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WEBVTT - https://subtitletools.com 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:16.200 ~ Subs by anoXmous ~ ~ ReSync by Asuna @ Subscene ~ 00:01:56.830 --> 00:02:00.000 In the beginning you don't know it's the beginning; 00:02:00.030 --> 00:02:01.910 that things are just starting. 00:02:02.040 --> 00:02:04.450 Then all of a sudden they're off. 00:02:10.950 --> 00:02:13.830 Things become altogether different than you thought. 00:02:14.000 --> 00:02:16.410 At first there were only twelve apostles. 00:02:16.540 --> 00:02:22.660 That was before I found my six apostles. Before the world got better. 00:02:27.660 --> 00:02:32.950 I should tell you the story from the beginning, when I still lived with my parents. 00:02:33.410 --> 00:02:38.160 THE BRAND NEW TESTAMENT 00:02:39.950 --> 00:02:43.080 God exists. He lives in Brussels. 00:02:54.330 --> 00:02:58.500 He's an asshole. He's horrible to his wife and daughter. 00:02:58.620 --> 00:03:02.790 There's a lot of talk about his son, but very little about his daughter. 00:03:02.950 --> 00:03:05.620 His daughter is me. 00:03:10.120 --> 00:03:14.160 That is my father. He's God. 00:03:16.700 --> 00:03:21.620 Even before the creation of the world my father was already bored. 00:03:21.750 --> 00:03:24.540 So, he made Brussels. 00:03:27.000 --> 00:03:29.830 [GENESIS] - Voila.☻ 00:03:30.450 --> 00:03:34.580 He'd made a few things; a few other creations, 00:03:34.700 --> 00:03:37.250 but they didn't work out. 00:04:12.660 --> 00:04:14.200 Something's not right. 00:04:14.330 --> 00:04:17.580 So, he created man in his image. 00:04:19.580 --> 00:04:23.120 With him, he could do as he pleased. 00:04:42.540 --> 00:04:45.250 Ah, much better! Much better. 00:06:04.910 --> 00:06:08.120 Enoch begat Irad. Irad begat Mehujael. 00:06:08.250 --> 00:06:12.290 Mehujael begat Metuskael Metuskael begat Lamech. 00:06:12.410 --> 00:06:14.250 Et cetera, et cetera... 00:06:14.370 --> 00:06:16.250 That's when it all started. 00:06:19.790 --> 00:06:22.910 He set one against the other. In his name. 00:06:23.040 --> 00:06:24.370 For God! 00:06:32.250 --> 00:06:35.250 For Allah! 00:06:37.290 --> 00:06:39.700 For Baal! 00:06:54.950 --> 00:06:59.200 Voila, now you know exactly how it came about. 00:07:01.540 --> 00:07:05.250 That's me. I'm called Ea. 00:07:08.290 --> 00:07:13.330 This is where I was born, and where I was stuck for ten years. 00:07:13.450 --> 00:07:17.040 It has no entrance and no exit. 00:07:17.160 --> 00:07:21.250 Three room apartment, fully equipped kitchen and laundry. 00:07:22.330 --> 00:07:26.540 And my father's office, where no one is allowed. 00:07:27.950 --> 00:07:32.120 It's forbidden to watch anything but sports on TV. 00:07:32.250 --> 00:07:37.580 This is my mother, a pitiful woman, 100% certified browbeaten. 00:07:37.700 --> 00:07:39.450 She never says anything. 00:07:39.580 --> 00:07:43.950 When she's not embroidering flowers, she looks at her baseball card collection. 00:07:43.990 --> 00:07:46.540 ...and that makes eighteen. 00:07:46.660 --> 00:07:48.040 It's complete. 00:08:02.700 --> 00:08:07.200 Ea, we eat at the table and as a family. 00:08:07.330 --> 00:08:10.450 Do as you're told! You're in MY house, here! 00:08:15.000 --> 00:08:17.500 What? I'm your father. 00:08:18.850 --> 00:08:22.530 Put that fourth plate away, it won't bring him back. 00:08:22.550 --> 00:08:24.950 You never know. 00:08:25.000 --> 00:08:26.860 Not at my right hand. 00:08:26.880 --> 00:08:28.960 I told you before, it bugs me. 00:08:49.500 --> 00:08:51.290 Stop that. 00:08:51.410 --> 00:08:54.910 Stop! You're not your brother. 00:08:55.040 --> 00:08:56.660 Just because you can't do it... 00:08:58.640 --> 00:09:01.440 Because I don't need to be able to. 00:09:07.910 --> 00:09:11.950 My father lived in a crappy place, which he never left. 00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:15.800 He had a crappy life, had never loved his wife 00:09:15.800 --> 00:09:18.910 and couldn't make things with his hands. 00:09:19.870 --> 00:09:22.910 SILENCE! I'm working! 00:09:44.750 --> 00:09:49.080 He needed something to relax and forget all that. 00:09:49.200 --> 00:09:52.250 That's when he got the idea of humanity: 00:09:52.370 --> 00:09:56.870 All his toys, that he could watch suffer and struggle. 00:10:10.290 --> 00:10:15.120 A lot of misery and a little happiness, to give them false hope. 00:10:15.250 --> 00:10:19.540 It took him 8 years, but after all, it worked pretty well. 00:10:22.830 --> 00:10:26.830 My father attained a certain degree of virtuosity. 00:10:27.900 --> 00:10:30.000 Since then, he spent his days 00:10:30.110 --> 00:10:33.770 inventing new Laws of Universal Pain-in-the-assness. 00:10:33.800 --> 00:10:35.680 I need to formulate this right. 00:10:35.700 --> 00:10:39.750 Law 2127: The quantity of sleep, needed, 00:10:39.910 --> 00:10:42.160 is always ten more minutes. 00:10:43.700 --> 00:10:46.200 Law 2129: 00:10:46.330 --> 00:10:50.160 When a body is submerged in a bathtub 00:10:50.290 --> 00:10:53.120 the telephone rings. 00:10:55.750 --> 00:10:57.580 2125: 00:10:57.700 --> 00:11:01.470 A slice of bread always falls jam side down, 00:11:01.500 --> 00:11:05.500 otherwise the jam is on the wrong side. 00:11:07.100 --> 00:11:10.390 Law 2126: dishes never break 00:11:10.410 --> 00:11:12.970 until after they've been washed. 00:11:16.290 --> 00:11:18.370 Law 2218: 00:11:18.400 --> 00:11:22.860 The next line always moves faster. 00:11:24.410 --> 00:11:26.830 Law 2231: 00:11:26.900 --> 00:11:31.110 pains in the ass never come one at a time. 00:13:02.100 --> 00:13:05.500 Why are you looking at me like that? Lower your eyes. 00:13:06.580 --> 00:13:10.160 It's disgusting what you do to people. 00:13:12.250 --> 00:13:13.160 What? 00:13:13.290 --> 00:13:17.870 You don't even know them, you just amuse yourself by harming them. 00:13:18.540 --> 00:13:21.660 - You've been in my office? - Anybody could do better. 00:13:21.830 --> 00:13:24.480 I've forbidden you to go in my office. 00:13:24.840 --> 00:13:27.710 - You got nothing to say to me. - C'mere! 00:13:43.730 --> 00:13:47.940 See what I have to say to you? Look! 00:13:51.500 --> 00:13:54.000 See how furious you make me, huh? 00:13:55.020 --> 00:13:56.820 That's no good! 00:14:11.910 --> 00:14:15.660 Just at that moment I decided to do something. 00:14:15.700 --> 00:14:20.300 Maybe ten years, is the limit of what one can put up with, I dunno. 00:14:20.320 --> 00:14:24.040 Anyway, I knew exactly what I wanted: 00:14:24.160 --> 00:14:27.200 to do better than my father. 00:14:27.330 --> 00:14:31.000 But first I wanted to hurt him. 00:14:31.120 --> 00:14:36.320 I wanted to make him suffer. To wreck his life like he wrecked mine. 00:14:37.370 --> 00:14:40.330 You could call it, anger. 00:14:41.580 --> 00:14:44.580 But once I'd done it... 00:14:48.160 --> 00:14:50.290 I'd have to leave. 00:14:50.410 --> 00:14:54.250 EXODUS 00:15:12.030 --> 00:15:14.870 Psst! Hey, J.C. 00:15:20.910 --> 00:15:25.300 - Hi, sis. - Hey, J.C. I need your help getting outta here. 00:15:25.330 --> 00:15:29.910 - I hear you. What did mama say? - Nothing for fear of getting smacked. 00:15:29.940 --> 00:15:31.620 It's about time she woke up. 00:15:31.700 --> 00:15:36.180 I wanna do like you; split this joint. Find some Apostles to give me a hand. 00:15:36.200 --> 00:15:40.390 Apostles are a good idea, I tried 12, but it got a bit messy. 00:15:40.410 --> 00:15:43.300 I thought 12 was a good number, like a hockey team. 00:15:43.370 --> 00:15:46.700 Mama's number is 18. She says you can play baseball with 18. 00:15:46.730 --> 00:15:49.390 How many apostles should I get? 00:15:49.420 --> 00:15:53.930 Try six. With my 12, it makes 18, like mama's baseball players. 00:15:53.950 --> 00:15:56.140 How should I choose the apostles? 00:15:56.160 --> 00:15:59.400 Go with your feeling. You don't have to justify it. 00:15:59.450 --> 00:16:03.250 Choose any six from papa's archive, give'em a little miracle, and you're set. 00:16:03.280 --> 00:16:05.100 I can't make miracles. 00:16:05.150 --> 00:16:08.470 Just a small miracle, something you can handle. 00:16:08.500 --> 00:16:11.800 Then with your 6 apostles, write a Brand New Testament. 00:16:11.870 --> 00:16:15.950 - I don't want'em talking about me. - Make it about them. 00:16:15.970 --> 00:16:19.550 A Brand New Testament in which the apostles talk about themselves. 00:16:19.580 --> 00:16:23.930 - That'd be so totally new! - You know, I can't write well. 00:16:23.950 --> 00:16:27.510 Delegate to someone who can. You think I wrote mine by myself? 00:16:27.540 --> 00:16:30.630 To escape, I hacked the washing machine. 00:16:30.680 --> 00:16:32.660 Set it on 'synthetic fibers' 00:16:32.680 --> 00:16:34.800 40 degrees, 1,200 rpm spin cycle. 00:16:34.820 --> 00:16:37.550 It'll open a passage. In a few hours you're out. 00:16:37.580 --> 00:16:39.540 Thanks, J.C. you're cool. 00:16:39.560 --> 00:16:43.760 Don't forget, without his computer papa's nothing. 00:17:21.720 --> 00:17:24.910 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) 00:17:42.620 --> 00:17:44.010 Births / Deaths 00:17:44.320 --> 00:17:48.210 LAWS DISASTERS MEN / WOMEN . >>do not open 00:17:49.640 --> 00:17:51.810 Death Dates >>DO NOT OPEN<< 00:17:51.940 --> 00:17:56.410 Births ........... Deaths 00:18:00.870 --> 00:18:03.000 Send death dates? 00:18:31.160 --> 00:18:35.080 Benoit, you have 14 years, 6 months, 4 days to live. 00:18:45.550 --> 00:18:47.820 Robert, you have 0 days to live. 00:19:00.450 --> 00:19:02.370 Willy, you have 54 days to live. 00:19:07.620 --> 00:19:13.250 Jean-Claude, you have 12 years, 9 months, 5 days to live. 00:19:23.160 --> 00:19:26.750 Aurélie, you have 11 years, 6 months, 27 days to live. 00:19:41.540 --> 00:19:45.750 Marc, you have 83 days to live. 00:19:50.330 --> 00:19:54.540 Francois, you have 25 years, 3 months, 8 days to live. 00:20:07.410 --> 00:20:11.410 Martine, you have 5 years, 2 months, 17 days to live. 00:20:43.500 --> 00:20:46.000 - Psst! Hey, J.C... - You got the files? 00:20:46.030 --> 00:20:48.770 Yeah, I sent everybody their death date. 00:20:48.790 --> 00:20:51.000 Papa's gonna lose all credibility. 00:20:51.120 --> 00:20:54.330 He'll be hopping mad. Super idea! 00:20:56.450 --> 00:21:01.520 Giving men knowledge of their own death... 00:21:01.600 --> 00:21:03.760 Crazy! 00:21:37.000 --> 00:21:40.140 It's still impossible to say if it's a hoax 00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:42.990 or if these death dates will prove correct. 00:21:43.000 --> 00:21:45.750 Who could know when people die? 00:21:45.870 --> 00:21:48.620 It's impossible. I don't believe it. 00:21:48.750 --> 00:21:50.870 And yet there are troubling coincidences. 00:21:51.000 --> 00:21:53.660 For example a fridge fell from a cargo plane 00:21:53.790 --> 00:21:57.540 at the precise moment of the victim's predicted demise. 00:22:00.200 --> 00:22:02.950 Andrée, you have 2 minutes to live. 00:22:17.670 --> 00:22:20.240 It's a special day for this janitorial technician. 00:22:20.280 --> 00:22:23.480 Overnight he's become the longest lived man in the world. 00:22:25.250 --> 00:22:28.790 102 years to live! It's a record! 00:22:28.860 --> 00:22:31.390 From the social networks we have this. 00:22:31.420 --> 00:22:34.790 Hi, I'm Kevin. 62 years to live. 62! 00:22:34.850 --> 00:22:36.590 Test! 00:22:41.370 --> 00:22:44.160 - Shit! - Darling... darling! 00:22:44.200 --> 00:22:46.960 Even if cellular regeneration is programmed, 00:22:46.990 --> 00:22:51.370 length of life depends on unforeseeable factors. It's random. 00:22:51.400 --> 00:22:53.950 It's impossible for it to be predetermined. 00:22:53.980 --> 00:22:56.410 12 years, 4 months. 00:22:57.250 --> 00:22:58.950 And you? 00:22:59.080 --> 00:23:01.120 64 days. 00:23:01.250 --> 00:23:02.950 It's not fair! 00:23:03.080 --> 00:23:07.270 I've been taking care of you for years, and you'll live longer than me. 00:23:21.280 --> 00:23:22.870 Ea. 00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:32.160 Since this morning's announcements many people did not show up to work. 00:23:32.190 --> 00:23:34.310 "What'll we do with the rest of our lives?" 00:23:34.360 --> 00:23:36.510 is the most frequently asked question on social networks. 00:23:36.520 --> 00:23:38.500 How has this changed you? 00:23:38.620 --> 00:23:43.120 It won't change anything. I'll continue as before. 00:23:49.020 --> 00:23:51.560 Rosalie: 10 months, 12 days to live. 00:23:51.560 --> 00:23:56.330 Georges: 16 years, 11 months, 21 days. Rosalie: 10 months, 12 days to live. 00:23:56.330 --> 00:23:56.540 Rosalie: 10 months, 12 days to live. 00:24:28.790 --> 00:24:30.330 Mama! 00:24:46.910 --> 00:24:50.750 We're back in the studio for a news update. 00:24:50.800 --> 00:24:53.960 Fighting has stopped in most war zones, 00:24:53.990 --> 00:24:56.300 in the wake of 'Deathleak'; . 00:24:56.300 --> 00:24:59.980 the disclosure by an unidenitied source, of our dates of death. 00:25:01.910 --> 00:25:04.480 Goddamn! What is this? 00:25:04.500 --> 00:25:06.490 On the social networks we have this: 00:25:06.500 --> 00:25:10.790 I'm Bart. I still have 12 years to live 00:25:10.910 --> 00:25:15.990 and I'd like to make the Titanic out of matchsticks. 00:25:16.540 --> 00:25:19.290 Shit, goddamn, fuck, shit! 00:25:19.410 --> 00:25:21.660 Henri, 6 years to live. 00:25:21.790 --> 00:25:24.990 What I want, is to learn to play the helicon*. (sousaphone) 00:25:30.250 --> 00:25:35.830 Goddamn, Goddamn, shit! What the hell?! 00:26:07.330 --> 00:26:10.750 Goddamn, Goddamn, shit! What's this? 00:26:18.130 --> 00:26:20.650 EAAA!! 00:26:20.660 --> 00:26:26.120 Ea, get on my computer and fix what you screwed up! 00:26:27.160 --> 00:26:28.870 Open up! 00:26:56.120 --> 00:26:57.650 Ea! 00:26:58.120 --> 00:27:01.650 Come back! Papa's not angry. 00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:05.550 EAAA!! 00:28:48.500 --> 00:28:50.700 It's the fish-burgers. 00:28:53.160 --> 00:28:54.910 - What? - The fish-burgers. 00:28:55.040 --> 00:28:58.330 They're made from bits of stranded whales. 00:28:58.450 --> 00:29:03.830 When a whale gets stranded somewhere, they don't throw it out, they sell it. 00:29:03.950 --> 00:29:06.370 And make fish-burgers out of it. 00:29:06.500 --> 00:29:09.080 Do you know how to write? 00:29:09.200 --> 00:29:12.370 - A bit. - Then, you will write. 00:29:12.500 --> 00:29:14.910 Can you take me to this address? 00:29:15.040 --> 00:29:17.450 I have no time. No time 00:29:17.580 --> 00:29:20.000 Why are you following me? 00:29:21.160 --> 00:29:24.040 Leave me alone. Scram! 00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:26.500 Anyway, I'm dyslexic. 00:29:27.330 --> 00:29:30.500 I don't write well, and I can't even read, 00:29:30.620 --> 00:29:34.630 Then learn to write. You wanna end up a bum, like me? 00:29:35.610 --> 00:29:38.080 What do you want me to write? 00:29:38.120 --> 00:29:41.660 - The Brand New Testament. - What for? 00:29:43.330 --> 00:29:46.450 - Can you turn water into wine? - No. 00:29:47.410 --> 00:29:50.040 - Can you walk on water? - No. 00:29:50.160 --> 00:29:52.160 Then you won't get far. 00:29:56.330 --> 00:29:58.080 He was called Victor. 00:29:58.250 --> 00:30:02.910 His sweat smelled of salt, garlic and lemon. 00:30:03.040 --> 00:30:05.370 He had skin like an old serpent 00:30:05.400 --> 00:30:10.220 waiting for a glass of blood at the counter, in a deserted bar. 00:30:10.290 --> 00:30:13.910 Just the type I'd have liked as father. 00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:19.580 What's that? 00:30:19.700 --> 00:30:22.450 An incinerator. 00:30:22.580 --> 00:30:25.790 It's beautiful. There should be more. 00:30:25.910 --> 00:30:30.200 - So, ever go to paradise? - Paradise? 00:30:30.330 --> 00:30:32.000 Yeah, around here. 00:30:32.050 --> 00:30:36.330 If this is paradise, it's so fucked up, I could've made it myself. 00:30:36.450 --> 00:30:40.790 - Paradise is after death. - No, there's nothing after death. 00:30:40.910 --> 00:30:45.750 Paradise is here. Adam was here and my brother came here too. 00:30:45.870 --> 00:30:49.500 - But he got himself killed. - Told ya! 00:30:49.620 --> 00:30:53.120 - What's your brother called? - J.C. 00:30:53.250 --> 00:30:56.750 J.C.? Like J.C. Van Damme? 00:30:57.580 --> 00:31:00.000 - Who? - Jean-Claude Van Damme. 00:31:00.120 --> 00:31:02.870 Dragon Eyes, Double Impact... 00:31:03.000 --> 00:31:05.250 Didn't you see Double Impact? 00:31:05.370 --> 00:31:08.040 Universal Soldier? 00:31:08.200 --> 00:31:12.250 You haven't seen anything. You're an odd girl. 00:31:16.200 --> 00:31:19.660 - As if I had nothing better to do! - Are you leaving? 00:31:19.790 --> 00:31:23.870 Yes, I'll find her. I tell you that little psycho will suffer. 00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:28.500 You've never been down there. It's dangerous. 00:31:29.830 --> 00:31:32.250 You know what your daughter did? 00:31:32.300 --> 00:31:35.550 She fired off the death dates! 00:31:35.580 --> 00:31:40.790 How can I fix this, without the use of my computer? 00:31:41.370 --> 00:31:44.400 Do you get it? Before... 00:31:44.420 --> 00:31:48.700 I had people by the balls, 'cause they didn't know when they'd die. 00:31:48.700 --> 00:31:51.320 I had'em beat; walking on eggs Understand? 00:31:51.350 --> 00:31:55.120 But now, they know. They won't be shat on, anymore. 00:31:55.250 --> 00:31:59.020 They can decide what to do with the rest of their lives. 00:31:59.050 --> 00:32:00.220 Understand? Oh? 00:32:01.250 --> 00:32:04.250 What if, like her brother, she falls in with some fanatics? 00:32:04.280 --> 00:32:07.390 And does tricks with glasses of milk, yada, yada... 00:32:07.410 --> 00:32:10.660 Do you realize the consequenses? 00:32:10.790 --> 00:32:14.870 Imagine if she shows them how to get themselves out of shit. 00:32:14.890 --> 00:32:16.870 I, um... I... I... 00:32:21.080 --> 00:32:25.000 No, huh? You don't get it. 00:32:25.030 --> 00:32:26.850 You don't understand anything. 00:32:26.860 --> 00:32:29.050 You say nothing, because you understand nothing. 00:32:29.070 --> 00:32:32.200 Why do you understand nothing? Because you don't think at all! 00:32:32.230 --> 00:32:35.900 You think of nothing but embroidery and baseball players! 00:32:35.930 --> 00:32:38.200 I detest baseball! 00:32:44.120 --> 00:32:48.620 Goddamit, Goddamit, Goddamit, shit. 00:32:51.250 --> 00:32:52.810 I'm going. 00:32:53.450 --> 00:32:55.410 Help me! 00:33:15.410 --> 00:33:17.120 Here. 00:33:18.000 --> 00:33:19.600 Hello. 00:33:19.650 --> 00:33:23.550 Hello, I'm here about your arm and the metro. 00:33:23.550 --> 00:33:26.830 THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO AURELIE 00:33:27.660 --> 00:33:30.330 The first apostle was called Aurélie. 00:33:30.450 --> 00:33:33.540 When she learned how much time she had left to live 00:33:33.660 --> 00:33:38.000 she decided to change nothing but to continue as before. 00:33:38.120 --> 00:33:42.540 Aurélie is a super nice girl. Oddly, she lives alone. 00:33:42.660 --> 00:33:47.410 Aurélie is a babe, a fox, a bombshell, a great piece 00:33:47.540 --> 00:33:49.950 the doormat of the whole building. 00:33:50.080 --> 00:33:54.160 Her mother was Dutch, her father, no one knows. 00:33:54.330 --> 00:34:00.080 Perhaps a Lapplander, given her porcelain complexion and dark hair. 00:34:00.200 --> 00:34:04.870 Anyway the combination turned out really well. 00:34:05.000 --> 00:34:09.950 But, porcelain complexion and dark hair don't suffice to make a babe. 00:34:10.080 --> 00:34:16.200 You also need a laugh like pearls scattered on a marble staircase. 00:34:22.830 --> 00:34:27.120 Seven men in her building are sincerely in love with Aurélie. 00:34:27.290 --> 00:34:30.290 Two of them are over 84 years old. 00:34:30.410 --> 00:34:33.660 another is under eleven. 00:34:33.790 --> 00:34:38.250 218 men just want to bang her. 00:34:41.500 --> 00:34:47.080 And for almost all the women, she's just a slutty cock-tease. 00:34:54.410 --> 00:34:56.950 Yet, Aurélie lives alone, 00:34:57.080 --> 00:34:59.790 and her heart, her melting-butter heart, 00:34:59.910 --> 00:35:03.290 is as sad as a little heap of cinders. 00:35:03.410 --> 00:35:08.200 When I was seven, my arm was ripped off by a subway car. 00:35:08.330 --> 00:35:12.500 Don't ask how such a thing is possible. 00:35:12.620 --> 00:35:16.830 It was just, me here, and my arm over there. 00:35:16.950 --> 00:35:21.660 In its place, now, there's 600 grams silicone. 00:35:39.500 --> 00:35:41.290 Who are you? 00:35:41.410 --> 00:35:42.950 My father is God. 00:35:43.080 --> 00:35:45.080 I ran away from his house. 00:35:45.200 --> 00:35:49.410 I gotta find six apostles. You're the first. 00:35:49.540 --> 00:35:51.620 And him? 00:35:51.750 --> 00:35:54.910 That's Victor. He'll be writing the Brand New Testament. 00:35:55.040 --> 00:35:57.550 You need to talk about yourself. 00:35:57.570 --> 00:36:00.040 Myself? ... I dunno... 00:36:03.950 --> 00:36:07.790 One day I was alone 00:36:07.910 --> 00:36:10.330 and a guy came up to me. 00:36:10.400 --> 00:36:14.200 the type of guy who sleeps on bits of cardboard. 00:36:14.200 --> 00:36:18.830 His eyes were two red balls in a heap of flesh 00:36:18.950 --> 00:36:25.000 He reeked of alcohol, rotting flesh, perspiration and urine. 00:36:25.120 --> 00:36:28.950 Like a dead camel in a distillery. 00:36:29.910 --> 00:36:33.290 As he approached, I thought 00:36:33.410 --> 00:36:36.160 he'd ask for money, or pull out a knife 00:36:36.290 --> 00:36:40.250 or show me his cock, as sometimes happens. 00:36:40.370 --> 00:36:43.500 But none of that happened. 00:36:43.620 --> 00:36:46.450 He just came near 00:36:46.580 --> 00:36:51.500 I could see he wanted to tell me something. 00:36:51.620 --> 00:36:55.660 My eyes stung a bit from the odor. 00:36:55.790 --> 00:36:59.830 But I smiled at him. It's a reflex. 00:36:59.950 --> 00:37:02.290 Then he spoke. 00:37:03.050 --> 00:37:07.990 In his voice there were, like, thirty people cracking nuts. 00:37:10.700 --> 00:37:13.540 He said: 00:37:13.660 --> 00:37:15.870 Girly... 00:37:16.000 --> 00:37:19.000 Life is like a skating rink. 00:37:19.160 --> 00:37:21.780 a lot of people fall. 00:37:24.790 --> 00:37:27.370 A lot of people fall. 00:37:28.270 --> 00:37:33.990 How do you write 'skating rink'? Two t's or two n's? 00:37:34.330 --> 00:37:39.750 His two-bit philosophical phrase stuck in my head. 00:37:41.330 --> 00:37:46.870 Often, in the morning, when I look in the mirror... 00:37:48.370 --> 00:37:51.330 I can't help thinking of it. 00:37:51.830 --> 00:37:54.660 Are you young or old? 00:37:56.330 --> 00:37:59.120 I'm still young. 00:37:59.250 --> 00:38:00.750 I dunno... 00:38:00.870 --> 00:38:05.200 - Is your mom young or old? - She's old. 00:38:05.330 --> 00:38:10.580 Do you remember when your mom was little? - No. 00:38:10.700 --> 00:38:12.160 Why not? 00:38:15.290 --> 00:38:18.370 Because I wasn't born. 00:38:18.440 --> 00:38:22.990 - Will you get old, too? - I'll die before then. 00:38:31.910 --> 00:38:33.870 What are you doing? 00:38:34.000 --> 00:38:37.250 I collect people's tears. 00:38:37.410 --> 00:38:41.120 I don't know how to cry. There are lots of things I can't do. 00:38:41.250 --> 00:38:46.330 But I can hear people's music. Everyone has their own music. 00:38:46.450 --> 00:38:50.620 Do you wanna know what yours is? 00:38:50.950 --> 00:38:52.120 Yes. 00:38:56.750 --> 00:39:01.600 It's Handel. It's lovely. Tonight I'll invent a dream for you. 00:40:59.870 --> 00:41:02.330 Do you know when you'll die? 00:41:02.450 --> 00:41:06.290 I dunno, I never had a telephone. 00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:25.540 The second apostle was not at home. 00:41:27.000 --> 00:41:30.870 THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO JEAN-CLAUDE 00:41:36.150 --> 00:41:39.800 For a long time, Jean-Claude was one of the greatest adventurers 00:41:39.850 --> 00:41:41.580 the world has ever known. 00:41:43.160 --> 00:41:48.040 Then one day, nobody knows how, it stopped. 00:41:51.080 --> 00:41:54.660 Then his life became very small. 00:42:00.620 --> 00:42:05.080 It's called reality, an ugly thing. 00:42:05.200 --> 00:42:10.540 First Jean-Claude became assistant vice-manager of a shopping center, sub-level 2. 00:42:10.660 --> 00:42:13.450 Then Jean-Claude climbed the corporate ladder 00:42:13.580 --> 00:42:16.800 to become Budget Manager of the Monitoring Department. 00:42:16.800 --> 00:42:20.120 That means I encode numbers. 00:42:20.250 --> 00:42:22.870 Jean-Claude, 58 years old... 00:42:23.000 --> 00:42:24.950 single, no children. 00:42:25.080 --> 00:42:28.000 Jean-Claude lived a shitty little life. 00:42:28.120 --> 00:42:34.040 He traded the hours of his life for a shitty job with shitty hours. 00:43:30.620 --> 00:43:33.620 When he found out how much time he had left to live... 00:43:33.790 --> 00:43:38.200 he sat on a bench. And he decided never to move again. 00:45:00.700 --> 00:45:05.950 So, if there were no air, would birds fall? 00:45:06.080 --> 00:45:09.200 Dunno. How can fish breathe? 00:45:09.250 --> 00:45:10.970 They have gills. 00:45:11.000 --> 00:45:12.450 I'll make a note of that. 00:45:12.580 --> 00:45:16.950 - Could I have gills? - No, you're a child. 00:45:17.910 --> 00:45:19.500 What becomes of children? 00:45:19.620 --> 00:45:21.870 They become parents. Somtimes. 00:45:22.500 --> 00:45:26.350 - What became of your mother? - She died. 00:45:26.390 --> 00:45:29.200 Why did she die? 00:45:29.330 --> 00:45:31.250 Because she was old. 00:45:32.700 --> 00:45:36.290 - What becomes of old people, then? - They die. 00:45:43.580 --> 00:45:47.660 Your music is 'Le rappel des oiseaux' by Rameau. 00:45:57.160 --> 00:45:59.830 He says he likes you. 00:45:59.950 --> 00:46:04.500 Why does he stay in this park if he can fly anywhere? 00:46:07.370 --> 00:46:10.290 He says, he could ask you the same question. 00:46:27.370 --> 00:46:28.830 He's gone. 00:46:28.950 --> 00:46:32.250 An apostle who's not there, isn't that serious? 00:46:32.300 --> 00:46:35.970 No, I don't think so. All we needed was to get acquainted. 00:47:30.500 --> 00:47:32.950 Excuse me... 00:47:33.080 --> 00:47:37.080 I'm looking for a girl with black hair, a bit sickly... 00:47:38.870 --> 00:47:41.660 It hurts. Why did you do that? 00:47:54.740 --> 00:47:56.700 Oh, that was me. Damn. 00:48:05.740 --> 00:48:09.000 EA! EAAA! 00:48:16.540 --> 00:48:18.000 Hey you, bum! 00:48:18.120 --> 00:48:21.580 What the fuck are you up to? Eating out of garbage cans? 00:48:21.700 --> 00:48:24.120 I'm looking for a girl with black hair. 00:48:24.250 --> 00:48:26.330 You can't eat out of a dumpster. 00:48:26.450 --> 00:48:29.370 That garbage isn't yours. And you stink. 00:48:38.540 --> 00:48:41.500 I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding! 00:48:41.660 --> 00:48:44.330 That's because I smashed your face in. 00:48:57.450 --> 00:48:59.930 He has nothing on him. Found between two cars. 00:48:59.950 --> 00:49:01.790 Does it hurt when I do this? 00:49:03.330 --> 00:49:06.660 Moron! Of course it hurts! It's a sprain! 00:49:06.790 --> 00:49:11.790 I know, because I created sprains. And migraines. That was me too! 00:49:11.910 --> 00:49:15.000 - Give me morphine. - Sir, we don't just hand it out. 00:49:15.120 --> 00:49:19.410 Aw, shut up! I'm sick of you. Don't piss me off, asshole! 00:49:25.370 --> 00:49:29.080 - Gimme that, I'm hungry. - Are you out of your mind? 00:49:35.250 --> 00:49:38.200 THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO THE SEX MANIAC 00:49:38.330 --> 00:49:41.250 The third apostle was named Marc. 00:49:41.370 --> 00:49:44.500 He called himself "sex maniac". 00:49:46.370 --> 00:49:48.500 ♪ Change me 00:49:48.970 --> 00:49:52.500 ♪ You wanna change me 00:49:53.370 --> 00:49:58.500 ♪ it's so much easier to change me than try... 00:50:02.660 --> 00:50:05.040 Marc didn't think of his parents, often. 00:50:05.160 --> 00:50:09.540 But when Marc thought of them, usually the same memories came to mind. 00:50:09.700 --> 00:50:12.500 I remember the caravan model 'Comtesse' 00:50:12.660 --> 00:50:16.250 which my parents bought on a ten year mortgage. 00:50:16.370 --> 00:50:21.910 A few cubic meters that smelled of soap, tanning lotion and tomato sauce. 00:50:22.700 --> 00:50:25.790 Through the anti-mildew curtain 00:50:25.910 --> 00:50:30.660 you can hear the rain falling on the campground 'Manga del Mar Menor'. 00:50:30.790 --> 00:50:34.700 I'm nine, and my life changed, barely three hours ago. 00:50:56.590 --> 00:50:58.990 Legs, long like pulled taffy 00:50:59.000 --> 00:51:02.860 a turquoise bikini as big as two dots and a comma. 00:51:03.040 --> 00:51:08.870 She looked at me with a strange expression a mixture of interest and disgust. 00:51:09.000 --> 00:51:13.250 I wanted to eat her. I smiled stupidly. 00:51:15.290 --> 00:51:17.660 She was the daughter of the German family. 00:51:23.330 --> 00:51:26.950 Of course, I have many other memories of my childhood. 00:51:27.080 --> 00:51:33.410 What's strange is, that in each memory there's a little sadness. 00:51:33.540 --> 00:51:38.000 You see my eyebrows? As if I was making an effort. 00:51:38.120 --> 00:51:41.500 Naturally, I AM making an effort. 00:51:50.000 --> 00:51:54.900 I try to prevent all the images in my head from bursting out of my eyes 00:51:54.930 --> 00:51:59.620 and splattering against the clean walls of my parents' living room. 00:52:05.370 --> 00:52:09.870 For two years, the image of the German girl, with her caramel legs 00:52:10.000 --> 00:52:13.410 the contempt in her eyes and the violent turquoise of her bikini 00:52:13.540 --> 00:52:15.950 have never left my mind. 00:52:16.080 --> 00:52:19.040 Then other girls came along. 00:52:19.160 --> 00:52:20.750 The hairdresser's daughter. 00:52:20.870 --> 00:52:24.410 The one with the cute nose and tight pants. 00:52:24.540 --> 00:52:27.620 - The baker's daughter. - With Her doe eyes 00:52:27.750 --> 00:52:31.790 which looked so sad, it seemed as if she'd just been crying. 00:52:32.830 --> 00:52:34.830 Cathy, the neighbor's daughter. 00:52:34.950 --> 00:52:39.250 So timid, that when she talks, it sounds like a tire blowing out. 00:52:39.370 --> 00:52:41.910 He hit it! Papa, he hit it! 00:52:43.450 --> 00:52:45.910 What becomes of children? 00:52:46.040 --> 00:52:47.790 They become adults. 00:52:47.910 --> 00:52:51.040 And what becomes of adults? 00:52:51.160 --> 00:52:53.330 Sometimes they have children. 00:52:53.450 --> 00:52:55.870 Will you have children? 00:52:57.750 --> 00:53:02.290 I don't have the time. Not in 83 days. And first I'd have to meet a girl. 00:53:02.410 --> 00:53:04.620 Look at the girl. Smile... 00:53:04.750 --> 00:53:07.660 unless she says something sad. 00:53:07.790 --> 00:53:10.790 Lesson 2. If she touches her hair, say: 00:53:10.910 --> 00:53:16.120 - I love your hairdo. Very original. - I love your hairdo. Very original. 00:53:16.250 --> 00:53:20.200 - You're different from other girls. - You're different from other girls. 00:53:30.370 --> 00:53:34.330 I really love your hairdo. Very original. 00:53:39.040 --> 00:53:42.410 When he learned he had only 83 days to live 00:53:42.540 --> 00:53:45.830 He thought, time is too short. He hadn't a day to lose. 00:53:45.950 --> 00:53:48.700 I thought, I'll empty out my bank account. 00:53:48.830 --> 00:53:51.910 18,000 euro, 83 days to live, 00:53:52.040 --> 00:53:54.750 200 euros per day, and the rest for food. 00:54:56.120 --> 00:54:58.080 It's all there. 00:54:58.200 --> 00:55:03.330 At the same time, so close at hand 00:55:03.450 --> 00:55:05.790 yet so far away. 00:55:16.120 --> 00:55:19.410 I want them all, all... 00:55:19.540 --> 00:55:22.540 Life would be like a miracle. 00:55:27.670 --> 00:55:30.970 Let the days pass and take me towards death. 00:55:31.000 --> 00:55:36.000 Nothing matters anymore, my life will be as I dreamed. 00:55:36.450 --> 00:55:40.410 Never, in my life, I'd imagined days so full of happiness. 00:55:40.540 --> 00:55:45.290 Days flavored of fresh fruits, days flavored of grand mysterious voyages 00:55:45.410 --> 00:55:48.620 salty flavored days, days of infinite beauty. 00:55:50.460 --> 00:55:53.400 Until the day I ran out of money. 00:55:53.410 --> 00:55:56.000 200 euros a day is a bit short. 00:55:56.020 --> 00:55:59.970 Salty flavored* days ... Does 'gout*' have an accent? 00:55:59.990 --> 00:56:04.730 - Why isn't everything free on earth? - I don't know. 00:56:12.370 --> 00:56:15.660 Your music is 'O Solitude' by Purcell. 00:56:15.790 --> 00:56:20.250 It was written for a voice like yours. You have a very nice voice. 00:56:20.370 --> 00:56:24.370 You could try to earn some money with your voice. 00:56:33.370 --> 00:56:36.250 Test. 1, 2, 3 ... Test. 00:56:36.370 --> 00:56:39.540 Perfect. When you see the 'H' start. - OK. 00:56:42.370 --> 00:56:45.540 - Ah, ooh... - Aah... 00:56:46.580 --> 00:56:48.750 - More, more. - Yes, yes. 00:56:49.580 --> 00:56:51.750 Yes, yes, yes... 00:56:53.580 --> 00:56:56.410 - Great. Oh good! - Ahh! 00:57:03.830 --> 00:57:06.290 OK, very good. I'll just change the roll. 00:57:17.830 --> 00:57:20.200 Ah, Proust. 00:57:20.330 --> 00:57:22.790 'In Search of Lost Time' 00:57:22.910 --> 00:57:25.580 "For a long time I would go to bed early" 00:57:25.700 --> 00:57:27.250 I especially like Elstir. 00:57:27.260 --> 00:57:30.750 I can't figure out if he's really in love with Andrée 00:57:30.870 --> 00:57:33.200 or if it's to make Albertine jealous. 00:57:33.330 --> 00:57:37.120 Just 'to call a spud a spud'?* 00:57:37.250 --> 00:57:39.830 Pardon? 00:57:39.950 --> 00:57:43.040 'call a spate a spate'.* 00:57:45.370 --> 00:57:48.870 - There's some sadness in Proust. - I think so too. 00:57:49.000 --> 00:57:52.370 Through his secondary characters Proust 'in a grain of pepper'* 00:57:52.500 --> 00:57:55.700 manages to 'pull the doughnuts out of the fire'.* 00:57:58.410 --> 00:58:00.450 I like the way you talk. 00:58:00.580 --> 00:58:04.050 Excuse my French, I always 'put my mouth in my foot'. 00:58:04.070 --> 00:58:07.530 The way you said "call a spud a spud", is lovely.* 00:58:07.580 --> 00:58:10.620 Why? Isn't that how you say it? 00:58:11.020 --> 00:58:12.430 No. 00:58:20.120 --> 00:58:23.570 - Manga del Mar Menor. - Bitte? (sorry?) 00:58:24.910 --> 00:58:27.410 Manga del Mar Menor. 00:58:27.540 --> 00:58:30.120 The campground. The beach. 00:58:31.040 --> 00:58:35.990 That boy was me. Das kleine Kind, das war ich. 00:58:36.000 --> 00:58:37.700 - Wirklich? (Really?) - Ja. 00:58:37.750 --> 00:58:40.630 - Das warst du? (That was you?) - Ja. 00:59:08.660 --> 00:59:10.660 It's been a pleasure. 00:59:14.790 --> 00:59:16.910 Would you like to... 00:59:18.370 --> 00:59:20.080 Yes. 00:59:46.340 --> 00:59:49.610 My heart is pounding like a 'stammer'. 00:59:51.750 --> 00:59:53.660 Mine too. 00:59:57.910 --> 01:00:00.370 - Good night. - Good night. 01:00:38.250 --> 01:00:40.870 ... 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... 01:00:42.950 --> 01:00:45.870 ... 13, 14, 15! 01:01:42.400 --> 01:01:44.580 Andale. Piss off. Stand in line! 01:01:44.750 --> 01:01:47.160 - This line's faster. - Get back there! 01:01:55.850 --> 01:01:57.160 No, no... 01:01:58.500 --> 01:02:00.750 I'm god! 01:02:08.790 --> 01:02:13.330 Such a beautiful face. It radiates peace. 01:02:15.620 --> 01:02:19.500 God tells us, 'love your neighbor as yourself'. 01:02:19.620 --> 01:02:22.580 - I never said that. - Pardon? 01:02:22.750 --> 01:02:25.040 - I never said that! - No, I... 01:02:25.060 --> 01:02:29.280 I detest myself, so I'd never say it. I'd say, I dunno... 01:02:29.280 --> 01:02:34.040 detest your neighbor as you detest yourself. 01:02:34.160 --> 01:02:35.910 But that guy, there ... 01:02:36.080 --> 01:02:38.540 screwed it up. 01:02:39.330 --> 01:02:44.080 He improvised. Went with his feelings. See? 01:02:46.120 --> 01:02:47.620 But 'I' am God. 01:02:47.750 --> 01:02:50.660 I invented all the crap. 01:02:50.790 --> 01:02:53.580 You're a nice guy. Hm? 01:02:53.700 --> 01:02:56.200 - Got a big heart? - I try. 01:02:56.330 --> 01:02:59.500 You're daydreamer. 01:02:59.620 --> 01:03:01.370 Ludovic. 01:03:02.250 --> 01:03:07.620 Your mother died when you were five. No? And you were grief-stricken. 01:03:07.750 --> 01:03:10.080 And you got polio, afterwards. 01:03:10.200 --> 01:03:14.580 Oh, poor Ludovic. One leg shorter than the other. 01:03:15.750 --> 01:03:17.910 How, sad! 01:03:19.160 --> 01:03:21.580 And little Cécile. Remember Cécile? 01:03:21.700 --> 01:03:24.410 Lovely little Cécile! 01:03:24.540 --> 01:03:28.250 You were in love with Cécile. You loved Cécile, huh? 01:03:28.370 --> 01:03:31.660 When you gave her flowers, what did she do? Laughed in your face! 01:03:31.790 --> 01:03:36.620 She laughed in your face because she was with that asshole with a moped. 01:03:36.750 --> 01:03:40.950 And you couldn't ride a moped because you had one leg shorter than the other. 01:03:41.120 --> 01:03:44.830 All that was me. ME! Understand? 01:03:44.950 --> 01:03:46.660 He is nothing. 01:03:46.790 --> 01:03:49.580 All he succeded in doing 01:03:49.700 --> 01:03:53.930 was getting himself nailed to a coat rack*, like an owl. 01:04:04.160 --> 01:04:07.460 I'm GOD! Are you sick in the head? 01:04:08.080 --> 01:04:11.160 THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO THE ASSASSIN 01:04:12.620 --> 01:04:15.200 The fourth apostle was named Francois. 01:04:15.330 --> 01:04:18.750 The day everyone learned how long they had to live 01:04:18.870 --> 01:04:20.540 Francois bought a rifle. 01:04:24.540 --> 01:04:27.620 If he shot his target and missed 01:04:27.750 --> 01:04:31.540 it meant, it wasn't that person's day to die. 01:04:31.660 --> 01:04:36.080 If he killed the person, then, it wouldn't be his fault. 01:04:37.140 --> 01:04:41.920 It was written. Francois was merely the hand of destiny. 01:05:18.950 --> 01:05:21.580 He'd always loved death. 01:05:37.000 --> 01:05:39.540 He loved funerals. 01:05:40.790 --> 01:05:45.410 Francois never cried. He was never sad. 01:05:45.540 --> 01:05:48.200 He called himself The Assassin. 01:05:48.330 --> 01:05:52.040 The Assassin had slain according to this partial list: 01:05:52.160 --> 01:05:54.950 Ants: number, unknown. 01:05:56.250 --> 01:05:58.410 Flies: number, unknown. 01:06:02.120 --> 01:06:04.200 Butterflies: six. 01:06:04.730 --> 01:06:07.140 Estimates by The Assassin. 01:06:07.200 --> 01:06:09.750 His cousin's mice. 01:06:10.910 --> 01:06:13.500 Two parakeets, still his cousin's 01:06:15.000 --> 01:06:18.260 Poisoned by 'spirits of salt'* (HCl) in the food dish. 01:06:18.330 --> 01:06:20.660 The Assassin knew that he was an assassin 01:06:20.700 --> 01:06:24.740 ever since as a very small child he became aware of himself. 01:06:24.790 --> 01:06:28.540 At the same time he realized there was a world outside himself. 01:06:28.660 --> 01:06:32.290 At the same time he became aware of the great frontier 01:06:32.410 --> 01:06:36.250 separating the world of life from that of death. 01:06:41.540 --> 01:06:43.620 I knew I was the 'Ferryman'. 01:06:43.750 --> 01:06:48.580 I was made for taking lives, it was my deep nature I couldn't help it. 01:06:48.700 --> 01:06:53.250 Like hair color, or shape of the nose, it's genetically coded. 01:06:53.370 --> 01:06:55.700 I'm an assassin. 01:06:55.830 --> 01:06:59.500 My focus, my raison d'etre, my vocation is ... 01:06:59.620 --> 01:07:01.160 killing. 01:07:01.660 --> 01:07:04.660 Today The Assassin is 41 years old, 01:07:04.790 --> 01:07:09.120 At this stage, what's important to know about The Assassin 01:07:09.250 --> 01:07:12.330 is that his wife is named Catherine. 01:07:12.450 --> 01:07:16.780 They had a child; a boy, by mutual accord, called Grégory. 01:07:18.150 --> 01:07:22.000 Catherine doesn't know that The Assassin is an assassin. 01:07:22.160 --> 01:07:24.920 She usually calls him - 'Cheri' - in the daytime, 01:07:24.950 --> 01:07:26.900 on the phone, or with friends. 01:07:26.900 --> 01:07:29.870 Sometimes - 'Bunny-rabbit'- on certain nights: 01:07:30.000 --> 01:07:34.410 or - 'Francois'.- during serious discussions or arguments. 01:07:34.540 --> 01:07:38.290 Francois was one of the many victims of 'Law 1522' 01:07:38.410 --> 01:07:40.040 invented by my father. 01:07:40.200 --> 01:07:43.950 If, one day, you fall in love 01:07:44.120 --> 01:07:48.160 with a woman, there's a great chance 01:07:48.220 --> 01:07:51.140 you will not spend your life with her. 01:07:51.200 --> 01:07:55.200 Francois used to sell life insurance but quickly realized 01:07:55.330 --> 01:07:57.660 that his job served no purpose. 01:07:57.790 --> 01:08:01.660 For your last day, choose one of our fifty destinations. 01:08:01.790 --> 01:08:05.500 Treat yourself to an end that surpasses all that preceded it. 01:08:07.870 --> 01:08:09.870 Hi, Kevin here again. 01:08:56.330 --> 01:08:58.870 Why do you shoot at people? 01:08:59.000 --> 01:09:03.600 If they die, it's not my fault. It's their time to die, today. 01:09:03.620 --> 01:09:06.330 If I miss ... 01:09:06.450 --> 01:09:08.330 this wasn't their day. 01:09:08.450 --> 01:09:12.250 - Is your gun loaded? - No, not yet. 01:09:14.040 --> 01:09:16.830 I should tell you it's not your fault. 01:09:16.850 --> 01:09:20.630 I fucked up all this shit. I sent off the death dates 01:09:20.650 --> 01:09:23.160 to get revenge on my father. 01:09:23.290 --> 01:09:27.540 I thought I could do some good for people. Now I must find six apostles. 01:09:27.660 --> 01:09:29.700 You're the fourth. 01:09:34.450 --> 01:09:37.620 Your music is 'The Death and the Maiden' by Schubert. 01:09:37.750 --> 01:09:41.450 It's sad but beautiful. It would go well with Handel. 01:09:41.580 --> 01:09:45.950 You should try shooting a young woman with chestnut hair. 01:09:48.200 --> 01:09:50.000 Go ahead. 01:09:52.250 --> 01:09:54.700 She'll pass by in six seconds. 01:09:54.830 --> 01:09:57.410 One crocodile, two crocodiles, three crocodiles 01:09:57.540 --> 01:10:01.450 four crocodiles, five crocodiles, six crocodiles... 01:10:04.870 --> 01:10:07.750 - How'd you do that? - That's her. Shoot. 01:10:08.250 --> 01:10:10.090 Shoot! Shoot! 01:10:15.700 --> 01:10:17.200 What happened? 01:10:17.330 --> 01:10:19.290 A miracle. 01:11:39.120 --> 01:11:41.370 I don't love you. 01:11:48.540 --> 01:11:50.000 I don't love you. 01:11:50.120 --> 01:11:53.620 I don't love you. I don't love you. 01:12:10.540 --> 01:12:12.120 Yeah. 01:12:19.830 --> 01:12:21.950 A little tired, that's all. 01:12:43.040 --> 01:12:45.290 Excuse me ... 01:12:45.410 --> 01:12:47.330 I love you. 01:12:47.450 --> 01:12:51.950 I've never loved anyone. I'm married, I don't love my wife. 01:12:52.080 --> 01:12:56.120 I don't love my son, either. I never loved my parents. 01:12:56.290 --> 01:12:58.370 I've never loved anything, anyhow. 01:12:58.500 --> 01:13:00.120 Except you. 01:13:01.620 --> 01:13:05.200 I love you and I will always love you. 01:13:06.370 --> 01:13:09.120 If you don't love me, it's fine. 01:13:09.250 --> 01:13:14.080 I'll go live alone, waiting for death, thinking of you every day. 01:13:24.900 --> 01:13:27.000 I wrote my number on the wrapping. 01:13:27.080 --> 01:13:29.290 She'll call you. 01:14:01.250 --> 01:14:04.410 13, 14, 15, 16 ... 01:14:43.750 --> 01:14:46.080 Hi, still Kevin. 01:14:49.540 --> 01:14:51.790 62 years to live! 01:14:58.000 --> 01:15:01.120 THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MARTINE 01:15:01.290 --> 01:15:04.330 The fifth apostle was called Martine. 01:15:05.750 --> 01:15:09.320 In the beginning, when she still lived in the land of childhood 01:15:09.390 --> 01:15:14.140 Martine's heart was composed, 95%, of gooey, perfumy stuff 01:15:14.200 --> 01:15:17.670 which predisposes you to romantic love. 01:15:18.660 --> 01:15:21.450 Some things, you can't change. 01:15:21.580 --> 01:15:26.160 Martine, you have 5 years, 2 months, 17 days to live. 01:15:34.410 --> 01:15:37.200 - I won't be here, tonight. - What? 01:15:37.330 --> 01:15:41.080 I have a meeting in Düsseldorf, with the Germans. - Oh. 01:16:08.340 --> 01:16:11.500 'Morning, Madame. Feel like a coffee? 01:16:42.910 --> 01:16:45.750 My husband came by the house. 01:16:45.870 --> 01:16:50.080 He got a message that he had 39 years left to live. 01:16:50.200 --> 01:16:55.040 I told him I had five years. It seemed to comfort him. 01:17:08.900 --> 01:17:10.880 Is 200, OK? 01:17:39.870 --> 01:17:41.910 You have beautiful hair, Madame. 01:17:42.000 --> 01:17:45.660 Thank you. Would you mind not calling me Madame? 01:17:47.580 --> 01:17:50.040 You have very beautiful eyes, too. 01:17:50.160 --> 01:17:53.870 Thank you. What's your name? 01:17:54.000 --> 01:17:55.870 I'm called Philippe. 01:17:57.120 --> 01:17:58.700 Oh, yes... 01:18:05.410 --> 01:18:07.040 Don't look. 01:18:51.910 --> 01:18:55.450 When I see people, I hear their little music. 01:18:55.580 --> 01:18:58.080 Everyone has their own little music. 01:19:07.370 --> 01:19:09.120 You... 01:19:09.250 --> 01:19:11.290 have circus music. 01:20:00.300 --> 01:20:03.330 He says he likes you. 01:20:03.450 --> 01:20:06.770 It's the first time something so beautiful happened to me. 01:20:06.840 --> 01:20:10.710 Such lovely proof of love makes me so happy. 01:20:51.250 --> 01:20:53.950 Never mind, I'm fed up with that thing. 01:20:54.120 --> 01:20:56.790 Make yourself at home. Want something to drink? 01:21:02.580 --> 01:21:05.700 Sure you don't want to sleep inside? 01:21:05.830 --> 01:21:09.290 I can't sleep unless I see the sky. 01:21:09.410 --> 01:21:11.700 Victor had done 6 months in prison. 01:21:11.830 --> 01:21:15.330 He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. 01:21:15.450 --> 01:21:20.450 When he got out, he couldn't stand to sleep with a roof over him. 01:21:20.580 --> 01:21:24.370 He was afraid of waking up locked up. 01:22:03.660 --> 01:22:05.160 17. 01:22:27.660 --> 01:22:30.580 How do you know, you love me? 01:22:31.200 --> 01:22:33.120 You don't even know me. 01:22:34.120 --> 01:22:37.600 I shot at you. I hit you and nothing happened. 01:22:37.630 --> 01:22:40.400 Then I followed you, I could smell your odor. 01:22:40.480 --> 01:22:44.450 It's like watercress. And I fell in love. 01:22:52.090 --> 01:22:54.350 All right, come. 01:24:26.290 --> 01:24:27.950 Oh, shit. 01:24:48.540 --> 01:24:49.870 Ea! 01:24:54.170 --> 01:24:57.890 - Who's he? - My Father, God. 01:24:57.950 --> 01:25:00.150 I never imagined him like that. 01:25:16.910 --> 01:25:21.040 Praise Myself! You're coming home and you'll reboot my computer. 01:25:21.160 --> 01:25:23.250 You don't scare me. 01:25:23.370 --> 01:25:25.750 See what a state I'm in? 01:25:26.620 --> 01:25:28.540 Why won't you reboot it? 01:25:28.660 --> 01:25:32.450 Why won't you reboot my computer? And put a stop to this crap. 01:25:32.580 --> 01:25:34.660 I'm never coming back! 01:25:35.040 --> 01:25:36.500 Do you like it here? 01:25:36.620 --> 01:25:40.700 I'm happy, I got lots of friends. I just need one more apostle, to make 18. 01:25:40.830 --> 01:25:42.450 STOOOOPP!! 01:25:42.580 --> 01:25:45.330 Stop it, with your 18 apostles. 01:25:45.400 --> 01:25:47.790 12! There are 12, like hockey team. 01:25:47.830 --> 01:25:50.370 It works, it always has! I told your brother. 01:25:50.500 --> 01:25:53.370 You want 18 because your mother loves baseball. 01:25:53.500 --> 01:25:56.830 But, FUCK BASEBALL! 01:25:58.250 --> 01:26:01.410 You always loved your mother more than me. 01:26:05.310 --> 01:26:07.840 *Bai He Quan, the White Crane! 01:26:14.620 --> 01:26:17.620 I've seen it. 'Way of the Dragon'? 01:26:18.620 --> 01:26:20.500 The Cunning Elephant. 01:26:25.380 --> 01:26:27.950 Forget it, Victor. Let's go. 01:26:31.380 --> 01:26:32.950 No. 01:26:34.200 --> 01:26:36.160 Give me your hand. 01:26:46.450 --> 01:26:50.840 Ea! Don't make me come over there! Ea, get back here! 01:27:00.450 --> 01:27:01.700 Ea! 01:27:02.450 --> 01:27:03.700 Ea! 01:27:15.750 --> 01:27:18.700 We fished him out of the canal. 01:27:18.770 --> 01:27:22.220 Dry him out on the mattress with the Uzbeks. 01:28:24.540 --> 01:28:26.080 THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO WILLY 01:28:26.200 --> 01:28:29.830 The sixth and last apostle was named Willy. 01:28:29.950 --> 01:28:33.160 When Willy found out how long he had to live 01:28:33.290 --> 01:28:36.500 he decided to become a girl. 01:28:36.620 --> 01:28:39.740 Willy was my own personal miracle. 01:28:42.910 --> 01:28:45.700 Willy has always been sickly. 01:28:45.830 --> 01:28:49.950 You know what skin cancer is? I've told you before, eh? 01:28:53.370 --> 01:28:55.250 Time for your injection. 01:28:55.370 --> 01:28:59.250 He never had anything serious like cancer or stuff like that 01:28:59.370 --> 01:29:01.800 but sick, nevertheless. Always. 01:29:04.830 --> 01:29:07.700 When we were alone my mother used to look at me. 01:29:07.830 --> 01:29:11.370 A funny look. Like I was a box of tacks still lying around 01:29:11.500 --> 01:29:13.660 after she'd just cleaned house. 01:29:15.580 --> 01:29:18.950 Then she said I looked like hell. 01:29:19.120 --> 01:29:23.040 - You look like hell. - And that I should keep calm. 01:29:23.160 --> 01:29:25.620 You have to keep calm. 01:29:25.680 --> 01:29:29.330 And then she gave me that darned injection. 01:29:29.380 --> 01:29:34.340 Deep inside, something told me all was not right with my mother's injections. 01:29:37.450 --> 01:29:39.750 Can we increase the dose? 01:29:39.870 --> 01:29:44.450 I know it's difficult for you. You're doing all you can. 01:29:46.660 --> 01:29:48.330 The doctor liked my mother. 01:29:48.450 --> 01:29:52.500 He spoke to her, as if to a draft horse, that he pitied. 01:29:52.620 --> 01:29:57.910 He thought, it can't be easy to have child in fragile health. 01:29:58.040 --> 01:30:00.290 He cast a worried glance me, 01:30:00.410 --> 01:30:04.310 as if he found it odd that I had any temperature at all, 01:30:05.000 --> 01:30:08.770 since I puked, morning till night, a sort of greenish bile. 01:30:09.040 --> 01:30:12.280 By the age of 7, I'd had an operation on my pancreas 01:30:12.290 --> 01:30:16.830 because the synthetic anti-diabetics my mother shot me up with, daily, 01:30:16.950 --> 01:30:20.410 had burned it out like a hamburger. 01:30:20.540 --> 01:30:23.700 Then, what was supposed to happen, happened. 01:30:32.290 --> 01:30:35.830 It's next Sunday. In a week. 01:30:35.950 --> 01:30:38.120 I know. It's my fault. 01:30:38.250 --> 01:30:40.910 I released the death dates. 01:30:41.040 --> 01:30:46.160 You did right. Afterwards, everything changed for me, for the better. 01:30:52.620 --> 01:30:54.450 Your mother and I ... 01:30:54.580 --> 01:30:58.750 felt we should be honest with you. 01:30:59.370 --> 01:31:01.660 You'll die on ... 01:31:01.790 --> 01:31:05.910 You still have ... a few weeks. 01:31:06.040 --> 01:31:09.830 We didn't tell you earlier because you might... 01:31:09.950 --> 01:31:12.250 Is there anything you'd like? 01:31:12.370 --> 01:31:17.290 Do you want to quit school? Take a trip? Whatever... 01:31:17.410 --> 01:31:19.330 we'll agree. 01:31:21.250 --> 01:31:23.870 Can boys become girls? 01:31:26.790 --> 01:31:28.410 What? 01:31:29.160 --> 01:31:31.790 I'd like to be a girl. 01:31:34.700 --> 01:31:36.160 Are you sure? 01:31:55.290 --> 01:31:57.920 Parents are such jerks! 01:31:58.000 --> 01:31:59.840 My friend's parents... 01:31:59.850 --> 01:32:04.080 when they found out, he was gonna die, kept him locked up. 01:32:04.200 --> 01:32:09.750 He wanted to live as Alpha Arceus. That's an aluminum Pokémon. 01:32:09.870 --> 01:32:12.750 At first they said OK. 01:32:12.870 --> 01:32:16.750 Then, they preferred that he listen to J. S. Bach, 01:32:16.870 --> 01:32:19.750 for the ten days he had left. 01:32:19.870 --> 01:32:22.540 I felt like shooting myself! 01:32:23.080 --> 01:32:26.120 We live in a totally shitty world! 01:32:26.250 --> 01:32:30.160 I know, it's my father's fault. 01:32:30.290 --> 01:32:32.200 - Your father? - My father is God. 01:32:32.330 --> 01:32:36.500 Couldn't get along with him, so I split. 01:32:36.550 --> 01:32:39.500 My mother, too, is a goddess, but doesn't dare say anything. 01:32:39.550 --> 01:32:41.660 She embroiders, all day. 01:32:41.790 --> 01:32:44.500 My father makes her zip her mouth. 01:32:46.080 --> 01:32:48.330 Sometimes I miss my mother. 01:32:51.660 --> 01:32:55.560 18. This changes everything. 18! 01:32:58.080 --> 01:33:00.200 Just like baseball. 01:33:05.330 --> 01:33:09.500 Does your father have powers like a superhero? 01:33:09.620 --> 01:33:13.410 - Just power hungry. - Do you have powers? 01:33:23.370 --> 01:33:26.080 You can multiply ham sandwiches! 01:33:26.200 --> 01:33:28.120 Doesn't always work, just sometimes. 01:33:28.250 --> 01:33:30.750 Sometimes the ham's missing 01:33:30.870 --> 01:33:34.500 There's lots of stuff I can't do. Crying, for example. 01:33:34.620 --> 01:33:38.250 There's lots of stuff I've never done. I've seen nothing of the world. 01:33:38.370 --> 01:33:42.080 I've never eaten an apple, I've never seen the sea. 01:33:47.000 --> 01:33:50.620 Your music is "La Mer" by Charles Trenet. It's nice. 01:33:50.750 --> 01:33:53.000 Tonight, I'll invent a dream for you. 01:33:56.080 --> 01:33:58.120 Willy, at least, eat the fish. 01:34:06.080 --> 01:34:15.120 ♪ La mer, qu'on voit danser Le long des golfes clairs 01:34:17.080 --> 01:34:28.120 ♪ A des reflets d'argent, la mer A des reflets changeants sous la pluie 01:34:29.880 --> 01:34:38.120 ♪ La mer au ciel d'été Confond ses blancs moutons 01:34:40.080 --> 01:34:48.420 ♪ Avec les anges si purs. La mer bergère d'azur infinie 01:34:48.540 --> 01:34:52.830 - He said he wants to return to the sea. - I understand that. 01:34:52.950 --> 01:34:56.000 Good idea taking him to the sea. 01:34:56.070 --> 01:35:00.160 I'm gonna die in a week, might as well die at the seaside. 01:35:09.000 --> 01:35:11.950 That's a great dress. Totally awesome! 01:35:15.250 --> 01:35:18.320 OK, I think, we need to help the kids. 01:35:18.370 --> 01:35:21.330 Yes, I think so, too, we need to help the kids. 01:35:21.450 --> 01:35:24.200 We have a week to wrap it up. 01:35:24.410 --> 01:35:29.790 MONDAY: Willy sold his parents' furniture. 01:35:29.870 --> 01:35:32.540 Travel is expensive. 01:35:32.660 --> 01:35:37.120 TUESDAY: Aurélie asked The Assassin to stop assassinating. 01:35:37.250 --> 01:35:40.330 Please don't shoot at people. 01:35:40.450 --> 01:35:42.660 I've lost interest in that. 01:35:44.660 --> 01:35:48.650 WEDNESDAY:, Martine put her life in order. 01:36:06.370 --> 01:36:08.660 Ah, back already? 01:36:08.790 --> 01:36:10.790 What's this crap? 01:36:10.810 --> 01:36:13.260 I want you to go away and never come back. 01:36:13.290 --> 01:36:14.620 Oh, I say! 01:36:36.000 --> 01:36:38.250 Oh, you were marvellous! 01:36:40.330 --> 01:36:44.950 THURSDAY: Marc and Xenia made love for the first time. 01:36:46.410 --> 01:36:48.700 And they liked it. 01:36:55.690 --> 01:37:00.880 My mother availed herself of Thursday to wash the windows. 01:37:03.450 --> 01:37:06.950 FRIDAY: Willy and I decided that every day 01:37:07.020 --> 01:37:11.370 instead of being called Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday... 01:37:11.400 --> 01:37:14.860 would be called January, February, March... 01:37:14.900 --> 01:37:22.860 ♪ So Frankly spoken. They'd adore to see her failing in her quest for love love love 01:37:28.080 --> 01:37:31.990 By week's end, we'd lived together for seven months. 01:37:32.000 --> 01:37:37.990 ♪ Little Sally, shameless girl They're just as jealous as you question their world 01:37:38.000 --> 01:37:42.990 ♪ She'd say: "Okay I'll be going all the way 01:37:43.000 --> 01:37:47.990 ♪ But the hardest part of living is from day to day" 01:37:56.700 --> 01:38:04.290 ♪ Lazy days in the sun It doesn't matter if your battle's won 01:38:04.300 --> 01:38:09.090 ♪ If it's done Living day to day 01:38:10.370 --> 01:38:14.330 SATURDAY: Jean-Claude reached the Arctic Circle. 01:39:11.000 --> 01:39:14.300 On Saturday, God, having no papers, 01:39:14.330 --> 01:39:16.990 got himself deported to Uzbekistan. 01:39:17.100 --> 01:39:21.040 I'll make it rain frogs and locusts! 01:39:21.200 --> 01:39:25.160 A pox on your face! 01:39:25.290 --> 01:39:27.080 YOU MOTHERFUCKERRR!! 01:39:27.200 --> 01:39:29.750 Don't you know who I am? Don't you know? 01:39:29.870 --> 01:39:34.390 I'll turn you into a stutterer and a premature ejaculator! 01:39:34.440 --> 01:39:37.450 SONG OF SONGS 01:39:42.950 --> 01:39:46.870 And on Sunday everybody was at the seaside. 01:39:53.060 --> 01:39:56.850 Seems I'm not the only one with the idea of dying by the sea. 01:39:56.890 --> 01:40:01.330 I didn't dare say it, but it's true seems everyone had the same idea. 01:40:35.120 --> 01:40:40.080 Would all those dying today, come get a black armband. 01:40:41.290 --> 01:40:45.290 Those accompanying them, get a white armband. 01:40:48.820 --> 01:40:53.080 All those dying today, come get a black armband. 01:40:54.190 --> 01:40:57.690 Those accompanying them, get a white armband. 01:40:58.190 --> 01:40:59.690 Voila. 01:41:05.350 --> 01:41:08.700 What will all the black armbands die of ? 01:41:17.790 --> 01:41:21.830 All we have to do is wait. Won't be long. 01:41:24.160 --> 01:41:27.450 Any chance of it not happening? 01:41:27.500 --> 01:41:31.900 My brother said, with 6 more apostles, it'd make 18, 01:41:31.900 --> 01:41:33.200 like in baseball. 01:41:33.250 --> 01:41:35.040 And that would change something, 01:41:35.050 --> 01:41:37.100 because it's mom's favorite number. 01:41:37.160 --> 01:41:38.950 He must have been mistaken. 01:41:43.790 --> 01:41:46.890 He'd just turned 18 ♪ Il venait d'avoir 18 ans 01:41:46.910 --> 01:41:49.680 Beautiful as a child ♪ Il était beau comme un enfant 01:41:49.700 --> 01:41:52.410 Strong as a man ♪ Fort comme un homme 01:41:54.290 --> 01:41:56.990 It was summer, obviously. ♪ C'était l'été évidemment 01:41:57.040 --> 01:41:59.820 When I saw him, I counted ♪ Et j'ai compté en le voyant 01:41:59.850 --> 01:42:03.750 All my autumn nights. ♪ Mes nuits d'automne 01:42:04.650 --> 01:42:07.650 I re-arranged my hair, ♪ J'ai mis de l'ordre à mes cheveux 01:42:07.650 --> 01:42:11.650 More shadow on my eyes. ♪ Un peu plus de noir sur mes yeux 01:42:11.700 --> 01:42:14.750 It made him laugh. ♪ Ca l'a fait rire 01:42:15.250 --> 01:42:18.750 As he drew near, ♪ Quand il s'est approché de moi 01:42:19.150 --> 01:42:22.950 I'd have given anything ♪ J'aurais donné n'importe quoi 01:42:23.250 --> 01:42:26.750 To seduce him ♪ Pour le séduire 01:42:28.000 --> 01:42:30.750 He'd just turned 18. ♪ Il venait d'avoir 18 ans 01:42:30.800 --> 01:42:33.850 That was the best argument ♪ C'était le plus bel argument 01:42:33.900 --> 01:42:36.750 For his victory. ♪ De sa victoire 01:42:37.650 --> 01:42:40.800 He didn't speak to me of love. ♪ Il ne m'a pas parlé d'amour 01:42:40.850 --> 01:42:43.800 He thought that words of love ♪ Il pensait que les mots d'amour 01:42:43.850 --> 01:42:47.750 Are laughable. ♪ Sont dérisoires 01:42:57.270 --> 01:42:59.570 It's been nice to know you. 01:43:10.540 --> 01:43:14.160 Shall we read a few lines of our Brand New Testament? 01:43:21.200 --> 01:43:24.250 "Life is like a skating rink." 01:43:25.250 --> 01:43:26.620 That was me. 01:43:26.750 --> 01:43:28.660 "If there was no air 01:43:28.790 --> 01:43:31.370 birds would fall." 01:43:42.840 --> 01:43:46.880 Seems to be losing altitude. It's coming right at us. 01:43:50.000 --> 01:43:52.890 Son of a motherfucking whore, we're all gonna die. 01:43:52.900 --> 01:43:54.890 Only the black armbands. 01:44:10.800 --> 01:44:11.290 NOOO!! 01:44:19.000 --> 01:44:21.910 Do you want to re-initialize? 01:44:39.410 --> 01:44:41.000 ENTER YOUR PERSONAL CODE 01:44:41.000 --> 01:44:43.360 ♪ He'd just turned 18 01:44:43.400 --> 01:44:44.990 18!♥ 01:44:47.900 --> 01:44:51.900 Hello Goddess, I'm glad to see you again. 01:44:53.290 --> 01:44:55.370 Re-initializing 01:45:18.290 --> 01:45:20.070 REBOOTING 01:45:20.090 --> 01:45:23.950 I'm not dead? What happened? 01:45:29.110 --> 01:45:32.700 The countdown's disappeared. Everything's like before. 01:45:32.830 --> 01:45:34.750 Who did that? 01:45:45.000 --> 01:45:48.120 Suggestions for:... 'sky'. 01:46:18.120 --> 01:46:20.290 That's my mother. 01:46:20.870 --> 01:46:22.790 It's mama. 01:46:23.660 --> 01:46:25.200 It's my mother! 01:46:26.870 --> 01:46:29.160 Excellent choice, Goddess. 01:46:42.090 --> 01:46:45.120 Today, as every other day, there's only good news. 01:46:45.200 --> 01:46:48.680 Despite global warming the ice caps have stopped melting. 01:47:02.340 --> 01:47:04.170 Gravity. 01:47:12.790 --> 01:47:15.000 Seabed. 01:47:22.700 --> 01:47:24.300 Vegetation. 01:47:38.040 --> 01:47:40.200 Cyclops. 01:47:44.580 --> 01:47:46.830 THE BRAND NEW TESTAMENT 01:48:06.370 --> 01:48:09.370 - Did you feel it move? - Yes. 01:48:09.500 --> 01:48:11.200 Cheri ... 01:48:12.500 --> 01:48:14.200 the thing is... 01:48:15.540 --> 01:48:17.200 Now... 01:48:18.130 --> 01:48:20.960 Couldn't you, maybe, shave your legs? 01:48:23.290 --> 01:48:25.040 We'll see. 01:48:38.410 --> 01:48:40.370 Goddamn, shit. 01:48:41.410 --> 01:48:56.370 ~ Subs by anoXmous ~ ~ ReSync by Asuna @ Subscene ~ 01:54:27.750 --> 01:54:30.370 Hi, it's Kevin again.