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WEBVTT - https://subtitletools.com 00:01:11.203 --> 00:01:14.406 "You are not alone. Conflict is coming." 00:01:14.439 --> 00:01:16.808 That is the message we received. 00:01:16.841 --> 00:01:19.094 Conflict? Is that a threat? 00:01:19.095 --> 00:01:21.346 No, sir. It's more like a warning. 00:01:21.379 --> 00:01:25.584 This message was sent to us by a friendly alien race known as Antarians. 00:01:25.617 --> 00:01:26.735 They wanna help us. 00:01:26.736 --> 00:01:27.853 Do we need help? 00:01:27.887 --> 00:01:31.257 The Antarians aren't the only ones to have found us. 00:01:31.290 --> 00:01:33.593 Enemies are already on their way. 00:01:33.626 --> 00:01:35.695 Luckily, it's a great distance, 00:01:35.727 --> 00:01:38.797 and it will take many years before they can reach us. 00:01:38.831 --> 00:01:41.834 The Antarians have offered us a gift, 00:01:41.867 --> 00:01:46.706 this unique suit of power that one person will wear as our champion. 00:01:46.739 --> 00:01:51.177 It will take many decades to transport that suit to us 00:01:51.209 --> 00:01:53.211 so we have selected a child 00:01:53.245 --> 00:01:57.716 gifted with both incredible intelligence and athletic prowess. 00:01:57.750 --> 00:02:00.552 He will spend his entire life training. 00:02:00.585 --> 00:02:05.191 We will push him to achieve perfection, and then improved perfection. 00:02:05.224 --> 00:02:09.395 And after perfection is achieved, we'll double the score. 00:02:09.427 --> 00:02:14.400 As he grows more mature, we'll test him in every way imaginable. 00:02:14.432 --> 00:02:18.905 We will prepare him for anything the universe can throw at him. 00:02:23.508 --> 00:02:24.743 Yah! 00:02:27.413 --> 00:02:28.915 Aahhh! 00:02:30.316 --> 00:02:34.253 One final question, what if this champion fails? 00:02:34.286 --> 00:02:37.757 Sir, are you familiar with the Greek hero Perseus? 00:02:37.789 --> 00:02:41.426 When Perseus was sent forth to defeat the Gorgon, 00:02:41.460 --> 00:02:44.597 he was armed with four gifts from the heavens: 00:02:44.629 --> 00:02:46.932 The helm of Hades... 00:02:47.932 --> 00:02:51.670 the winged boots of Hermes... 00:02:53.472 --> 00:02:55.808 the shield of Athena... 00:02:56.942 --> 00:02:59.278 and the sword of Zeus. 00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:04.584 And with the power of these gifts combined, 00:03:05.651 --> 00:03:07.920 Perseus was victorious. 00:03:07.953 --> 00:03:11.790 Sir, our Perseus, our Champion of Earth, 00:03:11.824 --> 00:03:14.794 will not fail... 00:03:14.826 --> 00:03:18.330 because he will not know how to. 00:03:29.540 --> 00:03:31.693 Perfect score, sir. 00:03:31.694 --> 00:03:33.846 Good. Training's over. 00:03:33.878 --> 00:03:39.585 Soon, the entire universe will know the full potential of the human race. 00:03:39.718 --> 00:03:43.722 LAZER TEAM Subrip: Pix 00:03:45.991 --> 00:03:48.695 Country music 00:04:04.543 --> 00:04:07.980 Hey there, Gloria. Going kind of fast. 00:04:08.013 --> 00:04:10.516 Don't make me run you in. 00:04:13.051 --> 00:04:15.388 God, I hate Friday nights. 00:04:20.625 --> 00:04:23.061 What a night here at Milford Stadium, where the Mustangs 00:04:23.095 --> 00:04:25.965 are up by 21 points with two minutes left on the clock. 00:04:28.701 --> 00:04:31.903 Ladies and gentlemen, with us tonight, former Milford MVP, Herman Mendoza. 00:04:31.937 --> 00:04:33.005 The Texas Tornado! 00:04:33.006 --> 00:04:34.073 Stand up, Herman. 00:04:34.105 --> 00:04:36.576 If he can stand. 00:04:37.776 --> 00:04:39.845 I know that guy. 00:04:39.846 --> 00:04:41.913 Remember, no open containers there, Herman. 00:04:41.947 --> 00:04:44.083 He doesn't need to be messing with the fire water, I can tell you that. 00:04:44.115 --> 00:04:46.618 Herman Mendoza has been known to puke a little bit. 00:04:48.454 --> 00:04:50.622 Where's Mindy? Mindy! 00:04:52.124 --> 00:04:55.094 The cheerleaders are leading cheers, everything seems to be spelled correctly, 00:04:55.127 --> 00:04:57.463 the hot dog vendors are vending hot dogs, and I'll tell you one thing, 00:04:57.495 --> 00:05:00.765 the commentators are commentating. Wouldn't you agree, Wink? 00:05:00.798 --> 00:05:02.200 Yup. 00:05:02.201 --> 00:05:03.601 It feels right! 00:05:03.634 --> 00:05:04.769 Water? 00:05:04.770 --> 00:05:05.904 Wrong team, asshole! 00:05:05.937 --> 00:05:07.256 Awesome. 00:05:07.257 --> 00:05:08.574 Move it! 00:05:08.607 --> 00:05:11.110 Of course, Milford's high score is due to their star quarterback 00:05:11.142 --> 00:05:13.845 and sixth-year senior, Zach Spencer. 00:05:13.879 --> 00:05:16.449 He's got a cannon for an arm, but he's struggled with accuracy. 00:05:16.482 --> 00:05:19.452 Just a bit off the mark. 00:05:19.485 --> 00:05:21.120 Well, he's been known to gamble on big plays, 00:05:21.153 --> 00:05:24.123 as indicated by his signature "roll the dice" gesture. 00:05:24.156 --> 00:05:26.959 I don't think that's what that gesture's meant to convey. 00:05:26.992 --> 00:05:29.962 With one minute on the clock, Spencer fakes a hand-off, 00:05:29.995 --> 00:05:32.465 goes out on his own! There's the block! 00:05:32.497 --> 00:05:34.933 That's gotta hurt. Free and clear now. 00:05:34.966 --> 00:05:37.135 Touchdown Mustangs! That's gonna be the game. 00:05:37.168 --> 00:05:40.372 An amazing play by Zach Spencer, as he does his post-game stretching. 00:05:40.406 --> 00:05:42.442 Always important to keep those hips limber, Wink. 00:05:42.774 --> 00:05:45.977 - You've no idea what you're talking about, do you? - I do not, Wink, not at all. 00:06:03.661 --> 00:06:07.832 I've heard people say 00:06:07.865 --> 00:06:13.805 That we'll all find our place someday 00:06:13.838 --> 00:06:16.108 Hey! 00:06:16.141 --> 00:06:17.560 You're going the wrong way! 00:06:17.561 --> 00:06:18.978 Sorry, Sheriff. 00:06:19.011 --> 00:06:22.548 He ain't a Sheriff, Woody. He's a half-ass. 00:06:22.581 --> 00:06:25.484 Bye, Sheriff Half-ass! 00:06:25.516 --> 00:06:27.987 Yeah, it's nice to see you too, Herman. 00:06:29.855 --> 00:06:32.992 Goddamnit! 00:06:39.764 --> 00:06:40.932 That's funny, guys. 00:06:40.933 --> 00:06:42.100 Yeah! 00:06:44.101 --> 00:06:46.204 All right, I need to see some ID's now! 00:06:46.237 --> 00:06:50.209 Or what, you're gonna hit us with one of those light sabers? 00:06:50.242 --> 00:06:52.578 Hey, we're not the George you're looking for. 00:06:52.610 --> 00:06:54.179 Shut up, Franksen. 00:06:54.180 --> 00:06:55.747 All right, that's it. 00:06:55.781 --> 00:06:57.382 Everybody out of the vehicle. 00:06:57.383 --> 00:06:58.983 Peace out, Boba Fett. 00:06:59.016 --> 00:07:01.219 - Damnit! - Live long and prosper, baby! 00:07:01.252 --> 00:07:04.088 It's not even the right movie, Moron! 00:07:04.122 --> 00:07:08.093 Base, this is Deputy Hagan in pursuit of a 4-81. I need back-up assistance at... 00:07:08.125 --> 00:07:12.597 No dice, Deputy Hagan. Sheriff wants you out at Ruby Lake for an extraction. 00:07:12.630 --> 00:07:14.766 For an extraction? 00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:17.970 Base, what exactly am I extracting? 00:07:20.137 --> 00:07:22.640 All right. You jerkoffs couldn't beat me on the field, 00:07:22.673 --> 00:07:24.642 so you think you could beat me here? I get it. 00:07:24.675 --> 00:07:27.479 Hey, douchebag, this is our party, all right? 00:07:27.512 --> 00:07:29.514 Dude, I won the game. It's my party. 00:07:29.548 --> 00:07:32.518 - That's not how parties work, asshole. - They're all my party! 00:07:32.550 --> 00:07:34.019 That doesn't even make sense... 00:07:43.028 --> 00:07:47.033 Great. Drunk teenagers. This will be fun. 00:07:48.567 --> 00:07:50.836 Hey, guys, stripper's here! 00:07:50.869 --> 00:07:53.205 All right. Do you want Turner Bull? 00:07:53.237 --> 00:07:55.040 Okay, let's do it. Ready? 00:07:55.041 --> 00:07:56.843 - Wait, take it again. - I think I blinked. 00:07:57.074 --> 00:07:59.545 Bye, Jules. 00:07:59.577 --> 00:08:02.280 My God! Dad, what are you doing at this party? 00:08:02.314 --> 00:08:05.885 I'm working, Mindy. What are you doing at this party? 00:08:05.918 --> 00:08:08.721 - Partying! - There are two people in the world... 00:08:08.754 --> 00:08:12.290 That should not see you with that beer in your hand, your father and a cop. 00:08:12.324 --> 00:08:14.826 And I'm both of them. 00:08:14.860 --> 00:08:17.295 Please tell me that is not Zach Spencer out there. 00:08:17.329 --> 00:08:22.935 Yeah, it's him. Go easy on him, Dad. He's kind of dumb. 00:08:22.968 --> 00:08:24.486 All right, fine. Thanks. 00:08:24.487 --> 00:08:26.004 Hey! 00:08:26.038 --> 00:08:28.807 Yo, kick his ass, kick his ass, kick his ass. 00:08:28.839 --> 00:08:30.808 Knock-Knock! 00:08:30.841 --> 00:08:32.644 Dude, you need to get the hell out of here now! 00:08:32.677 --> 00:08:35.147 Dude, you need to get the hell out of here! How about that? 00:08:35.179 --> 00:08:37.849 All right, lovebirds, break it up. 00:08:37.883 --> 00:08:40.686 - That's what I thought. Number one! - Come on, kid, let's go. 00:08:40.719 --> 00:08:41.954 I'm talking to you, kid! 00:08:41.955 --> 00:08:43.188 Top of the world! 00:08:48.726 --> 00:08:51.196 All right, that's it. 00:08:51.229 --> 00:08:53.831 Undefeated, bitch! 00:09:11.750 --> 00:09:15.254 Yeah! 00:09:15.287 --> 00:09:16.755 One foot in front of the other. 00:09:16.756 --> 00:09:18.223 I got it! I know the feet! 00:09:18.255 --> 00:09:20.358 Hey, see if Mindy needs a ride, too! 00:09:20.392 --> 00:09:22.728 Kid, you have the right to remain silent. 00:09:22.760 --> 00:09:24.362 - You should do that. - Bah! 00:09:24.395 --> 00:09:26.331 It's not funny. Stop. 00:09:26.365 --> 00:09:30.235 All right, I know we've all had a lot of fun tonight, 00:09:30.268 --> 00:09:33.772 but the show's over. It's time for you all to go home. 00:09:33.804 --> 00:09:36.741 There's nothing else to see here. 00:09:49.754 --> 00:09:53.926 You're lucky I'm not taking you in, kid. You should be arrested. 00:09:53.958 --> 00:09:57.695 Your face should be arrested! 'Cause your face is a whore! 00:09:59.965 --> 00:10:01.734 You should really buckle up back there. 00:10:01.767 --> 00:10:04.103 I'd hate to have to give you a ticket for it. 00:10:04.135 --> 00:10:06.105 Wait, I know you. 00:10:06.138 --> 00:10:09.942 You're that guy that blew the Championship game like 800 years ago! 00:10:09.975 --> 00:10:12.945 What does everyone call you? Has-been half-back? 00:10:12.977 --> 00:10:15.947 No, it's Half-ass Hagan! 00:10:15.980 --> 00:10:18.850 Seriously, dude, that hurts! 00:10:18.884 --> 00:10:20.502 Wait, Hagan! Mindy's name... 00:10:20.503 --> 00:10:22.120 That's right. 00:10:22.153 --> 00:10:24.123 Mindy is my daughter. 00:10:24.155 --> 00:10:26.791 That's why you're trippin' on me. 00:10:26.825 --> 00:10:29.795 Look, dude, I get it. You don't like the idea of someone dating your daughter. 00:10:29.827 --> 00:10:33.298 You know, kid, I raised my daughter to be a strong, independent woman 00:10:33.331 --> 00:10:35.734 who's capable of making her own decisions. 00:10:35.767 --> 00:10:39.171 That being said, as her father, sometimes I disagree with those decisions. 00:10:39.203 --> 00:10:42.974 Look, don't worry about it. Mindy and I are just friends. 00:10:43.008 --> 00:10:44.910 I mean, I haven't even banged her yet. 00:10:44.942 --> 00:10:46.812 God! 00:10:46.845 --> 00:10:49.682 I should really get the breaks checked in this car. 00:11:24.916 --> 00:11:29.021 We're tracking an inbound UFO. Just entered the atmosphere. 00:11:29.053 --> 00:11:31.189 Excellent. 00:11:31.222 --> 00:11:34.325 Men, this is a moment in time that has been decades in the making. 00:11:34.359 --> 00:11:37.495 Tonight, our aliens friends will bestow upon us 00:11:37.528 --> 00:11:42.735 a gift that will give humanity its rightful place in the galaxy. 00:11:42.768 --> 00:11:45.738 Tonight, we get our champion... 00:11:52.778 --> 00:11:55.813 Tonight, we will get our champion... 00:11:59.551 --> 00:12:03.455 Tonight, the Earth will get it's champ... 00:12:03.488 --> 00:12:07.760 Who in the hell authorized fireworks? 00:12:14.099 --> 00:12:17.302 What the... There's a burn ban out here for a reason. 00:12:17.335 --> 00:12:19.338 Hold on, kid. Gotta make a pit stop. 00:12:26.311 --> 00:12:27.696 Woo! 00:12:27.697 --> 00:12:29.081 Awesome. 00:12:29.114 --> 00:12:32.918 ...looks like it's time for another beer run, Woody. 00:12:32.951 --> 00:12:36.254 This is only my second. How many did you drink, Herman? 00:12:36.288 --> 00:12:39.423 Whatever 24 minus 2 is, man! You do the math! 00:12:39.456 --> 00:12:44.096 You ain't never gonna figure it out, dumbass. Light another one. 00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:51.937 Yeah, all right. Here we go. Come on now. 00:12:51.970 --> 00:12:53.939 Ho-ho-ho! 00:12:53.971 --> 00:12:56.274 Darn tree! 00:12:56.307 --> 00:12:59.912 Woo! Yeah! 00:13:00.912 --> 00:13:03.447 Shit! 00:13:05.583 --> 00:13:07.085 Direct hit! Nice one, Woody! 00:13:07.086 --> 00:13:08.586 That was nothing. 00:13:08.620 --> 00:13:10.372 Hey! 00:13:10.373 --> 00:13:12.124 Well, well, look who it is. 00:13:12.157 --> 00:13:13.642 Woody, prep another one. 00:13:13.643 --> 00:13:15.127 Stay where you are, Woody. 00:13:15.159 --> 00:13:17.461 No, Woody, prep another one. 00:13:17.495 --> 00:13:21.299 Look, here, Officer, this here is private property. 00:13:21.332 --> 00:13:24.135 Yeah, you only get to say that when it's "your" private property, Herman. 00:13:24.168 --> 00:13:26.103 Besides, you're breaking the law! 00:13:26.136 --> 00:13:28.139 Since when is blowing shit up against the law? 00:13:28.173 --> 00:13:29.274 Since they invented laws! 00:13:29.275 --> 00:13:30.375 Yeah? 00:13:30.408 --> 00:13:33.144 What do they say about this? 00:13:33.177 --> 00:13:35.847 Add littering to my list of offenses. 00:13:35.880 --> 00:13:40.052 Look, you either give me the fireworks or you can spend the night in a drunk tank! 00:13:40.085 --> 00:13:41.353 That goes for you too, Woody. 00:13:41.354 --> 00:13:42.620 I done that before. 00:13:42.653 --> 00:13:46.457 Someone threw a ball and I fell in a tub of water. 00:13:46.490 --> 00:13:49.461 No, that's a dunk tank, Woody. Drunk tank is jail. 00:13:49.494 --> 00:13:50.979 I don't wanna do that. 00:13:50.980 --> 00:13:52.464 You want the fireworks? 00:13:52.496 --> 00:13:56.033 Fine. I'll give you a firework. 00:13:58.937 --> 00:14:01.472 The Mama Gigante. 00:14:05.110 --> 00:14:07.645 The courier vessel is arriving, sir. 00:14:07.678 --> 00:14:10.182 All right, this is it, everyone! 00:14:11.448 --> 00:14:15.653 High-pressure moment. What you gonna do, Hagan? 00:14:15.687 --> 00:14:17.055 Herman? 00:14:17.056 --> 00:14:18.423 Oooh... 00:14:18.456 --> 00:14:19.875 Herman. 00:14:19.876 --> 00:14:21.293 This gonna be a big one. 00:14:21.326 --> 00:14:23.178 Do not light that firework. 00:14:23.179 --> 00:14:25.029 Do it! Light that bastard! 00:14:25.062 --> 00:14:26.530 All right, one more word out of you and I'll... 00:14:26.563 --> 00:14:29.433 What, you're gonna double-arrest me?! 00:14:29.466 --> 00:14:32.403 Herman! 00:14:32.437 --> 00:14:34.173 ...Officer Hagan? 00:14:34.174 --> 00:14:35.908 Not now, Woody! 00:14:35.941 --> 00:14:40.144 Herman! Do not light that... 00:14:40.177 --> 00:14:43.014 Too slow. Just like always. 00:14:43.048 --> 00:14:46.384 That's it! Come... 00:14:46.418 --> 00:14:48.519 What is that? 00:14:48.552 --> 00:14:51.956 You think I'm gonna fall for... 00:14:57.696 --> 00:14:59.697 Shit! 00:15:02.466 --> 00:15:05.703 That is your fault! You did the one thing I told you not to do! 00:15:05.736 --> 00:15:09.040 I shot E.T.! I killed E.T.! 00:15:09.073 --> 00:15:10.875 I didn't mean to do it! 00:15:10.876 --> 00:15:12.677 Guys, guys, guys! Help! Help! 00:15:12.711 --> 00:15:16.481 Hagan, I promise I won't try to bang your daughter! Third base, tops! 00:15:32.764 --> 00:15:34.682 What in God's name was that? 00:15:34.683 --> 00:15:36.600 What the hell was that? 00:15:36.634 --> 00:15:40.105 That was... Woody's fault. 00:15:40.138 --> 00:15:42.107 My bad. 00:15:53.317 --> 00:15:55.153 Is that it? 00:15:55.186 --> 00:15:58.456 No, it's another spaceship that fell out of the sky, dumbass! 00:15:58.490 --> 00:16:02.327 I'll check it out. You guys stay here. 00:16:07.499 --> 00:16:09.468 Holy shit! This is awesome! 00:16:09.500 --> 00:16:12.004 All right. Just, everybody calm down. 00:16:12.037 --> 00:16:15.474 Calm down? We're gonna be rich! That's a UFO! 00:16:15.506 --> 00:16:17.775 A goddamn Unidentified Flying Object! 00:16:17.808 --> 00:16:19.778 It's not flying, Herman. 00:16:19.811 --> 00:16:22.647 It's an Unidentified laying on the ground Object. 00:16:22.679 --> 00:16:25.783 All right, this is serious. We need to... Hey, what are you doing? 00:16:25.817 --> 00:16:27.786 Dude, taking selfies! 00:16:27.818 --> 00:16:30.688 First people to shoot down a spaceship? That's like a thousand likes! 00:16:30.721 --> 00:16:33.158 It is not a spaceship! It's military! 00:16:33.191 --> 00:16:36.561 It probably came from the base. And we did not shoot it down. 00:16:36.594 --> 00:16:37.846 Woody shot it down. 00:16:37.847 --> 00:16:39.097 Sorry, all. 00:16:39.129 --> 00:16:40.331 I gotta be more careful. 00:16:40.332 --> 00:16:41.533 Yeah, you're on fire, genius. 00:16:41.566 --> 00:16:43.335 Darn fire! 00:16:43.368 --> 00:16:46.338 Nobody shot it down, okay? It crashed. 00:16:46.370 --> 00:16:49.040 And if you're smart, you'll stick to... 00:16:53.344 --> 00:16:56.515 That a body? Nasty. 00:16:56.548 --> 00:16:59.183 That is not a body. 00:16:59.216 --> 00:17:02.086 Looks like... armor. 00:17:02.120 --> 00:17:05.190 Yeah, that is definitely military. Zach, leave it alone. 00:17:05.222 --> 00:17:08.726 Yeah, right. Finders keepers. I'm hawking all this shit. 00:17:10.228 --> 00:17:12.330 Except this one. 00:17:15.400 --> 00:17:16.618 Daddy likes. 00:17:16.619 --> 00:17:17.836 What else they got in there? 00:17:17.868 --> 00:17:20.371 No, hey! Come on, guys, could be dangerous. 00:17:20.404 --> 00:17:22.473 You think? That would be badass! 00:17:22.507 --> 00:17:24.509 ...come to Papa. 00:17:24.541 --> 00:17:26.211 There's a trigger in here, but it doesn't do anything. 00:17:26.243 --> 00:17:27.745 Don't do that! 00:17:27.778 --> 00:17:29.548 Yeah, this is definitely an upgrade. 00:17:29.580 --> 00:17:32.550 I hope you bad boys like toe fungus. 00:17:32.584 --> 00:17:37.221 Woody! 00:17:37.255 --> 00:17:40.725 This is neat. They made me wear a helmet 00:17:40.758 --> 00:17:43.595 in elementary school, but I outgrew it. 00:17:45.762 --> 00:17:49.400 Come on, just put it back. 00:17:49.433 --> 00:17:52.104 It looks like your head's in a fishbowl. 00:17:52.136 --> 00:17:53.271 Not again! 00:17:53.272 --> 00:17:54.405 All right, Woody, come on! 00:17:54.439 --> 00:17:56.575 Take that thing off for crying out loud! Put it back! 00:17:56.607 --> 00:17:58.576 - You too, Herman! - I ain't taking off shit. 00:17:58.609 --> 00:18:00.878 - Zach, what the... Give me that! - Dude! 00:18:00.912 --> 00:18:03.148 They're obviously supposed to go together! Find your own, man! 00:18:03.181 --> 00:18:05.484 Kid, I'm not trying to take it from you! 00:18:05.517 --> 00:18:07.486 I'm just trying to put it back! 00:18:11.455 --> 00:18:12.456 What you do? 00:18:12.457 --> 00:18:13.457 I didn't do anything! 00:18:13.490 --> 00:18:15.426 - I told you guys to put it back! - You turned it on! 00:18:15.460 --> 00:18:22.401 Mine's on too, man! 00:18:23.601 --> 00:18:25.587 Aahhh! 00:18:25.588 --> 00:18:27.572 Aahhh! 00:18:27.605 --> 00:18:29.524 Waahhh! 00:18:29.525 --> 00:18:31.442 Aahhh! 00:18:31.476 --> 00:18:34.513 Aahhh! 00:18:34.546 --> 00:18:35.547 Aahhh! 00:18:35.548 --> 00:18:36.548 Aahhh! 00:18:37.648 --> 00:18:41.919 Man! Feels like my legs just gave birth! 00:18:41.952 --> 00:18:43.922 I didn't think it was that bad. 00:18:43.954 --> 00:18:49.461 Whoaaaaa!!! 00:18:49.493 --> 00:18:51.929 Aahhh!!! 00:18:51.962 --> 00:18:53.064 Oohhh!!! 00:18:53.065 --> 00:18:54.165 Aahhh!!! 00:18:56.667 --> 00:19:00.505 God! I think it ate my brain! 00:19:01.506 --> 00:19:03.775 Greetings, O Champion. 00:19:03.807 --> 00:19:06.577 Dude, I told you it was aliens! 00:19:06.611 --> 00:19:09.314 Greetings to you, gross alien whose planet I don't know the name of. 00:19:09.346 --> 00:19:12.183 We are Earthlings from planet Earth. 00:19:12.217 --> 00:19:14.953 - Woody, you're talking to a recording. - Right. 00:19:14.986 --> 00:19:18.857 Greetings, recording from the planet Record. 00:19:18.890 --> 00:19:24.729 The Antarian Federation bestows upon you this Suit of Power. 00:19:24.761 --> 00:19:26.164 Suit of Power? 00:19:26.165 --> 00:19:27.566 A great battle awaits you. 00:19:27.598 --> 00:19:30.501 The fate of your world lies in your hands. 00:19:30.535 --> 00:19:33.971 Our enemy is powerful, but a true champion will prevail. 00:19:34.005 --> 00:19:35.974 That's gonna get him mad at you! 00:19:36.007 --> 00:19:39.778 Prepare yourself. And good luck, Champion of Earth. 00:19:39.810 --> 00:19:42.413 Conflict is coming. 00:19:46.384 --> 00:19:49.520 Conflict is coming? Well, then Herman is leaving. 00:19:49.554 --> 00:19:53.358 I ain't got no time for conflict. 00:19:53.391 --> 00:19:55.627 Hold on a second. 00:19:55.660 --> 00:19:58.296 My limp! It's gone! 00:19:58.328 --> 00:20:00.331 Check me out! My limp is gone! 00:20:03.567 --> 00:20:05.053 It's a Christmas miracle! 00:20:05.054 --> 00:20:06.538 Back in the game!! 00:20:06.570 --> 00:20:08.406 What's the matter, Chubs, you stuck? 00:20:08.407 --> 00:20:10.241 Are you? 00:20:10.275 --> 00:20:13.912 Shit! My throwing arm! How do we get these things off? 00:20:13.944 --> 00:20:16.380 I'm never taking these off, baby. 00:20:16.413 --> 00:20:19.017 I think I... 00:20:19.049 --> 00:20:20.652 got it! 00:20:22.053 --> 00:20:24.222 My God! 00:20:24.223 --> 00:20:26.391 Are you kidding me! 00:20:26.423 --> 00:20:28.993 Now that's a firework! 00:20:29.027 --> 00:20:30.028 My car! 00:20:30.029 --> 00:20:31.028 Guys... 00:20:31.061 --> 00:20:33.397 my helmet says "warning" and it's pointing up. 00:20:33.431 --> 00:20:36.034 You think it's trying to warn me about my brain? 00:20:36.067 --> 00:20:37.935 No! 00:20:40.070 --> 00:20:43.040 A shield! That's awesome! 00:20:43.074 --> 00:20:45.043 If you don't have a gun that shoots lasers! 00:20:45.076 --> 00:20:46.294 We gotta get this stuff off! 00:20:46.295 --> 00:20:47.511 Hell no! 00:20:47.545 --> 00:20:49.413 I'm freaking' never taking this off! I'm like Iron Man! 00:20:49.446 --> 00:20:51.015 Come on, man, hold on! 00:20:52.950 --> 00:20:55.386 Herman? 00:20:55.420 --> 00:20:57.239 Hey, you guys see that? 00:20:57.240 --> 00:20:59.057 No, we didn't. 00:20:59.089 --> 00:21:01.458 Wee, I was running fast. 00:21:01.491 --> 00:21:03.595 - All right, we gotta get this off! - No, no! 00:21:03.627 --> 00:21:06.931 - I'm not taking shit off! - Guys, the helmet's talking to me again. 00:21:06.963 --> 00:21:10.668 It says there will be an immediate treat. 00:21:10.701 --> 00:21:12.371 Are we getting treats? 00:21:25.916 --> 00:21:29.820 Come on! Come on! All right, move it! 00:21:31.556 --> 00:21:34.925 Hands in the air! Do not move! 00:21:34.959 --> 00:21:36.861 Don't shoot! Don't shoot! 00:21:36.894 --> 00:21:38.863 Sir, they've donned the suit. How should we proceed? 00:21:38.895 --> 00:21:40.664 Damnit! Incapacitate them! 00:21:40.698 --> 00:21:42.267 No, don't do that! 00:21:42.268 --> 00:21:43.835 Why don't you incapacitate this! 00:21:43.867 --> 00:21:46.637 Zach! 00:21:46.671 --> 00:21:49.807 I'm a police officer! I was just in the process of... 00:21:51.776 --> 00:21:54.012 - Okay, that was an accident! - Take them down, now! 00:21:54.045 --> 00:21:57.682 Open fire! 00:21:57.714 --> 00:21:59.717 Gotta fix this! 00:22:19.703 --> 00:22:21.839 Did we take him out? 00:22:21.873 --> 00:22:25.143 No, I think he just fainted. 00:22:25.175 --> 00:22:26.660 Take him out again. 00:22:26.661 --> 00:22:28.145 Take him out again! 00:22:28.179 --> 00:22:30.749 Stop resisting! 00:22:30.781 --> 00:22:33.150 There's not gonna be any treats, is there? 00:22:33.183 --> 00:22:37.087 Woody! Come on, guys, he's half brain damaged already! 00:22:37.121 --> 00:22:40.792 Bag 'em up, men! 00:22:40.825 --> 00:22:42.761 The bag won't fit! 00:22:42.762 --> 00:22:44.696 Sir, he's unbaggable. 00:22:44.729 --> 00:22:46.214 Just get him in the truck. 00:22:46.215 --> 00:22:47.699 Get him in the truck. 00:22:47.731 --> 00:22:49.768 You know what, you're all under arrest! 00:22:53.837 --> 00:22:56.875 "UFO spotted in Milford"? 00:22:56.907 --> 00:22:59.076 Crazy. 00:23:03.448 --> 00:23:06.551 Zach? And Dad? 00:23:06.584 --> 00:23:09.086 My God. 00:23:15.226 --> 00:23:18.563 After multiple reports of a UFO sighting in Milford, Texas, 00:23:18.596 --> 00:23:20.899 a Twitter post showing several men, 00:23:20.932 --> 00:23:24.067 at what appears to be the crash site, has gone viral. 00:23:24.101 --> 00:23:26.571 Calling themselves "Lazer Team". 00:23:26.604 --> 00:23:29.774 Could this be first contact with an alien race? 00:23:29.807 --> 00:23:32.009 I'm sorry, I just don't believe in aliens. 00:23:32.042 --> 00:23:34.611 I've seen better alien technology at Comi-Con. 00:23:34.644 --> 00:23:37.147 You'd have to be crazy to think these guys are legit. 00:23:37.181 --> 00:23:39.918 You all thought I was crazy, but you're the ones in your little mind prisons. 00:23:39.951 --> 00:23:42.586 You know what? You know who's free? Lazer Team! 00:23:42.619 --> 00:23:45.723 Lazer Team, that's who! Yeah! Yeah! 00:23:53.263 --> 00:23:54.748 No. 00:23:54.749 --> 00:23:56.233 What a bunch of morons! 00:23:56.267 --> 00:23:58.603 They left me my laser gun! I could just blast us out of here! 00:23:58.635 --> 00:24:01.105 Then blow this whole place up! 00:24:01.137 --> 00:24:03.942 What the hell? Holy shit! 00:24:03.974 --> 00:24:05.292 I think they gave me amnesia! 00:24:05.293 --> 00:24:06.610 Anesthesia. 00:24:06.644 --> 00:24:10.248 Localized to disable our extremities. Blurp! 00:24:10.280 --> 00:24:11.715 W-what did I just say? 00:24:11.716 --> 00:24:13.150 My arm's numb, too. 00:24:13.183 --> 00:24:15.252 Clearly, they have paralyzed the parts of our body... 00:24:15.286 --> 00:24:18.256 Shut up, dude! Y'all stupid. I'm out. 00:24:18.288 --> 00:24:22.125 Like your boots. Probably should've waited till I finished talking to do that. 00:24:22.159 --> 00:24:24.128 Why are we here? 00:24:24.129 --> 00:24:26.097 You're here to talk. 00:24:26.130 --> 00:24:28.132 At approximately 23:00 hours, 00:24:28.164 --> 00:24:31.034 you not only managed to crash an alien spacecraft, 00:24:31.067 --> 00:24:36.240 but you also commandeered a highly classified weapon system. How? 00:24:36.273 --> 00:24:37.274 Fifth Amendment, bitch. 00:24:37.275 --> 00:24:38.275 In addition 00:24:38.308 --> 00:24:40.811 we would like to exercise our right to an attorney 00:24:40.845 --> 00:24:43.280 and trial by a jury of our peers. Blurp! 00:24:43.314 --> 00:24:46.683 Yeah, man, we know our rights. My taxes pay your salary, buddy! 00:24:46.717 --> 00:24:49.821 Mr. Mendoza, you haven't paid taxes in 15 years. 00:24:49.854 --> 00:24:50.922 It's a figure of speech. 00:24:50.923 --> 00:24:51.990 This isn't a game. 00:24:52.022 --> 00:24:54.091 Who's this douchebag? 00:24:54.125 --> 00:24:57.662 This douchebag is the rightful wearer of that suit. 00:24:57.694 --> 00:25:00.664 I'm the Champion of Earth! 00:25:02.866 --> 00:25:04.903 You look like the champion of swim team. 00:25:04.935 --> 00:25:06.904 Where's your junk in that thing! 00:25:06.938 --> 00:25:10.275 It's cool, man. We're all champions, dude. The alien told us. 00:25:10.307 --> 00:25:11.625 What alien? 00:25:11.626 --> 00:25:12.943 The Antartican guy. 00:25:12.977 --> 00:25:16.681 From the planet Record... Antaria. Blurp! 00:25:16.713 --> 00:25:19.616 There was a hologram came out. 00:25:19.650 --> 00:25:23.221 It said that there's some kind of battle coming? 00:25:23.253 --> 00:25:26.023 In less than five days, an alien warrior will arrive 00:25:26.057 --> 00:25:30.193 to do battle with whoever is wearing this suit. To the death. 00:25:30.227 --> 00:25:32.196 Okay, the hologram left that part out! 00:25:32.229 --> 00:25:34.231 Gentlemen, this is not a game. 00:25:34.265 --> 00:25:36.868 This alien species, the Worg, they're called, 00:25:36.901 --> 00:25:40.572 they're on a crusade to eradicate any race they deem weak. 00:25:40.605 --> 00:25:43.074 Seventeen civilizations destroyed. 00:25:43.106 --> 00:25:46.310 And now they're demanding to do battle with the Earth Champion 00:25:46.344 --> 00:25:48.613 to determine the fate of our planet. 00:25:48.645 --> 00:25:52.215 Like the ancient Hebrew account of David versus Goliath. 00:25:52.249 --> 00:25:56.887 Yes. And as David needed his slingshot, we need our Suit of Power. 00:25:56.921 --> 00:25:59.222 All right, well then hop to it, take the pieces off of us, 00:25:59.256 --> 00:26:01.593 put them on Hitler Youth over here, and let us bounce! 00:26:01.625 --> 00:26:05.229 They can't take the pieces off. If they could... 00:26:05.261 --> 00:26:07.365 they would've done it while we were knocked out. 00:26:07.397 --> 00:26:10.267 The suit has a protection mechanism built into it. 00:26:10.300 --> 00:26:14.838 It genetically locks onto whoever puts it on and activates it. 00:26:14.872 --> 00:26:18.009 I assure nobody is happy about this situation. 00:26:18.041 --> 00:26:20.778 But the fate of the Earth hangs in the balance. 00:26:20.810 --> 00:26:23.347 You do want to save the planet, don't you? 00:26:26.250 --> 00:26:28.752 This planet? A little bit. 00:26:28.786 --> 00:26:32.190 There's a lot of jackasses. 00:26:32.222 --> 00:26:34.959 - What? - Sir, you told me to let you know... 00:26:34.991 --> 00:26:37.628 If any of the media outlets reported on the incident. 00:26:37.662 --> 00:26:39.963 Who picked it up, local news or national? 00:26:39.997 --> 00:26:42.967 Both, sir. But it's worse than we thought. 00:26:43.000 --> 00:26:44.668 It's on Facebook. 00:26:44.669 --> 00:26:46.336 Are you kidding me? 00:26:46.369 --> 00:26:48.673 My mom shared it. 00:26:48.705 --> 00:26:51.875 You posted a threat to national security on Facebook? 00:26:51.909 --> 00:26:53.778 Nobody told me not to do that. 00:26:53.779 --> 00:26:55.647 I told him not to do that. 00:26:55.680 --> 00:26:56.965 What's the Lazer Team? 00:26:56.966 --> 00:26:58.249 Dude, that's us! 00:26:58.281 --> 00:27:00.250 That's what I named us when we got our badass alien gadgets. 00:27:00.284 --> 00:27:02.687 - You spelled "laser" wrong. - How would you know, water boy? 00:27:02.720 --> 00:27:03.922 Delete it. 00:27:03.923 --> 00:27:05.123 Okay, that has 1200 likes. 00:27:05.155 --> 00:27:07.658 No way. The last time I had a photo with over a thousand likes 00:27:07.692 --> 00:27:12.029 was when I accidentally posted a picture of my penis in a hot dog bun. 00:27:12.063 --> 00:27:14.932 Delete it or I'll delete you. 00:27:14.964 --> 00:27:17.268 ...you better do what he say. 00:27:17.300 --> 00:27:18.369 All right. 00:27:20.304 --> 00:27:22.940 Congratulations, gentlemen. 00:27:22.972 --> 00:27:26.109 You're now officially part of Project Perseus. 00:27:26.143 --> 00:27:27.611 Training begins at 05:00. 00:27:27.612 --> 00:27:29.079 Training? 00:27:29.113 --> 00:27:33.785 And do me one favor, try not to get us all killed. 00:27:33.817 --> 00:27:36.320 - You guys are trending, by the way. - What? Nice. 00:27:36.721 --> 00:27:40.024 Can I friend you? If that's a... no. 00:27:40.057 --> 00:27:42.393 I'll be on the other side of the window 00:27:42.425 --> 00:27:44.428 if you need me. 00:28:05.382 --> 00:28:09.320 You expect me to train these idiots that literally stole my birthright from me? 00:28:09.353 --> 00:28:11.322 I've worked my entire life for this. 00:28:11.355 --> 00:28:13.924 That is exactly why they need your help. 00:28:13.958 --> 00:28:16.160 You're the only one experienced enough with this equipment 00:28:16.192 --> 00:28:18.328 to teach them how to use it in time. 00:28:18.362 --> 00:28:23.000 Four days? I've trained every day for decades. 00:28:23.032 --> 00:28:27.003 Adam, is this about the planet or you? 00:28:27.037 --> 00:28:30.208 Without me, there is no planet! 00:28:37.882 --> 00:28:40.351 When Perseus was sent forth to defeat the Gorgon, 00:28:40.384 --> 00:28:43.287 he was armed with four gifts from the heavens: 00:28:43.319 --> 00:28:45.856 A sword, boots... 00:28:45.890 --> 00:28:48.025 a helmet and a shield. 00:28:48.057 --> 00:28:51.028 With these gifts he was victorious. 00:28:51.060 --> 00:28:53.865 You'll now begin your formal training to utilize your... 00:28:55.065 --> 00:28:57.033 gifts. 00:28:57.034 --> 00:28:59.403 You only have four days until the Worg Champion arrives 00:28:59.435 --> 00:29:02.874 to kill you and destroy our planet. 00:29:02.906 --> 00:29:04.509 We start now. 00:29:04.541 --> 00:29:08.879 Pardon me, old chap. I have a question, if I may. 00:29:10.314 --> 00:29:11.682 It can wait. Fair play. 00:29:11.683 --> 00:29:13.050 I got a question. 00:29:13.083 --> 00:29:15.219 Why the hell does he sound British now? 00:29:15.251 --> 00:29:18.221 Woody's helmet is making him more intelligent over time. 00:29:18.255 --> 00:29:20.391 Yeah, Woody's a stupid person, 00:29:20.423 --> 00:29:22.393 and that's what stupid people think smart people sound like. 00:29:22.425 --> 00:29:24.928 So, basically, it's just dumb Woody's version of smart Woody. 00:29:24.961 --> 00:29:26.013 What? That's idiotic! 00:29:26.014 --> 00:29:27.064 Precisely. 00:29:27.096 --> 00:29:28.499 Nah, that makes sense, man. 00:29:28.500 --> 00:29:29.901 How's that make sense! 00:29:29.933 --> 00:29:31.568 Hey, whassup, girl? My name's Herman. 00:29:31.602 --> 00:29:32.771 That's enough! 00:29:34.238 --> 00:29:35.940 Let's get started. 00:29:39.009 --> 00:29:40.144 Anthony Hagan, test number one. 00:29:40.176 --> 00:29:43.246 The Repulsor Defensive Gauntlet produces an energy shield 00:29:43.279 --> 00:29:45.549 impenetrable by any manmade weapon. 00:29:45.583 --> 00:29:48.319 Your first test is to stop the incoming projectiles. 00:29:48.352 --> 00:29:51.255 Yeah, I just have a quick question before we begin. How exactly... 00:29:51.288 --> 00:29:53.257 Oohhh!!! 00:29:53.289 --> 00:29:58.095 Yeah! Yeah! Best test ever! Run it back! Run it back! 00:29:58.127 --> 00:30:00.263 Man, I freakin' love science. 00:30:00.297 --> 00:30:02.967 Next! 00:30:05.001 --> 00:30:08.438 Test number 17. Use the Particle Acceleration Gauntlet 00:30:08.471 --> 00:30:10.441 to destroy the targets by firing 00:30:10.473 --> 00:30:12.943 concussive blasts of plasma at varying intensities. 00:30:12.977 --> 00:30:15.446 - Let's go with the lower power. - Low? Get the hell outta here! 00:30:15.479 --> 00:30:18.048 I know what I'm doing. Let's crank this baby up to a hund... 00:30:21.317 --> 00:30:23.320 Next! 00:30:24.622 --> 00:30:26.591 Test number 43. 00:30:26.624 --> 00:30:29.326 Use the Positronic Helmet to locate the targets. 00:30:29.359 --> 00:30:33.296 The visor is specifically equipped with zoom, targeting, 00:30:33.329 --> 00:30:35.398 and other visual enhancements. 00:30:35.432 --> 00:30:37.300 My God! Guys! 00:30:37.334 --> 00:30:39.437 What the hell is your problem? 00:30:39.470 --> 00:30:41.972 Looks like a malfunction with the helmet. I got a tool for this. 00:30:42.006 --> 00:30:43.975 - Turn it off! No! - Keep your head still. 00:30:44.008 --> 00:30:45.159 I wish I was dead! 00:30:45.160 --> 00:30:46.309 Next. 00:30:46.343 --> 00:30:48.346 It's so close! 00:30:49.646 --> 00:30:53.149 Test number 124. Use the Quantum Boots 00:30:53.182 --> 00:30:56.119 and jump over all of the hurdles before the buzzer sounds. 00:30:56.153 --> 00:30:58.288 Excuse me, you can't smoke on this course. 00:30:58.321 --> 00:31:00.323 Word? Watch me. 00:31:00.356 --> 00:31:03.160 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 00:31:03.192 --> 00:31:06.329 Dude, you were supposed to jump over the hurdles. 00:31:06.363 --> 00:31:09.634 Put him on a special diet. No smoking, no drinking. 00:31:09.666 --> 00:31:12.235 Just kill me now. 00:31:12.269 --> 00:31:15.105 Next! 00:31:15.138 --> 00:31:17.307 Next. 00:31:17.340 --> 00:31:19.509 Next. 00:31:19.542 --> 00:31:23.413 Next. Next. Next. 00:31:23.446 --> 00:31:25.883 Next. Next! 00:31:27.050 --> 00:31:30.354 - Sleep tight, Lazy Team. - See you tomorrow. 00:31:30.386 --> 00:31:33.223 Four hours! 00:31:34.223 --> 00:31:36.359 That was awful. 00:31:36.393 --> 00:31:39.297 I haven't run that fast since Half-ass Hagan ruined my life. 00:31:40.230 --> 00:31:43.200 Yes, this level of rigorous training can be difficult. 00:31:43.232 --> 00:31:47.003 Woody, you didn't do anything! All you did was see some naked people! 00:31:47.037 --> 00:31:49.673 I also had to perform an enormous amount of calculations. 00:31:49.707 --> 00:31:51.676 Well, that sounds brutal. 00:31:51.709 --> 00:31:53.644 I thought it was pretty impressive. 00:31:53.676 --> 00:31:55.111 No, this is impressive. 00:31:55.112 --> 00:31:56.546 Where'd you get that? 00:31:56.579 --> 00:31:59.549 Where do people get anything? I stole it. I think I'll give Mindy a call. 00:31:59.583 --> 00:32:00.935 God. Please don't do that. 00:32:00.936 --> 00:32:02.286 Watch this. 00:32:02.318 --> 00:32:04.721 You ever wanna see how bad a girl wants you, just see how long she says "Hey". 00:32:04.755 --> 00:32:06.224 Hey? 00:32:06.225 --> 00:32:07.692 Yeah. Hey's like "what's up?" 00:32:07.724 --> 00:32:10.727 But "Heeey!" means I like you. Anything more than that 00:32:10.760 --> 00:32:14.598 and you know she wants to see your penis in a hot dog bun. 00:32:16.432 --> 00:32:18.402 - Zach? - Hey, Mindy. 00:32:18.434 --> 00:32:23.540 Heeeeeeeeeeey! 00:32:23.574 --> 00:32:25.743 Wait, is that blood on your shirt? Are you okay? 00:32:25.776 --> 00:32:29.013 Yeah. Long day. I met some aliens and got a laser gun, 00:32:29.046 --> 00:32:33.049 then the military picked us up, and now they're training us to save the world and stuff. 00:32:33.083 --> 00:32:35.336 All I did today was eat FroYo. 00:32:35.337 --> 00:32:37.588 That's awesome! I love FroYo! 00:32:37.621 --> 00:32:40.257 After I kick the crap out of these aliens that are trying to destroy the planet, 00:32:40.289 --> 00:32:42.192 I'm totally getting some FroYo. 00:32:42.226 --> 00:32:43.494 That's it? 00:32:43.495 --> 00:32:44.762 FroYo is tasty. 00:32:44.795 --> 00:32:47.264 Hey, is my dad there? Is he okay? 00:32:47.297 --> 00:32:50.334 Yeah. But his piece of the armor kinda sucks, 00:32:50.366 --> 00:32:52.702 so I'm not sure if he's gonna make the final Lazer Team. 00:32:52.736 --> 00:32:56.273 Look, Zach, my dad may not be very strong, 00:32:56.306 --> 00:33:01.312 or brave, or smart, but he is really good at... 00:33:07.384 --> 00:33:09.753 I love you too, sweetie. 00:33:09.787 --> 00:33:12.123 This is just like camping, guys. 00:33:12.155 --> 00:33:14.557 No one ever invites me camping. I know I was ordered to be here... 00:33:14.590 --> 00:33:15.942 Franksen, shut up! 00:33:15.943 --> 00:33:17.293 I'm just saying. 00:33:17.326 --> 00:33:21.332 Hey, Mur. Why they got us out here all night guarding this damn wreck ship? 00:33:21.365 --> 00:33:25.236 Top secret stuff, refry. They need their best on it. 00:33:25.269 --> 00:33:27.270 Oohhhh... 00:33:28.672 --> 00:33:31.342 Besides, beats patrol duty. 00:33:33.343 --> 00:33:35.680 What the hell was that? 00:33:37.681 --> 00:33:40.651 Let's go have a looksee, dickholes. 00:33:40.683 --> 00:33:42.653 Franksen, stay! 00:33:42.685 --> 00:33:44.170 You guys sure you don't need... 00:33:44.171 --> 00:33:45.655 Stay, Frank. 00:33:45.689 --> 00:33:51.062 Okay. Careful, guys. There's possums and... stuff. 00:34:03.707 --> 00:34:08.679 I'll be damned. More alien stuff. I'll radio it in. 00:34:08.711 --> 00:34:11.681 Or... maybe we take a look first. 00:34:11.715 --> 00:34:16.586 See if this one's got any of them fancy gadgets those morons got. 00:34:23.860 --> 00:34:26.129 ...baby. 00:34:30.434 --> 00:34:32.403 Careful, Mur! 00:34:50.786 --> 00:34:53.223 What's that? 00:34:53.257 --> 00:34:55.259 Mur, what is that? 00:34:58.494 --> 00:35:01.431 Mur, what is that? Get it off! 00:35:01.465 --> 00:35:03.601 Get it off me! 00:35:03.634 --> 00:35:06.836 Aahhh!!! Aahhh!!! 00:35:06.869 --> 00:35:09.539 Aahhh!!! 00:35:11.440 --> 00:35:13.443 Guys? 00:35:14.777 --> 00:35:16.780 Hey, guys! 00:35:18.282 --> 00:35:20.451 You guys okay? 00:35:22.286 --> 00:35:24.422 Geez. I thought something bad... 00:35:41.271 --> 00:35:42.323 Adam? 00:35:42.324 --> 00:35:43.374 No. 00:35:43.407 --> 00:35:44.825 Adam! 00:35:44.826 --> 00:35:46.242 I'm done! I'm not doing it. 00:35:46.275 --> 00:35:48.778 Will you just listen? 00:35:50.914 --> 00:35:53.884 We can cut the pieces off. 00:35:53.916 --> 00:35:55.401 No. Jenkins was wrong... 00:35:55.402 --> 00:35:56.886 How can you say he's wrong? 00:35:56.920 --> 00:35:58.172 He said we could do it! 00:35:58.173 --> 00:35:59.423 We do that, we have nothing! 00:35:59.456 --> 00:36:01.592 The suit is meant to work as a unit. 00:36:01.625 --> 00:36:03.594 We separate the pieces, they're not as powerful. 00:36:03.626 --> 00:36:05.762 You can forget about using the dark matter ray, 00:36:05.795 --> 00:36:08.598 or any of the other higher suit functions. 00:36:08.632 --> 00:36:10.033 They won't make it. 00:36:10.034 --> 00:36:11.434 Make them make it! 00:36:11.467 --> 00:36:13.503 That's your job. 00:36:13.536 --> 00:36:15.972 My job is to be Champion of Earth. 00:36:16.005 --> 00:36:18.808 That job was taken by the four men sitting down in the brig! 00:36:20.476 --> 00:36:22.646 Get used to it. 00:36:25.315 --> 00:36:27.851 They'll fail... 00:36:27.884 --> 00:36:30.788 and then we'll have to cut those pieces off. 00:36:30.820 --> 00:36:32.523 I guarantee it. 00:36:43.333 --> 00:36:48.771 They'll fail, and then we'll have to cut those pieces off. 00:36:48.804 --> 00:36:50.674 Thanks. 00:36:54.677 --> 00:36:59.717 Everybody's sound asleep? The Lazer Team angels? 00:36:59.750 --> 00:37:01.134 They look precious. 00:37:01.135 --> 00:37:02.518 What's that then? 00:37:02.552 --> 00:37:05.322 Your new uniforms. 00:37:05.355 --> 00:37:09.827 Specially formulated by the U.S. Military with advanced microfibers. 00:37:09.860 --> 00:37:12.496 And they are not anti-flammable. 00:37:12.528 --> 00:37:14.097 So they are flammable. 00:37:14.098 --> 00:37:15.666 They will not retard flames. 00:37:15.699 --> 00:37:18.501 Most clothing's flammable. It's like, why even mention that? 00:37:18.534 --> 00:37:20.971 File this under "most clothing" then, because these will burn. 00:37:21.003 --> 00:37:23.007 Are you expecting us to catch on fire? 00:37:23.039 --> 00:37:25.543 I should go. 00:37:26.876 --> 00:37:28.796 What are you looking at? 00:37:28.797 --> 00:37:30.715 I said, open the door! 00:37:49.032 --> 00:37:51.367 All right. For today's test, 00:37:51.400 --> 00:37:54.871 you will learn a higher suit function known as the Dark Matter Ray. 00:37:54.905 --> 00:37:59.376 Accessible only when the suit is used... 00:37:59.409 --> 00:38:01.912 in unison. What-what's the problem? 00:38:01.945 --> 00:38:03.380 This thing's riding up my gooch! 00:38:03.381 --> 00:38:04.815 Half this suit's inside me! 00:38:04.847 --> 00:38:06.916 I feel like I'm wearing a baby's onesie! 00:38:06.949 --> 00:38:10.086 Deal with it. Aren't you guys supposed to be some kind of superhero thing? 00:38:10.119 --> 00:38:11.354 Laser Squad? 00:38:11.355 --> 00:38:12.588 It's Lazer Team! 00:38:12.621 --> 00:38:14.006 Why the hell are we Lazer Team? 00:38:14.007 --> 00:38:15.391 Because I have a laser! 00:38:15.425 --> 00:38:16.660 But the rest of us don't. 00:38:16.661 --> 00:38:17.894 Right, you're the team part. 00:38:17.927 --> 00:38:19.479 Screw that! Boot Group! 00:38:19.480 --> 00:38:21.030 "Helmet Boy and Friends"? 00:38:21.063 --> 00:38:24.434 I think we should be "The Marvelous Shield". Now hear me out on this... 00:38:24.467 --> 00:38:26.803 - God, that's lame. - You come up with something better! 00:38:26.836 --> 00:38:28.822 I did, "Lazer Team"! 00:38:28.823 --> 00:38:30.807 Nobody cares about your stupid name! 00:38:30.840 --> 00:38:32.809 Can we focus on what we're here for? 00:38:32.842 --> 00:38:35.045 Which is to save the planet. 00:38:35.077 --> 00:38:37.980 Now, the most important thing to keep in mind is 00:38:38.014 --> 00:38:41.585 when that first wave comes out... 00:38:41.617 --> 00:38:44.922 Zachary, do not react. I'm talking to you telepathically. 00:38:44.954 --> 00:38:47.023 Are you really? That's badass! 00:38:47.056 --> 00:38:49.659 Shut up and listen! 00:38:49.693 --> 00:38:51.862 Now, during the first wave... 00:38:51.894 --> 00:38:54.498 Don't panic. I'm talking to all of you right now. 00:38:54.530 --> 00:38:57.134 This is weird. 00:38:57.166 --> 00:39:01.804 My helmet's abilities are growing as they adjust to me, but this is all new. 00:39:01.838 --> 00:39:04.675 I've made this place so we can talk mentally. 00:39:04.708 --> 00:39:08.144 I'm not sure how long I can do it, but I need to tell you guys something, 00:39:08.177 --> 00:39:10.079 so everyone concentrate. 00:39:10.080 --> 00:39:11.981 Yeah, everybody concentrate. 00:39:12.014 --> 00:39:14.551 Nobody think about anything weird. 00:39:15.085 --> 00:39:17.088 Are you thinking about... you know. 00:39:17.621 --> 00:39:19.456 - No. - Yeah, you are! 00:39:19.489 --> 00:39:21.458 We can see you thinking about it! 00:39:21.490 --> 00:39:23.092 Now you are too! 00:39:23.126 --> 00:39:24.461 You made me think it! 00:39:24.462 --> 00:39:25.796 I can't stop it, either. 00:39:25.829 --> 00:39:27.865 Guys, I overheard a conversation. 00:39:27.898 --> 00:39:29.800 Adam wants to sabotage us. 00:39:29.833 --> 00:39:31.135 He wants the pieces for himself. 00:39:31.168 --> 00:39:33.137 If we don't pass the tests today, 00:39:33.170 --> 00:39:35.773 they're gonna cut the pieces off. Just pay attention! 00:39:35.806 --> 00:39:37.875 I'll stop thinking about it! 00:39:37.907 --> 00:39:40.110 Just let me come up with something else. I got it. 00:39:40.143 --> 00:39:41.545 You gotta be... 00:39:41.546 --> 00:39:42.947 Hi, Daddy. 00:39:44.014 --> 00:39:45.983 ...which is why the Dark Matter Ray may be 00:39:46.016 --> 00:39:48.485 the only thing strong enough to defeat the Worg. 00:39:48.518 --> 00:39:50.487 Let's try it. Just remember what I said 00:39:50.519 --> 00:39:52.989 and you should be fine. Ready? 00:39:55.025 --> 00:39:56.460 Begin. 00:39:56.461 --> 00:39:57.894 Come here, you son of a bitch! 00:40:03.199 --> 00:40:05.501 Throw them back in their cells. 00:40:05.534 --> 00:40:09.005 Yo, man! Why you doing me like this? 00:40:09.039 --> 00:40:11.175 Why you guys got me like this? 00:40:14.210 --> 00:40:16.446 Well, that can't have helped our chances. 00:40:16.480 --> 00:40:18.548 Don't worry, we'll be fine! 00:40:18.581 --> 00:40:21.150 Fine? According to Woody, we are literally on the chopping block. 00:40:21.184 --> 00:40:24.488 I wouldn't be surprised if somebody came in here any minute now and took us away. 00:40:24.521 --> 00:40:27.691 You're being ridiculous. They need us! There's no way... 00:40:27.724 --> 00:40:31.695 Hey, are you guys... the Champion of Earth? 00:40:31.728 --> 00:40:34.530 Yeah. 00:40:34.563 --> 00:40:36.567 We're as close as you're gonna get. 00:40:36.599 --> 00:40:39.869 Okay, well... It's time for your... 00:40:39.902 --> 00:40:42.805 Jesus. 00:40:42.838 --> 00:40:45.074 Your physical. 00:40:47.911 --> 00:40:49.980 You were saying? 00:40:51.914 --> 00:40:54.050 Dr. Flannigan to the O.R., please. 00:40:54.083 --> 00:40:56.586 Dr. Flannigan to the O.R. 00:41:01.625 --> 00:41:05.795 All right. Patient number one, step right through here. 00:41:05.829 --> 00:41:07.698 Don't worry, Woody. You'll be okay. 00:41:07.731 --> 00:41:09.567 Patient number two, right there. 00:41:11.601 --> 00:41:14.905 Patients number three and four, right this way, please. 00:41:14.938 --> 00:41:16.339 In here? 00:41:16.340 --> 00:41:17.740 We're together? 00:41:20.777 --> 00:41:23.112 I ain't going in there. 00:41:33.188 --> 00:41:36.025 Hey, man! Hey! 00:41:36.559 --> 00:41:39.695 Hey, man, you a good doctor or you one of them crazy doctors? 00:41:39.728 --> 00:41:42.698 You a bad doctor. 00:41:42.731 --> 00:41:44.701 We were told this was just a physical. 00:41:44.733 --> 00:41:46.702 We don't actually need these restraints, do we? 00:41:46.735 --> 00:41:48.873 It's for your own safety. 00:41:50.739 --> 00:41:53.042 Well, that didn't make me feel very safe. 00:41:53.909 --> 00:41:57.079 Hagan! I gotta tell you something. 00:41:57.112 --> 00:42:00.583 I just want you to know I've always hated you! 00:42:00.617 --> 00:42:02.219 I've always hated you the most! 00:42:02.251 --> 00:42:03.569 Not now, Herman! 00:42:03.570 --> 00:42:04.887 This all your fault! 00:42:04.920 --> 00:42:07.890 If you would've just leave me and Woody alone, none of this would've ever happened! 00:42:07.923 --> 00:42:10.860 But no, you had to take my ass on a space adventure! 00:42:10.893 --> 00:42:13.696 Now they gonna cut my legs off! I'll be two feet shorter. 00:42:13.730 --> 00:42:16.099 You, sir, are a bitch! 00:42:16.132 --> 00:42:19.670 Herman, you just need... 00:42:19.702 --> 00:42:22.072 to shut the hell up! 00:42:24.641 --> 00:42:26.076 Sorry. 00:42:26.108 --> 00:42:28.110 I saw the whole thing. That was self-defense. 00:42:28.143 --> 00:42:30.279 I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but good job, Hagan! 00:42:30.313 --> 00:42:34.617 Come on, get me now! Get me! 00:42:34.650 --> 00:42:36.353 - Hold still. - No, you don't need that! 00:42:36.385 --> 00:42:38.355 - Just unbuckle me! - No, there's no time. 00:42:38.387 --> 00:42:40.356 There was time to unbuckle...! 00:42:40.389 --> 00:42:44.327 Aahhh!!! 00:42:44.360 --> 00:42:48.130 I think I need a new gown. 00:42:48.164 --> 00:42:52.102 Nah, you're fine. Here. Get dressed. Let's go find Woody. 00:42:52.135 --> 00:42:54.104 And the kid! 00:42:54.137 --> 00:42:56.640 Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves. 00:42:56.672 --> 00:43:00.810 Okay, so we get a cab, take her back to the trailer park, all right? 00:43:00.844 --> 00:43:04.114 One thing leads to another, we end up on my water bed making out. 00:43:04.146 --> 00:43:07.650 Pretty great. Take her top off, wouldn't you believe it, 00:43:07.684 --> 00:43:11.121 she had a tattoo of Adolf Hitler on her left boob, 00:43:11.153 --> 00:43:14.157 and another one of Joseph Stalin on her right. 00:43:14.190 --> 00:43:16.193 Dr. Marquee to the Psychiatric Ward. 00:43:16.860 --> 00:43:19.195 Dr. Marquee to the Psychiatric Ward. 00:43:19.228 --> 00:43:22.665 Aahhh!!! 00:43:22.699 --> 00:43:24.334 Hey, hey, hey! 00:43:24.335 --> 00:43:25.969 Get your pants on! 00:43:26.001 --> 00:43:27.938 Hey, kid, you free? 00:43:27.971 --> 00:43:31.141 Yeah. I used the laser gun to get my cuffs off. 00:43:31.173 --> 00:43:33.309 Where's your orderly? 00:43:33.342 --> 00:43:36.846 Yeah, he went away someplace. 00:43:36.880 --> 00:43:38.365 What's that dust? 00:43:38.366 --> 00:43:39.849 Nobody. 00:43:39.882 --> 00:43:42.318 I mean... nothing. 00:43:46.021 --> 00:43:47.223 This is never gonna work. 00:43:47.224 --> 00:43:48.424 Slow down, y'all! 00:43:48.458 --> 00:43:49.592 Push with two hands! 00:43:49.593 --> 00:43:50.726 I only have one hand! 00:43:50.760 --> 00:43:54.264 - I only have one hand, too! - Your other hand's inside that freakin' hand! 00:43:56.266 --> 00:43:59.068 What is this? 00:43:59.101 --> 00:44:01.003 This is one of the spacesuit guys. Yeah, he just keeled over and died. 00:44:01.036 --> 00:44:03.839 The really fat gross one just shit himself and then just collapsed. 00:44:03.873 --> 00:44:05.842 Yeah, I would've been embarrassed to die that way, 00:44:05.875 --> 00:44:07.844 - just fat and covered in your own crap. - Absolutely. 00:44:07.876 --> 00:44:10.279 It's disgusting. You can take a look if you want to, 00:44:10.313 --> 00:44:12.315 as long as you don't mind lots of shit and grossness on a big fat body. 00:44:12.347 --> 00:44:13.582 We'll pass. Move along. 00:44:13.583 --> 00:44:14.817 You sure? 00:44:14.851 --> 00:44:16.470 You can dive in there. 00:44:16.471 --> 00:44:18.088 Move along! Get out! 00:44:18.121 --> 00:44:19.423 Thanks, fellas. Good work. 00:44:19.424 --> 00:44:20.724 God bless America. 00:44:20.757 --> 00:44:22.726 What has happened to Boot Group, man? 00:44:22.759 --> 00:44:24.427 Shut up! 00:44:30.432 --> 00:44:34.403 Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit. 00:44:34.436 --> 00:44:37.740 Aahhh!!! Aahhh... 00:44:37.773 --> 00:44:39.710 Woody, get up! We need... 00:44:39.742 --> 00:44:42.378 My God! They took his head! 00:44:42.411 --> 00:44:44.480 Hey, guys. 00:44:44.514 --> 00:44:46.717 Aahhh!!! 00:44:47.817 --> 00:44:50.920 Kill it! Kill it! My God, they took my arm! 00:44:50.954 --> 00:44:53.056 How am I just noticing this! 00:44:53.088 --> 00:44:54.557 Aahhh!!! 00:44:54.558 --> 00:44:56.025 Why? Why? 00:44:56.059 --> 00:44:58.062 Aahhh!!! 00:44:58.260 --> 00:45:01.063 Guys, relax, it's fine. 00:45:01.097 --> 00:45:04.267 Seems Stealth Mode isn't entirely effective when fractured. 00:45:04.300 --> 00:45:05.852 Is anyone hurt? 00:45:05.853 --> 00:45:07.403 I'm fine. 00:45:07.436 --> 00:45:09.739 I'm a hundred percent. 00:45:09.740 --> 00:45:12.041 Yeah, I'm good. 00:45:12.074 --> 00:45:15.244 Hey, thanks. I'm good, too. 00:45:15.277 --> 00:45:17.279 All right, guys, hurry up. 00:45:17.313 --> 00:45:19.916 They're gonna figure out we're gone any... second. 00:45:19.949 --> 00:45:22.251 - Now what! - Don't worry, I know the way. 00:45:24.119 --> 00:45:27.056 Okay, this should be the quickest way out! 00:45:27.090 --> 00:45:29.192 Bollocks! 00:45:29.224 --> 00:45:32.061 Woody, can you put a computer hack on the mainframe? 00:45:32.094 --> 00:45:34.130 Screw that! I'll just blast it at full power. 00:45:45.108 --> 00:45:49.211 Great job, kid. You hit everything but the goddamn door. 00:45:49.244 --> 00:45:51.213 What the hell's this door made of? 00:45:53.849 --> 00:45:55.018 Where you going? 00:45:57.019 --> 00:45:58.070 Give me my suit. 00:45:58.071 --> 00:45:59.121 You can have the suit! 00:45:59.155 --> 00:46:01.825 Ain't nobody wants your suit! Boots, do something! 00:46:03.159 --> 00:46:05.195 All right... 00:46:05.228 --> 00:46:07.831 You're just wasting time! 00:46:07.864 --> 00:46:10.132 That's quite impressive. 00:46:10.166 --> 00:46:12.169 Whoaaa!!! 00:46:12.202 --> 00:46:15.572 Whaaa!!! 00:46:17.873 --> 00:46:21.244 Hey, you wanna give me a hand? 00:46:24.347 --> 00:46:25.849 Thanks. 00:46:25.850 --> 00:46:27.351 Everyone join together. 00:46:36.525 --> 00:46:39.161 What? 00:46:39.195 --> 00:46:41.597 How are you doing this? 00:46:41.630 --> 00:46:44.333 You're not supposed to be able to do that with the shield. 00:46:44.367 --> 00:46:45.986 Guess we're working together. 00:46:45.987 --> 00:46:47.604 Teamwork and shit! 00:46:47.637 --> 00:46:50.340 You're not a team! You're a joke! 00:46:50.373 --> 00:46:53.043 You idiots think you can save the planet? 00:46:53.076 --> 00:46:57.014 The only champion this planet has is me! 00:47:01.451 --> 00:47:04.588 That's what you get for messing with Lazer Team, bitch! 00:47:04.621 --> 00:47:08.525 All right! Great job, Zach! Good work, everybody. Let's... 00:47:08.557 --> 00:47:11.228 ...All right, let's go. 00:47:12.394 --> 00:47:14.197 Zach! 00:47:14.230 --> 00:47:15.932 Crap! 00:47:20.235 --> 00:47:22.239 Find them. 00:47:24.974 --> 00:47:28.411 Attention all soldiers. The Perseus Project has escaped. 00:47:28.443 --> 00:47:30.380 I repeat, Lazer Team is on the loose, 00:47:30.413 --> 00:47:33.115 and they're considered armed and dangerous. 00:47:34.617 --> 00:47:37.487 Shit! They're everywhere! We'll never get past them all! 00:47:37.519 --> 00:47:39.389 Speak for yourself. 00:47:39.422 --> 00:47:41.391 Hey, isn't Woody supposed to be like MacGyver now? 00:47:41.423 --> 00:47:43.393 Just build us a hovercraft out of paper clips or some shit. 00:47:43.425 --> 00:47:46.195 Does anyone remember where we left that gurney? 00:48:07.617 --> 00:48:10.954 And that cat tells the baby, "What? No you didn't!" 00:48:10.987 --> 00:48:16.593 Cat nap? More like cat "snap!" Am I right 00:48:16.626 --> 00:48:19.095 Web Bomb. 00:48:19.128 --> 00:48:21.264 Now, I know you people approve of these four fools on the Internet 00:48:21.297 --> 00:48:23.565 calling themselves "Lazer Team". 00:48:23.599 --> 00:48:26.303 They're on Facebook, they're on Instagram, they're on Snapchat, 00:48:26.335 --> 00:48:30.606 and, Jimmy Kimmel, I know it's you, man! Come on, quit playin'! 00:48:30.639 --> 00:48:34.443 I ain't no fool! Fool me once, shame on me. 00:48:34.476 --> 00:48:37.280 Fool me twice, shame on Jimmy Kimmel! 00:48:39.181 --> 00:48:42.618 Are you Mindy Hagan? We'd like to ask you some questions. 00:48:46.655 --> 00:48:49.625 All right, we can hide out here, but don't touch anything. 00:48:49.659 --> 00:48:52.662 It's my ex-wife's cabin. If you break something, 00:48:52.695 --> 00:48:54.664 I'd hate to have to pay for this place twice. 00:48:54.697 --> 00:48:57.166 God, it's like a Hobby Lobby threw up in here. 00:48:57.199 --> 00:49:00.002 Yeah, man, is this your ex-wife's place or your grandma's? 00:49:00.036 --> 00:49:02.005 Let's just say she has very classical taste. 00:49:02.038 --> 00:49:06.175 This is Mindy's mom? Nice. I see where she gets it. 00:49:06.208 --> 00:49:08.644 Put it down! Now! 00:49:08.677 --> 00:49:11.480 Guys, if this countdown is correct, 00:49:11.514 --> 00:49:15.184 this alien Worgle thing is gonna be here in two days! 00:49:15.217 --> 00:49:18.320 Right! So we just chill out here, let this whole thing blow over. 00:49:18.353 --> 00:49:20.589 Blow over? That's not what we're doing. 00:49:20.623 --> 00:49:22.108 It's not? 00:49:22.109 --> 00:49:23.592 No! 00:49:23.626 --> 00:49:25.495 Statistically, the best option for the planet was to let the military amputate. 00:49:25.527 --> 00:49:28.664 A choice I found disagreeable, given my zero percent survival rate. 00:49:28.697 --> 00:49:31.667 Well, not zero. Zero would be the absolute certainty that I wouldn't survive, 00:49:31.701 --> 00:49:34.237 when naturally there is an infinitesimally small chance I might... 00:49:34.269 --> 00:49:35.304 Woody. 00:49:35.305 --> 00:49:36.338 Sorry. 00:49:36.371 --> 00:49:39.408 Let the government handle this. That's why we vote for them. 00:49:39.442 --> 00:49:40.944 You don't vote, Herman. 00:49:40.945 --> 00:49:42.445 It's a figure of speech! 00:49:42.478 --> 00:49:45.215 Guys, we took their Suit of Power. 00:49:45.248 --> 00:49:48.018 We're morally obligated to do something. 00:49:48.050 --> 00:49:51.587 Don't lecture me! Only reason we're in this predicament is because of you! 00:49:51.621 --> 00:49:55.090 Man, only reason I'm in this bullshit little town, you! 00:50:03.099 --> 00:50:06.036 Zachary, is that you? 00:50:06.068 --> 00:50:09.438 Yeah. Damn, Mindy, you look good! Is that cheetah print? 00:50:09.472 --> 00:50:11.574 It is an Earth leopard. Thank you. 00:50:11.606 --> 00:50:14.811 Do you still possess the Particle Acceleration Gauntlet? 00:50:14.844 --> 00:50:19.081 What, the laser gun? Hell yeah. You like that, baby? 00:50:19.114 --> 00:50:21.150 I like that very much. 00:50:21.184 --> 00:50:23.720 What is your location? So we can meet and then mate. 00:50:23.753 --> 00:50:24.921 Are you serious? 00:50:24.922 --> 00:50:26.088 Absolutely. 00:50:26.121 --> 00:50:29.391 It is important that we do that. But first we must meet. 00:50:29.425 --> 00:50:32.095 We're just hanging out at your mom's old cabin. 00:50:32.128 --> 00:50:33.663 I should be there soon. 00:50:33.695 --> 00:50:38.268 I'm excited and plan to be very fertile upon arrival. 00:50:39.434 --> 00:50:42.105 Yes! 00:50:42.137 --> 00:50:44.240 I love this thing! 00:50:51.114 --> 00:50:53.583 Attention all units. The Perseus Project is loose 00:50:53.615 --> 00:50:57.119 and they're considered armed and dangerous, so proceed with caution. 00:50:57.152 --> 00:51:00.756 Please keep your head on a... Shit. 00:51:00.789 --> 00:51:04.094 My boss is here. Guys, I gotta call you back. 00:51:05.628 --> 00:51:08.765 General Cale. I wasn't expecting you. 00:51:08.797 --> 00:51:11.600 Emory, we appreciate your dedication to this project, 00:51:11.634 --> 00:51:13.869 but we're moving ahead with the contingency plan. 00:51:13.902 --> 00:51:16.538 General, I appreciate that, but I have the utmost confidence 00:51:16.572 --> 00:51:20.543 that we're gonna be able to get this thing under control. 00:51:20.576 --> 00:51:22.811 I feel that once the Lazer Team... 00:51:22.844 --> 00:51:25.781 What did you just call them? 00:51:25.815 --> 00:51:29.452 I meant the prisoners. Once apprehended... 00:51:29.485 --> 00:51:31.054 Enough! 00:51:31.055 --> 00:51:32.622 Sir. 00:51:32.655 --> 00:51:35.792 Bill! We need to try fighting this alien first, 00:51:35.824 --> 00:51:40.362 before we launch a nuclear weapon that just kills millions of people! 00:51:40.396 --> 00:51:44.901 Prepare the nuke. We've got a planet to save. 00:51:44.934 --> 00:51:48.171 And more importantly, a nation. 00:51:59.949 --> 00:52:01.801 Dude, what's his problem? 00:52:01.802 --> 00:52:03.653 Who, Herman? 00:52:03.686 --> 00:52:07.356 Yeah. He acts like Half-ass Hagan's the worst thing that's ever happened to him. 00:52:07.389 --> 00:52:09.658 But they must've been friends at some point. Look. 00:52:09.692 --> 00:52:12.327 Yeah. Herman doesn't really ever talk about it. 00:52:12.360 --> 00:52:14.129 It's complicated. 00:52:14.130 --> 00:52:15.898 Complicated? Like gay? 00:52:15.931 --> 00:52:18.200 No. Why would you assume gay? 00:52:18.233 --> 00:52:20.502 Well, you paused. Seemed like a gay pause. 00:52:20.536 --> 00:52:22.672 What's a gay pause? It was a regular pause. 00:52:22.704 --> 00:52:24.673 Whatever. I'm gonna find out what happened. 00:52:27.710 --> 00:52:29.746 No, don't get up, guys. 00:52:29.778 --> 00:52:32.315 Just somebody knocking on the door of our secret hideout. 00:52:33.548 --> 00:52:34.700 Mindy! 00:52:34.701 --> 00:52:35.851 Hello, Father. 00:52:35.885 --> 00:52:37.637 How did you find us? 00:52:37.638 --> 00:52:39.389 I communicated with Zachary. 00:52:39.422 --> 00:52:40.657 Really? 00:52:40.690 --> 00:52:43.193 He's one of the Earth Champions. 00:52:43.226 --> 00:52:45.228 That was a really formal way of saying that. 00:52:45.260 --> 00:52:47.230 I purchased food as a form of distraction. 00:52:47.262 --> 00:52:50.500 Food! My God! Thank you, I'm starving! Come on in. 00:52:53.568 --> 00:52:55.704 Thank you so much. 00:52:55.737 --> 00:52:57.222 Hey, Mindy. 00:52:57.223 --> 00:52:58.707 Hello, Zachary. 00:52:58.740 --> 00:53:02.512 Y'all eating in here? All right! 00:53:02.545 --> 00:53:07.282 I hate to interrupt, but may I have a moment in private with you? 00:53:07.315 --> 00:53:10.652 ...yeah. Sure. 00:53:10.686 --> 00:53:13.556 It's best for us to be alone so that no one can monitor 00:53:13.588 --> 00:53:17.860 things I'm going to say and do to you. 00:53:17.893 --> 00:53:20.429 Where your daughter at? 00:53:20.463 --> 00:53:23.432 Before we do this, I have to tell you something. 00:53:23.465 --> 00:53:25.902 I know you think I'm like a stud, and I am, 00:53:25.934 --> 00:53:29.438 but I've never actually been with a girl. 00:53:29.472 --> 00:53:31.740 But I totally practice on myself all the time, 00:53:31.773 --> 00:53:34.543 and I'm pretty sure that counts. 00:53:34.577 --> 00:53:37.447 And it's not that I don't want to bang you, I mean, I absolutely do. 00:53:37.480 --> 00:53:41.451 But I also like you. Maybe those are connected somehow. 00:53:41.483 --> 00:53:43.920 I don't know. Does that make sense? 00:53:48.623 --> 00:53:50.426 Thank you, God. 00:53:53.963 --> 00:53:56.599 What the hell? 00:53:56.632 --> 00:54:00.003 Have you been working out? 00:54:06.442 --> 00:54:09.846 Give it to me. Give it to me now! 00:54:12.347 --> 00:54:14.951 You like it rough? 00:54:14.983 --> 00:54:16.920 Too rough! Too rough! 00:54:18.621 --> 00:54:21.358 Jesus, Mindy! 00:54:22.557 --> 00:54:23.926 What do you want? 00:54:23.927 --> 00:54:25.295 I want what you have. 00:54:28.797 --> 00:54:31.500 Give it to me, Zachary! Or I'll rip it off! 00:54:31.534 --> 00:54:33.936 Are you serious? 00:54:33.969 --> 00:54:36.639 Aahhh!!!! 00:54:36.672 --> 00:54:38.407 Zachary? 00:54:38.440 --> 00:54:41.510 All right, maybe we should just be friends! 00:54:46.349 --> 00:54:49.751 Now he's a happy little tree. He was sad till we put some leaves on him. 00:54:49.784 --> 00:54:51.788 But in our world, everything's happy. 00:54:57.592 --> 00:54:59.661 Clouds are one of the freest things in nature. 00:54:59.695 --> 00:55:02.565 Hey, man, look. I don't like you, but this is embarrassing. 00:55:05.067 --> 00:55:08.737 Damnit, Mindy! 00:55:08.771 --> 00:55:10.740 Your grandkid gonna come out half laser. 00:55:10.773 --> 00:55:13.843 All right. That's it. I can't take it anymore. 00:55:13.876 --> 00:55:14.911 Mindy! 00:55:14.943 --> 00:55:16.612 Jesus! 00:55:16.644 --> 00:55:19.548 God, no, I'm gonna throw up! My God! No, no, no! 00:55:19.581 --> 00:55:21.550 Mindy? 00:55:23.719 --> 00:55:28.057 Mindy, honey, are you okay? What did you do to her? 00:55:28.090 --> 00:55:30.693 Y'alls relationship is complicated. What you need to do is talk it out. 00:55:30.726 --> 00:55:33.829 Herman, look out!! 00:55:36.398 --> 00:55:38.835 Zach, no! Don't lay a hand on my... 00:55:38.867 --> 00:55:40.570 daughter. 00:55:40.603 --> 00:55:42.405 Mindy, no, no, no, wait! 00:55:51.914 --> 00:55:55.985 Aahhh!! Oohhh!! 00:55:56.018 --> 00:55:58.487 Woody! 00:55:58.521 --> 00:56:02.392 Aahhh!!! 00:56:06.094 --> 00:56:08.463 Hey, hey, hey! 00:56:08.496 --> 00:56:10.132 Hey, hey! No, no, no, no! 00:56:10.166 --> 00:56:11.584 Zach, don't hurt her! 00:56:11.585 --> 00:56:13.001 She's gone crazy! 00:56:13.034 --> 00:56:16.505 She's possessed, Zach! That thing on her neck! 00:56:20.708 --> 00:56:22.744 Herman, use the tape! 00:56:22.777 --> 00:56:25.614 Screw that! Nobody possesses my girlfriend! 00:56:29.485 --> 00:56:31.621 I'm your girlfriend? 00:56:31.622 --> 00:56:33.756 Well, yeah... 00:56:33.789 --> 00:56:35.792 Yeah, that's my girl! 00:56:36.025 --> 00:56:38.128 Herman, now! 00:56:44.800 --> 00:56:48.971 Mindy! I got her. Come on. We need to get this thing off of her! 00:56:49.003 --> 00:56:51.540 W-w-wait! 00:56:51.574 --> 00:56:56.179 I am Woodrow, a Champion of Earth. To whom are we speaking? 00:56:56.211 --> 00:56:58.681 I know this device is monitored. 00:57:00.114 --> 00:57:02.951 This one is now a servant of the Worg. 00:57:02.985 --> 00:57:04.404 Those the bad guys. 00:57:04.405 --> 00:57:05.822 Thanks for the update, Herman. 00:57:05.855 --> 00:57:08.925 It is our planet or yours, and it will be yours. 00:57:08.958 --> 00:57:11.793 What are you talking about? We don't want your planet! We just want peace! 00:57:11.827 --> 00:57:14.697 The Loodels wanted peace. Now they are nothing. 00:57:14.730 --> 00:57:16.998 No, it doesn't have to be like that! Nobody... 00:57:17.032 --> 00:57:19.869 Zach, no! 00:57:19.902 --> 00:57:22.905 What you do that for, you bellhead! 00:57:22.938 --> 00:57:24.606 To kill the alien bug thing that was making my girlfriend like my ex-girlfriends! 00:57:24.639 --> 00:57:26.675 We were negotiating with it! You just destroyed 00:57:26.708 --> 00:57:28.677 our means to communicate with the Worg! 00:57:28.710 --> 00:57:30.579 My bad. 00:57:30.612 --> 00:57:33.682 Hey, why's that thing making a beeping noise? 00:57:33.715 --> 00:57:36.085 No! It's got a self-destruct mechanism! 00:57:36.117 --> 00:57:37.719 What do we do? 00:57:39.021 --> 00:57:41.191 You guys get her out of here! 00:57:43.858 --> 00:57:44.960 Go, go, go, go! 00:57:49.597 --> 00:57:50.666 I guess it's not gonna blow... 00:57:57.206 --> 00:58:00.543 Aahhh!!!! 00:58:06.215 --> 00:58:08.550 What took you so long, Half-ass? 00:58:08.583 --> 00:58:10.719 Hagan, you're alive! 00:58:10.753 --> 00:58:13.588 Yeah, that's the bad news. The good news 00:58:13.621 --> 00:58:17.559 is you can spend the rest of your life earning the money to buy your ex a new house! 00:58:17.592 --> 00:58:19.761 Daddy, what are you doing here? 00:58:19.795 --> 00:58:23.266 Wait... what am I doing here? 00:58:33.641 --> 00:58:36.745 Those headlights? The military! 00:58:36.778 --> 00:58:40.048 No, guys? Those soldiers are possessed by Worg parasites, too! 00:58:40.081 --> 00:58:41.951 They're trying to sabotage us! 00:58:41.983 --> 00:58:44.219 Everybody, get in the truck! Now! 00:58:44.253 --> 00:58:46.623 Mindy, come on! Go! 00:58:48.090 --> 00:58:51.093 Go! Come on! 00:58:51.126 --> 00:58:53.897 Somebody's gonna have to get out and push! 00:58:56.097 --> 00:58:58.584 Screw you guys! 00:58:58.585 --> 00:59:01.070 Go, go, go! 00:59:01.103 --> 00:59:02.972 Boot Group! 00:59:06.608 --> 00:59:08.260 Herman, you're doing it! 00:59:08.261 --> 00:59:09.911 No shit I'm doing it! 00:59:09.945 --> 00:59:12.014 Faster, Herman! They're gaining on us! 00:59:12.047 --> 00:59:14.617 I'm pushing a truck, man! 00:59:14.650 --> 00:59:17.619 What the hell is going on! 00:59:17.652 --> 00:59:20.255 No time to explain! You were possessed by an alien probe, 00:59:20.289 --> 00:59:22.625 and now we're being chased by four soldiers 00:59:22.657 --> 00:59:24.726 who also appear to have been possessed in the same way! 00:59:24.760 --> 00:59:26.829 I guess there was time to explain. 00:59:28.230 --> 00:59:30.932 Faster, Herman! Use those power thighs! 00:59:30.965 --> 00:59:32.467 Faster, fat-ass! 00:59:32.468 --> 00:59:33.969 Man, you get out and push! 00:59:37.840 --> 00:59:39.092 Board the truck! 00:59:39.093 --> 00:59:40.343 They're coming up on our ass! 00:59:40.376 --> 00:59:42.678 Herman, I'm coming! 00:59:42.710 --> 00:59:43.612 Take them out! 00:59:45.146 --> 00:59:46.882 No, wait! Maybe we can... 00:59:50.853 --> 00:59:52.021 Yeah! 00:59:53.989 --> 00:59:56.358 Hey, dickhead! Knock-knock! 00:59:56.391 --> 00:59:59.194 Hagan, there's a low-hanging obstacle you should look out for! 00:59:59.228 --> 01:00:01.896 What did you say? 01:00:01.929 --> 01:00:02.931 Never mind! 01:00:02.932 --> 01:00:03.932 Yeah! 01:00:04.166 --> 01:00:07.670 Kill them all! 01:00:09.438 --> 01:00:10.790 Goddamnit! 01:00:10.791 --> 01:00:12.141 I think we've agitated them! 01:00:16.077 --> 01:00:19.882 Destroy the truck! 01:00:19.914 --> 01:00:21.416 Get them, Zachary! 01:00:21.417 --> 01:00:22.918 I got this! 01:00:22.951 --> 01:00:24.403 Down, Herman! 01:00:24.404 --> 01:00:25.855 Don't miss! Don't miss! 01:00:25.887 --> 01:00:28.290 Don't move! 01:00:30.358 --> 01:00:32.862 Bloody hell! You missed them! 01:00:38.032 --> 01:00:41.036 Never mind. Good job. 01:00:41.070 --> 01:00:42.505 Great job, kid! 01:00:42.506 --> 01:00:43.939 Yeah! 01:00:43.972 --> 01:00:45.975 Take that you sons of bitches! 01:00:47.943 --> 01:00:49.912 Two million views and counting. 01:00:49.945 --> 01:00:54.350 Damnit! What the hell is it with these kids and the Internet? 01:00:54.382 --> 01:00:57.018 They were actually working together. 01:00:57.052 --> 01:00:59.889 It's unbelievable. 01:00:59.922 --> 01:01:03.226 You guys wanna see a video of a guy eating a tennis shoe? 01:01:04.827 --> 01:01:07.897 Keep going, Herman. Good job, Herman. Yes! 01:01:07.929 --> 01:01:10.899 Just keep pushing. Just a little bit further. 01:01:10.932 --> 01:01:13.902 Keep it coming. Just a little... Okay. All right. 01:01:13.936 --> 01:01:16.204 Wait. Our high school? Woody, what the hell's the matter with you? 01:01:16.237 --> 01:01:18.206 Why not just steer us towards prison? 01:01:18.239 --> 01:01:20.208 Guys, I'm picking up a transmission. 01:01:20.242 --> 01:01:22.245 You all should hear this. 01:01:23.778 --> 01:01:25.380 - In here. - Wait! 01:01:25.414 --> 01:01:27.383 We have a computer lab at the school? 01:01:27.416 --> 01:01:29.385 Nerds must love this place! 01:01:29.418 --> 01:01:32.054 Don't you go to school here? 01:01:32.086 --> 01:01:35.056 You are looking live at Milford, Texas. 01:01:35.090 --> 01:01:37.927 This is truly a landmark event, Janine. 01:01:37.960 --> 01:01:41.230 The craft descended only a few minutes ago, 01:01:41.262 --> 01:01:45.800 but already has altered the course of human history forever. 01:01:45.833 --> 01:01:47.936 And to anyone who's ever wondered, 01:01:47.969 --> 01:01:50.806 are we alone in the universe? 01:01:52.106 --> 01:01:54.777 There's your answer. 01:01:54.809 --> 01:01:56.778 Man, look at the size of that thing! 01:01:58.280 --> 01:02:00.249 Janine, something is happening. 01:02:00.282 --> 01:02:02.952 It appears the ship has beamed something down. 01:02:02.985 --> 01:02:05.021 It's some sort of force field. 01:02:11.994 --> 01:02:17.298 Earth mongrels, the battle for your world will soon begin. 01:02:17.331 --> 01:02:20.835 Bring your pitiful champions to the field of battle. 01:02:20.869 --> 01:02:24.206 A failure to appear will be considered forfeit, 01:02:24.239 --> 01:02:27.842 followed by the destruction of your entire planet. 01:02:27.876 --> 01:02:31.147 You have 24 hours to comply. 01:02:33.148 --> 01:02:37.887 We are Worg. We are your destruction. 01:02:44.159 --> 01:02:46.295 What a dick! 01:02:46.327 --> 01:02:49.465 Don't worry, Mindy, we'll do something. Right, guys? 01:02:49.498 --> 01:02:51.534 Nuh-that's it for me. I'm out. 01:02:51.567 --> 01:02:54.570 You're out? Herman, the whole planet's involved! 01:02:54.603 --> 01:02:57.840 We've done this before, Half-ass. You and me. 01:02:57.873 --> 01:03:00.476 We know how this goes. 01:03:03.878 --> 01:03:05.882 Done what? 01:03:07.349 --> 01:03:10.853 It was 20 years ago, State Championships. 01:03:10.885 --> 01:03:13.154 They called me the Texas Tornado. 01:03:13.188 --> 01:03:15.157 I had a full scholarship all set up. 01:03:15.190 --> 01:03:18.226 We were 10 yards from a perfect record. 01:03:18.260 --> 01:03:20.229 Hut, hut! 01:03:20.262 --> 01:03:23.065 Hagan had to block one guy. 01:03:25.067 --> 01:03:28.137 He missed. I got blindsided. 01:03:28.170 --> 01:03:32.041 Lost the championship, and I never... 01:03:32.074 --> 01:03:33.626 Your limp. 01:03:33.627 --> 01:03:35.177 I lost everything! 01:03:35.210 --> 01:03:38.947 My scholarship, my future, my dream! 01:03:38.981 --> 01:03:41.350 Because somebody who was supposed to be my friend... 01:03:41.382 --> 01:03:44.352 supposed to have my back, wasn't there! 01:03:44.385 --> 01:03:47.523 We weren't champions then, and we sure as hell ain't gonna be champions now! 01:03:47.556 --> 01:03:50.893 Amy wants to fight these things? Man, I say let them. 01:03:50.925 --> 01:03:54.529 I'm sitting this one out. You can block for somebody else. 01:03:54.563 --> 01:03:57.333 Don't you understand that we have a second chance here? 01:03:57.365 --> 01:04:00.068 You're not strong enough to block with the shield! 01:04:00.101 --> 01:04:02.070 It's gonna be a two-hit fight! 01:04:02.103 --> 01:04:04.539 The Worg hits you, you hit the ground! 01:04:04.572 --> 01:04:06.608 Then he hits me and I'm dead! 01:04:06.641 --> 01:04:07.842 That's more than two hits. 01:04:07.843 --> 01:04:09.043 Shut up, Woody! 01:04:09.077 --> 01:04:12.915 Herman, I cannot change what happened in the past. 01:04:12.947 --> 01:04:15.384 All I can do is make things better now. 01:04:15.416 --> 01:04:20.989 No matter what comes your way, I will block it. 01:04:22.456 --> 01:04:24.559 What...! 01:04:24.592 --> 01:04:27.195 Hey, nice block, asshole! 01:04:27.228 --> 01:04:28.963 No! That is not my fault! I didn't know we were starting! 01:04:28.996 --> 01:04:31.266 Shut up! Damnit! 01:04:37.239 --> 01:04:38.257 I'm out, bitch! 01:04:38.258 --> 01:04:39.275 We'll be all right! 01:04:39.307 --> 01:04:41.277 Just stick together! 01:04:42.543 --> 01:04:44.179 Daddy! 01:04:48.215 --> 01:04:50.886 Zach, make it! 01:04:55.123 --> 01:04:56.659 Mindy, wait! 01:04:59.126 --> 01:05:01.063 Why does everything always explode? 01:05:23.485 --> 01:05:26.121 Mindy? 01:05:26.153 --> 01:05:28.257 Crap! It's this asshole. 01:05:33.561 --> 01:05:36.097 Gotcha! 01:05:36.130 --> 01:05:38.000 Shit! 01:05:42.304 --> 01:05:44.273 Goddamnit, Woody! 01:05:54.081 --> 01:05:56.585 Shit! 01:05:58.420 --> 01:06:00.706 Come on. 01:06:00.707 --> 01:06:02.992 Nice try... Champ. 01:06:04.326 --> 01:06:05.977 Mindy! 01:06:05.978 --> 01:06:07.628 Dickhead! 01:06:07.661 --> 01:06:09.030 Run, run, run! Come on! 01:06:13.735 --> 01:06:15.371 Don't look back! 01:06:15.372 --> 01:06:17.006 Why would I look back? 01:06:17.039 --> 01:06:18.541 Aahhh!!! 01:06:22.677 --> 01:06:25.114 Aahhh!!! 01:06:27.615 --> 01:06:29.485 Come on, come on, come on! 01:06:38.159 --> 01:06:40.261 Aahhh!!! 01:06:43.097 --> 01:06:45.500 Aahhh! Bugger me! 01:07:00.282 --> 01:07:03.052 Yes! 01:07:14.463 --> 01:07:16.665 Meant to do that, bitch! 01:07:20.268 --> 01:07:23.139 No, wait. Mindy, Mindy, stop, stop, stop. 01:07:24.773 --> 01:07:27.443 Okay, we're good. Come on. 01:07:27.476 --> 01:07:29.711 Wait, wait, wait! 01:07:29.744 --> 01:07:31.163 We want the suit! 01:07:31.164 --> 01:07:32.581 Just stop! Just let her go! 01:07:32.614 --> 01:07:34.750 I want the suit! 01:07:34.782 --> 01:07:36.351 Woody, where's Mindy? 01:07:36.384 --> 01:07:38.586 - A possessed soldier has her. - What? Where? 01:07:38.619 --> 01:07:40.371 Is that Hagan? 01:07:40.372 --> 01:07:42.123 Come on, I've got an idea. 01:07:42.157 --> 01:07:43.759 I hate when you have ideas. 01:07:43.791 --> 01:07:46.594 Just calm down. You don't wanna do this, okay? 01:07:46.628 --> 01:07:47.880 Between you and me, right? 01:07:47.881 --> 01:07:49.131 We will destroy you 01:07:49.164 --> 01:07:51.133 like we've destroyed all the others. 01:07:51.166 --> 01:07:53.602 Your species cannot compete with Worg! 01:07:53.635 --> 01:07:57.439 Hagan, listen to me. Raise your shield. Zach has a shot. 01:07:57.472 --> 01:07:58.674 I do? 01:07:58.675 --> 01:07:59.875 Zach, don't shoot! 01:07:59.907 --> 01:08:02.110 He has Mindy! You'll hit her! 01:08:02.143 --> 01:08:05.213 Tell your friends to come out, and I won't make her suffer! 01:08:05.246 --> 01:08:06.497 Raise the shield, Hagan. 01:08:06.498 --> 01:08:07.748 What's going on? 01:08:07.782 --> 01:08:09.217 No, I'm not doing it, Woody! 01:08:09.218 --> 01:08:10.652 One. 01:08:13.855 --> 01:08:15.007 Two. 01:08:15.008 --> 01:08:16.158 Do not shoot. 01:08:16.190 --> 01:08:17.827 Come on! 01:08:20.561 --> 01:08:22.564 Three. 01:08:23.832 --> 01:08:25.534 Hagan, now! 01:08:38.212 --> 01:08:39.514 Hey, you owe me. 01:08:39.515 --> 01:08:40.815 Herman, I said thank you. 01:08:40.849 --> 01:08:42.818 - What else do you want from me? - I want a case of beer, 01:08:42.850 --> 01:08:44.652 A foot massage, and another case of beer. 01:08:44.685 --> 01:08:46.621 Mindy! 01:08:49.690 --> 01:08:52.693 Get off me, fool! Ain't nobody hugging you! 01:08:52.726 --> 01:08:54.112 Everybody okay? 01:08:54.113 --> 01:08:55.497 Shot the crap out of them. 01:08:55.529 --> 01:08:58.166 Hey, everyone, it's not over yet. 01:08:58.199 --> 01:08:59.685 What now? 01:08:59.686 --> 01:09:01.170 The military are coming. 01:09:01.203 --> 01:09:03.772 Come on, we gotta move. Let's just get out of town and find a place to lie low. 01:09:03.805 --> 01:09:04.823 No. 01:09:04.824 --> 01:09:05.841 No? 01:09:05.873 --> 01:09:09.443 No, I'm not going. I'm tired of making messes 01:09:09.476 --> 01:09:11.680 and then just running away from them! 01:09:11.712 --> 01:09:14.550 So, if you guys wanna run, you go ahead and run. 01:09:14.582 --> 01:09:17.652 Okay, I get it. These guys, they almost killed us. 01:09:17.685 --> 01:09:19.688 And yes, my teenage daughter 01:09:19.720 --> 01:09:22.523 basically beat the shit out of all four of us at once. 01:09:22.556 --> 01:09:26.862 But, at the end of the day, when this thing shows up, 01:09:26.895 --> 01:09:31.533 if we're not there to fight it, who's gonna be? 01:09:31.565 --> 01:09:36.337 I'm staying. Are you with me? 01:09:58.460 --> 01:09:59.678 Where are the others? 01:09:59.679 --> 01:10:00.895 They left. 01:10:00.929 --> 01:10:03.297 I don't know where they went, and I don't care. 01:10:03.331 --> 01:10:05.734 You have no idea how much damage you've done. 01:10:05.766 --> 01:10:09.604 Just cut this thing off of me, give it to somebody who deserves it. 01:10:09.637 --> 01:10:12.373 Get him out of here. 01:10:17.779 --> 01:10:20.916 Twenty minutes after the so-called "Doomsday Broadcast", 01:10:20.948 --> 01:10:23.751 police and National Guard units have cordoned off the stadium 01:10:23.784 --> 01:10:26.822 and are urging civilians to stay clear. 01:10:26.854 --> 01:10:29.023 Those that approached it earlier, were unable to enter 01:10:29.056 --> 01:10:32.260 due to what appears to be some sort of force field. 01:10:32.293 --> 01:10:34.930 Questions remain. Who are these aliens? 01:10:34.962 --> 01:10:38.466 What happens when the timer at the stadium goes to zero? 01:10:38.500 --> 01:10:41.270 And who are the Champions of Earth? 01:10:41.302 --> 01:10:44.773 Is it this Lazer Team that's been making the rounds on social media? 01:10:44.805 --> 01:10:49.777 Now joining us via satellite to discuss, noted physicist Neil Degrasse Tyson. 01:10:49.810 --> 01:10:52.046 Dr. Tyson, what do you make of all this? 01:10:52.079 --> 01:10:55.951 My calculations show that, scientifically... 01:10:55.984 --> 01:10:57.953 we're screwed. 01:11:10.832 --> 01:11:13.802 Man, what are we doing here? We should be getting out of town. 01:11:13.835 --> 01:11:15.804 Well, by my calculations, the last place 01:11:15.837 --> 01:11:17.806 anyone's gonna look for us is at the actual fight. 01:11:17.838 --> 01:11:20.708 We should be pretty safe here. 01:11:20.742 --> 01:11:22.978 - What are we gonna do, guys? - I don't know. 01:11:23.011 --> 01:11:25.347 Maybe we should've turned ourselves in. 01:11:25.380 --> 01:11:27.516 I feel like these people deserve a chance to live. 01:11:27.548 --> 01:11:30.351 These people? These people are idiots. 01:11:30.385 --> 01:11:32.387 Look how that guy spelled "apocalypse". 01:11:32.420 --> 01:11:34.855 The question here at Milford Stadium is this, 01:11:34.889 --> 01:11:38.527 will this Lazer Team show up to battle for the fate of the Earth? 01:11:38.560 --> 01:11:40.796 We have one person who seems to know the answer. 01:11:40.828 --> 01:11:42.730 No! 01:11:42.764 --> 01:11:45.400 Do you think the Lazer Team is going to show up? 01:11:45.432 --> 01:11:48.703 They're not afraid of monsters, aliens, or anything else. 01:11:48.737 --> 01:11:50.939 Is there anything you wanna say to the Lazer Team? 01:11:50.971 --> 01:11:55.676 Save us, Lazer Team. Don't let the Worg eat my brain. 01:11:55.710 --> 01:11:57.746 We're pieces of shit. 01:11:57.779 --> 01:12:01.683 Well, technically, the human body is .5 percent feces, so... 01:12:01.716 --> 01:12:03.385 Probably skews higher for us. 01:12:03.386 --> 01:12:05.054 Shut up, Woody! 01:12:12.594 --> 01:12:16.698 Okay, we'll get you prepped, and then we'll get this thing off of you. 01:12:16.730 --> 01:12:18.699 Be right back. 01:12:18.733 --> 01:12:21.802 It's the first time I've done one of these. So exciting! 01:12:21.836 --> 01:12:24.439 Yeah, we're all happy for you. 01:12:27.442 --> 01:12:28.660 Screw it, I'm going in. 01:12:28.661 --> 01:12:29.877 Zach. 01:12:29.911 --> 01:12:32.447 Zachary! Where are you going? 01:12:32.479 --> 01:12:34.715 You can't do this alone! 01:12:34.748 --> 01:12:37.086 Without you we're just "Team". 01:12:38.420 --> 01:12:40.422 Wait, wait. What do you think you're doing? 01:12:40.454 --> 01:12:42.724 It's cool. I'm the Champion. 01:12:42.756 --> 01:12:44.725 - You're the Champion? - Yes. 01:12:44.759 --> 01:12:46.744 Just like them over there? 01:12:46.745 --> 01:12:48.729 Son of a bitch! 01:12:48.762 --> 01:12:50.765 Just go join the rest of the Justice League. 01:12:50.798 --> 01:12:52.117 I don't have time for this! 01:12:52.118 --> 01:12:53.435 Hey, back up! 01:12:53.467 --> 01:12:55.537 You believe this guy? 01:12:56.203 --> 01:12:58.739 Take him down! 01:12:58.773 --> 01:13:00.108 I'm the Champion! 01:13:00.109 --> 01:13:01.443 Put his ass in the car! 01:13:01.475 --> 01:13:03.144 You need me! 01:13:05.779 --> 01:13:08.617 Idiots! You have no idea what you're doing! 01:13:13.121 --> 01:13:15.757 You think this'll work? 01:13:15.789 --> 01:13:17.658 I don't know if it will or won't. 01:13:17.692 --> 01:13:19.661 I do know this, 01:13:19.694 --> 01:13:23.766 pretty much nothing we can do at this point that will get us fired. 01:13:26.900 --> 01:13:29.770 Great, it's you. Come to gloat? 01:13:29.804 --> 01:13:32.440 No. Came to get you out. 01:13:32.474 --> 01:13:34.209 Out? 01:13:34.210 --> 01:13:35.944 I didn't believe in you. 01:13:35.976 --> 01:13:38.113 Not at first. But I've seen what you can do 01:13:38.145 --> 01:13:40.648 in that suit when y'all are focused. 01:13:40.681 --> 01:13:43.652 Things that I didn't even know were possible. 01:13:43.685 --> 01:13:45.954 You even did okay on some of those tests. 01:13:45.987 --> 01:13:48.155 We did awful on the tests. 01:13:48.189 --> 01:13:51.793 Yeah. But you also broke out of the space, 01:13:51.826 --> 01:13:55.163 and you took out four soldiers with alien technology. 01:13:57.532 --> 01:14:01.670 Quite frankly, that was some of the most competent incompetence I've ever seen. 01:14:01.703 --> 01:14:05.106 And I was raised by the military. 01:14:05.139 --> 01:14:09.677 You Lazer Team guys actually have more experience with this than I do. 01:14:09.711 --> 01:14:11.847 Even if the surgery did work, 01:14:11.880 --> 01:14:16.518 I'd say the right man is already wearing that Gauntlet. 01:14:16.551 --> 01:14:18.820 You think we actually have a shot at this? 01:14:18.853 --> 01:14:22.524 Hagan, you were born for this. 01:14:22.556 --> 01:14:25.527 Come on, gotta get you to the stadium. 01:14:40.041 --> 01:14:43.645 The Military has issued a statement assuring citizens 01:14:43.677 --> 01:14:47.582 that the situation is under control, 01:14:47.614 --> 01:14:51.853 but have refused to comment on the existence of any such Champions. 01:14:51.886 --> 01:14:54.856 As the timer ticks down, only one thing is certain: 01:14:54.889 --> 01:14:58.859 If these Champions are out there, we sure could use them now. 01:14:58.893 --> 01:14:59.962 Bill? 01:15:05.265 --> 01:15:08.202 How are we gonna get Zach out of there? 01:15:11.605 --> 01:15:12.740 Daddy! 01:15:12.741 --> 01:15:13.875 You're alive! 01:15:13.908 --> 01:15:15.710 You have all your parts! 01:15:15.743 --> 01:15:18.647 Herman, listen. We need you for this. 01:15:18.680 --> 01:15:21.082 I know you think you're not fast enough and I'm not strong enough. 01:15:21.114 --> 01:15:23.184 And I know we've had our differences, but I think it's time we... 01:15:23.216 --> 01:15:24.268 Okay. 01:15:24.269 --> 01:15:25.319 Okay? 01:15:25.353 --> 01:15:27.055 I'm in, man. 01:15:27.056 --> 01:15:28.757 You made that super easy. 01:15:28.789 --> 01:15:30.591 I had like this whole speech worked up and everything. 01:15:30.625 --> 01:15:32.894 Well, thankfully we don't have to listen to that. 01:15:32.926 --> 01:15:34.111 Woody? 01:15:34.112 --> 01:15:35.296 I'm in. 01:15:35.329 --> 01:15:38.332 All right, let's go before that nuclear warhead beats us to the fight. 01:15:38.365 --> 01:15:40.902 What? Warhead? 01:15:40.935 --> 01:15:42.354 Did I not tell you guys that? 01:15:42.355 --> 01:15:43.772 You didn't say anything! 01:15:43.805 --> 01:15:45.907 We got a lot of stuff to deal with tonight, man! 01:15:45.939 --> 01:15:48.242 - It's not my fault. - Why didn't you say something? 01:15:48.275 --> 01:15:51.278 I just did. Let's go. 01:15:51.311 --> 01:15:53.914 There's a nuke. Just telling you again. 01:15:53.948 --> 01:15:56.885 That's what they do to everything. It didn't work in "Independence Day". 01:15:56.917 --> 01:15:59.920 With less than 10 minutes on the countdown, the crowd outside the stadium 01:15:59.953 --> 01:16:02.090 is growing increasingly volatile, Janine, 01:16:02.122 --> 01:16:04.625 with absolutely no response from the military, 01:16:04.658 --> 01:16:07.228 other than to tell people to stay away. 01:16:07.261 --> 01:16:12.300 The entire world is wondering the same thing, where is the Champion of Earth? 01:16:12.332 --> 01:16:15.936 So, where is like the best place to get donuts around here? 01:16:15.970 --> 01:16:20.609 I've got a list, about four or five places that are just local. 01:16:22.844 --> 01:16:28.248 Hey, man, listen. I have a really powerful laser gun from space... 01:16:28.282 --> 01:16:30.652 that I sort of stole from the Army, 01:16:30.685 --> 01:16:32.821 and I tried to fight on my own, and I know it was dumb, 01:16:32.854 --> 01:16:34.956 but I think there might still be time to get it to someone who... 01:16:34.988 --> 01:16:37.658 Hey, kid, I'm not always gonna be around 01:16:37.692 --> 01:16:39.661 to bail you out. You realize that, right? 01:16:39.694 --> 01:16:41.163 Hagan? 01:16:41.164 --> 01:16:42.631 Yup. 01:16:42.663 --> 01:16:44.965 All right, everybody buckle up. 01:16:44.998 --> 01:16:47.167 He means it. 01:16:47.201 --> 01:16:49.170 Hey, hey! 01:16:49.203 --> 01:16:52.140 All units, we have a police car attempting a break-in at the stadium! 01:16:52.172 --> 01:16:54.908 Hold that. They're going away from the stadium! 01:16:54.942 --> 01:16:56.311 ...not going the right way! 01:16:56.312 --> 01:16:57.679 Is it right? Is this right? 01:16:59.212 --> 01:17:00.714 Humvee! 01:17:00.715 --> 01:17:02.216 Stop or we will open fire. 01:17:02.250 --> 01:17:04.068 I'm backing up! 01:17:04.069 --> 01:17:05.886 Back up! Back up! Back up! 01:17:07.087 --> 01:17:08.606 Watch out! 01:17:08.607 --> 01:17:10.125 How do I stop? 01:17:12.193 --> 01:17:15.329 I think they are heading for the stadium. But, backwards? 01:17:15.363 --> 01:17:17.065 - Look out! - No, no, no! 01:17:18.765 --> 01:17:20.201 Take 'em down! Take 'em down! 01:17:23.270 --> 01:17:25.139 Barbecue! 01:17:31.045 --> 01:17:32.180 Shit! 01:17:32.181 --> 01:17:33.314 Everybody hold on! 01:17:33.346 --> 01:17:35.182 Don't let them get to the stadium! 01:17:39.353 --> 01:17:41.155 Drive! Drive! Drive! 01:17:41.156 --> 01:17:42.957 Hold on! 01:17:53.234 --> 01:17:58.206 Absolutely astonishing, Janine. The crowd out here is going insane. 01:17:58.238 --> 01:18:02.209 A vehicle has entered the stadium. Could this be our Champion of Earth? 01:18:02.243 --> 01:18:05.013 Humanity's one chance for survival. 01:18:07.114 --> 01:18:10.217 They was shootin' at us! I am not driving with you again! 01:18:10.251 --> 01:18:11.670 I got us here, didn't I? 01:18:11.671 --> 01:18:13.088 Barely. 01:18:17.358 --> 01:18:19.828 Sir, the warheads are primed. 01:18:19.860 --> 01:18:21.829 Ready to launch on your mark. 01:18:30.104 --> 01:18:32.240 Hey, what are you doing here? 01:18:32.273 --> 01:18:34.074 Coaching. 01:18:40.113 --> 01:18:43.518 Greetings, O Champions of Earth. 01:18:43.551 --> 01:18:44.736 It's the recording! 01:18:44.737 --> 01:18:45.920 Antarian. 01:18:45.953 --> 01:18:49.958 Today you will battle for the fate of your planet. 01:18:49.990 --> 01:18:53.293 Prepare to meet your opponent. 01:18:58.966 --> 01:19:00.869 I'm scared. 01:19:00.902 --> 01:19:04.105 Don't be. You guys can win this. 01:19:04.137 --> 01:19:06.975 You have the Suit of Power. There's nothing else like it in the galaxy. 01:19:07.007 --> 01:19:08.909 All right. 01:19:12.479 --> 01:19:16.817 Presenting the Worg Champion. 01:19:16.850 --> 01:19:18.385 Wait a minute. 01:19:24.292 --> 01:19:25.744 Is he wearing a Suit of Power? 01:19:25.745 --> 01:19:27.195 Come on! 01:19:27.228 --> 01:19:29.230 Man, this fool trying to join the Boot Group! 01:19:29.262 --> 01:19:32.300 Nothing like it, my ass! This is bullshit! 01:19:32.332 --> 01:19:34.469 Where the hell did he get a Suit of Power? 01:19:34.502 --> 01:19:38.006 Same place we did, from them. 01:19:38.038 --> 01:19:41.009 Come on! Say that into my non-drunk ear, 01:19:41.042 --> 01:19:43.578 because it sounded like you said the Antarians! 01:19:43.610 --> 01:19:47.015 As you can see, your opponent has been given 01:19:47.047 --> 01:19:49.317 an identical Suit of Power. 01:19:49.350 --> 01:19:53.421 This will ensure a fair and most pleasing competition. 01:19:53.453 --> 01:19:56.023 Competition? What's he talking about? 01:19:56.056 --> 01:19:58.025 Guys, take a look at this. 01:19:58.059 --> 01:20:01.162 I've intercepted a file from the Antarian ship. 01:20:01.194 --> 01:20:03.163 Is that a March Madness bracket? 01:20:03.197 --> 01:20:06.201 Close. It's an intergalactic gladiatorial circuit, 01:20:06.234 --> 01:20:09.204 wherein the only remuneration is provincial planetary salvation. 01:20:09.237 --> 01:20:10.555 What the hell does that mean? 01:20:10.556 --> 01:20:11.873 It means... 01:20:11.905 --> 01:20:15.275 that this war we're about to fight isn't a war. 01:20:15.309 --> 01:20:17.212 It's a goddamn sporting match! 01:20:17.244 --> 01:20:19.413 But instead of the winners getting trophies, 01:20:19.447 --> 01:20:21.416 the losers get their planet destroyed. 01:20:21.448 --> 01:20:23.884 What a bunch of assholes! 01:20:23.917 --> 01:20:25.519 The Earth is never gonna be safe. 01:20:25.552 --> 01:20:27.521 So, what are we supposed to do now? 01:20:27.555 --> 01:20:30.525 Long term? Find a way to break the circuit. 01:20:30.557 --> 01:20:32.043 Short term... 01:20:32.044 --> 01:20:33.528 Don't lose. 01:20:33.560 --> 01:20:34.828 We're screwed. 01:20:34.829 --> 01:20:36.096 This is impossible. 01:20:36.130 --> 01:20:39.900 No, it's not. Don't say that. 01:20:39.934 --> 01:20:41.603 You guys can do this. 01:20:41.636 --> 01:20:44.906 Get out there and win one for Earth, okay? 01:20:44.939 --> 01:20:48.243 Great pep talk, Coach. Thanks. 01:21:00.121 --> 01:21:02.123 We have to fire the nuke. 01:21:02.155 --> 01:21:04.391 General, we're still evacuating thousands of people 01:21:04.425 --> 01:21:06.226 from the blast radius. 01:21:06.260 --> 01:21:08.396 And it didn't work in "Independence Day", sir. 01:21:08.429 --> 01:21:10.931 Let's just see what they can do. 01:21:20.207 --> 01:21:21.576 I wonder what he said. 01:21:21.577 --> 01:21:22.944 It's a lower Worgon dialect. 01:21:22.976 --> 01:21:26.113 But I think he said he was gonna slowly kill us one by one, 01:21:26.146 --> 01:21:28.416 forcing us each to eat the remains of the last, 01:21:28.448 --> 01:21:31.585 before himself eating what was left. 01:21:31.618 --> 01:21:33.353 That's nasty. 01:21:37.291 --> 01:21:40.994 Shit. 01:21:41.028 --> 01:21:43.030 This is it! Get ready! 01:21:44.431 --> 01:21:46.434 Come on, bitch! Hell, yeah. 01:21:46.466 --> 01:21:48.536 Guys, I just realized, I don't have a weapon! 01:21:48.569 --> 01:21:50.672 My balls just went numb. 01:21:50.704 --> 01:21:52.908 Lazer Team... 01:21:54.475 --> 01:21:56.044 Game on! 01:21:59.046 --> 01:22:02.083 Oohhh! 01:22:02.115 --> 01:22:04.118 Oohhh!! 01:22:04.150 --> 01:22:06.119 Well, this is going splendid! 01:22:06.153 --> 01:22:08.088 Is it too late to put money on the Worg? 01:22:12.393 --> 01:22:14.062 Can't get past his shield! 01:22:14.063 --> 01:22:15.730 Do something! 01:22:15.762 --> 01:22:17.882 Woody, target the ground! 01:22:17.883 --> 01:22:20.001 Got it! 01:22:20.033 --> 01:22:22.202 Zach, charge a big one! 01:22:24.471 --> 01:22:27.341 Now, Zach! 01:22:32.613 --> 01:22:33.915 Yes! 01:22:33.916 --> 01:22:35.216 Don't let up! Hit him again! 01:22:37.685 --> 01:22:39.988 Coming back! 01:22:41.689 --> 01:22:43.725 Two can play this game! 01:22:43.757 --> 01:22:45.376 Technically, it's four of us! 01:22:45.377 --> 01:22:46.994 Get outta here. 01:22:59.105 --> 01:23:01.608 Hold on, Hagan. I'm gonna push the shield again. 01:23:02.676 --> 01:23:05.547 Aahhh!!! 01:23:16.556 --> 01:23:19.092 Yes! Yeah! 01:23:19.126 --> 01:23:22.195 Yes! 01:23:22.229 --> 01:23:25.066 That's what you get for messing with Lazer Team! 01:23:26.734 --> 01:23:30.405 No, no, no! He's just cloaked! Don't let him get...! 01:23:33.573 --> 01:23:35.308 Oohhh!!! 01:23:40.113 --> 01:23:42.282 Come on, sit still! 01:23:45.519 --> 01:23:46.788 Zach! 01:24:00.701 --> 01:24:03.371 Yeah! That's right! 01:24:07.608 --> 01:24:10.110 Target locked. But I'm the target! 01:24:10.144 --> 01:24:13.114 Hey! You crispy-looking space raisin! 01:24:13.146 --> 01:24:15.449 Why don't you try the Texas Tornado! 01:24:28.162 --> 01:24:31.166 All right, now's our chance. Hit him! 01:24:43.543 --> 01:24:47.347 Herman! 01:24:47.381 --> 01:24:49.317 Woody! The Dark Matter Ray! 01:24:49.350 --> 01:24:51.319 It's the only way to put him down for sure. 01:24:51.351 --> 01:24:53.822 - The dark what? - You never taught us that one! 01:24:57.323 --> 01:24:58.792 Aahhh!!! 01:25:00.360 --> 01:25:02.831 Get back up! Get on your feet! 01:25:11.704 --> 01:25:13.707 You gotta fight! 01:25:33.226 --> 01:25:35.762 Why don't you pick on someone your own size! 01:25:40.768 --> 01:25:42.787 Adam, what are you doing? 01:25:42.788 --> 01:25:44.805 I'm buying you time! 01:25:44.837 --> 01:25:46.840 Get ready to use the Dark Matter Cannon! 01:25:47.875 --> 01:25:49.444 We don't know how! 01:25:50.978 --> 01:25:52.480 No, but it does! 01:26:00.253 --> 01:26:02.856 Adam, don't! 01:26:02.890 --> 01:26:05.827 Come on, you want this planet, you gotta go through me first! 01:26:22.443 --> 01:26:26.347 Adam, you're the one who's supposed to save the planet! 01:26:29.250 --> 01:26:31.185 I think I just did. 01:26:36.457 --> 01:26:38.193 No! 01:26:45.599 --> 01:26:48.302 It's time to end this. 01:27:03.617 --> 01:27:05.619 Hey, asshole! 01:27:08.756 --> 01:27:12.293 Well, boys, I guess he wants a fight. 01:27:12.326 --> 01:27:14.261 He came to the right planet. 01:27:23.604 --> 01:27:25.640 I think he's about to fire the Dark Matter Ray again. 01:27:25.672 --> 01:27:27.774 Well, then we'll fire ours. Woody, get it ready. 01:27:27.807 --> 01:27:29.844 With the suit separated like this, it could kill us. 01:27:29.877 --> 01:27:31.579 What's option B? 01:27:31.580 --> 01:27:33.281 He'll kill us. 01:27:33.314 --> 01:27:35.516 Yeah, we'll go with option A. 01:27:37.350 --> 01:27:39.069 What do we do? 01:27:39.070 --> 01:27:40.787 We gotta look like him. 01:27:40.820 --> 01:27:45.492 All right, we're getting freakin' somewhere! 01:27:45.525 --> 01:27:48.996 Yeah, yeah, yeah! Hey, charge it up! 01:27:49.029 --> 01:27:50.865 No, what are you doing? 01:27:52.832 --> 01:27:54.634 We can't keep this up! 01:27:54.667 --> 01:27:56.804 The separate pieces are too unstable! 01:27:56.837 --> 01:28:00.675 Hold on, everybody! Just hold on! 01:28:00.707 --> 01:28:02.876 You cannot fire the ray! This is not permitted! 01:28:08.881 --> 01:28:11.451 Aahhh!!! 01:28:11.484 --> 01:28:12.953 Hold on! 01:28:18.759 --> 01:28:20.528 - No! - Now! 01:28:29.069 --> 01:28:31.072 Aahhh!!! 01:28:32.405 --> 01:28:34.841 We're outside the force field! 01:29:03.904 --> 01:29:04.906 Yeah! 01:29:04.907 --> 01:29:05.907 We did it! 01:29:08.509 --> 01:29:10.610 Yes! 01:29:10.644 --> 01:29:13.448 God bless America. 01:29:18.752 --> 01:29:20.888 Celebrations are breaking out across the globe... 01:29:20.921 --> 01:29:23.858 as the alien mothership appears to have vanished. 01:29:23.890 --> 01:29:27.161 No confirmation yet as to whether the ship was destroyed, 01:29:27.194 --> 01:29:30.064 but right now I know everyone's thoughts and prayers 01:29:30.096 --> 01:29:33.867 are with those four men known as Lazer Team. 01:29:33.900 --> 01:29:36.286 Yeah! 01:29:36.287 --> 01:29:38.671 Nice shooting, team! Yeah! 01:29:38.704 --> 01:29:40.640 That bitch is toast! 01:29:40.641 --> 01:29:42.576 Yeah! 01:29:47.480 --> 01:29:49.449 What do we do now? 01:29:49.483 --> 01:29:51.452 I've no idea. 01:29:51.484 --> 01:29:53.186 I fancy some fish and chips, to be honest. 01:29:53.220 --> 01:29:55.956 Enough with the British thing, Woody. 01:29:55.988 --> 01:29:58.759 I can't even eat, anyway. This stupid thing doesn't even come off. 01:29:58.792 --> 01:30:00.711 Gonna starve to death. 01:30:00.712 --> 01:30:02.630 I don't wanna go. 01:30:02.662 --> 01:30:04.498 All right. 01:30:08.668 --> 01:30:11.471 And here they are, the Champions. 01:30:11.505 --> 01:30:13.574 The crowd is going wild. 01:30:13.606 --> 01:30:15.943 Janine, they're cheering for the one with the laser. 01:30:15.975 --> 01:30:18.645 Also the other three. It's the four of them 01:30:18.679 --> 01:30:21.949 in matching suits, and the crowd just loves it. 01:30:21.981 --> 01:30:23.917 Just-just look at them. 01:30:23.951 --> 01:30:27.121 Excuse me. The whole world wants to know, who are you guys? 01:30:27.154 --> 01:30:30.825 We're the guys who just saved the planet. We're Lazer Team. 01:30:32.826 --> 01:30:35.962 Sorry, Herman. Looks like I missed another block. 01:30:35.996 --> 01:30:39.800 But the team won, Hagan. That's all that matters. 01:30:39.832 --> 01:30:42.101 You know, I think I could fix that boot, Herman. 01:30:42.135 --> 01:30:44.204 I've also been working on some potential upgrades. 01:30:44.238 --> 01:30:46.974 Woody, how about we figure out what we have first? 01:30:47.006 --> 01:30:48.091 Secure the perimeter! 01:30:48.092 --> 01:30:49.175 Great. 01:30:49.208 --> 01:30:52.246 Sir, can we get a statement? Are these men under arrest? 01:30:52.279 --> 01:30:55.149 No, of course not. I know to many of you 01:30:55.181 --> 01:30:58.519 they didn't seem like the heroes you might expect, 01:30:58.551 --> 01:31:01.521 but I personally hand-picked each member of the Lazer Team. 01:31:01.555 --> 01:31:04.057 I couldn't be prouder of their achievements. 01:31:04.091 --> 01:31:05.593 That's bullshit. 01:31:05.626 --> 01:31:08.162 Now, we may have won the battle, 01:31:08.194 --> 01:31:10.530 but the war is far from over. 01:31:10.564 --> 01:31:13.734 Starting today, we're taking the fight to them. 01:31:13.766 --> 01:31:17.136 I have asked the President to immediately green-light 01:31:17.170 --> 01:31:18.439 Project Pegasus. 01:31:18.440 --> 01:31:19.707 Yes! 01:31:19.739 --> 01:31:21.942 Queen's beaver! 01:31:21.975 --> 01:31:23.978 Ladies and gentlemen, Lazer Team 01:31:25.212 --> 01:31:27.215 is going to space. 01:31:29.048 --> 01:31:30.518 What the f...! 01:31:42.061 --> 01:31:44.564 A champion was chosen for the battle 01:31:44.597 --> 01:31:46.600 He was to prepare with the Suit of Power 01:31:49.069 --> 01:31:51.205 But like a snake without a rattle 01:31:51.238 --> 01:31:55.876 We weren't there but we would not cower 01:31:55.908 --> 01:31:58.211 They thought they'd slaughter us like cattle 01:31:58.244 --> 01:32:02.750 They weren't prepared for our finest hour 01:32:02.783 --> 01:32:05.219 They weren't prepared for the Lazer Team 01:32:05.252 --> 01:32:07.588 It's not a dream 01:32:07.621 --> 01:32:10.757 The most important battle that the planet's seen 01:32:10.791 --> 01:32:14.228 It's the Lazer Team more than they seem 01:32:14.261 --> 01:32:18.766 Not just a four-man alien kicking ass machine 01:32:18.798 --> 01:32:22.603 I don't think anyone expected them 01:32:22.636 --> 01:32:25.606 To save the day for you and me 01:32:25.639 --> 01:32:29.076 I don't think anyone expected them 01:32:29.109 --> 01:32:35.115 to spell "laser" with a Z 01:32:47.828 --> 01:32:51.632 It's the Lazer Team It's not a dream 01:32:51.664 --> 01:32:54.935 The most important battle that the planet's seen 01:32:54.967 --> 01:32:58.639 It's the Lazer Team More than they seem 01:32:58.671 --> 01:33:02.976 Not just a four-man alien kicking ass machine 01:33:16.689 --> 01:33:19.659 The aliens came and they said to me 01:33:19.693 --> 01:33:22.663 You're gonna kick ass in this galaxy 01:33:22.695 --> 01:33:25.666 They gave me the tools that I'd need to win 01:33:25.698 --> 01:33:29.336 So listen to our song and let the tale begin 01:33:40.180 --> 01:33:42.983 A ragin' battle will be heading your way 01:33:43.015 --> 01:33:45.985 It's on you to save your planet's what the aliens say 01:33:46.019 --> 01:33:48.989 They gave me the suit and then returned to the sky 01:33:49.021 --> 01:33:51.859 Said, you really gotta win or everyone's gonna die 01:33:51.891 --> 01:33:54.994 I got one job to do 01:33:55.028 --> 01:33:57.698 Save the world Save the world 01:33:57.730 --> 01:34:00.333 I don't feel so cool 01:34:00.367 --> 01:34:03.704 And I will get the girl and bask in fame 01:34:03.737 --> 01:34:07.007 And everyone will know the name 01:34:07.039 --> 01:34:09.009 Lazer Team 01:34:09.042 --> 01:34:12.713 I'm gonna drop your punk ass with a laser beam 01:34:12.746 --> 01:34:15.349 Let it stream 01:34:15.381 --> 01:34:19.753 No hero, I agree, but I'm here to save you now 01:34:30.229 --> 01:34:33.032 Safety helmets are for kids on bikes 01:34:33.065 --> 01:34:36.036 Bein' brainy's cool but I'm the one who brings 'em an axe 01:34:36.069 --> 01:34:38.906 You sure can't blog and your boots can't run 01:34:38.939 --> 01:34:42.042 But I'm the one who's gonna blow it up 'cause I got the gun 01:34:42.074 --> 01:34:44.744 I got one job to do 01:34:44.778 --> 01:34:47.381 Save the world Save the world 01:34:47.413 --> 01:34:50.751 I don't feel so cool 01:34:50.783 --> 01:34:53.753 And we know that there's no "I" in team 01:34:53.787 --> 01:34:56.923 But the Z in Lazer must be real 01:34:56.957 --> 01:34:58.926 Lazer Team 01:34:58.958 --> 01:35:02.929 I'm gonna drop your punk ass with a laser beam 01:35:02.962 --> 01:35:05.064 Let it stream 01:35:05.097 --> 01:35:09.936 No hero, I agree, but I'm here to save you now 01:35:09.970 --> 01:35:14.240 Tonight, before the morning light shines 01:35:14.274 --> 01:35:17.411 Tonight Tonight 01:35:17.444 --> 01:35:20.247 I'll beat the Worg and save your life 01:35:20.279 --> 01:35:23.250 And it's not that I don't want to bang you 01:35:23.283 --> 01:35:26.086 I absolutely do 01:35:26.118 --> 01:35:29.255 But I also like you I'm gonna try to 01:35:29.288 --> 01:35:34.127 Be a stud that's true 01:35:45.471 --> 01:35:47.440 Lazer Team 01:35:47.474 --> 01:35:51.278 I'm gonna drop your punk ass with a laser beam 01:35:51.310 --> 01:35:53.980 Let it stream 01:35:54.014 --> 01:35:59.153 No hero, I agree, but I'm here to save you now