth 01:22:34.247 --> 01:22:36.374 and his development. 01:22:36.483 --> 01:22:38.007 And I'm proud of that. 01:22:38.118 --> 01:22:39.380 Well, having said that, 01:22:39.486 --> 01:22:42.046 would you condone him smoking? 01:22:42.155 --> 01:22:44.487 Well, of course not. He's not 18. 01:22:44.591 --> 01:22:45.649 That would be illegal. 01:22:45.759 --> 01:22:46.817 (chuckling) 01:22:46.926 --> 01:22:49.019 Yes, I-I heard you deliver that line on 20-20, 01:22:49.129 --> 01:22:50.494 but enough dancing. 01:22:50.597 --> 01:22:52.929 What are you going to do when he turns 18? 01:22:54.601 --> 01:22:56.159 Come on, Mr. Naylor. 01:22:56.269 --> 01:22:59.830 On his 18th birthday, will you share a cigarette with him? 01:22:59.939 --> 01:23:02.169 Will you spend a lovely afternoon, 01:23:02.275 --> 01:23:04.436 like one of your ludicrous cigarette advertisements? 01:23:04.544 --> 01:23:06.068 You seem to have a lot to say 01:23:06.179 --> 01:23:07.510 about how we should raise our children. 01:23:07.614 --> 01:23:08.581 What of your own? 01:23:08.681 --> 01:23:11.149 What are you going to do 01:23:11.251 --> 01:23:13.549 when he turns 18? 01:23:20.160 --> 01:23:23.823 If he really wants a cigarette, I'll buy him his first pack. 01:23:23.930 --> 01:23:25.454 (audience mutters softly) 01:23:28.568 --> 01:23:31.401 Thank you for your testimony, Mr. Naylor. You're excused. 01:23:38.244 --> 01:23:39.677 I'll meet you outside, okay? 01:23:52.258 --> 01:23:53.816 Great. 01:23:53.927 --> 01:23:55.053 Well done, my boy. 01:23:55.161 --> 01:23:57.288 Were you in the same room as me? 01:23:57.397 --> 01:23:58.489 The whole personal choice thing? 01:23:58.598 --> 01:23:59.724 They ate that shit up. 01:23:59.833 --> 01:24:01.664 (laughing): Just checked the whip count. 01:24:01.768 --> 01:24:03.167 That bill is going down in flames. 01:24:03.269 --> 01:24:06.102 Your speech was unorthodox, but you did it, boy. 01:24:06.206 --> 01:24:07.104 You crushed the fucker. 01:24:07.207 --> 01:24:08.333 That's good news for you guys. 01:24:08.441 --> 01:24:09.840 Oh. Whoa, whoa. 01:24:09.943 --> 01:24:12.844 We're still a team, right? 01:24:12.946 --> 01:24:14.914 What about damage control? 01:24:16.416 --> 01:24:17.781 Look, Nick. 01:24:17.884 --> 01:24:21.479 Winston-Salem is ready to do whatever it takes 01:24:21.588 --> 01:24:23.112 to keep you onboard. 01:24:27.560 --> 01:24:31.257 (crowd clamoring) 01:24:31.364 --> 01:24:34.424 Nick, will you continue fighting for cigarettes? 01:24:34.534 --> 01:24:35.865 Of course he will. 01:24:35.969 --> 01:24:37.937 This man here is our general. 01:24:38.037 --> 01:24:39.800 We're not just gonna let him retire. 01:24:39.906 --> 01:24:40.930 REPORTER: Is that correct, Nick? 01:24:41.040 --> 01:24:42.530 You're sticking with tobacco? 01:24:46.579 --> 01:24:50.071 NICK: Now, I know what you're probably thinking. 01:24:50.183 --> 01:24:51.343 What a great opportunity for me 01:24:51.451 --> 01:24:53.043 to teach Joey how to use leverage against 01:24:53.152 --> 01:24:54.744 a backstabbing boss. 01:24:54.854 --> 01:24:58.290 But I actually meant what I said about responsibility. 01:24:58.391 --> 01:25:02.020 Some things are just more important 01:25:02.128 --> 01:25:03.288 than paying a mortgage. 01:25:03.396 --> 01:25:05.990 So I did the only responsible thing I could. 01:25:06.099 --> 01:25:08.863 I turned down the job. 01:25:08.968 --> 01:25:11.300 And my timing couldn't have been better. 01:25:11.404 --> 01:25:13.702 Within a few months, the cigarette companies 01:25:13.806 --> 01:25:15.205 settled with the American smoker 01:25:15.308 --> 01:25:17.970 to the tune of $246 billion. 01:25:19.145 --> 01:25:21.477 And the Academy of Tobacco Studies 01:25:21.581 --> 01:25:23.344 was permanently dismantled. 01:25:23.449 --> 01:25:25.747 For the first time in decades, 01:25:25.852 --> 01:25:27.547 BR found himself out of work. 01:25:29.322 --> 01:25:31.415 Otherwise, not much has changed. 01:25:31.524 --> 01:25:33.685 The MOD squad still meets every week. 01:25:33.793 --> 01:25:35.090 Nice. 01:25:35.194 --> 01:25:37.458 We even added a few new members. 01:25:37.563 --> 01:25:40.361 The things I could learn from you, BobbyJay. 01:25:40.466 --> 01:25:41.455 POLLY: Right. 01:25:41.567 --> 01:25:43.000 BOBBYJAY: Stick around. Stick around. 01:25:43.102 --> 01:25:45.832 Senator Finistirre is still fighting for his causes. 01:25:45.939 --> 01:25:47.702 What do you say to the people who claim 01:25:47.807 --> 01:25:49.741 you are destroying cinema classics? 01:25:49.842 --> 01:25:51.469 Mmm, no. All we're doing 01:25:51.577 --> 01:25:53.238 is using digital technology 01:25:53.346 --> 01:25:56.509 to tastefully update movies of the past... 01:25:56.616 --> 01:25:58.174 by removing cigarettes. 01:25:58.284 --> 01:26:01.515 I believe that if these stars were alive today, 01:26:01.621 --> 01:26:04.055 they would agree that we're doing the right thing. 01:26:04.157 --> 01:26:05.886 But, in essence, aren't you changing history? 01:26:05.992 --> 01:26:09.928 No, I think we're improving history. 01:26:11.798 --> 01:26:13.129 Even Heather is still reporting. 01:26:13.232 --> 01:26:14.597 The whole town has been evacuated. 01:26:14.701 --> 01:26:20.003 They're calling this the storm of the century. 01:26:20.106 --> 01:26:21.437 Not much changes at all. 01:26:21.541 --> 01:26:26.240 And this year's Foggy Bottom Debating Society Champion is... 01:26:26.346 --> 01:26:27.335 Joey Naylor. 01:26:27.447 --> 01:26:28.607 - Yay! - Yay! 01:26:28.715 --> 01:26:29.613 NICK: Joey! 01:26:29.716 --> 01:26:30.614 POLLY: Joey! 01:26:30.717 --> 01:26:31.615 NICK: Joey, Joey! 01:26:31.718 --> 01:26:33.242 That's my boy. 01:26:33.353 --> 01:26:34.911 Hold it up. Hold it up. 01:26:35.021 --> 01:26:36.852 (Polly whooping) 01:26:38.558 --> 01:26:40.583 And me? 01:26:40.693 --> 01:26:43.389 Well, there's still a place for guys like me. 01:26:43.496 --> 01:26:46.124 So, be straight with me. 01:26:46.232 --> 01:26:48.962 Is it true? 01:26:49.068 --> 01:26:50.467 - It could be. - Come on. 01:26:50.570 --> 01:26:52.663 We know of very few cases. 01:26:52.772 --> 01:26:53.898 There's no scientific proof at all. 01:26:54.007 --> 01:26:54.905 There was an unfortunate incident out in Iowa... 01:26:55.008 --> 01:26:55.975 It's really a complicated situation. 01:26:56.075 --> 01:26:57.269 NICK: Gentlemen, 01:26:57.377 --> 01:26:59.971 practice these words in front of the mirror. 01:27:00.079 --> 01:27:03.048 "Although we are constantly exploring the subject, 01:27:03.149 --> 01:27:05.845 "currently, there is no direct evidence 01:27:05.952 --> 01:27:07.351 "that links cell phone usage 01:27:07.453 --> 01:27:09.318 to brain cancer." 01:27:10.356 --> 01:27:13.416 (relieved sigh) 01:27:15.828 --> 01:27:17.625 Michael Jordan plays ball. 01:27:17.730 --> 01:27:19.288 Charles Manson kills people. 01:27:19.399 --> 01:27:20.866 I talk. 01:27:22.535 --> 01:27:23.661 Everyone has a talent. 01:27:23.770 --> 01:27:27.365 (men singing folk) 01:28:00.573 --> 01:28:03.201 (man singing folk) 01:28:18.191 --> 01:28:22.389 (men singing folk) 01:28:37.543 --> 01:28:40.444 (man singing folk) 01:28:55.228 --> 01:28:59.096 (men singing folk) 01:29:13.846 --> 01:29:17.373 (man singing folk) 01:29:35.201 --> 01:29:39.001 (men singing folk) 01:29:55.521 --> 01:29:58.718 (singing ends)